Wanderings of an Asteroid.

Right. So my blog is literally anything I want. This isn't one of the themed ones, but I do post a lot of Pratchett, Marvel, and anything I find funny. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy.

[ultrafacts]

Source: [x]

Click HERE for more facts!

[copperbadge]

My favorite part of this is that we get full resolution about whether or not the hammer was found. 

[janedrewfinally]

Gotta admit, very happy to hear about the hammer.

[youkai93]

The clover has finally grown enough for her to munch on again

[teethwreath]

absolute decadence

[metradell-vyorei-deactivated202]

Imagine a kindly giant of unknown species and origin just picking you up and carefully placing you in a pile of chicken nuggets

[that-twink-over-there]

Lost in the sauce

[aturinfortheworse]

this is my cursed jug i have that bleeds when you pour water in it. 

we’ve done this ten, twenty times now to no apparent change?

[medusamori]

haunted

[acquaintedwithrask]

I’m 100% certain this is glaze fuckery but the delivery of “it’s bleeding!  It’s possessed.” is absolutely the best thing

[immabethehero]

Bad paint?

[weepingredwillow]

That’s a Time Bomb/Biohazard!!!

The glaze on the inside and outside of the Jug has developed cracks which when the Water is added causes the darker red clay under the white glaze to absorb the water. This in turn makes the Jug “Sweat” or “Bleed”. But it also compromises the integrity of the Jug as the Clay inside is becoming soggy as it absorbs the water. It’s also a breeding ground for Bacteria and Mold as the Clay can’t properly dry inside the glaze.

So it’s either going to fall apart and shatter into a bizillion little pieces.

Or it’s going to become a rancid smelling object that would Poison anything that Drinks/Absorbs the water put inside it.

[nevercure]

So it’s cursed

But like

Scientifically cursed

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

[tkbeatsdr]

[penny-anna]

Legolas pretty quickly gets in the habit of venting about his travelling companions in Elvish, so long as Gandalf & Aragorn aren’t in earshot they’ll never know right?

Then about a week into their journey like

Legolas: *in Elvish, for approximately the 20th time* ugh fucking hobbits, so annoying

Frodo: *also in Elvish, deadpan* yeah we’re the worst

Legolas:

[penny-anna]

~*~earlier~*~

Legolas: ugh fucking hobbits

Merry: Frodo what’d he say

Frodo: I’m not sure he speaks a weird dialect but I think he’s insulting us. I should tell him I can understand Elvish

Merry: I mean you could do that but consider

Merry: you can only tell him ONCE

Frodo: Merry. You’re absolutely right. I’ll wait.

[penny-anna]

#legolas’ hick accent vs #frodo’s ‘i learned it out of a book’ accent #FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

Legolas: umm well your accent is horrible

Aragorn: *hollering from a distance* HIS ACCENT IS BETTER THAN YOURS LEGOLAS YOU SILVAN HICK

Frodo: :)

[storywonker]

Frodo: Hello. My name is Frodo. I am a Hobbit. How are you?

Legolas: y’alld’ve’ff’ve

Frodo, crying: please I can’t understand what you’r saying

[ramshacklefey]

Ok, but Frodo didn’t just learn out of a book. He learned like… Chaucerian Elvish. So actually:

Frodo: Good morrow to thee, frend. I hope we twain shalle bee moste excellente companions.

Legolas: Wots that mate? ‘Ere, you avin’ a giggle? Fookin’ ‘obbits, I sware.

