mozart hates ME

I'm Ethan. I'm a boy, and that's gonna be fact no matter what people say. My angry stuff goes here. So does my sad stuff.

[openblogtomyabusivemother]

She’s happy to let me die.

Six word stories! Can you write a six word story about abuse? The challenge is to imply a beginning, middle, end in only 6 words. That’s really hard so even if you can’t do all that, totally still participate!

[not-today--satan]

They were supposed to love me

[abusedkidgooglesearches]

I just want to feel safe

[trauma-in-black]

He promised me, but he lied

[miserablyscared]

I was vulnerable, he’s a predator

[notexactlycoping]

My protector became my greatest threat

[heybitches63]

You were supposed to protect me.

[senseiwu]

Even grown, I don’t feel safe

[tea-owl-art]

I don’t know what independence means

[whywouldtheydothattome]

I’m just so tired of this.

[optimisticgalaxynightmare]

Yelling numbed my brain to static.

[egotistical-boi-deactivated2019]

You said you loved me, liar.

[genderfluid-daemon-faerie-deact]

I just want to be seen

[sea-anon]

It was for my own good

[captainofsalt]

Finger-bone grins twisted into shadows.

[squeerpia]

Finally realised I cannot trust you.

[secretplacetohide]

Role model turned into a monster

[frescos-racimos-y-funebres-ramos]

Me encerró, y yo me encerré.

[cottage-core-cunt]

He hit you, you hit me.

[darky-moo]

Being manipulated is normal everyday life.

[i-should-be-making-homework]

Trust is a dream, fear’s not.

[ethanhateshimself]

My head's empty because of you

[openblogtomyabusivemother]

Flashback #1

That time my “mom” dragged me out of the car and into the house by my hair and shoved my head under the faucet because she didn’t like the way my hairspray smelled.

*Feel free to share a flashback of your own.*

[lilyalone]

That time my “dad” hit me across the head and screamed at me when we were on a walk. I was six and had just thrown a snow ball at him. He said that I was being sly because I was mad.

[my-abuse-is-valid]

That time my dad had a fit over the butter knife still having some butter on it and threw it across the room. Wedging itself into the cupboard by my sisters head, theirs still a hole there.

[imladris-soldier]

It’s a long story, but that time my mom dragged me up the stairs by my hair, threw me on my bed, climbed on top and just kept hitting. All over a pill bottle she was determined I had done something with.

She found it in her robe pocket a couple hours later.

[abusedkidgooglesearches]

That time my cat was missing so my mom hit me on the back of the head and screamed at me that it was my fault that he got out and that he was going to die alone and afraid outside because of me (he’s ok, we found him three days later hiding under a bush safe and sound)

[localcryptidz]

The time my mom yelled at me for a hour straight because I told the doctor I called the suicide hotline. She yelled at me the entire car ride and at home. So much screaming and hitting it scares me still. I had a break down over it just yesterday and she yelled at me to get over it and started to complain about her problems and told me how she didn’t need to deal with my emotions. Because it’s not normal or important to cry over trauma.

[deadly-unicornius]

That time when I was four and my mom had a fit of anger and pushed my head into the bath tub so hard because I didn’t want to take a bath and I almost thought I’m going to die. I was screaming and crying and she didn’t stop till I almost passed out.

[sloanepeterson6-deactivated2020]

My mother got so mad at me because I woke up and got out of bed on my own. She was angry, put me back into my bed, hit me 3 times on the left side and broke my ear drum. Had to take me to the doctor because of it. The pediatrician called the police on her while I was in her office. I was 3. I remember allllll of it .

[epsquish]

I’ve been having a lot of flashbacks to this lately: When I was 12 and lived in a rural area, the kids who lived near us called us for help because they were home alone and someone was trying to get into their house. Their house was about a 5 minute drive away. My mum took me with her, drove her car around their property for a bit, said she saw no-one, then left me there with them and told me to call her if anything happened and she went back home. No mobile phones, no car to escape, just 3 kids on their own, miles away from anyone else, and I was in charge. Luckily the rest of the night was quiet, but funny thing, someone was actually trying to break in, they found him later. Thanks for taking such great care of the kids, you a-hole coward.

[chubbychikorita]

That time when my EX- therapist accused me of faking being abused and having PTSD because I was bitter at the person I was making “unfounded accusations” against. She said this to me during my emergency meeting, as I had been in the ER for suicidal thoughts the night before.

[egotistical-boi-deactivated2019]

My father threw me into a fan while tossing me up in the air. He told me to get up and walk it off. I was 4. 

[trice2599]

The time dad #2 dragged me from under the bed and beat me until I have my first panic attack and almost stopped breathing at age 5.

[xx-save-me-xx]

The times “stepfather” would lock me out of the house, in the cold, and sit there and laugh at me, and get my sisters to laugh, while I screamed and cried, begging for them to let me back in, terrified and furious and alone.

[pssuff-deactivated20211120]

Getting yelled at for being “dramatic” when my blood sugar dropped so low (from not eating for about a day and a half) that I spontaneously started weeping and dissociating in front of an empty cabinet. I got told to cook myself (non-existent) food from the (almost empty) fridge and stop whining.

I wasn’t old enough to know how to cook yet.

[crypticfairytale]

The time my dad at 8am, decided to come into my room and dump trash on me while I asleep in my bed because I didn’t take it the night before. I had to wash my sheets, cleaning my room and scrub my floor in only an hour before I had to go to work when I was 14.

[gloomigh0st]

Attempting to run out of my house with just a jacket and underwear on because my dad was trying to kill me, only to be slammed into the wooden stairs and have my head beat off them until i was almost unconscious. I still had to go to school and everyone noticed the forming bruises.

