shot through the heart.

ahn siyoung 「 — S I A N 」 19890914. ◣⇢ a star is born ◥ ❝ i'd rather d i e than lose Y O U ❞

[fmdsian]

replies will be done either tomorrow or sunday! :)

[fmdsian]

i do apologize for my lack of activity. some personal issues have come up that need my immediate attention. if things don’t get resolved in a couple of hours, i might take a hiatus.

in other news, jac i love you and happy birthday (in two hours). <3

[fmdsian]

* bc sucks.

[fmdsian]

miaxfmd:

“i wouldn’t spit in his face, you’re right- i’d probably flake, unfortunately. and jia unnie deserves an award for dealing with our company for so long. honestly, anyone who’s been with the company for longer than five years deserves an award. including me- i flew here from canada to deal with this. it’s fucking, sorry, freaking- you’re a sunbae, can’t say that around you or byungchul would make me perform dream girls or something again- hilarious to me, honestly.” talking with sian had just brought the pettiest parts of her personality her personality, which was a stark contrast from the girl from minutes ago who just wanted to get out of the room where sian was arguing. maybe it was the sense of being able to talk about their shared feelings of “done with this bullshit”, or hyejung just felt validated enough to say those things. if she was able to say the word ‘canada’ and only feel a little bit of a sting, that’s when you knew hyejung was out of it.

it was nice to rant about byungchul for a bit, instead of crying because she didn’t get a choice or working herself into the ground. most times, she was so tired of byungchul’s way of managing her and her labelmates that she couldn’t say anything at all. not to mention, he was her ceo- hyejung couldn’t go around telling everyone that she thought he was a bitch (even though most people would agree.)

      an award for dealing with byungchul, that would be something. “well, she has a pretty clean record, at least now. back then, she had a bunch of dating scandals because of how warm and friendly she is.” mostly with him, yeah, but still dating scandals nonetheless. he, on the other hand, was a handful to deal with. the contrasts between his songs and his behavior was pretty funny to him. but hey, he was romantic at heart. it just took special people to bring it out of him. “hey, i won’t tell anyone.” he shrugged. “profanity doesn’t bug me. pretty sure everyone knows that.” he was always being censored at shows, it happens.

      “although if you ever did find the backbone to spit on him, that would be something.” and he was more than willing to spit on the bastard with her. he was too much, everyone knew that. soon enough, people will realize how horrible of a person he is and leave. at least, that was what sian hoped. but hey, money was a powerful magnet. in addition the pull byungchul had, which could more or less destroy someone’s career if he so wanted it.

[bccity]

[dimensionsunited]

Jia & Sian - Going Crazy MV Teaser

Collaboration single coming September 1.

Uploaded by the Dimensions Entertainment Youtube account on August 29.

[fmdsian]

please like this if you’d like to plot.

[fmdsian]

* exhaustion.

[fmdxvivi-deactivated20180606]

* ♡ ˙ ˖ +  ◜- this whole situation was hilarious- she hadn’t even wanted to be here. siyoung didn’t, jia didn’t, no one except for byungchul did. the role had obviously been meant for someone older, not someone her age. she still didn’t know how exactly he’d held up against an angry siyoung, seeing as she was already scared, though she knew the anger wasn’t directed to her. “please, if i fall asleep again now, you won’t be able to wake me for the next century.” she sighed, adjusting her position so she was still comfortable, but she could face siyoung properly.

“damn it, let me live out my fantasies. in my wildest dreams, i’d be ceo of bc and not overworking everyone, giving them all comebacks and stuff.” perhaps she hadn’t gotten ALL the details down yet, but hey, it never hurt. “ooh, stylist-unnie is going to throttle you for that.” she smoothed down the blonde strands of hair.

“please do. we can dump his body in the han river and pretend it was because of his guilt. i’ll fake a note which leaves bc to me.” she nodded. sooyeon regretted signing the contract- she couldn’t break it as a trainee, since she only trained for 9 months, and the idol contract was way more binding than the trainee contract. she’d entered bc with the stars in her eyes- they were all extinguished now.

