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What Your Favorite Shakespeare Character Says About You

I was sending these individually to people’s inboxes but then tumblr got weird about it and started thinking I was a robot because I was sending too many messages, so I made this instead:

Hamlet: You’ve been going through a PRETTY DANG WEIRD COUPLE OF YEARS. You’ve either taken at least one philosophy class or you’ve written/made/performed something inspired by your feelings about your parents.

Ophelia from Hamlet: You’re depressed but have a top-notch aesthetic. You are constantly amazed by how much the people around you can let you down.

Beatrice from Much Ado: You use humor and irony to cope with virtually any situation unless it involves one of your friends getting hurt. Then you are in Mama Bear attack mode.

Benedick from Much Ado: You either love Kenneth Branagh or are a Nerdfighter or both.

Macbeth: You either really love your significant other or really love Fight Club.

Lady Macbeth: You either went through a goth phase or you have really strong opinions about classic Hollywood divas/ aging female Broadway stars/ modern pop stars.

Richard III: You either love edgy memes or you’re the kind of person who really likes Loki and Kylo Ren. Or you absolutely hate the fact that Shakespeare portrayed him as a villain, which means that your favorite Shakespeare character is not Richard III at all, you just have a favorite historical figure.

Queen Margaret: You either own multiple pieces of merchandise with feminist slogans on them or you have very strong opinions about Game of Thrones.

Juliet: You are NOT getting along great with your parents right now. You have a favorite Disney princess and it’s not because of how she looks but what she’s been through.

Romeo: If you’re not an Instagram poet, you should be.

Mercutio: You like to make jokes while watching movies with your friends. Your friends probably don’t enjoy this as much as you do. You probably either really like The Joker or Deadpool.

Prince Hal: You, who most loves Prince Hal, are also more judgmental of his choices than anyone else. You’re the kind of person who puts together really intricate, detailed plans for upcoming events or projects and devotes yourself totally singlemindedly to them while acting like you are under no stress and having a good time, sending out lots of friendly and chill sounding reminders like, “Hey guys! Things are moving along! Just a few updates!” You lie awake all night in a panic about these things.

Hotspur: You would think that people who love Hotspur are also jocks, but in fact, they are actually enthusiastic nerds who are always up to argue relentlessly about their favorite topics.

Falstaffs: You are either someone who has played Falstaff, wants to play Falstaff, have seen a favorite actor or loved one play Falstaff, or are leading literary critic and Yale professor Harold Bloom.

Richard II: You either have a very detailed pinterest, instagram, or tumblr devoted to your personal aesthetic. You tend to self-sabotage. If you ever get married, you will be WEIRD about your wedding. Also, you are probably not heterosexual, let’s be honest.

Rosalind from As You Like It: You have probably wished you could give lessons to a previous partner of yours of how to be a less sucky boyfriend/girlfriend. You have had at least one controversial haircut among your friend group.

Viola from Twelfth Night: Same as the above, but also people constantly guessed incorrectly about your sexual orientation growing up. And also, you still sometimes think wistfully of your high school crush.

Malvolio from Twelfth Night: You are smart, but you often do stupid things. You like to watch ‘cringe compilations’ or follow humorous fail/shaming blogs, but you also constantly worry you will find yourself on them.

Olivia from Twelfth Night: You have had a string of BAD RELATIONSHIPS and are DONE right now, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not extremely committed to STYLE, because you are.

Paulina from The Winter’s Tale: You HATE your boss.

Shylock: You constantly feel the need to tell people that he is NOT a villain and everyone else in that play is terrible. You can’t even enjoy The Merchant of Venice, but you keep going to see productions of it anyway.

Iago: You constantly feel the need to tell people that you’re not actually racist, but you just think he’s a FASCINATING VILLAIN.

Othello: You weep when certain songs come on the radio.

Prospero: You are writer who often complains about how HARD it is to be a writer despite getting very little done.

Caliban: You actually like A Tempest better than The Tempest.

Ariel: See PUCK below, except you’re less annoying.

