h e l l o

shania lynn;  human disaster

[englishgradinrepair]

“I want to be cured Of a craving for something I cannot find And of the shame of never finding it.”

— T.S. Eliot, The Cocktail Party (via ophiraa)

[dankmemesreasonforliving]

[sambergscott]

oops! i made another one. which john mulaney bit are you

[knifefightscene]

y’all: here’s some alternatives to tumblr in case the site get merked on dec 17th

me:

[maratuccio]

[zeldamaniac44]

Hello, 911? Yes I’d like to report a murder

[africanaquarian]

jennifer’s body not realistic bc if i had a demon friend who killed dumb ass men for sustenance i would let her like we can work that out

[thedivine-feminine]

Reasons to date me

1.I’ll send you spontaneous nudes 2.I give really good head 3.I’m loyal and loving as fuck

[blank-p]

Sounds perfect

[whitepeopletwitter]

[n7brendan]

[engimemeing]

the verse just makes this better though

Galatians 4:16 “So now have I become your enemy by telling you the truth?”

[thisurlwasnttakenbutnowitis]

[funnymemes-and-kinkydreams]

[nutfertiti-deactivated20160504]

Bae says he’ll be there in 15 minutes *cleans up the house* *shaves* *rubs cocoa butter all over skin* *puts a little jasmine oil between thighs* *does hair real quick* *cooks a meal* *eats a gallon of pineapples* *saves the world* *ends world hunger* Bae: I’m outside *opens door* Bae: what you was up to? Me: nm just chillen

[cellocutie]

Why pineapple?

[princezane-deactivated20151205]

oh

oh hun

[hallandoates1970topresent-deact]

what time do you need me? i am unavailable whenever that time is

[whitepeopletwitter]

[theexfiles-deactivated20190101]

IM GOING TO STAB MYSELF IN THE FOOT I JUST SENT MY ENGLISH TEACHER MY ESSAY ON HAMLET AND IT WAS STILL NAMED “the fresh prince of denmark yo holla”

[bekstek]

oh man, i love receiving unedited final drafts:

cracks me up every time

[bisexualgambit]

Get ripped. Eat pasta. Be gay.

[schrutevshalpert]