spooky action at a distance

[free-bunny]

[free-bunny]

Twin flame, I'm not ready to sever our soul tie

Relight the candles, can handle your fire

And I know I have my own light but it burns brighter

When you're around, you keep me grounded 

But you hold me down, and you let me down

If I could hold you close I'd choke out the words

I earned your love but I didn't deserve your curses

I'd tell you you're the best at bringing out my worst

I'd do it all over again with you until one of us burns

Twin flame, you burned me good this time

Hot enough to cauterize and set my heart on fire

I'm enraptured by your light and I can't fight it

But when you're holding me so closely I also know

You're dragging me down, and I move so slowly

And I'm thinking you should drown on your own

I'm not afraid of being alone, I don't know how to let go 

If I could hold you again I'd choke you out

Pay you back for dragging my heart around

I'd tell you it's over and I'm so over being let down

I won't kick you while you're down but I'm blowing this flame out

If I could hold you at an arms length I wouldn't 

I don't wanna touch you even if I could

Why do we keep reigniting it when we shouldn't?

This time, I'm cutting the cord for good.

Goodbye, twin flame, you burned me for the last time.

[free-bunny]

I want less of me in everyone's else's lives, and more of me in mine and it feels like a crime to deny the cries for help.

I know, it's a complex and I'm working on it in therapy, but bear with me, it feels like a disease.

To the fight in me I can't kill, the leader I hate being,

To the exhaustion of always believing in succeeding

To the lost sleep from working for others' dreams

And wishing on falling stars that my life was for me.

I don't want to be perceived as a source of peace

By another human being with endless needs to meet.

I'm already thin and rationing out the best parts of me.

I'm pouring more into the cups around me than I have ever received

And yet it feels like the sin of greed to give less and ask for more.

I'm here for you in every way I'm absent with myself

Because I can't live with myself knowing I didn't help,

So I'll keep abandoning my own path to hold your hand

But I'll be whispering 'fuck this shit man'

Get your shit together. I'm tired of being your back up plan.

I don't wanna be relied on, cried to, or confided in,

Always being everyone's biggest supporter and fan.

But here I am, showing up and out and doing my best,

Running myself out of breath so you can catch a rest.

I'm spending my life and love away on your needs

With moments in between where I live my life for me.

I can't let go, No matter how hard I try to escape

I'm being gripped back so tightly I can't fly away.

I can't think about how far and high I could go, if only.

Some days it's solely the momentum that keeps me going.

You say we're in the same boat, but I'm a one-man rescue op and you don't even try to float or row and I'm just towing people around instead of going my own way and at this point I don't know if it's my nature or my curse.

[free-bunny]

My cat killed a mother bird and it's chick

She did not eat a single bit.

In irony, I buried them where the cats nap,

Planted catnip, gathered flowers and snacks,

Sang every song about birds I could recall,

And laid out birdseed and water for all

that survived my cat.

Of course she was properly scolded,

And reminded that each life is golden,

But she's a cat. I doubt she'll listen.

[free-bunny]

promise I won't pick a single flower for you

But I'll grow your garden and tend it until it blooms

You said music helps plants grow

So I'll sing there, to them and to you,

And for myself so I can get strong too

I'll whisper my secrets for them to breathe

Water their roots and caress their petals and leaves

With my lips when I lean in to breathe their scent 

I'll plant a weeping willow, your sacred tree

And rock you gently under the eaves

I'll wrap you up in flowering wisteria vines

And plant begonias and lilies where your body lies

I know you're tired of always starting over

But our wounds heal with the love I've sown and time

And you see that you're a perennial and meant to die 

So you can spread and grow stronger and taller every time you return to life 🥀

[free-bunny]

Bunny is sad

Bunny is deeply sad

Bunny is deeply sad no matter how happy or mad

Bunny is angry

Bunny is angry at the world

Bunny is angry at the world as she falls in love with it

Bunny is sick

Bunny is sick and in pain

Bunny is sick and in pain even on her best days

Bunny has lost

Bunny has lost all control

Bunny has lost all control and grounds herself in chaos

Bunny is dead

Bunny is dead inside

Bunny is dead inside but you can't see it in her smile

Bunny falls

Bunny falls apart

Bunny falls apart at the seams and she's a shit seamstress

Bunny lives

Bunny lives on love

Bunny lives on love as if bonds are stitching her whole

Bunny kills

Bunny kills any hope

Bunny kills any hope of being whole and doesn't double knot

Bunny fucks

Bunny always fucks

Bunny always fucks up, off, and a lot and it's never enough

Bunny pretends

Bunny pretends she's fine

Bunny pretends she's fine and her whole heart isn't on the line 

[free-bunny]

*heavy plant metaphors and flowery speech bc I'm a psych/sociology major and this is assuredly my garden to dig my fingers deep into*

I believe that strong seeds can grow in harsh environments. I definitely became strong because my environment was poor. But every time I wilt in the harsher seasons of my life, my rebounding blossoming is more beautiful and wide. I've only seen a fraction of my beauty, and each struggle manifests new growth and a stronger tether to the world. I see so many around me that couldn't fathom how I experience life, can't see or feel the depths of what I do. Because their roots haven't dug deep enough to anchor and tap into that part of living, surviving, and thriving, and what it brings out of you and to you. Like thirsty roots that became strong enough to break through bedrock to reach an underground well.