[fmdsian]

      as everything progressed into the mess that it was, siyoung sometimes thought it would have been best if he and jiyoung just released the song without a music video. at the very least, it would have saved a lot of them a lot of anger. even the angel choo jiyoung was angry and that was saying something. he had only ever seen jiyoung angry a couple of times. but they were all so memorable that it made him shudder at the thought. if he was angry, then jiyoung was probably a lot worse. and he didn’t want to go out and witness whether or not she was showing that to the other staff members.

      "have you ever seen jia angry?” he asked after a moment of silence. it was one of those things he was curious about, since everyone he knew was aware of how patient and kind the idol was. “she’s got a higher chance of killing someone than i do when she’s mad.” it was a joke for the most part, but jiyoung really was terrifying when rage consumed her. it rarely ever did so one can imagine how horrible the situation was for it to. he rolled his eyes at the comment. “she can try,” he challenged.

      he snorted at the idea. as if people would believe that kim byungchul was capable of guilt and that it could ever lead him into taking his own life. no, he was too proud and obsessed with seeing money flood into his bank account. “murder is probably the most believable story for byungchul’s death. we got his whole company and idols’ allies ready to come together and do it.” perhaps it wasn’t a smart thing to be talking about a ceo’s murder. but hey, a world without kim byungchul would be a utopia in comparison to this bullshit.

[astreaheights]

「 ✱  SHACKLES ;

[fmdsian]

yuaxfmd:

» ;   YURA FELT her frustration build up. she kept her smile, however, sitting back to calm herself. once the mention of her sister was there, she immediately felt ashamed for pushing him to order a heavy and expensive meal. she felt ashamed and couldn’t even look at siyoung in the eye. so it was for their collaboration, huh… a pang of jealousy hit her but it wasn’t like the ones she felt when she was younger. what the years did do was help ura get over her childish crush on the older. she was vulnerable and weak at that time and he was there. that was it.

“fine,” she said unwillingly. “if it will make unnie look good…” she glanced at the waitress and informed her that the other would be ordering kimchi stir fry. she nodded and left the both of them. and alone, she didn’t really know what to talk about with siyoung. she wasn’t a fan of small talk no matter how much she had to endure it every day of her life since becoming an idol. “i…” would she allow herself to apologize and bring it up? she looked at siyoung, biting the inside of her cheek. “i…when you guys are promoting, make sure to take care of her. she’s nice and all but don’t be too touchy. i can tell if it’s a meaningful touch or a weird one. make sure to remind her to eat. take her out to a nice restaurant if you guys get your first win…and…” 

thank god the soup of the day arrived with her wine and water for them both. the waitress looked at her witha smile as if she was teasing her. yura shot back a glare which sent her lowering her head to leave. she was thankful, though, for her because honestly she wasn’t sure what other kind of reminder she was going to give siyoung. she felt conflicted but refused to dwell on why. so she just ate, slurping loudly and irritably. the soup was good, thank god. 

      it was fairly easy to figure out what went on in yura’s head. either because he had known her since she was young or she was just that transparent. either way, anyone who had even the most remote knowledge of her knew that she was attached to the eldest of the choo family. and truth be told it was a bit of a frightening attachment. often, he would get the feeling that yura was ready to bite his head off anytime he got close to jiyoung. like for a hug or even a simple handshake. he wasn’t sure if that was good or bad, but jiyoung handled it pretty well from what he could observe. sibling or not, jiyoung was good with people in general. a skill he never had.

      the instructions came from a good place and he knew she genuinely wanted jiyoung cared for. jiyoung always knew how to take care of herself but that always changed when she was working. because work consumed her and she would become too busy taking care of others and then neglect herself. “i will.” siyoung wasn’t the nurturing one of the two but he could damn well be counted on to at least take care of her. knowing each other for most of their lives gave him enough knowledge about choo jiyoung. but you’d think the way yura was talking, she was a protective girlfriend looking out for what was hers. and that always raised questions in his head that he didn’t dare ask. maybe he would ask jiyoung someday.

