[magicratfingers]

raining for one day - omg so cozy so magical

raining for two days - russiannovelistmode

[magicratfingers]

rain for four days - date a merman

[misscrazyfangirl321]

Being an adult will have you unironically craving a vegetable

[misscrazyfangirl321]

Being an adult will have you unironically sad about a parasite outbreak in fresh vegetables.

[what-even-is-thiss]

So I’ve discussed before on this blog how my grandmother just refuses to drink water and now it’s landed her in the emergency room.

(She’s gonna be fine she’s just a little bit stupid)

[what-even-is-thiss]

I tried to get her daughter on the phone in order to yell at her for me but her daughter is on an international flight right now so I’ve gotta do it myself.

[what-even-is-thiss]

She almost fell over and I was like did you drink water today and she was like “well I had a tiny glass of juice with my pills”

Lady that is not water please for the love of holy Christ Jesus I’m trying to keep you alive here

[what-even-is-thiss]

Anyways all of you also drink water please especially if you have a health condition. It’s hot outside this time of year in the northern hemisphere.

[what-even-is-thiss]

I appreciate all of your thoughtful suggestions on how to make water more tasty for her but finding fluids that she likes drinking isn’t a problem. She just refuses to drink enough of them.

[professorsparklepants]

Role swap au where Zuko was the Avatar who got frozen for a hundred years, so when he’s rescued from the ice instead of a goofy twelve year old Katara catches this mysterious teenager with long hair and a cool scar and a fucking DRAGON

Katara: BOY???? HOT BOY?????? HOT TEENAGE BOY?????????

Zuko: *speaks*

Katara: nevermind I hate him

[brawltogethernow]

How does Aang factor into this? I ask because the more I think about it the more I want him to somehow be trying to capture the Avatar.

[professorsparklepants]

Aang is 112 years old, decided he was going to be Zuko’s airbending teacher, and refuses to take no for an answer

[brawltogethernow]

Aang: Aw, the new Avatar doesn’t want me. Aang: *gets out a weighted net* Time for Plan B then.

[professorsparklepants]

JDJSHJABDBFJSH

[brawltogethernow]

Look, you know how you keep a net from falling on you? YOU AIRBEND IT, SUCKA. Air comes right after fire in the cycle so it’s not like the guy has any other options. Do you want a flaming net falling on you? No? Then learn to airbend. Or this tiny old man will cart you away like a trussed turkey and lecture you about the power of laughter, going with the flow, opening your chakras, and other hippie shit.

[brawltogethernow]

Sokka, slouching against a fence, not moving: Oh nooooooo, that creepy old man stole the Avataaaaaaaaaar. Sokka, sitting down on the ground: We should dooooo something. Sokka, pulling out his lunch: Otherwise he might actually learn something. That would be teeeerrible. Katara, indignant rage coursing through her body: Sokka!!!!!!!! We have to go look for him!!!! Sokka: Might! Actually! Learn! Something! Katara! Katara: *wavers* Katara, also sitting down: We have to go look for him…. *gets out her own sandwich* But, maybe after lunch.

[professorsparklepants]

I love that this transforms Aang’s role in the full Team Avatar familial situation from the baby of the family to the Grandpa with weird hobbies

[wetwareproblem]

My brain, immediately after the “Aang won’t take no for an answer” post:

Aang: I’m gonna ride him! *jumps on Zuko’s shoulders*

[wetwareproblem]

Actually, I thought a bit more about this: If Aang is “grandpa figure who won’t fucking stop teaching Zuko to be a better and more spiritually fulfilled person,” then what is Iroh doing?

And then it hit me.

Iroh: *sitting in a teahouse at a paisho table* Iroh, deadpan: I must capture the last airbender.  Iroh: It is the only way to make sure the powe rof the Avatar won’t be turned on the Fire Nation. Iroh: Only then will I be redeemed in the eyes of the Fire Lord for my failure at Ba Sing Se. Iroh: … Iroh: Anyway, it’s your turn.

About half of the B plots are just Iroh finding new ways to feign incompetence and bad luck so that his political watchdog can’t prove that he’s letting Aang - and by extension Zuko - get away.

[wetwareproblem]

@ray10k

[dysperdis]

Sometimes Iroh plays paisho with Aang, whose entire disguise during these games consists of a painfully fake mustache.