Puck: You used to do gymnastics, martial arts, or some other kind of sport or dance because your family hoped that would help you get some of your energy out and you’d be less hyperactive, destructive, and disruptive. You have a bad habit of accidentally breaking things.

Helena: You had really bad self-esteem in high school and still have really bad luck in relationships.

Titania: You used to have Lisa Frank everything in elementary school.

Oberon: You really like Renaissance faires

Brutus: You have always been either an overachiever perfectionist or someone who habitually bites off way way way way way more than you can chew and makes a mess of it despite trying really hard. You remind people to bring an extra sweater to events because it might get chilly.

Cassius: You are extremely smart and yet you’re also an impulsive mess who does weird things like start painting your entire bedroom at 2 AM. You feel like you somehow have the sworst luck in the world and that if you had more opportunities, things would be better. You have a grudge against specific celebrities.

King Lear: You have a favorite elderly British actor.

Cleopatra: You secretly consider the Kardashians or other similarly luxuriously-living reality stars an extremely guilty pleasure. You also may have gone through a strong Ancient Egypt phase in elementary school.

Coriolanus: The Prince of Egypt made a big impression on you even if you’re not religious. You are quiet and reserved but swear like a sailor. You either have a huge crush on Tom Hiddleston or have a favorite Civil War battle.

Katherina from Taming of the Shrew: Either you don’t actually like Taming of The Shrew or you’ve never actually seen/read Taming of the Shrew.

Anyone else: You’re just Too Cool For School, aren’t you?

hrefnatheravenqueen

FUCKING THIS POST ITSELF IS FLAGGED, I’M DYING! @staff YOUR BS IS KILLING ITSELF!!!!

gengarprotectionsquad

a-spoon-is-born

joan watson can’t cook

one of my favorite things about Elementary is that it’s a complicated show-not just plotwise but i mean specifically the fact that they’re usually telling 2 to 3 stories at the same time.

that’s why (for example) i know it’s canon that 1. joan watson cannot cook and 2. sherlock holmes can cook (he’s rather good at it), but if he’s also eating it, be very dubious because there’s something weird in it.

any holmes adaptation is gonna be extrapolation- and dialogue-heavy by nature, so you’ll have them talking about/explaining the case then going into their emotional reactions/friends’ reaction to the case as main and secondary narratives. BUT! then as a tertiary narrative you have what they’re doing visually. the reason that last one is my favorite is because that’s where “holmes & watson’s relationship” happens.

in this scene, they’re having a really intense discussion about the case and what other people think about the case and yada yada, but what they’re DOING is apparently joan decides for some ungodly reason she’s gonna make their meal today and this is what happens

this. is. hilarious.

it also says so much about both of their characters-and just to reiterate, there is no verbal acknowledgement that any of this is happening-they talk only about the case, and things going on elsewhere. period.

but like, why would joan give a fuck about cooking? she went to med school, she was a surgeon, she was a sober companion, then a detective. she can cut up a vegetable and shove it in the mouth hole, order takeout, and that’s it.

sherlock, having been confronted with some kind of inexplicable bread lettuce thing, does what he always does when a food is not acceptable (something that happens constantly, much to my delight), which is look in the fridge like he’s accusing it of a crime and then gives up and eats nothing.

i don’t know if i need to explain why i am unshakably loyal to a show that’s about two roommates in their forties who do this amazing work no one else can do, and also essentially can’t fucking feed themselves. but this is what happens when you have two ridiculously talented actors playing leads who have to find something to do while they’re spouting off novels’ worth of memorized dialogue during ten-hour days, filming 10 months out of the year, holy shit.

ally0mazing

Accurate

otherpens

this roast is so good it reached into the future and dragged movies that weren’t even in development yet

potterslittleferret

Draco Malfoy, a summary

What Harry thinks he’s like:

What his friends think he’s like:

What the Gryffindors think he’s like:

What his parents think he’s like:

What the fandom think he’s like:

What he thinks he’s like:

What he’s really like:

tacticalmoonbeam

I will never not reblog this.

THIS IS EPIC AS FUCK

The accuracy

It’s back!