      he dipped his head as a silent thanks to the waitress and he made for the water immediately. he had been practicing a lot ( jiyoung strived for perfection whenever it came to working ) so he had to make sure he stayed hydrated for his throat’s sake. “you should do a collaboration. you, jiyoung, jisoo, and jihoon. a choo subunit.” it was interesting that yura was the only one not in bc, but he knew she had her reasons and decided not to ask about it. if yeonhee ever wanted to do something with him, he’d say yes in a heartbeat.

[fmdsian]

jihoonfmd:

     jihoon shook his head firmly. he wasn’t telling jia. he wasn’t telling anyone else besides sian. it was his issue to deal with. he was the one who had to live with what had happened to him, nobody else. and if he didn’t want anyone else to know, then no one else would know. he knew that the older male wouldn’t tell anyone else even though he was pushing for him to tell his older sister. he had promised that he wouldn’t, and jihoon trusted him to keep his promise. 

     “and what is jiyoung noona going to tell me that i don’t already know, hyung? what is she going to do for me? there’s nothing she can do. it’s already been done.” he frowned, his eyebrows scrunching together. “she will think of me differently,” he mumbled under his breath. “or at least she’ll see me different. people always look at people differently once they find out that they’ve been abused. when she looks at me, i don’t want her to think about what happened to me. why would i want anyone to think about something that i want to forget?” 

     he sighed heavily. “i don’t want your advice. i just wanted someone to vent to. i wanted someone who would listen to me.. someone who could relate.” they may not have been abused in the same ways, but abuse was abuse, and if anyone could understand that, it was siyoung. jihoon wasn’t aware of the severity of sian’s past, and he wasn’t aware of everything, but he knew that he had been mistreated by his parents. that much he had learned over the years knowing him.

      it was hard to convince someone of something they didn’t want to do. he knew that from experience. so when jihoon stood firm about not wanting to tell jiyoung, siyoung knew he shouldn’t push it. like telling him, it had to be something jihoon willingly wanted to do. and there would come a time when he would be okay enough to let his sister know. but still, the questions that the younger posed had him wanting to answer. and then he would leave it at that.

      “okay, i won’t push further.” he said. “but i will tell you just one more thing and then i’ll drop it.” because in the end, jiyoung and jihoon were family. if yeonhee were to go through something like this and didn’t think she could tell him, it would ruin him. “jiyoung would not think of you differently. you’re still her brother, that won’t change. she found out about my background when we were young and not once have i ever felt pity from her. i know the feeling, wanting to keep everything secret because everyone starts looking at you like damaged goods. it never felt like that with her.” and that was the end of it, he wouldn’t bring it up again.

      he then nodded upon hearing his words. “okay, no advice. just listening.” his lips pressed together and he allowed the silence to take over. it was a heartbreaking idea. and maybe this was how others felt whenever they found out about him. one thing was for sure though, he appreciated jihoon’s trust. and true to his word, siyoung wouldn’t tell a soul. as an afterthought he added, “if you want to know anything just ask.”

[fmdsian]

* the ahn siblings (text thread).

[fmdsian]

fmdyeonhee:

     the first time the two of them had gone to the zoo was probably one of yeonhee’s happiest memories. it was the first time she had seen animals up close, apart of dogs and cats of course, and it was very exciting. she remembered dragging sian all around the park before falling asleep at the end of the day and having to be carried back home by him. “so we’re looking for ears that look like yours?” she asked innocently, before grinning at him. “well, i didn’t turn out too bad, so i would say you did a pretty good job raising a kid while you were a kid yourself. and i know i say it all the time, but i do love you, and thank you for everything you’ve done for me. you’ve helped me more than you could ever imagine.”