[wetwareproblem]

AANG WAS THE OTHER PLAYER IN THAT SCENE OF COURSE IT’S PERFECT (the moustache is just a bit of Appa’s fur tied in a string)

[madbunnycoconut]

@muffinlance I’m DEAD

[old-and-new-friends]

I don’t know what you’re talking about Iroh’s paisho partner isn’t Aang it’s Pippin Paddleopsicopolis III…and these are his grandkids.

Camera pans to Sokka and Katara with smirks on their faces as Zuko sits in the corner with a net stuck on top of him.

[justzukothings]

AU where...

Aang died with the air nomads.

The next two Avatars, from water and earth, live without ever knowing who they are.

Zuko still spoke out at the meeting, he still refused to fight his father in the Agni Kai.

Zuko was banished, and in his search to find the Avatar, earth bends.

He is the Avatar and doesn’t know what to do about it.

[networkentertainment-offici-blog]

Okay but consider:

Zuko, punching the air: “I MUST FIND THE AVATAR!”

*rock goes flying*

Zuko, waving his arms for emphasis: “IT IS THE ONLY WAY”

*strong wind knocks over grunt in the background*

Zuko, stomping dramatically: “TO RESTORE MY HONOR!”

*deck behind zuko becomes covered in ice*

Iroh, stroking his beard: “…. hmmmmmm…”

[twilightprince102-blog]

And Iroh just decides to mess with him and just goes “Well, I suppose we should start searching” and Zuko doesn’t find out until later in the episode

[playwithdinos]

Nah man, gimme a whole season of Zuko and Iroh’s hijinks as they search for the avatar and it’s Zuko the whole time. A whole season of Iroh waffling between goofy uncle and “here let me teach you about balance-” “I DON”T NEED BALANCE I NEED TO RESTORE MY HONOUR” “okay cool you do you kid i bet the avatar’s behind that rock please move it for me”

[purple-urself]

zuko saying he needs to find the avatar, when actually, he just needs to find himself is his original story arc

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[thanakite]

I wonder if Ozai heard that the Avatar was back and was just like, Shit! Now there’s potential for my son to complete that impossible task I assigned him

[professorsparklepants]

Zuko literally is that idiot in a fairy tale who doesn’t realize the task he’s been handed is supposed to be impossible, so he just goes out and fucking does it.

[deliciouskookaburrabouquet]

Saving this for later

[deliciouskookaburrabouquet]

Okay, I’m back.

I love this, but I have to add… Zuko is not that idiot in a fairytale who doesn’t realise capturing the Avatar is supposed to be impossible.

The second Ozai gives the order and the banishment is official, everyone knows. Nobody has seen the Avatar in a hundred years. Either he’s dead, or he’s an old master that a fourteen year old punk could never hope to beat.

Iroh knows. That’s why he keeps trying to distract Zuko with his little diversions. The crew knows. And they are wondering who exactly they pissed off to get this assignment?

And Zuko knows. Of course he knows. How could he not? But he doesn’t let himself believe it. He lies to himself. Every day. He convinces himself that the Avatar is out there and that one day, if Zuko just tries hard enough, he’ll find him. And he’ll bring him to his father.

Because if it really is impossible? Then that means that Zuko’s father never loved him. Then that means that Zuko can never go home. Then that means that maybe Azula was right and Ozai really was going to kill him the night that his grandfather died and his mother disappeared.

And it is so much easier to believe in the impossible than it is to believe that your father is a monster.

[korrasera]

Not only is this perfect, but it’s almost explicitly validated by the canon. Zuko’s redemption arc has a lot to do with him recognizing that his father was a monster who never had any honor in the first place, while Zuko himself is blessed with an abundance of it.

[steambends-deactivated20200922]

Zuko almost explicitly has PTSD as a result of his abuse and the show does such an excellent job of going through the phases of showing Zuko come to acceptance of this and rising against the odds to topple it, and in the meantime, help in toppling evil in the grander scheme of the world. 

It’s common for abuse survivors to deny their abusers’ cruelties, especially child abuse survivors. Zuko was never stupid, just a child who was severely abused. But, in the end he comes out victorious, even if he still has to struggle and fight. Zuko gets a family of his own who loves him and chooses him; Zuko gets his uncle; Zuko gets the throne; Zuko, as a seventeen-year-old boy, turns the Fire Nation around from centuries of hatred and war to peace, diplomacy, international relations, and prosperity. 

These are some of the many reasons why his story arc is so good– even all these years later, and even as adults.

[tossawary]

Another Canon Divergence AU idea for "The Princess Bride" is that Westley ISN'T following Buttercup when she gets kidnapped. If he's not doing that, presumably intending on kidnapping and confronting her himself, then he really has no way of finding out about the kidnapping besides, again, spying on Humperdink and Rugen (which is very difficult to do). And if he's not there to follow the kidnappers almost immediately, then he has no way to intervene in time.