Shakespeare Plays Explained Badly

the-full-shakespearience

A Midsummer Night’s Dream: Fairy divorce court causes everything in the vicinity to go to hell, briefly.

A Comedy of Errors: Don’t give your twins the same name. Seriously don’t.

As You Like It: No one actually likes anything that is occurring. Especially not Jaques.

Twelfth Night: Local pageboy causes everyone to catch Gay Feelings. Also multiple shipwrecks.

Much Ado About Nothing: Random bastard decides to cause problems for literally no reason other than because he is a dick.

Two Gentlemen of Verona: One gentleman is not actually a gentleman, he’s a grade-A turdwaffle.

Love’s Labors Lost: Four friends’ attempts to swear off love go about as well as you would expect

The Merry Wives of Winsor: SO I HEAR U LIKE FALSTAFF??

The Taming of the Shrew: Sometimes the best cure for a mean wife is just straight-up sexism. (Actually no wtf why)

All’s Well That Ends Well: Nothing is well and it ends kinda shittily, too.

The Merchant of Venice: Apparently the entire population of Venice is either dumb, shitty, or Portia. Or Jessica.

Measure for Measure: Undercover Boss: Vienna Edition

Richard II: Local king forced to actually face consequences for his actions. Doesn’t like it much.

Henry IV part 1: TURN DOWN FOR WHAT interluded by existential kingly guilt. Also Hotspur

Henry IV part 2: The boring part because no Hotspur and no TURN DOWN FOR WHAT. Just guilt and guys with stupid names.

Henry V: Fun manly bonding as France gets fucked over

Henry VI part 1: Let’s Screw France Part 2 feat. Joan of Arc

Henry VI part 2: A bunch of murders and Everything Has Gone to Shit Now nice job breaking it, Henry.

Henry VI, part 3: YORK YORK YORK YORK also a bunch of murders, part 2.

Richard III: Once there was a Duke of Gloucester. He was so ugly that everyone died. The End

Henry VIII: You’d think think the betrayal of a queen and befuckening of the church would be really non-boring but you would be wrong

King John: No one knows what’s happening. Not me, not you, certainly not Johnny. I guess an entire king dies or something idk

Romeo and Juliet: Local teenage fling ends in six deaths and a banishment. Authorities are baffled

Macbeth: If you don’t sleep you become a murderer I don’t make the rules also if witches are nearby… you’re fucked.

Hamlet: Danish prince should have just called Ghostbusters

Othello: And you thought your racist coworker was a pain in the ass

King Lear: Local shitty dad amazed that all his kids turned out shitty. How could this happen.

Julius Caesar: Fun male bonding exercise devolves into civil war and multiple accounts of suicide

Antony and Cleopatra: Two-year fling devolves into civil war and multiple accounts of suicide

Coriolanus: Local war devolves into civil war and - just kidding it’s actually about Coriolanus ruining everything by being unable to shut his piehole for two seconds

Timon of Athens: Don’t Have Friends: A Cautionary Tale

Titus Andronicus: Blood, death, murder, death, human sacrifice, rape, death, dismemberment, cannibalism, death, and a partridge in a pear tree

Troilus and Cressida: Title characters are actually the most boring part of the play

Pericles: It’s like a fairy tale except less magic and more nonsense. And brothels I guess idk

Cymbeline: Twenty three different plot lines and none of them go anywhere

The Winter’s Tale: Local asshole king fucks with nature so NATURE FUCKS RIGHT BACK

The Tempest: The heartwarming tale of a wizard, his weird magical bird slave, his daughter, a drunk fish guy, some murderers, and a whole lot of wood gathering

officialflowergirl

settle this for me once and for all

is “chai” a TYPE of tea??! bc in Hindi/Urdu, the word chai just means tea

505--503--4455-deactivated20161

its like spicy cinnamon tea instead of bland gross black tea

officialflowergirl

I think the chai that me and all other Muslims that I know drink is just black tea

childbully

i mean i always thought chai was just another word for tea?? in russian chai is tea

officialflowergirl

why don’t white people just say tea

do they mean it’s that spicy cinnamon tea

why don’t they just call it “spicy cinnamon tea”

breadpocalypse

the spicy cinnamon one is actually masala chai specifically so like

there’s literally no reason to just say chai or chai

tvalkyrie-deactivated20200617

They don’t know better. To them “chai tea” IS that specific kind of like, creamy cinnamony tea. They think “chai” is an adjective describing “tea”.

