elim garak long hair truther

i know i've already talked about this but garak and kira should be smokers

when you’ve been in exile for eight years and the first thing you do coming home is hotbox your mom’s basement

#exile him again

respocked

Tymoteusz Karpowicz, A Pencil's Dream (1960) + Weyoun

#aaaAAAAAA #ds9

respocked

news for ds9 fans: the beloved tv show is getting a new release with a brand new quality! tune into paramount plus for the official deep space nine demaster. yeah we made it worse

#checks out #ds9

in the waiting room at the vet. please send funny ds9 headcanons if possible

whumplent

maybe nothing better than your fave who is a liarrrrr having the most miserable time of their life. deciding the truth is worse than whatever respite they might get from showing where they’re soft and vulnerable and committing to it. And then of course having something carve it out of them anyway like godddd what if you gave the most important performance of your life and it didn’t even save you. what then! what then!!!!!

#GARAK

bewbin

EVERYOBODY GET DOWN HES TAKING A CREATIVE LIBERTY

is garak part of this association? does he go to the meetings? does he have catty fights with the other shop owners about zoning and opening hours? i must know.

lazuelazuli

@imadoctornotanescalator Considering there is another tailor on the Promenade directory, Del Florio’s Tailor Shop, I’m sure Garak and Del Florio have some sort of catty Cold War going on.

Separately, I’ve always been dying to know what the fuck is Pancho’s Happy Bottom Riding Club.

imadoctornotanescalator

@lazuelazuli seriously I wanna know too

#he has a home and he’s about 5000 years old #he just likes our food more than the one he has at home

more questions than answers. i assume a dude ranch is where they… breed… dudes? …. for the happy bottom… riding club…?

papasmoke

How committed are you to embarrassing yourself online?

im ready to die for this

this cat sits outside the bedroom window and screams until i come out and give him food. he then scarfs it down and walks off without as much as a thank you. i love him

lorenzobane

Julian Bashir is such a hilarious character conceptually. What if we took one of the most attractive men you’ve ever seen and give him a series of absolutely deranged character traits?

He’s got a foot fetish. He’s one of the most beautiful men alive, but TERRIBLE with women. He loves tennis but for some reason only plays racquetball. He’s got a teddy bear named Kukalaka. He’s a genetically augmented super genius and an absolute moron. He tried to skip rocks over a sentient puddle. His best friends on the station are 1.) a Cardassian super spy and assassin who wants to fuck him 2.) an emotionally repressed Irishman and 3.) a worm. When presented with aforementioned Cardassian spy the first thing he does is form a book club. He’s obsessed with LARPing. He has a spy kink. He’s physically incapable of shutting the fuck up. Every time he tries to go to an academic conference he gets kidnapped. His job at DS9 is his first fucking job out of college.

Like sir…. what?

#baby boy #ds9

What would The Traitors be like on Cardassia? I reckon it’s called The Order, and there are 3 people who are secretly designated dissidents, unknown even to each other. Everyone else is with the Order, and it’s their job to hunt down the dissidents. At the round table everyone gets a turn to denounce someone else, and the person with the most denunciations is exiled.

The dissidents have never won, in more than 25 seasons of The Order. Everyone knows it’s a massive fix but obviously nobody says so. It’s the third most watched show on Cardassia Prime after Clouds Over Culat and Real Housewives of Lakarian City.

Amazing. And now the truly important question: does Cardassia have an equivalent to Love Island or The Bachelor/Bachelorette?

Yes but they are tremendously serious and ponderous programmes about the importance of marriage and the family. Everyone secretly finds them very dull but they watch dutifully so that they’re not caught out by Order informants and get a reputation for being anti-family.

knivesandteeth

after the reconstruction do they bring these back? is it a huge scandal when they include a "non-Cardassian" on the dating shows (they're still Cardassian but like maybe 1/4 Bajoran or something not even obvious)? Is the first season the dissidents win on the reconstructivist The Order a huge hit?

They come back full pelt with a series set on Risa and loads of aliens and the ensuing political firestorm collapses the conservative coalition in the Assembly enabling Castellan Ghemor to repeal Dukat's pre-war pro-family legislation. There are rumours that Ghemor's shadowy "fixer" Elim Garak advised the show's producers but surely that's the Ses'erakh gossip machine working overtime.