Aragorn: *laughing too hard to walk*

[reformedkingsmanagent]

@ghostriderofthearagon

[cryptidscrypticcrosswordclub]

dYinGggGggg…

[whetstonefires]

i mean, honestly it’s amazing the Elves had as many languages and dialects as they did, considering Galadriel (for example) is over seven thousand years old.

english would probably have changed less since Chaucer’s time, if a lot of our cultural leaders from the thirteenth century were still alive and running things.

they’ve had like. seven generations since the sun happened, max. frodo’s books are old to him, but outside any very old poetry copied down exactly, the dialect represented in them isn’t likely to be older than the Second Age, wherein Aragorn’s foster-father Elrond started out as a very young adult and grew into himself, and Legolas’ father was born.

so like, three to six thousand years old, maybe, which is probably a drop in the bucket of Elvish history judging by all the ethnic differentiation that had time to develop before Ungoliant came along, even if we can’t really tell because there weren’t years to count, before the Trees were destroyed.

plus a lot of Bilbo’s materials were probably directly from Elrond, whose library dates largely from the Third Age, probably, because he didn’t establish Imladris until after the Last Alliance. and Elrond isn’t the type to intentionally help Bilbo learn the wrong dialect and sound sillier than can be helped, even if everyone was humoring him more than a little.

so Frodo might sound hilariously formal for conversational use (though considering how most Elves use Westron he’s probably safe there) and kind of old-fashioned, but he’s not in any danger of being incomprehensible, because elves live on such a ridiculous timescale.

[whetstonefires]

to over-analyse this awesome and hilarious post even more, legolas’ grandfather was from linguistically stubborn Doriath and their family is actually from a somewhat different, higher-status ethnic background than their subjects.

so depending on how much of a role Thranduil took in his upbringing (and Oropher in his), Legolas may have some weird stilted old-fashioned speaking tics in his Sindarin that reflect a more purely Doriathrin dialect rather than the Doriathrin-influenced Western Sindarin that became the most widely spoken Sindarin long before he was born, or he might have a School Voice from having been taught how to Speak Proper and then lapse into really obscure colloquial Avari dialect when he’s being casual. or both!

considering legolas’ moderately complicated political position, i expect he can code-switch.

…it’s also fairly likely considering the linguistic politics involved that Legolas is reasonably articulate in Sindarin, though with some level of accent, but knows approximately zero Quenya outside of loanwords into Sindarin, and even those he mostly didn’t learn as a kid.

which would be extra hilarious when he and gimli fetch up in Valinor in his little homemade skiff, if the first elves he meets have never been to Middle Earth and they’re just standing there on the beach reduced to miming about what is the short beard person, and who are you, and why.

this is elvish dialects and tolkien, okay. there’s a lot of canon material! he actually initially developed the history of middle-earth specifically to ground the linguistic development of the various Elvish languages!

[bowditch]

Legolas: Alas, verily would I have dispatched thine enemy posthaste, but y’all’d’ve pitched a feckin’ fit.

Aragorn: *eyelid twitching*

[linguisticparadox]

Frodo: *frantically scribbling* Hang on which language are you even speaking right now

Pippin, confused: Is he not speaking Elvish?

Frodo, sarcastically: I dunno, are you speaking Hobbit?

Boromir, who has been lowkey pissed-off at the Hobbits’ weird dialect this whole time: That’s what it sounds like to me.

Merry, who actually knows some shit about Hobbit background: We are actually speaking multiple variants of the Shire dialect of Westron, you ignorant fuck.

Sam, a mere working-class country boy: Honestly y'all could be talkin Dwarvish half the time for all I know.

[sainamoonshine]

Pippin, entering Gondor and speaking to the castle steward: hey yo my man

Boromir, from beyond the grave: j e s u s

[esser-z]

Tolkien would be SO PROUD of this post

[sunny-dayze]

@words-writ-in-starlight

[wodneswynn-deactivated-deactiva]

If I remember correctly, in the “tree of tongues” material from The Lost Road, Tolkien goes into some detail about how the reason elves have so many dialects is that elves view language as a form of collaborative art, which they delight in, so a newly-coined word or grammatical construct gets spread around just like a new song would.

Elves may be immortal, but they’re also immortal nerd OCs and we must never forget this

[kittyknowsthings]

Thank you for this addition which is both lovely and educational

[kyraneko]

So what you’re saying is, they’re us. They’re the internet. Sending “yeet” and “smol” and “I lik the bred” all over creation until two elves who’ve never met in their lives and be like “beans, amirite?” and “yeah I love kitter feets too.”

