I’m here, I’m queer, and I’m full of fear

♦︎Azure/Mari/Nyx/Xanthe/Yuna!♦︎ They/Them•22•Nonbinary/Oriented Aroace• I bounce between obsessions like it’s the world’s worst game of mental pinball ♠︎-♠︎-♠︎ Icon credit: @bogfish Banner credit: Pokemon TCG/sowsow

[fairyblue-alchemist]

hello hello so because i need my own pinned post or whatever here it is

hiya i’m azure/mari/nyx/xanthe/yuna, i respond to any and all of these names without a preference. my pronouns are they/them! -> pronunciation guide for my names

i just dump reblogs here, zero consistency whatsoever.

i want to be as inclusive to as any people as i can but my general rule is as long as your ideas/actions don’t hurt anyone i’m cool with it.

my one major claim to fame (blocked tag post)

post for disability pride month (1.5x damage multiplier for queer disableds <3)

post for me to re-reblog when the hyperfixation gets my ass again + self care reminder

sideblogs are under the cut.

@celestial-imagines

@ask-lysithea-von-ordelia

@ask-hildavalentinegoneril

@ask-the-tempest-king

@ask-anntakamaki

@fresh-file-fresh-start

@xanthe-writes-things

@xanthic-skies

@aceofvernons

@vernblr (associated with aceofvernons)

[existencebringsonlypain]

i need data for a statistics project for school, so be my sample data, worms. i need thirty people minimum so if there aren't enough voters yet i'd love if you could help. thank you very much. worms.

take this test (https://www.keithcirkel.co.uk/whats-my-jnd/), then come back here:

what's your JND?

.00030-.00099

.0010-.0017

.0017-.0024

.0024-.0031

.0031-.0038

.0038-.0045

.0045-.0052

.0052-.0059

.0059-.0066

.0066-.0073

.0073-.0080

.0080 or greater

Voting ended onMay 13

it doesnt have to be a good score, you dont have to take it multiple times, you dont have to get on a good screen, etcetera. just gimme your score please this is my final project grade :)

i'd love if you could reblog for reach

[zinaanqar07]

Do you understand the horror of this?

A virus crossing the borders into this region does not threaten my sister with illness.It threatens her with burial.

[zinaanqar07]

Because Gaza is not prepared for epidemics. Hospitals are collapsing, medicine is missing, nutrition no longer exists, and exhausted bodies like my sister’s cannot survive another disaster.

The world reacts when fear reaches them.But we have been living inside fear for months, watching our loved ones fade away slowly while nobody truly sees us.

[zinaanqar07]

I am not writing this for sympathy anymore.I am writing this because I am genuinely afraid my sister may not survive what is coming next.

My sister does not need your pity.She needs treatment, safety, food, and a chance to stay alive before another disease turns her fragile body into another tragedy no one talks about. Please do not scroll past us. Share our story before another name becomes just another number from Gaza.

[myawuk]

Wake up, get up, get out there! (Everyday. At 7AM. Even if the weather is gross.) (but i love rain tbh)

[bundibird]

I've said it before and I'll say it again. We need a "This is absolutely NOT mature content" feedback button on posts. You can report a post as missing a community label. We should also be able to report posts as having a community label when they dont fucking need one.

[tillero]

Kiss of death

[macabrevampire]

still thinking fondly of people who don't give a shit about me

[thecollectibles]

Mountain shepherds by Ivan Yakushev

[genderkoolaid]

we need more stories about high femme prom queen types who become weird faggy guys. you haven't seen Behaviors until you've seen a repressed closeted tboy holding on to socially acceptable heterosexual femininity by the skin of his teeth

[thatflutefaggot456]

Me before I came out, when I did pageants and modeling.

Me after I came out, cut off my hair, bought comfortable clothes, and decided to actually wear my glasses because fuck contacts.

[crematedequally]

This was me the day of my junior prom. The dress weighed around 20 lbs, was the first one I tried on, and my makeup was done by someone who still thought brown lip liner looked good on white people. I spent the entire day being photographed and generally hating how I looked and wishing I could figure out why, when everything was technically perfect.

And this was me about eleven years later- two weeks after I started T in the first photo, and at around 5 months on T in the second. Much happier, married to the love of my life, and finally looking like myself!

[sisceal]

Such girl, very wow (pro ballet, modeling, and my first wedding)

Came out in 2016, here's nine years of transformation (in reverse order, sorry)

Turns out I'm neither a Normal Guy nor a woman, but a much weirder type of faggy masc thing.

And that's pretty great.