I see people withering from not having things that don't truly sustain them, because they don't know or understand. They break and bend easily because they aren't hardened like I was. It's difficult for me to understand. I have so much now, but I could still survive and be happy without most of it.

In a lot of ways, I am grateful that I was, and remain, steadfast. If I'd had an easier upbringing, I might be weaker, with different convictions. I cherish who I am.

My son is also a strong seed, but I will always make sure he grows strong, resilient, and flourishing from love, warmth, support, and anything I can do to foster that growth. I am so rich and blessed to give this world to him, and give him to the world. Not a soldier like mama, but as the healer and lover I was meant to be

I have 7 sisters, and we all grew up in the same soil, fighting over resources. Some are barely surviving still. I wish they'd felt what I have. I keep talking my shit but it's not fertilizing them 😂

[free-bunny]

I don't want to write, create, or be or even breathe.

I want to fucking scream and break everything around me.

Love isn't free, it's an infection that carries your disease to me.

I don't want any of it. Fuck you and fuck me, too.

[free-bunny]

POV: you're dying at the gym and about to give up on your workout and the Raising Fighting Spirit (Naruto's battle song) comes on your playlist

[free-bunny]

Ugh, Monday. My coffee mug is entirely relevant.

I made it through 2 stop signs before I realized 💀

[free-bunny]

Firewater

I’m filled to the brim and spilling over

Drink me dry until you’re sober

Fuck me love me or need me

I’m hungry and need you to feed me

Come roll a spliff for me and

Drive your car off a cliff with me

I want to be in tune and connected

I need to be wanted and protected

Pick me and pull my strings

Tell me everything

Let’s sit here on the edge forever

Or jump off the ledge together

I don’t want to go alone, and I’m not

Ready for you to take me home

Can we just get stoned and roam?

[free-bunny]

I smudged my house tonight and it left me so drained of energy.

I slept immediately, and harder than I've slept in months with 60 hour work weeks as a single parent.

Don't tell me energy isn't real; our world runs on it. Don't pretend that you can understand the magic of science enough to discredit the reality of magic.

There's no other explanation for what I've experienced. "Mental illness" doesn't explain the Knowing Without Knowing.

[free-bunny]

I don't feel well.

I feel that I am in a well, and I climb as far as my strength will allow. I anchor myself to the wall as long as my strength will hold.

But I am not strong enough to make it to the top.

And then something happens, a hard rain that slicks my hand- and footholds, or my strength gives out, or wavers on precarious grips, and I fall back down the well again.

I am only strong enough to not let myself drown.

The longer I am stuck here, the more I will wain, until I can't even hold myself above water any longer.

I think I can climb higher each time I try, but all of the efforts drain me.

I think I made it halfway out last time, but before that I was almost free. The light almost touched me that time. I wish I'd had the strength to jump, but I fell instead.

I think my final escape attempt will get me as far as my first one, but I won't have the hope that fueled me.

I don't think I'll surface again after the fall.

[free-bunny]

You're a such a lovely friend for letting me in

For having me so fully until my writhing end

When I need a hand you always come through

And I'm never quite done with you

You're such a good friend, you always come again

I have so many delicious needs for you to tend

I'll invite you over again

You take such good care of your friends 

Fucking the sheets off my bed and tucking me in

Wasting away the time we spend trying to bend in

Healing positions lushiously alive with nervous  feelings, living out the Kama Sutra until we mend

Like you can't bear to tear your fingers from my skin

And I need them to sink in deep to keep me still

I'll thrash and scratch and scream until I'm filled

I trust you to see me through to the end

I'll invite you over and you can pick me up at 10

I know you're down to go again 😘

[free-bunny]

I know we shouldn't do this

I love being needed but hate being used

I have faded bruises to prove it

But the love makes the hurt worth it

I know I don't deserve this but I've been bearing

Curses, and at constant service since birth

What's another crack in my heart?

It's fragile and always falling apart

Both love and hate are works of art

(And look the same if you squint)

I blind myself by turning the lights down low

Occlude the depths with the highs to soften the blows 

And tell myself a lie because ignorance floats

I'll keep riding out the cliffs and working on my climb 

Even though I want to jump off sometimes

And call you over when I need to pretend that I can fly

(It feels the same if I close my eyes)

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

{Words by Anaïs Nin, from The Diary Of Anais Nin, Vol. 4 (1944-1947) / Cynthia Cruz from diagnosis,The glimmering room}

[free-bunny]

I really don't understand Tumblr or how any of this works 🙃

Do we have followers? I hate it here. I just show up every blue moon to post poetry.

Is that cool? How do I make friends?

If I ignore them, will they wither and die like in the Sims?