      there was never any happier memory than every second spent with yeonhee. from the moment she was born, he swore to love and protect her to the best of his abilities. he was going to keep that promise until his dying breath. “yeah, let me van gogh my ears up and make them into a headband for you.” he rolled his eyes, strolling into the gift shop, eyes looking around for something that would suit his younger sister. the first thing that caught his eyes were elephant ears, which he soon fitted on her head. "i love you too, sis.” he said with a smile on his face. they weren’t exactly the types to be mushy around each other, but they had their moments. “hm, the elephant ears look good on you.” he grinned. “or maybe this——” he held up a pair of racoon ears. he didn’t want to get the usual ones like bunnies and cats and dogs.

[dazzlingkai]

Lee Jongsuk in V.I.P ( trailer ) V.I.P is a story about Gwang-il (Lee Jongsuk), son of a high-ranking North Korean official, he is suspected of committing serial murders around the world. To stop the killer, South Korea, North Korea and Interpol chase after him.

[fmdsian]

fmdyeonhee:

     she couldn’t help but let out a laugh at the apology, her arms wrapping around him and giving him a tight squeeze. she couldn’t care less about the strong smell of alcohol. she would always hug her brother, no matter what. and it was laughable that he thought that would change anything. “i’m offended that you think that would keep me from hugging you..” she mumbled through laughter, before almost immediately sobering up once the severity of the situation hit her once again. 

     “you’ve made it very clear multiple times that you don’t care about yourself, but i don’t think you understand that i care about you. i care about you and your career, the career you’ve worked so hard to get. you don’t deserve to lose everything that you’ve worked so hard for just because they want to come along and try to ruin everything. i won’t let them do that to you.” she wouldn’t let him take the fall for everything. she never denied the fact that she was his sister, and she wasn’t going to start now. “i’m not going to turn my back on you and pretend like we’re not blood related, siyoung. that’s not going to happen.”

      her words did bring a smile to his lips, if only a little bit. he was fully sober at this point, but his head was still pounding from the accumulated alcohol over the past couple of days. it was a stupid suggestion, even he knew that. but he couldn’t quite figure out exactly what to do about this situation. a part of him ( the angry part of him ) just wanted to risk it all and kill them. maybe he could get away with it. no one would miss those two pathetic excuses for human beings. those who knew them would agree that the world was a better place without them.

      but then another part of him ( the more sane part ) was telling him to just leave things be. maybe they would be alright, even with their past coming out to haunt them. maybe the truth would set them free. for their sakes, maybe coming clean about their childhood would free them from any leverage that their parents had on them. “you’re a girl group member though...” that was all he could think about. yeonhee’s career was just beginning and being a girl group member made it a little more tricky than him simply coming clean. “and it’s too early for you to come out with something this big.”

[marifmd-blog]

( ˚ ✧ not enough / history )

[fmdsian]

marifmd:

✧･ﾟ: *  —  those who needed to know about their relationship already knew. the rest of the world is not granted the luxury of being aware of mari and siyoung. but on some level, she figures that there are others who can pretty much GUESS without them having to tell them. most of their dates were in dimensions, after all. it’s the easiest way for them since they were in the same company. she’s only thankful that her dating ban had already been lifted.

a large grin tugs at her lips and she sets everything down on the table, the aroma of food entering her nostrils as she takes a seat. ❛ i’m glad you do, ❜ she says genuinely, placing a pair of chopsticks in his hand. ❛ it’s a new recipe though. it’s a little bit sweet. ❜ she urges for him to start eating first, while she closely watches his reactions.

      contrary to his public image, he was a good boyfriend. he had so much love to give and he always tried his best to give it to the special people in his life. maybe it was jiyoung’s influence. the girl showed him what kindness looked like and her family showed him what love looked like. and it always stuck with him growing up, as he pulled himself and yeonhee out of busan and brought them into seoul. but something always got in the way and a part of him is thinking he and mari were going to end up the same way as him and soojin.