[ekjohnston]

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

[prismatic-bell]

Somewhere in the Grey Havens, Tolkien is reading this post.

He is simultaneously laughing with delight, and utterly PISSED that he can’t reblog with a whole nerdy essay to build on what you’ve all said.

[na-yserin]

@deadcatwithaflamethrower you have probably seen this but it made my morning :D and I hope you enjoy it!

[deadcatwithaflamethrower]

Laughed so hard I was sitting here wheezing when I hit Boromir being embarrassed from the grave.

[kyraneko]

Tolkein maybe can’t reblog with the essay but he can damn sure write it, and it and several additions to it based further down the forthcoming reblog chains and half a dozen entirely new Middle-Earth stories and a couple alternate histories will all be waiting for us when we catch up with him, and then you’ll be able to respond to that desired reblog to your heart’s content.

[hamelin-born]

@elenothar

[jrcbouillabaisse]

[mage-pie]

i never thought i’d write the words “deeply evil carpet” but. seriously. what a deeply evil carpet that is.

[of-the-yellow-ajah]

And what you should do is to put this over an actual trap, like a hole in the floor so people will be like “Oh ha ha ha that’s soooo funny, it’s a rug!” And then fall through it. 

[pawprins]

are you satan

[thewitchdoctor]

[uranian97]

1) they expensive bruh 2) none of us kno the dif btwn a fucking diamond and some fancy ass glass ur capitalist rock hierarchy has no control over us

[a-chicago-sunflower]

3) mostly mined with slave labor

[everkings]

4) we get excited when our date buys us an appetizer, we don’t even comprehend people buying us rocks that would force us into debt for ten years

[wildhaunt]

5) They aren’t actually that rare and the price is artificially inflated. 

[ariaste]

Pro tip from a former Jared’s salesperson: You want a sparkly white rock that will look like a diamond to the untrained eye and will literally cost the price of a nice dinner for two? Created white sapphire. They’re lab grown and cost *pennies* to make, so you can get a 1 or 2 carat white sapphire for like… $30-80 probably. You can get one as huge as you like, perfectly clear, perfectly flawless. And no one will ever be able to tell the difference except a professional appraiser. Also, sapphires are the second-hardest gemstone (right after diamonds) so they are very durable! Very unlikely that they’ll chip or crack. Get that bitch set in sterling silver and you are GOOD TO GO. Whole thing should cost you less than $200 unless you get a fancy band with a lot of extra stones. Of course, created sapphires come in every color of the rainbow, so if you want something more exciting than plain white, you TOTALLY CAN. 

Created sapphires and silver: The poor Millennial’s engagement ring. 

[everythingcanadian-archive]

THANK YOU EX-JARED’S BASED GOD. 

[dxisybuchanan]

engagement rings: HACKED

[styna]

Get a ring from an antique store. They’re usually less than $100, you know they hold up over time, no one else will have one like it, and it comes with the bonus of being haunted by the spirit of some old woman named Edith probably.

[phruxx]

thanks edith

[northern-spies]

Antique jewelers are wonderful. Give them an idea and they’ll find what you’re looking for, at a lower price than a new ring, and with the eco-friendly benefit of not encouraging new mining. And yes they can be resized/have a new shank added if you’re fat like me and want a cute antique ring.

[whitepeopletwitter]

[iamonlyperson]

This is so funny hahahah

[weaver-z]

If you ever, and I mean EVER think that you fucked something up royally, remember that the organizers of the 1904 Olympic marathon:

- Had zero stations for water on the 26 mile (42 km) course

- Accidentally gave North American competitor Tom Hicks a cocktail made of egg whites, brandy, and actual fucking rat poison

- Had a guy come into the race late wearing a beret and cutoff slacks, sneak into an apple orchard during the race because no food had been given to him for 40 hours, eat rotten apples, projectile vomit onto the track, fall asleep for hours, and finish in fourth place OVERALL because most of the other runners collapsed of exhaustion or injuries