So, Westley has been a LOT of unpleasant shit to get back and has just found out his true love has moved on to become engaged to their local prince. He's confused. He's really pissed off. He misses whatever opportunity allowed him to follow Buttercup on her daily ride (didn't see her ride out, didn't hear about it, whatever), because he's following another opportunity into the castle to investigate Humperdink. Or else he sees Humperdink and Rugen riding off towards the Pit of Despair together and decides to follow them instead. Either way, Westley overhears the two men very casually discussing Humperdink's beautiful but forcibly gained fiancée and the kidnapping plot currently underway, and Westley realizes that Buttercup is about to DIE and he's very likely not going to be able to reach his true love in time. He still runs off, desperate and ready to die trying to save her.

And Westley is really much to late to cross the water and climb the Cliffs of Insanity and all that, because Buttercup and her kidnappers are already at the border with Guilder. It's fine though, because when Fezzik and Inigo are confronted with the murder part of the job, they object, and Fezzik ultimately decides that he's really not cool with it. Fezzik thumps Vizzini over the head while Vizzini is berating Inigo. Fezzik apologizes to Buttercup. Inigo looks at the unconscious (possibly dead, heavily concussed at least) Vizzini, shrugs, and then helps Fezzik untie Buttercup and apologizes as well.

It's more than a little awkward, because none of them really know what to do besides wander vaguely back towards Florin. Buttercup admits that she doesn't really want to marry the prince, and he'll find her if she goes back to the farm, which leads into her telling the story of her dead true love, which Inigo and Fezzik find very romantic. Which leads into Fezzik and Inigo both sharing their own tragic backstories in turn. Buttercup is personally very intrigued by Inigo's mention of being in the revenge business.

And then Buttercup goes, "Wait a moment, I know a nobleman like that. Count Rugen is Prince Humperdink's closest friend and confidant, and he has six fingers on his right hand. I once had to sit next to them at a dinner table while they spent over an hour discussing all the troubles of finding a good glovemaker and skincare for their hands." (Rugen and his wife also once visited Buttercup and Westley's farm when they were younger, but Buttercup would more recently know Rugen from just... around the castle. Rugen is presumably going to be Humperdink's best man.)

So, Westley is like, "Where the HELL is the love of my life???" presumably harrassing Vizzini about it if Vizzini is still alive. And Humperdink has his theatric rescue party together to find Buttercup's body on the border, unknowingly following behind a rushing and frantic Westley, trying to keep his lies straight while he's internally like, "What the HELL happened to my kidnapping and murder plot to invite a war??? Rugen, I thought you hired the best??? It's so hard to find good help these days!"

Meanwhile, Buttercup, Fezzik, and Inigo are on a new friendship quest back to Count Rugen's house. Buttercup is the future princess, and so is presumably already acquainted with Rugen's young and beautiful wife, who has to let her in and be a good hostess. The Countess is like, "Buttercup... Who are these unkempt and intimidating men...?"

And Buttercup says, "Oh, they saved me from being kidnapped and killed! 😄 I'm sure that my fiancé will want to thank and reward them in person! 😄 This was the closest safe place I could think of! Thank you so much for your hospitality. By the way, when do you think your husband might be home? 😄"

[catscraftsandcommentary]

Tags from @pleasantartisanhottea

I *know* that in the original, Buttercup and Westley had this grand romance and Inigo took over the Dread Pirate Roberts name and Fezzik...did something. Did he have a plan? Maybe he becomes Inigo's first mate.

But imagine:

Humperdink and various soldiers catch up to Westley and the extremely useless Vizzini. Westley, recognizing the murderous fiance of his beloved, talks a good line and gets himself in Humperdink's...not good graces, the man is too suspicious for that, but at least begrudged tolerance.

Vizzini, of course, is executed before he can spill the beans. Or at least is gagged and taken to Rugen's secret torture dungeon. No big loss.

So that party heads back to the castle with the prince in A Mood (TM), and he's demanding someone bring him Rugen before he's even through the castle gates.

Meanwhile, back at Rugen's ACTUAL home (mini castle), Inigo is giving Buttercup a swordfighting lesson to pass the time and Fezzik is helping out with all those little chores that pile up while the lord is away. Like rearranging the furniture single handedly. The countess is actually quite charmed - he's very careful, and he keeps offering excellent suggestions about where to place different pieces for easiest use, and he doesn't mind moving things over and over when she changes her mind!

