A Bass Clarinet in a Jazz world

Dax- 27- enby- t4t- they/them

[segamascott]

dentist told me my teeth are perfect

[eroscestlavie]

when you’re a gay lion and you accidentally tried to introduce your lesbian lioness friend to one of her own exes at a gay bar and she goes into the bathroom and bitches you out for not being able to tell her endlessly rotating cast of girlfriends apart which isn’t really fair because first of all they all keep dyeing their hair different colors and second of all she keeps getting back together with different ones at different times and meanwhile you’ve been “single” for like 8 months but are spending a lot of time with one specific guy who works at your old co-op and were going to excitedly tell her about it tonight but now you’ve ruined the whole subject of dating by trying to introduce her to her own ex at a gay bar (which is a watering hole. because you’re lions.) 

[theehorsepusssy]

[itsjunetime]

clowngirl getting an orchiectomy and the surgeon just keeps removing ball after ball after ball after ball after

[estrogenesis-vaporeongelion]

clown nurse standing by solemnly adding each successive ball to the ones she's already juggling

[bannertanks]

[ghosthierophant]

[monsterpotion]

Bumpus Jones - Wikipedia

[uncahier]

[segamascott]

[staticklinger]

[danielwaldorf]

since becoming a barista i have noticed a few very distinct typologies among my customers. such as:

the woke left: young and fashionable. visible tattoos. often enjoys matcha, lavender flavoring, oat milk, and cold foam. pretty decent customers.

sweet old man: drinks very sweet iced lattes, pays in cash, puts all of his change in the tip jar. sometimes orders hot coffee and i get scared that his shaky old man hands will spill it and he'll get burned but that has not yet happened and god willing never shall.

evil old man: only wants drip coffee and declares it ridiculous that any other form of coffee exists. some variants only want americanos and these variants are even scarier. watch out.

sweet old woman: might need her daughter's help to order but is very bubbly and open to trying new things. compliments baristas freely and frequently.

evil old woman: does not want coffee and only wants sweet tea or soda. will not tip even if she spends three hours in the shop repeatedly asking baristas to fetch things for her.

errand husband: either stiltedly recites an order to you or shows you the order in their texts/notes app. needs to step out of line and make a phone call if you ask any follow-up questions.

grindset girlie: always wearing scrubs, an apron, and/or a name tag. orders the exact same thing every day and knows the exact change she'll need to pay for it. her regular order is both extremely caffeinated and extremely sweet.

#mamabear: is actively wrangling two to four children while ordering. order changes repeatedly because the children cannot decide if they want a muffin or a cookie or apple juice or chocolate milk etc. for some reason these women are always wearing an article of clothing or carrying some personalized item that says "mama" on it.

schoolchildren: band of two to eight adolescents hanging out after school. extremely indecisive but generally quite polite and tip well.

amnesiac in love: grown adult who needs their partner to tell them what they like. gets asked a question about their own preferences and turns to their partner to answer for them. generally acts like a shy child looking to their guardian for behavioral cues if you try to interact with them and only wants to talk to mommy i mean their wife.

this of course is not an exhaustive list but those are just some of the most consistent Types i get. ok bye xoxo

[afurioushawk]

[afurioushawk]

[myfootyrthroat]

Go to the light.

[earhartsease]

the crabs beckon you

[noir-et-feu]

We had a big day today:

Played some fetch with the Jolly Ball and when that got boring, walked for 1.3 miles. On our walk:

I asked him to walk around a garden perimeter (very difficult, did not like it)

Heeled passed a fella working his Mal in an apartment dog park (very good! Only briefly distracted by potential new friend)

He offered me barkour on top of a retaining wall (more scary for me than him because it was a tall wall and I had to rescue him aka lift him off the wall)

Tried The Creek again (didn't like it much)

And did down-stays as people walked by!

Then we went to puppy class and he was actually locked in! We worked at Petsmart yesterday and I think that really helped. He did amazing stays and recalls - like I was able to drop the leash and walk away completely, back turned and everything. His heels were better (would that I was a better trainer) - good enough to pass but he still wants to peace out after a few steps.

He also stayed in place or in a down-stay for most of class AND didn't bark at anyone the whole class! Not a single bark! I'm actually really proud of him.

Now he's a STAR puppy, pending AKC approval.

[noir-et-feu]

I just kenneled him and at first he did not want to but now he is ASLEEP.

Pictured: the car ride home from class. Very similar to right now in kennel.

[revivivivify]

[storm-of-feathers]

yeah yeah rainbow capitalism is bad and whatever but like. when I was a child, being pro gay was not the popular or lucrative choice. I'm happy that times have changed.

[storm-of-feathers]

I miss rainbow capitalism. I do. I miss when it felt like public opinion was still pro gay. I understand it was always an empty gesture, but it mattered in a sense of knowing how socially acceptable being queer is. If that makes sense.

[andthepeople]

always funny to remember darth vader is anakin skywalker. the adrenaline junkie chucklefuck who used to dive head first out of speeders and built a pod racer in his yard when he was like six is now upper-middle management for the evil empire. half of his appearances in the original trilogy are Meetings. vader spends like 80% of his time dealing with bureaucratic bullshit. status updates. team meetings. holo-Zooms. budget rundowns. anakin betrayed the jedi and caused the fall of the republic and his punishment is being CC'd on every email forever. and you know what. he would hate that. the punishment fits the criminal

[4-0-doublenatural]

Forever torn between Hawkeye becomes the doctor of Crabapple Cove with his dad, finds healing and love in his community that he supports and supports him in turn OR Hawkeye tries the small town doctor thing but gets bored and feels unfufilled and is lured to Boston by Charles who absolutely is only after him for his surgical skills and not his friendship Pierce don't be ridiculous and Margaret is also here because she's a fine head nurse and not because she's Charles best friend or anything stop talking nonsense. Also the Chief of Surgeon from Boston General who Charles was already in an intense rivalry with keeps trying to steal Hawkeye away (they all support and love each other). OR lured to California where he might as well start hypenating his name as Hunnicutt-Pierce with how quickly he has been adopted into the Hunnicutt family. His name is already on the sign of BJ's practice. He has been in California for one hour.

[machine-saint]

we justifiably give Biden a lot of shit but I think "at least 3" is the funniest possible response to some right wing dipshit asking you how many genders there are

[madnessofmen]

wait it gets better

[victusinveritas]

I love the idea of a roomba topography map being the jumping on point for a liminal horror story. House of Leaves II: Roomba.