Turning Depression into Determination and Motivation
Here I am, trying to rewrite the lost post. I hope it comes out as intended. Iโve noticed overthinking usually makes it not so. Here goes nothing yall.
Last week, I was so lost in my depression, anxiety, and fear of the future. Not just for me, but my family, our finances, and my career.ย
Do you ever have those days where other peopleโs accomplishments just make yours pale in comparison or make your successes seem like failures? Yeah, thatโs me pretty much every other day, or nearly every day when Iโm in a bad place.ย
Add the rain to coincide with my emotions, and I was an absolute MESS.ย
I started out trying really hard to stay motivated that Monday and decided to go for my daily run/walk, though this time I definitely didnโt run or jog. I ONLY WALKED. Because I was barely hanging on. I lost my temper more than Iโd like to admit with my children, then I would turn around and explain to them I was trying very hard to be the best mom I could be for them and to them. They are so understanding and compassionate. They just wanted to do all they could to help me get through this depression day.ย
Tuesday was no easier, thatโs for sure. So I tried a meditation, getting back on track with my ACV morning cocktail (not a real one yall. haha, promise!), and doing a daily affirmation list and devotional along with my grateful journal. I also tried the walk again and didnโt feel motivated enough to run for a second day in a row.ย
Wednesday was awful. I didnโt walk/jog/run or even work out. AT. ALL.
I felt like absolute crap.ย
But I was determined to have a good day. So I faked it until I made it. And eventually I was having a great day, and I had time to study for my exam.ย
Now, let me just tell you how horrible Thursday was to me.haha AWFUL. All capital letters. AWFUL. I took my test at 8 am last Thursday and FAILED. By FOUR POINTS. My thoughts werenโt,ย โ Dang, I was so close! Only 4 points! I thought I had this but I guess I need to study just a little more and try again.โ. My thoughts were more like,ย โWow, I thought I had this in the bag and new my stuff. I reread the books 3x and went to school for this for nearly 4 whole years. I should know this like the back of my hand.โ
Yall, when I say I went from 0 to 100 real quick, I ainโt lying. I was so angry and frustrated with myself. I literally got my kids, got us lunch, went home and started binge watching TV because I was at a loss. I reflected on how my past week had gone and how I had pushed so hard to make myself just keep going, wondering where that was in me now. Why canโt I just keep moving forward? (yes, thatโs a Meet the Robinsons reference because I love that movie!)
I slept so easy that night, as I usually do when I am in what I call myย โdepression modeโ, but I woke up with renewed energy. Not just because I had realized I neglected my house work but because I was afraid I would cry if I stopped moving for one second out of disappointment in myself. Though by the time I finished cleaning my entire house (literally and minus my kids room because, gross, I didnโt make that mess), I felt 1000x better. I was renewed, reawakened, and ready to take on anything. I finished up right as my hubby got off work and I studied that night a little bit.ย
The point of this is that you need to push yourself sometimes. Whether that be in exercising, depression, or just reaching outside your comfort zone. Go for life, go for everything. I know itโs hard. Iโve been there and visit there often, but I get through because of my self discipline and ability to motivate myself from the inside out. I do what I do to feel good and be happy. Exercising is not just work for me. Itโs what makes me happy.
Sometimes you donโt want to do the work. Sometimes you donโt want to do anything, but you use your self discipline to push through and keep moving forward (there it is again haha). We arenโt always motivated or happy and we donโt always want to stick to what we need. Use that self discipline to keep going and not give up on yourself. I am ambitious and a motivator for so many people and my kids are looking at me as an example.ย
Stay positive, and give yourself those daily affirmations you need to motivate yourself. If one thing doesnโt work day one, do not give up on yourself and your journey. Time is a blessing and often times much needed.ย
Didnโt mean to get so deep here, yall. The original post said all this in half the space, but you get the point. If youโve stayed this long to read this entire post, Bless Your Ever Lovinโ Heart. I am so sorry itโs a novel. Enjoy the rest of your day though loves!ย
