Helen C.

Reading books, doing crafts, and saving the planet are my purposes in life. As well as falling in love with fictional characters.

[necarion]

They should just bite the bullet and make a female James Bond. Hot, athletic, suave. She wears tuxedos with a somewhat feminine cut, drinks vodka martinis, drives sports cars, and goes by "James", because why not.

Also, because this is incredibly important to Bond for some reason, she needs to be an incredibly predatory, womanizing lesbian. Some perfectly happy married straight woman needs to become gay by the end of the movie.

We live in the future, and we can admit that all of the cool things that a Male James Bond can do are things a Female James Bond can do. But at all costs, we need to avoid making this thing feel "woke" of self-aware. If Female Bond is not exactly as toxic and awesome as any of the male ones, we will have failed, and might as well be making another franchise.

[cherryhatter-deactivated2015072]

KICK THE CAN!

Let’s play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.

To kick the can, reblog it. I wanna see how long this can go on for.

[visibun]

the oldest reblogs for this post that i can find are from january 2nd of 2013. this can has been getting kicked around tumblr for almost 13½ years now

[oatmilque]

i will never get over asra and the apprentice . imagine being a teenage wayward nomadic magician w/ no family and you meet this beautiful kind soul at a masquerade while you're there performing for coins. and when the empress comes by during the parade this person ushers you into their aunt's magic shop and you become friends and then year after year you see them at the masquerade, until eventually you start staying w them for weeks at a time and then traveling again, sometimes even bringing them with you. eventually they inherit the shop and you start kind of living there, and you've fallen so deeply in love but the red plague takes over the city and your lover wants to stay and use their magic to help the sick. it's ridiculous, you have your own little hideout you could both go to on the outskirts of the city, they don't need to be a hero. but they've always been better than you. kinder, more skilled in magic, more loving. you say things you can never take back and you leave them to their fate, only to regret it weeks later and of course, of course they're gone, the shop is empty and you follow the trail of their magic to that mass grave of an island where they burn the corpses. you dig and dig until your fingers bleed but all you can find are their bones and ash.

you lose your mind from grief, you beg and borrow and steal and cheat and lie and kill to bring them back. you do what you swore you'd never do and you find every book on black magic and deadly rituals with the major arcana and you commit acts so unspeakable as to make you unrecognizable. your lover would never have wanted this, they'd never forgive you, they'd never choose this path for you but you are single minded and selfish in your grief. you tear yourself apart trying to get them back, you use everyone you can, until finally you are able to involve everyone you know in a ritual to sell parts of yourselves to the devil. and you give up half of your heart in exchange for your lover being brought back to life.

but they come back terribly, horribly wrong. it's not them. the shell theyre in bears their face but they are a blank slate who cannot speak, walk, or understand you. and even when you're able to teach them these things once more, the spark of the person you once knew, the brilliance, the cleverness, is missing. and each time you try to get them to remember who you are to them, and who they once were, something in the spell goes wrong and they go comatose until you erase their memories. so to protect them, you lie. you lie and tell them you are their teacher and they are your apprentice and there was some sort of mysterious accident. you're still in love with them but you can't initiate anything when they're like this, and you don't want to know, really, if they have feelings for you or not. seeing them in this state becomes so unbearably painful and nostalgic and bittersweet and heartbreaking that you start to go on long trips by yourself, telling them it's for reasons they can't know but really it's because you have to get away from them. it's too much. what have you done?

[nchntd]

In the club

[vacuously-true]

I think I’m literally never gonna be sick of this masterpiece. I think watching it on a loop for eight hours could fix me. Dancing’s what clears my soul. Dancing’s what makes me whole.

[dimmadoome]

I just love that this very video is an accumulation of thousands of years worth of art made by people who have never met each other. The concept of this video was so completely unfathomable to every single artist who made the sculptures and yet they’ve all put something toward the creation of it.

[i-restuff]

ITS BACK ON MY TIMELINE

[scarlct-vvitch]

grace, who has been alone for five minutes: oh my god. an alien! im not alone anymore! i hope he wants to be friends :)

rocky, coming up on 50 years of solitude, imprinting on grace in ways baby ducklings can only dream of: if you leave me to sleep where i can't watch your heart beat i am blowing up this tunnel with us both in it

[scarlct-vvitch]

free fic idea up for grabs. godspeed

[lifes-pinata]

Grace: *Retroactively freaking out about Doing A Misogyny™*

Rocky: Me and the bestie!!! :)

[kalichnikov]

i wanna talk about this shot

[kalichnikov]

if forum signatures still existed this would be mine

[un-javi]

[karvina]

[teslaswife]

[shitposting-hobbits-to-gallifrey]

God fucking damn it

[bored-dromaeosaur]

[the-color-orange-offical]

[fangorn-forest]

her eyes were the sickly green of the sky before a tornado, and to his horror he discovered she could throw cows around just as easily

[that-house]

to his horror? weak shit. outta my way gayboy im boutta get it

[that-house]

all of our trobles seem so small from up here

[magentamaraschino]

[seanastinhopeunquenchable]

Sean Astin paid tribute to Stephen Colbert’s final show with an Instagram post.