[the-real-adam-taurus]

These are fucking awful. Sorry you guys had to go through that.

[malygos-lord-of-magic-deactivat]

My mother would spank me very hard and I can’t even remember what I had done now. Makes me wonder if I was spanked over something so small that I just forgot it. I’m still scared of speaking up to her and telling her how I feel sometimes. I love her, but having been spanked really hard when I was so young really scared me.

I could’ve also forgotten what I did because I was so terrified. But I really can’t remember what I had done to get spanked with a plastic brush really hard.

Also I was probably 4? I don’t remember the age either.

[openblogtomyabusivemother]

It doesn’t matter what you did. Spanking is physical abuse and nothing a child does justifies physically abusing them.

[sherwolflovesrainbows]

When I was 3 years old, I was sitting in the car with my brother, my mom had a friend with a crying baby and when she left she smacked both me and my brother across the face so hard that I still hand a mark on my face. Never understood why she did it.

[neuro-ill]

The time I hid under the curtain when I was around 5 or 6 because my dad got into a drunken rage and attacked my mum and she started yelling and screaming and I was crying hysterically because I was scared my dad would kill her or come for me next

[horrorislifes-blog]

I saw my dad throw my mom in the kitchen abd threatened to stab us. Which was years ago and im too terrfied to tell anyone because anyone i might tell will think im over reacting.

[anxiousbbykoala-deactivated2020]

That time my “mother” covered my mouth and nose so i couldn’t breathe. i passed out and woke up in the garage four hours later (it was winter) and i still have a scar on my nose. why did she do this? i have a severe anxiety disorder and was having a panic attack. the pediatrician diagnosed me when i was five but she refuses to believe it.

[that-cbj-gay]

Years and yeARS and YEARS of gaslighting and emotional abuse. To the point where I have a really hard time knowing fact from fiction because I’m lied to and stories change so often.

[traumatic-static]

that time my dad threw a hammer at me when i told him i was dating a girl.

[cottage-core-cunt]

The time my brother and sister were chucking shoes at me, and then I was verbally assaulted by my father for “not cleaning fast enough.” I was left bruised for days, and the other 1st graders in my class were perplexed by my bruises.

[ethanhateshimself]

I was cleaning my room once and I wasn't doing it fast enough so my dad picked up this fancy chest-like box I'd gotten from my mom at me, bruising me, spilling(and breaking) the (fragile) stuff inside and told me to clean it up. I cut my hands on the glass and he told me to stop ruining the carpet

[openblogtomyabusivemother]

Are you safe in your home?

Just yes or no is fine. You can say more if you want.

[the-angel-who-screwed-up]

Physically? Sure.

Mentally/emotionally? No.

[thequeenuni]

^

[faegoesserious]

Nope

[dweebgf]

no

[surrealsysism]

Mentally, no

[marblemyhornets]

mentally no physically ? For now

[reversingpainfulechoes]

Instinct says no, even though I’m 23 and should have control/personal autonomy over my life. I don’t feel totally safe.

[cherribabeyyyy]

No. I have been hit, but not in a while. I have been hurt, but not outright. I have nothing to go off of. It’s like a ghost of abuse, following me.

[tequilathesnake-deactivated2019]

physically, yeah. emotionally, nope. definitely not. 

[prisoner-consumes-all]

My answer has changed to a definite no

[nowisuniverse-deactivated201912]

All my options point to the answer no

[transm3d]

Yes. i don’t know how long that will last, but for right now, yes.

[ethanhateshimself]

I haven't been allowed to feel an emotion in my house for a year but it doesn't really bother me anymore so idk what to say

[ethanhateshimself]

I'm not particularly woke. I mean, I'm 15 and from a really sheltered town. I just think that

Racism, transphobia, and homophobia are bad

Good people deserve rights

The church should be separate from the state.

[ethanhateshimself]

It's none of my business if there's a god or not, and frankly I'm not entirely convinced that I care, but Chance the Rapper's "Coloring Book" makes me feel calm.

[eh-papi]

Give me that year back

I’ll give non-dysphorics/tucutes respect when they give me the year of my life I lost when I thought I was a pansexual gayromantic genderfluid person.

Give me that year where I basically tourtured myself into presenting as a female because I saw online that being transgender was a choice and a fun thing to do.

Give me that year where I thought that just because I had some feminine hobbies like knitting and doll customising, that I couldn’t be a transgender man. Where I was so strongly in denial that I believed it all.

Give me that year back where I didn’t want to show any masculine or feminine features because that would mean I was that gender.

Give me that year where I thought that because I was something other that cis, I wasn’t allowed to talk about my own reproductive health because that was transphobic of anyone to do, even myself. I have PCOS and I couldn’t talk about it.

Give me back that year because I was lead to believe that I just wasn’t performing femininity correctly and that sex would fix it. After all, transgender people chose to be transgender and I didn’t want to be transgender so it was obviously my fault.

And while I’m on the topic give my friends back the respect they once had for trans people. I am terrified beyond words to come out to my friends, not because ‘trans people are disgusting’ but because ‘oh don’t worry I went through that phase’ and ‘oh you’re one of THOSE people? What are you like stargender? Should I call you starself?’

Because so many people were dragged into this mindset and now that they’re out of it, all respect for transgender people is gone, because they don’t know the difference between dysphoric and not or tucute and transmed.

Im so suck of it. Just give me back that year of my life I wasted.

[transm3d]

give me those 2 years back im begging you

[ethanhateshimself]

Moving was supposed to give me a new start, whether I wanted to or not. Give me the times I could've been happy, but instead bent and stuffed myself into a lesbian relationship so I wouldn't be disowned. Bring back the peace I could've had when I was supposed to be Ethan, but instead I was just "overdoing it as a baby butch."