sometimes I think I'm funny

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Do not eat a lot of food and then do an intense physical activity. Such as sweeping.

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That's what grandkids are for. They're the reward for having kids. And not killing them.

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That moment when you realize how late it is

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I almost started crying when I remembered that we have school tomorrow

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When you say lol in your head.

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Well I thought it was ironic. Obviously no one else did.

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Dannng, you looked hot on your run today

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Why were you wearing a sweatshirt?

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Dannng, you looked hot on your run today

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tbh I would never give up immortal life for a man

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Tumblr mobile: You are not following anyone

Me: Of course not. How silly of me. Why would I follow anyone.

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Someone: *coughs right after I do*

Me: Are you mocking me?

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Coach: pronounces 'arete' 'ay-ray-tay'

Me: *dies on the inside*

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Parents: the dishes need to be done before anyone gets dinner tonight

Me: I guess we won't be eating

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sometimes I think I'm funnier (more sarcastic) than people give me credit for. and then I realize it's probably just funny to me

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Coffee tastes like adulthood

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Staying up all night to write a paper