LoveĀ āem and LeaveĀ āem
Anakin: Falls in love with Padme when heās assigned to protect her.
Fandom: āHeās so selfish! Their relationship is so inappropriate and it stops him doing his job!ā
Obi Wan: Hooked up with Satine as a teenager when on assignment on Mandalore and probably got her pregnant Fandom: āObitine are the best couple in Star Wars and its so wonderful he has a son!ā
This is a quote from one of @tragicfantasy-girlās posts. It made me laugh, but I also wanted to point at the serious side of this too. There is a very important contrast here and Iāve been meaning to talk about this for awhile.
The Jedi Order forbids marriages but allows hook-ups. This is not a good thing. I I hope I donāt need to explain whyĀ āloveĀ āem and leaveĀ āemā should not be considered the gold standard for relationships. (Then again, the Jedi donāt approve of committed relationships so thatās fine to them, but itās certainly not healthy.)
The above understanding also means that, while a Jedi cannot make a commitment to anyone, they can theoretically use them. In the worst cases, it can encourage objectification and/or abandonment in the interest of that they callĀ ānon-attachment.āĀ And by abandonment, I donāt just mean their partner.
I think we see this very clearly in the contrast between Anakin and Padme and Obi-Wan and Satine. Anakin is undeniably attracted to Padme, and if physical attraction were all that mattered to either of them, thatās fine.
Anakin, however, for all his faults, is not interested in that. He respects Padme. We see this all throughout AotC. He honors her boundaries. He demonstrates admiration for her and the work sheās done. He supports her.Ā He wants so much more than just to satisfy his lust.
Later, in RotS, when Padme tells Anakin she is pregnant, he supports her immediately. Scandal or no scandal, he wonāt abandon her. He is going to be there for her and the baby no matter what. He seriously steps up where many men fail to. Itās quite admirable, whatever the Jedi say. Thereās many a woman in a crisis pregnancy who has not had nearly so much support.
In comparison, we have Obi-Wan who honors the Jedi Code. He hooks up with Satine on a mission. I grant he seems to care about her, but the Jedi way means he will leave her heart-broken. Every relationship Obi-Wan enters into, he enters into knowing it will end. Heāll just abandon them. Where emotions are involved, and they tend to get involved, thatās no kindness.
And the implication is that Korkie is his son. Letās assume he is. Does Satine ever try to contact Obi-Wan about this? Maybe she does. Even if she did, I doubt the message would ever reach him. People cannot simply contact the Jedi Order. Is she going to petition the Senate about her crisis pregnancy? Yeah, right. So, now sheās alone and pregnant.Ā
Then, even if he did know, whatās Obi-Wan going to do? If Korkieās Force-Sensitive, heāll just go to the Temple. And if heās not, is a Jedi going to called up for child-support? Somehow I doubt it. How do you even begin to get a Jedi on the hook for that? See above about petitioning the Senate. How much do Jedi even make anyway? Probably just a teeny monthly stipend, if that. The Order provides for them after all. Is the Order going to provide for all the potential illegitimate children out there? Somehow, I doubt it, unless they have the Force and induct them into the Order.
And in the unlikely event that Obi-Wan both knows about his son and has to pay child support, Obi-Wanās not going to visit that child. He wonāt do more than maybe send one letter, if that, because attachment, especially to oneās biological family, is forbidden. Anakin canāt even visit or contact his mother in slavery. Thereās no way Obi-Wanās visiting his kid heās never met whoās being raised in a decent environment. In fact, he doesnāt. And thatās the Jedi way.Ā
And if thatās the Jedi way, it is wrong. That is deeply, deeply messed up.Ā
And you know what else? The Force does seem to have a hereditary element to it. It would not surprise me if the Order promotes casual sex knowing that there will be unintended pregnancies, because that just means more Force-Sensitive kids for them. Itās not like having the Force is not significantly rare after all. They could use the numbers.
tl;dr It seems sad (and wrong) to me that a loving and committed relationship where people raise their kids together is seen as dangerous-you-are-headed-to-the-Dark-Side. But loving and leaving someone, abandoning your kids, and forsaking commitment/responsibility, especially if they donāt have the Force is noble-good-light-side. There is something very wrong with that picture. Even more so when the former is forbidden, and the latter is encouraged.
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