      “let me try it then.” he adjusted the chopsticks before digging in. he controlled his expression at first, pretending to think. but soon enough a smile ended up on his face and he affectionately reached out to pat mari’s head. “it’s delicious. you’re amazing.” the meat was melting in his mouth and it was arguably the most delicious thing he’d ever eaten. he picked up a piece and held it to her lips. “try your cooking. fall in love with your skill.” he grinned at her.

[fmdsian]

* bali blues.

[fmdsian]

jiafmd:

✧･ﾟ: *  —  a panic rises in her chest upon hearing her words, such words that she hadn’t heart since he started therapy. ❛ darling, no. as much as you want to, you can’t do that. ❜ but then an idea pops into her head, a dangerous idea. but with her connections, with her family, it could just be easily pulled off. ❛ siyoung-ah. we should have this conversation in private. ❜ she presses her lips together. ❛ i might know someone who can help. ❜

      siyoung never knew what it was like to be rich growing up. and even though jiyoung is pretty much an angel sent directly from heaven, he knew she had the right connections to make people’s lives easier. “no,” he said firmly. “i’m not going to let you be an accomplice to my evil thoughts.” they had known each other long enough to understand each other’s thought processes. he loved jiyoung with his whole heart and he knew she loved him back just as much. there wasn’t really much they WOULDN’T do for each other and that was why he had to stop her before she did something for him that she would eventually regret. "i’ll figure something out without dragging you into it. i won’t kill the mother fuckers. i promise.”

[fmdsian]

jihoonfmd:

     at first, jihoon’s hurt and a smidge offended by how cold and lackluster siyoung’s question was, but then he remembered that that was exactly why he had come to him in the first place. he wanted someone who wouldn’t baby him and would make him toughen up. he already had his moment to cry and scream and break down, and he was sure that he would have more, but it wasn’t time for that anymore. 

     he shrugged his shoulders slightly, using his sleeve to wipe his face, making sure his eyes were dry before answering. “i don’t know, sian.. if i’m being perfectly honest, i hadn’t really thought that far ahead. i just wanted to get everything off my chest and tell somebody the truth. i couldn’t hold it in any longer, it felt like i was going to lose it. i had to tell someone and i knew that you would listen and wouldn’t overreact.” sure he had offered to kill someone, but at least he wasn’t jumping up and screaming or worse - crying. he had a feeling that when his sisters found out - if they found out, they would cry.

     “i’ve realized that,” he murmured under his breath, heaving out a heavy sigh. when he first signed his contract with bc, he thought the company was great. they had painted a pretty picture of how great they were and presented it to him, blinding him from all the shady shit they were involved in. “because she’s going to overreact. they’re all going to overreact, and i don’t want them to. and if i do tell them, they’ll.. they’ll look at me differently. and i knew that you wouldn’t.” he smiled sadly. “no, i don’t want you to kill anyone. that’s only going to cause problems for you. and yenny would kill me if her brother ended up in jail because of me.”

      it was a complicated situation and siyoung again ended up wondering what jiyoung would do in this case. this was no easy thing to talk about and it probably took jihoon a lot of courage to finally say it all out. “shit happens. but really, jiyoung might be the best person to talk to about this.” his voice is now devoid of the cold, instead coated with worry. “she won’t think of you differently, are you kidding me? jiyoung absolutely loves you, but she’s not an idiot. she won’t think of you differently because of this. if that were the kind of person she was, she would have broken things off with me way early on.”

       but in the end, siyoung did understand it. such traumatic experiences, you wouldn’t want to let your loved ones know. he still couldn’t bring himself to tell yeonhee all the explicits of their childhood after all. siyoung looked at jihoon for a quiet moment as he thought. “well, okay. let’s not think that far ahead and just think of right now.”

       he paused once more, lips pressed into a thin tight line. “i don’t know what to tell you, jihoon. are you asking for my advice?” he asked, eyebrows knitted together. “i mean, i’m always here to listen to you. lash out on me, i don’t care. just get all of it out in the open. but advice—— well that’s a different thing. jiyoung’s the one who gives good advice.”