The dissidents winning The Order is indeed a massive hit, one of the most watched events on Cardassia in a generation, outmatched only by the first time Clouds Over Culat airs after the Fire, a Cardassian cultural moment as significant as Dirty Den serving Ange the divorce papers in the Christmas Eastenders or the wedding of Charles and Lady Di.

Le gasp, like Den and Ange divorce papers! Also, what else does the rumour mill say: did Mr. Garak perhaps accompany the production crew on Risa?

Mr "Fixer" Garak is too busy fanning the political wildfires back in the capital, but he's getting hourly updates via his spy, i.e. one of the production runners.

Damn. All that work and he didn't even get a free holiday out of it. :(

OF COURSE he didn’t even get a free holiday out of it. No rewards for Garak until he’s done ALL his chores.

And the chores NEVER END of course. No rest for the wicked, huh? Man. No wonder he's unwell.

knivesandteeth

I would like to think Ghemor made him trek out there at least once for a personal touch given the "importance of this production to the soul of the union and potential future intergalactic relations". This is an obvious ploy to try and get the man to relax for the first time in his life. It, crucially, does not work

The travel is exhausting; the hotel is noisy; everyone else there is young and hooked up with someone gorgeous; he's only been home for ten minutes and they're sending him off again; it's very Federation and, yes, this makes him pine for Bashir...

knivesandteeth

Plus all the federation twinks (who remind him too much of Bashir) keep trying to call him daddy and do border wars RP with him. He's too old for this.

He looks cute in his cardassian-equivalent kaftan and sunhat, at least

He just wants to be back home in his shed drinking boiled water.

galileoace

Tangent: What's Clouds Over Culat about?

Clouds Over Culat is the great Cardassian telenovela created by me and @planetarywanderer on Twitter during lockdown! A multigenerational soap opera. A truly significant piece of Cardassian culture. Everyone watches it, even those who pretend not to.

ljspencerauthor

So, is it more East Enders/Fair City, full out Latin American telenovela, or does it go full crazy as in Days of Our Lives?

Inquring minds want to know...

Good question. I think it’s run for so long it’s been all these things over the years, and everyone has their favourite era. Except that patch of a few months with the hound-racing subplot, everyone hated that.

ljspencerauthor

yeah, every series has that one plot that no one wants to acknowledge ever truly existed....

Okay, in terms of wackiest things in Clouds Over Culat, do we find them in

the characters' family trees/connections

the way people die

plot twists (among others to explain actors' departures)

the dramatic zoom-ins on characters' faces

A good soap has all of the above, but which one does COC have in abundance?

Also, what is its fandom like? What's the nastiest shipping war?

#hysterical #culat museum of popular culture hdhhdshshd #ds9

I personally am a huge fan of the dramatic zoom-ins on CoC. But regular and attentive viewers know to watch carefully when an expensive big white skimmer appears on screen. The producers bought one and filmed it crashing over a cliff and exploding. Now they use that footage whenever they can to save money. Whenever someone climbs into a big white skimmer your pulse races. Of course some people walk away from the explosion without a hair out of place. Scheming matriarch Mathra Fereny has done so three times, although one husband didn’t make it. But it turned out he was already married and it still isn’t clear whether or not Mathra knew and crashed the skimmer deliberately. That was her fourth husband unless you count the one she remarried in which case he’s her fifth.

The skimmer has its own dedicated subforum on the biggest fan site and people regularly post pictures of themselves with skimmers of the same make. All location data monitored by the Order of course. Someone got into big trouble for selling off what they claimed was pieces from the wreck of the original skimmer. They were going for mad prices before the investigation got underway.

Incredibly, the actual skimmer was tracked down postwar to a quarry two hours outside Ses’erakh by former Order filing clerk Akem Retel, and is now held in pride of place at the Culat Museum of Popular Culture, opened by Castellan Garak in 2388,

[The ITC white 1957 Jaguar 2.4 Mk.1]

i know i've already talked about this but garak and kira should be smokers

#not condoning smoking blah blah it's bad for you!#miss it though :(#elim garak #kira nerys

tenderpoc

I know I’m going to hell in a handbasket for this but fuck it… sid smoking in various movies

tenderpoc

to the person on the sid twitter who said we shouldn’t romanticising smoking, you’re absolutely right but i cant help but be gay and have weird smoking/hand fixations :(

#jesus christ #julian in his section 31 takedown era

done repainting the spare room. does anyone know what else there is to do. like in the world