[antisocial-transfag]

In my lifestyle lolita egg era. Somehow getting to dress like a princess gave me the will to get up in the morning

1 year and 5 months on T

[romanticfatale]

[hauntedchronicler]

granted being a big ol goth doesn't really fit the bill of "socially acceptable heterosexual femininity" but i was HYPER feminine when i was closeted, especially in the years between when i FIRST tried to come out (age 16 - around the time of those first photos) and when i actually made the jump (age 19 - about a year after the last photo)

you can tell in that second to last photo i literally got a tattoo that said "MAD GIRL" which was an exercise in many things, including abstract self-harm, a visual reminder that i had given up on myself, and wildly underestimating the number of dudes who would misread it as BAD GIRL and take that as a cue to say gross shit to me while i was at work

anyway never kill yourself

[toyourliking]

haha yeah 🫣

consciously dipped my toes into the gender fuckery pool at around 15/16 but I was pentecostal at the time and well. took them out real quick

i tried very very hard to be “femme” for a LONG time but during covid lockdowns I didn’t have to perform for anyone and I slowly started to let it all go and now I’m a silly little man 😌

[mj-theskywitch]

ahem

these are about 10 years apart, 7 years on t and 5 years post op. it gets better guys

[dogletantte]

Me in 2020 vs me in 2026, just under 6 months on T.

[catnoli]

mango shark! 🥭 this was a sticker reward for my kofi members who were active in november!! 🌟 if you missed out, preorders are open now here ^_^

[mollyvega]

This cosmic beauty is Srija✨

[spin-the-wheel-polls]

you have the life you've always wished for, BUT

https://wheelofnames.com/bff-wrs

Is it still the life you wished for?

yup! I can live with this

I'll learn how to deal with it eventually

this sucks, now I can't [do a certain thing]

NOPE. NOT AT ALL

Voting ended onApr 17

(the side-effect only applies to you)

[macklesufficient]

hard to swallow pills dot jpg. the reason people don’t like when you infodump about your uwu favorite things isn’t because they don’t like hearing about deep sea ecosystems or anime blorbos or whatever it may be. it’s because talking /at/ someone is selfish. have you asked the other person any questions? do you care what they have to say? would you willingly listen to them infodump the same way or would you (be honest) stand there and wait for your turn to talk? people not responding well to your tedtalk on the thing you like isn’t because they’re normies who hate ‘nerd stuff’, it’s because you have substituted conversation for verbal masturbation. hope this helps

[beemovieerotica]

one cool thing about having an autistic dad whose special interest is underwater spearfishing is that when he catches fish he'll just call up a nearby chinese restaurant like "hi. i caught a fish. can you cook it and i'll bring my family by?" and they're like "yeah sure come on over white boy" and the fish is delicious.

[beemovieerotica]

it's worth adding that my mom is chinese and she always gets embarrassed by this. like she doesn't want to come to the restaurant with us. she doesn't want to be seen with the white man she caught plus the fish that her white man caught. everyone who works at the restaurant thinks my dad is awesome and compliments him + her for choosing him and we all find this very fun except for her.

[pinkcadillaccas]

Im listening to a podcast ep about AI usage and the guest is saying he completely understands why people refuse to use it out of fear because he shares the same fears, and it's just so weird to me that it's never ever acknowledged that some people don't use it not because they're afraid but because it just holds no appeal. There are things I'm sure learning models are very useful for but none of them have anything to do with me. Yes I'm a bit of a ludite but I completely failed to resist the lure of the phone, or social media, I've never used chatgpt because I have just never wanted to. I feel like the entire debate is instantly reframed once you acknowledge that it's not a necessary service that people either work to resist or avoid out of fear. For most people it's just an online tool, and for me and I know for lots of others too it's just not that important.

It's not that interesting or useful to me, it's holds no appeal, I am resisting nothing. I could already do everything I wanted I don't need a new tool. It really is that simple and I would feel this way even if it wasn't worrying and evil in various ways. We HAVE to resist this narrative that AI is everywhere because people want it, because it's necessary, because it's an improvement, because people can't live without it. AI is everywhere because tech CEOs and investors want to make something from their massive investments. It is incredibly resistable to me. Just don't have an interest in it. This needs to be part of the AI conversation if we have any hope of saving ourselves from the data mining clutches of big tech (AI specifics aside)

[beesmygod]

crazy local story in the news today about a woman being taken to court for feeding the birds in her backyard. "thats crazy" you might be saying. but it turns out by "birds" they mean "turkey vultures" (awesome lol) and "feeding" they mean "leaving out entire uncooked turkeys in her backyard, attracting a metric fuck ton of rats" (not awesome)

[impressionofdepth]

#birdday

[cosmicretreat]

via Anne C. Sterling on Bluesky