[fmdsian]

* bali blues.

[fmdsian]

jiafmd:

✧･ﾟ: *  —  siyoung’s words pull the corners of her lips further DOWNWARDS and she looks at her best friend with concern coloring her eyes. ❛ yeah, i believe that. ❜ she’s met siyoung’s parents before, once upon a time back in busan. they tried to keep up with pretenses when she was around, but jiyoung knew what happened behind the scenes. back then, siyoung would lie about it too. ❛ what do you WANT to do? ❜ he asks, taking a sip of water. it’s one of those things that frustrates her—- not really being able to do anything for the people she loves. honestly, she’d be willing to just pay his parents off but she knows he would never let her. and moreover, it’s not her battle to fight.

      siyoung didn’t need to look at jiyoung to figure out what was going through her head. “no, jiyoung, you’re not going to pay them off for me.” his voice was firm as he spoke, his eyes never once leaving hers. “i love you, i adore you, i cherish you. but i do not want you in touch with my parents. for your sake.” he paused, lower lip latched between his teeth in thought. “i don’t know, honestly. i want them to disappear. but the only way for them to truly be out of our lives is... death. and i’m starting to think that’s what i have to do.

[fmdsian]

namjoonfmd:

[ to: siyoung ] that’s true. money is not truly happiness. i only seek my dreams in life and i’ll use most of the money to support my grandparents. [ to: siyoung ] i more so meant interesting in a bad kind of way, you know? just goes to show how entertainment companies truly suck. 

[ to: namjoon ] that’s cute. good for you. [ to: namjoon ] all my money is for yeonhee. what’s mine is hers. [ to: namjoon ] yeah. well, most people are lucky that the extent of their knowledge about that whole thing is limited to what the press was publishing.

[fmdsian]

* bc sucks.

[fmdsian]

miaxfmd:

honestly, if there was someone not only in her company, but the entire music industry,  who wasn’t done with kim byungchul’s shit hyejung would really like to meet them. she’d known what she signed up for once she began training, but it was more than tiring at this point to be viewed as a product, not as a person. she and hanli would more or less be eye candy and appealed to those fans with their new unit, and hyejung knows this isn’t even the worst byungchul could do to them. they’re almost lucky that their song and choreography would be considered almost ‘tame’. secretly, hyejung is hoping that this unit won’t do well- it means that byungchul would have no reason to do it again. but she knows that there was going to be people watching it, angry or enjoying it, and hyejung knows that there will be a lot. she can only sigh and nod in agreement.

“all kim byungchul wants is to milk us of all of our worth and money that we can give him. i’m pretty sure he whatever remains of his moral compass points towards the bank,” hyejung says with a shake of her head. “please shit on his face when given the chance. byungchul has nothing over the two of you, i’m sure. you two will win this. if not i will personally spit in his face.”

      if anyone ever told him that they actually liked kim byungchul, he would probably burst out laughing and call out bullshit. there was a special place in hell specifically made for kim byungchul and his disciples, one that he hoped they would fill soon. now siyoung wasn’t a bad guy, he wasn’t really the type to hope for bad things for other people. but byungchul could bring out the worst in people, he noticed. he was good at pushing siyoung’s buttons and it he was probably doing it on purpose. after all, it was bc who sent him to therapy for his anger issues. it wouldn’t be beneath byungchul to try to get siyoung to burst.

      “now isn’t that the truth.” he snorted, a smirk on his lips. the suggestion of shitting on his face was attractive to him, he’ll give her that. but it was still too tame of a punishment for someone like byungchul. “no you won’t.” he shrugged. he could only think of one person who would do something against his ceo, someone far stronger and capable than him. “but that would be interesting to see. pretty sure jiyoung wants to murder him at this point too. that’s saying something considering how patient that woman is.”