startedwellthatsentence

What English sometimes does when it encounters words in other languages that it already has a word for is to use that word to refer to a specific type of that thing. It’s like distinguishing between what English speakers consider the prototype of the word in English from what we consider non-prototypical.

(Sidenote: prototype theory means that people think of the most prototypical instances of a thing before they think of weirder types. For example: list four kinds of birds to yourself right now. You probably started with local songbirds, which for me is robins, blue birds, cardinals, starlings. If I had you list three more, you might say pigeons or eagles or falcons. It would probably take you a while to get to penguins and emus and ducks, even though those are all birds too. A duck or a penguin, however, is not a prototypical bird.)

“Chai” means tea in Hindi-Urdu, but “chai tea” in English means “tea prepared like masala chai” because it’s useful to have a word to distinguish “the kind of tea we make here” from “the kind of tea they make somewhere else”.

“Naan” may mean bread, but “naan bread” means specifically “bread prepared like this” because it’s useful to have a word to distinguish between “bread made how we make it” and “bread how other people make it”.

We also sometimes say “liege lord” when talking about feudal homage, even though “liege” is just “lord” in French, or “flower blossom” to describe the part of the flower that opens, even though when “flower” was borrowed from French it meant the same thing as blossom.

We also do this with place names: “brea” means tar in Spanish, but when we came across a place where Spanish-speakers were like “there’s tar here”, we took that and said “Okay, here’s the La Brea tar pits”.

Or “Sahara”. Sahara already meant “giant desert,” but we call it the Sahara desert to distinguish it from other giant deserts, like the Gobi desert (Gobi also means desert btw).

English doesn’t seem to be the only language that does this for places: this page has Spanish, Icelandic, Indonesian, and other languages doing it too.

Languages tend to use a lot of repetition to make sure that things are clear. English says “John walks”, and the -s on walks means “one person is doing this” even though we know “John” is one person. Spanish puts tense markers on every instance of a verb in a sentence, even when it’s abundantly clear that they all have the same tense (”ayer [yo] caminé por el parque y jugué tenis” even though “ayer” means yesterday and “yo” means I and the -é means “I in the past”). English apparently also likes to use semantic repetition, so that people know that “chai” is a type of tea and “naan” is a type of bread and “Sahara” is a desert. (I could also totally see someone labeling something, for instance, pan dulce sweetbread, even though “pan dulce” means “sweet bread”.)

Also, specifically with the chai/tea thing, many languages either use the Malay root and end up with a word that sounds like “tea” (like té in Spanish), or they use the Mandarin root and end up with a word that sounds like “chai” (like cha in Portuguese).

iviarelle-deactivated20181217

So, can we all stop making fun of this now?

lyrangalia

Okay and I’m totally going to jump in here about tea because it’s cool. Ever wonder why some languages call tea “chai” or “cha” and others call it “tea” or “the”?

It literally all depends on which parts of China (or, more specifically, what Chinese) those cultures got their tea from, and who in turn they sold their tea to.

The Portuguese imported tea from the Southern provinces through Macau, so they called tea “cha” because in Cantonese it’s “cha”. The Dutch got tea from Fujian, where Min Chinese was more heavily spoken so it’s “thee” coming from “te”. And because the Dutch sold tea to so much of Europe, that proliferated the “te” pronunciation to France (”the”), English (”tea”) etc, even though the vast majority of Chinese people speak dialects that pronounce it “cha” (by which I mean Mandarin and Cantonese which accounts for a lot of the people who speak Chinese even though they aren’t the only dialects).

And “chai”/”chay” comes from the Persian pronunciation who got it from the Northern Chinese who then brought it all over Central Asia and became chai.

(Source)