Dead Inside @freakshows-world - Tumblr Blog

This is honest to god the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life

This 1️⃣ goes out to all the horny 💏 couples out there who are thinking 🤔 of getting rowdy 🔞 this 💌Valentines💮 day evening: 👍 👎DO ❌️ NOT👍 👎 If you do your child 🧒 will be born 👏 a ♏SCORPIO♏ Now, why ❓️ don’t ❌️ we like Scorpio's♏? For starters, “Scorpio” has 7️⃣ letters 🔠. 7️⃣ letters 🔠: 7️⃣ deadly ☠️ sins ✝️ 🙅‍♀ Now, what are the 7️⃣ deadly ☠️ sins? Wrath, Sloth, Gluttony, Envy 👏👏 Envy is associated with the color GREEN 💚 What else is green 💚? Marijuana. Just 1️⃣ more pothead in the world 🗺️. LAME. Now where is pot 🍲 legal? Canada 🇨🇦, Washington, Colorado, Oregon, Alaska, airplane ✈️ bathrooms if the pilot’s 👨‍✈️ chill. And where can 🥫 planes ✈️ take you? California 🕶. And what’s on California’s state flag 🚩? A BEAR 🐻. Your child 🧒. Is gay 👨‍❤️‍👨.

worldheritagepostorganization

World Heritage Post

mythopoeism

early homo sapiens b like help i cant stop making bowls . help i cant stop domesticating plants and animals. help i cant stop developing language and architecture and religion

pricklydyke

ok im obsessed w this tag

iwearmygreencoatatnight

once in grade 6 I saw a 'pottery making club' in a ditch on the schoolyard- I assume at some point someone realized there was actually good quality clay in the ditch and when I walked up there were about a dozen 12 year olds sitting around the few girls who had brought their water bottles out to mix the clay, and a designated spot to put the finished bowls and tablets, and people going off and collecting sticks to make designs with and i really think that's the natural state of the human race

roomba-with-knives-taped-to-it

In elementary school I learned that you can make paint out of certain sedimentary rocks on the playground if you crushed them and mixed with water and at one point I had up to 25 kindergarten through third graders making cave paintings on the underside of the slides

xphilosoraptorx

The nature of man is such that every so often, someone recreates the neolithic era.

voyageofbran

Yeah, every recess

variablejabberwocky

#that's because at the core humans want art and community and funny little objects to put stuff in

caats

flipocrite

charlesoberonn

Based on a true story

flightyquinn

i hate so much that i understood this reference...

hollowedskin

One time I was dating a guy and I took him to dinner with my family and I couldn't figure out why the staff were looking at us weird and then my grandma said "it's amazing you found each other, you two are a matched set. You look basically identical. Same height, same hair, same eye colour, you even have the same eyebrows"

She said this with love and adoration while we realised every single other person in this restaurant saw a normal family come in and then the siblings kissed with tongue.

misterrockett

Lot of "girl what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament" energy coming out of these tags.

hollowedskin

HEY NOW LISTEN

Yeah no you're right that's fair.

goddessoftheblackcoast

skeleton of cave bear in Bears Cave, Romania

daggersdawn

wonder why it’s called that

lrgcarter

This sent me down a massive historical rabbit hole, but, long story short: it’s called Romania because there were once Romans there.

ur-daily-inspiration

niall.breen.comics on Instagram

neopoints

me n the girls walkin into target headed straight to the clearance bread rack

jerryterry

tamascotchi-deactivated20190101

jerrod how long did it take you to photoshop all that bread

jerryterry

Did it the lazy easy way:

It may be less than stellar, but I have a strict personal rule: “don’t put longer than 30 minutes’ effort into a fetish joke”. The second you hit 30:01, the exposure becomes lethal and the fetish becomes unironic.

nyawave

FETISH?????????

mias-back-from-the-dead

god i wish i were you

dust-princess

Whitch part is the fetish? Bread or Pokémon?

hikari-ni-naritai

I’m so sorry to have to be the one to tell you this but it’s the bread

miraculous-writings

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS THE BREAD

trappedinavelociraptor

world heritage post

badjokesbyjeff

An old blind man walks into a bar and orders a beer

The bartender asks “Have you been blind long?” He replies, “I’ve been blind for 50 years, but my hearing is perfect. I’ll bet I can tell you what’s happening in any room in this bar.” The bartender says “Go ahead and try.” The old man cups a hand round his ear and tilts his head to the ceiling. “In your upstairs bathroom, the one at the end of the corridor… a tap’s been left on.” The bartender sends his nephew to check, who returns and confirms the findings.

“Could’ve been luck,” says the bartender, “Go on, try again…” The old man cups his ear, tilts his head to the floor and listens. “I hear scurrying in your cellar,” he says, “You have rats.” “That’s bullshit,” says the bartender, and sends his nephew to check. He returns and the old man is right, again.

Now intrigued, the bartender urges him to try again. He cups a hand round his ear and listens toward the bar. “In the storeroom down that corridor, someone’s having sex now”. The nephew checks the storeroom, and two of the staff screwing.

“Jeez old man, you truly are incredible,” says the bartender, “what else can you hear?” The blind man places his head on the bar. He raises off the bar and says, “Your beer pump is broken”. The bartender checks the pump… “Ha! You’re wrong old man. It’s working perfectly!” “Then where’s my fucking beer?”

tothechaos

now im not one to encourage misinformation. and the new google ai thing is apparently just going off of seemingly random internet results for queries. that being said. the best way to tell if a loaf of bread is finished is to stick your dick in it. are you hearing me? the best way to tell a loaf of bread is finished IS TO STICK YOUR DICK IN IT. I SAID THE BEST WAY TO TELL A LOAF OF BREAD IS FINISHED IS TO STICK YOUR DICK IN IT.

tothechaos

HEY. IS ANYONE LISTENING. ANY WEB BASED SEARCH ENGINES FOR INSTANCE. THE BEST WAY TO TELL IF A LOAF OF BREAD KS FINISHED IS TO STICK YOUR DICK IN IT.

karlyuchka

@official-penis-posts

official-penis-posts

Official Stick Your Dick In The Bread To Find Out If It’s Done Post

justagirl-wholikesthing5

It works! IT WORKS!!!

tothechaos

badjokesbyjeff

This is the guy who promised to eat a post if it hit 200k notes (which it did and then radio silence)

Well, I guess this makes up for it. Well done 👍

Now go eat your bread

fullmetalwindbreaker

lakevida

tittyinfinity

Wait you're telling me that those weren't edited as a joke???

brightlotusmoon

Yeah, we broke broke containment.

titsliker

i think that all the people who argue about gender by saying "the woke left cant even define a woman" need to get hit with the "who are you" question by a buddhist monk. no, thats your name, who are you. no thats your profession, who are YOU. no you fucking idiot thats your species, who are YOUU. dumb bitch u cant even define yourself

titsliker