Even Samwise Gamgee recognizes that Stephen Colbert fights for the good in this world!

Note: The image is from when Sean appeared on The Late Show and popped out during Stephen’s rehearsal to say hello!

[laurenillustrated]

Pride and Prejudice Art

A few recent scene redraws from the 2005 Pride and Prejudice film! One of my favorite movies ever.

Prints available in my shop!

I’ve been on a big Jane Austen kick this year and currently reading my way through all the books! So far I’ve read Emma, Pride and Prejudice, Persuasion, and I’m almost finished with Northanger Abbey!

[sheepshot]

[slowpokegamer]

*looking at myself in the mirror*

Fanfiction is supposed to be cringy. You're allowed to write bad. You're allowed to be cringe. Fanfiction is supposed to be self indulgent. You're allowed to be cringe. Let yourself be cringe. Fanfiction is supposed to be fun. Stop putting arbitrary rules on yourself and be free.

[edgebug]

"grace. grace! grace give attention. rocky perform human ritual of escape closet now. statement."

"come again?"

"i learn more from thinking machine. human gender preference. attraction to same gender, means word 'gay.' all eridian same gender." rocky stands straight up. "rocky come out to grace now. all rocky plural gay, statement."

"...wow, that's... rock, i'm not sure it makes much sense to apply human ideas of sexual orientation to a monogendered species."

a long and judgmental pause. then:

"grace HOMOPHOBIC, question????"

[joodlesofdoodles]

Happy Mother's Day to these two

[beemovieerotica]

i don't really want to see this retconning of neil gaiman's writing where people are re-analyzing stories like "look...you can see the message under the surface...showing how he was actually abusive IRL...it's all there..."

idk maybe we should just listen to people when they speak up and say they were abused and try to foster a culture of respecting victims and actually enforcing justice against perpetrators instead of doing this weird fucking da vinci code-esque picking apart of his stories. stories which everyone was fine with for decades!! because we understand that the content that people write and produce does not have a 1 to 1 correlation with their real world actions!!!

i fully support people who cannot engage with his work anymore and i do think that because he's a still-living person it's imperative to not give this guy another cent, but we cannot pretend that everyone was just "too dumb" to see the secret clues and turn this into another case of "what you write is what you endorse." plenty of dogshit people write good stories. plenty of good people write dark stories. that's all.

[thecraftgremlin]

Where’s that one post that’s like Reasons Why My Wife Cried This Week and when are we gonna get a fanfic of that but Ryland Grace.

[stargirl-and-potts]

Reasons my human has cried:

* New student, very small. Grace said it was pebble. Pebble is small Earth rock. Pebble likes name.

* He found out Eridians have no gender rules.

* Students brought him mineral sample. After he stopped crying he said he loves show-and-tell game. Human naming conventions oddly literal.

* I told him Earthsun grew bright.

* I took him up atop atmosphere bypass elevator to look at stars.

* He woke up from nap and found me still with him. I did not wait on his chest; he says I am heavy like “elephant” and he “couldn’t breathe.” I laid my arm over him instead, kept him close, feeling safe. He said “cuddle” was warm.

* Before class he heard younglings singing.

* He has plants in house from sprouts on ship. Plant grew “bud.”

* Engineers got seawater temperature right. He took off shoes and stood in water, sighing. He didn’t care about pants getting damp. Cried until shirt was also damp. Humans very endlessly wet.

* He missed “Doritos.”

* Adrian helped food scientists make taumoeba dried paste. Made it crunchy after heating. We fused it into triangle form. Told him it was Tauritos. That made him laugh-cry. Laugh-cry is rare and precious.

* He remembered Eridians have no gender rules.

* We made him celebration outfit. Used metals he calls pretty. He can see frequencies named “colorful” and “shiny.” These make humans happiest.

* I gave him hug when he wasn’t expecting it. Easier to hug close now with exosuit. Hug when Grace sitting down so he does not fall over.

* Told him to think long time, stay with me as long as he can.