Anyway, the Nice Old King dies, poor man, and Humperdink summons all his nobles so he can rush through a coronation. Lady Rugen is all over the place, not knowing what to do, but she escorts Princess Buttercup and her sworn knights (aka they escort Lady Rugen) back to the capitol.

Something something, Inigo and Westley nearly come to blows over "that's my girl!" but then Humperdink opens his big dumb mouth and suddenly it's Westley and Inigo (and Fezzik) vs Humperdink and Rugen, and there's really only one way this can go.

Westley is now the king by right of conquest, assuming he even wants it, and Buttercup is putting her foot down that they are NOT breaking up their fun new gang, and Inigo and Fezzik are like "idc, man, whatever you want."

Anyway, Buttercup decides that SHE will be reigning queen, in her own name, and Prince Westley will be her consort and Inigo, newly ennobled as a count, will be her chief advisor. (And their lover, shhh.) Fezzik leads the Queen's Guard, and between him and Inigo, they whip everyone into actual effectiveness. Former-Countess Rugen becomes a lady-in-waiting to the Queen, which she likes much better than marriage to a man who plans wars and assassinations and new torture methods.

I'm not sure how Miracle Max fits in, but he definitely gets invited back to the castle. Maybe he revives the previous king ("he was only MOSTLY dead!" - Humperdink is terrible at poisoning), who then supports Buttercup's claim to the throne. He likes her, she's clever AND kind. The kingdom could use more of that.

Vizzini never recovers from his concussion and is eventually buried with the disgraced prince and count in an unmarked grave. Fezzik makes sure that lots and lots of buttercups are planted there every spring as a final "fuck you."

[slimetony]

i hope in 2017 i get a snickers ice cream bar

[rudycooperarchives-deactivated2]

what if there was a show where every character was gay and you had the token straight guy character who acted really stereotypical and was into cars beers and women and everyone was like OH STRAIGHT LARRY YOU’RE SO FUNNY AND STRAIGHT

[bythefrickens-deactivated201208]

[bocchan]

#it’s been done

[hikari-yumi]

[aceattorneyheritageposts]

Thanks for this addition omfg that is hilarious

[t4timekeeper]

not providing the scene in question is a crime

[dikdikpronouncedxylophone]

The most terrifying part of having memory issues is when you can feel something from 5 seconds ago be thrown out the window and there's an empty hole where it once was. You remember that you forgot something.

[syn4k]

[viktor-sbor]

Off the coast of Australia Macroctopus caught the shark, wrapped all its tentacles around it and soon released it. Most likely, he scraped all the parasites off her.

[alkthash]

The octopus

[meshugenist]

me when i fucking get u

[leonkennedysprostate]

all the daughters sold to one direction are being returned. they're all men now. or lesbians

[arkred]

This reads like a 10k post.

[leonkennedysprostate]

im immune to 10k posts. i got vaccinated

[orcboxer]

by disagreeing with me on this topic, you're aligning yourself with everyone else who disagrees with me, which includes the Chaos Death Cult, and they chaos kill people so....

[lokaror]

we dont chaos kill that many people.

[orcboxer]

Well If You Say It's Not That Many

[machine-unlearning]

One chapter into Ulysses and I have 10 times more appreciation for that "Ogre barely even Literate!" meme

[machine-unlearning]

Everyone call Ogre stupid and it True! Ogre can only understand popular quotations like "Very well then, I contradict myself" and "Introibo ad altare Dei" not obscure references like "Thalatta!" and "the rage of Caliban at not seeing his face in a mirror" that contextualize the characters' perspective on life within the lens of culture and literature!

[machine-unlearning]

Ogre so dumb he isn't even aware of the best-known quotations of ancient Greek literature intended to expose the character’s shallowness! At this rate Ogre will never get through Chapter 3!

[mockva]

Man notices an Eagle eyeing the fish he just caught

[mexicain-sans-frontiers-v2]

[the-davest-of-uncles]

*gets back to the nest* baby you are NEVER gonna believe how i got this fish

[shopcat]

look at this wonderful gif of scallops getting scared and scattering like a flock pigeons

[elioftheasphodel]

whatever. go my scallops

[whitachi]

last night I had the experience of "referencing a tumblr post that you think is widely known but turns out to not be as widely known as you thought it was" last night and it was this post. whatever. go my scallops

[molabuddy]

really specific trope i like that i feel like can only be explained in a diagram