- Conducted the race on a dusty road, which caused so much dust to be kicked into the air that an American runner somehow inhaled enough to tear his STOMACH LINING open

- Accidentally released feral dogs onto the track

- Fucked the other competitors up SO BADLY that Tom Hicks—the guy who ate RAT POISON and was HALLUCINATING the entire run—came in first place

[postmarxed]

[dinuguan]

[im-not-a-skelmersdale-monster]

Absolute shenanigans

[daco-broman]

this is the best video on this whole website

[tastefullyoffensive]

My kind of party. (via _cooper)

[dutchster]

Wait! there’s more!

this is the best thing ever

[buckythepotato]

"He's also scared and sad for himself because, I suppose, he doesn't know how to be, he doesn't know how to act, without Ben the great leveler on his shoulder."

- Robert Sheehan regarding Klaus without Ben (x)

[corvidkiid]

I’m sorry but Klaus and Ben at the end of umbrella academy were just

[thesevenumbrellas]

Gays meeting for brunch

[tasteslikepriondisease-deactiva]

https://www.reddit.com/r/somnivexillology/

[burialvillageminimart-deactivat]

[homeplanets]

[silver-leaf-girl]

a variety of strange flags seen in dreams …

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

I have never believed that dreams are doors to alternate dimensions but I am reconsidering my stance

[iavenjqasdf-deactivated20240911]

[nyctosaurid]

barnyard the original party animals is the uncontested lord of bad implications in childrens movies

[nyctosaurid]

ok so like “the secret life of x” movies tend to not strongly explore the actual reasons why, exactly, their life has to be secret… they don’t really focus on it within the narrative. They do usually have some small justification for why animals or video games or toys or whatever have never just revealed themselves:

There’s no stated reason. They just pretend to not be alive. We usually can suspend our suspension of disbelief here because when it’s something like a video game or an emoji because any odd occurrences is perceived as a glitch or something similar but the actual reason why they aren’t too hung up on this kinda shitty lot in life isn’t said

They get something out of their current relationship with humans (like in toy story)

They have some specific reason to hide that they’re alive, like they die if they’re seen (like in the christmas toy)

They perceive themselves as sentient, talking creatures, but humans can’t understand them. They just see a squeaking mouse or an inanimate hot dog or whatever. 

and the last one is what most animal movies do, and it’s like, not devoid of weird implications but you can see where it mostly works.

but barnyard is the outlier here: it goes with tier one: the animals can talk and walk on two legs but just pretend that they can’t for unstated reasons. 

in the history of the barnyard world non human animals, at some point, decided to just pretend to be unable to speak. a “cow” or a “coyote” or a “hen” do not exist as we know it in the barnyard universe. the baa of the sheep is false; the ewe doesn’t understand it either. they only made up that noise to hide the fact that they speak human languages. a dog barking and running on all fours is a facade. animals naturally walk on their hind legs and made up whole postures just to appear non sentient.

and for what? what do they gain from this? they have no rights and no voice by their own choice. at one point a donkey claims the farmer is a good person because he’s vegan and a pig mentions bacon - this is not a fantasy universe devoid of death and misery and meat. do animals, in hushed whispers, remind their children not to sob in their real voice as they’re taken away? do the dogs not beg for kindness when they’re tied up and hit? do cows and chickens not cry for their life in the slaughterhouses? does a rat not scream a human scream when the trap misses their neck and only breaks their spine? Why? what is the point? They loose so much and have everything to gain.

anyways does everyone remember this really awful cat. it only appears in one scene but i can just sense the porn of it that would pop up if i googled it’s name

[inkthecryptid]

This post is like being tied to a chair as a a joker-style villain monologues and presses a gun closer and closer to my head as he reaches the climax of his rehearsed piece on the flaws of society and when he finally pulls the trigger it’s a little flag that says “bang!”

[patroclusdefencesquad]

me

[nudityandnerdery]

“How bad is it, doc? Give it to me straight.” “I… I’m afraid I can’t do that.”