Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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@fuckyeahtagamemnon
is he…you know [makes motion of sucking a dick] greek?
is he … you know [makes motion of bribing and murdering people for power in an oligarchic and timocratic war state] roman?
so is Macedonian doing both at the same time but less well?
@afriendtokilltime @randomshoes
macedonians are royalist goat fuckers
Yo, hey lads there's a new mod in town
a medium sized announcement
so, thanks to some changes in my life i’m not on tumblr as much i used to be
i mean if you follow me on my main you know i still am, but nowhere near as much as i used to be
now, don’t get me wrong, i still love the tumblr classics community and this is absolutely a case of “it’s not you, it’s me” but when this posts it’ll be the last post in my queue
i really like this blog and i don’t want it to die, but thanks to said changes in my life i don’t think i can run it anymore
therefore if anyone would like to run it, please send me an ask. i will pass on everything in terms of running to you, and i’m not gonna ask anything other than that you keep it going regularly and are a nice good human
i’ll announce the new admin within a week of this posting, and if i don’t get any responses, i’ll let you know and mark this blog as officially inactive
don’t worry, i won’t delete it, we had a good time here and i don’t like deleting old blogs! but if i can’t find someone else to take it over, and i don’t have the time to anymore, it’s difficult to keep it going
peace out
late republican romans as quotes from my immortal
clodius pulcher: Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?
cicero: Yeah but everyone is in love with me!
mark antony: He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.
julius caesar: A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
pompey magnus: Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?
cato the younger: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!
brutus: “YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!” yelled Rumbridge. “YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS!
catullus: Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. “EbonyIloveyouwiluhavesexwithme.”
clodia metelli: Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.
I arrive in ancient Pompeii
Dick: out
Second, smaller dick: out
Third, rear-facing dick: out
I am not forcibly removed from anywhere because I am an important good luck and protection dick
*pompeii is forcibly removed from the face of the earth*
important latin words
apoculo: literally, “ass oneself away,” with the sense of “sod off”
scultimidonus: a person who freely bestows their asshole to others
depugis: having extremely thin buttocks, to the point of having no buttocks at all
lustrum: either a sacrifice offered for the sake of purification or a den of debauchery
oppedo: to fart at something, with the sense of to mock something
yeah my body is a temple
to dionysus
#wine women and bedroom hymns#bomb ass orgies and lots of bread#it’s the good life yall
famous greeks at house parties
(since my other one suddenly got HELLA POPULAR, what the shit)
solon and lycurgus: the two people that had organised the party, brought all the beer, and then promptly left to get high in the basement before anyone could say if they were there or not
socrates: drunkenly getting in people’s faces to ask them questions and not letting them in the bathroom unless they talk to him
alcibiades: Trying to drag socrates into the bathroom to suck his dick
plato: came with socrates and alcibiades. considering leaving them and joining in the fight.
thucydides and herodotus: fighting. it started as a debate, then a shoving match, is now escalating into full-blown wrestling. thucydides keeps screaming that herodotus a Liar.
leonidas: did too many shots in a competition. is passed out with 3 other friends that were involved.
themistocles: stealing people’s drinks, including one person’s bottle of wine and finishing them. doing a little too well for himself.
pericles: holed up in the kitchen, defensive about the remainder of the beers.
alexander: possibly having the most fun, has taken control of the playlist, the drinking games and the best chair in the house. hephaestion is on his lap and they’re sharing homemade, very alcoholic drinks, while getting ready to also take over some of the house parties going on down the road to try and make a huge street party.
some classics-themed valentine’s day cards for y’all as per the tradition
a lot of people have been comparing trump to caligula and i have to say that as a classicist i approve, not just because of parallels in their government but also because of trump’s tiny hands. you see, caligula was called that after the tiny caligae, or soldier’s boots, that he wore when he lived in his father’s military camp as a boy.
so, i’m not saying that we should definitely piss trump off by calling him something like “smittens” after the very small mittens he’d have to wear on his very small hands, but. y’know. just a thought.
greek gods as carrie fisher tweets
zeus: Here's a saying I came up with recently,"Fuck me Twice & cover me in applesauce"
hera: I’m not only doing my best—I’m doing a bunch of yours as well.
dionysus: I'm not trying to make sense yet. Im saving that for later. So for those of you who lack the patience to wait for my sense, use yours.Cheers
apollo: See?i don't know how to write someone privately.....Help me obi Juan whoever the fuck you are....
You're my only ho
artemis: Pure lust is an oxymoron
aphrodite: Sex=weird, no?14hrs after you had ur face pressed in2 sum 1's genitals, ur both walking down the street as tho that was fine, thanx, howR u?
ares: Actually it was a note I found in a diary of my 15 yr old self & I thought chain coking was a pretty good way of referring to drinking colas
athena: My earliest addiction was reading. Tho books--however mind altering- don't quite qualify as a drug. If they did, you'd have to go to ReADhab
hestia: I take back like half of the exclamation points.....they make me look....eager to please. Which I AM....but I don't want anyone to KNOW that
hades: G'night Fuck-o's
poseidon: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?? 🐡FISH
hermes: The only exercise I get lately is running off at the mouth & jumping to conclusions.....
demeter: This is me with the man who won best garden at Chelsea flower show. This is me auditioning to be one of his flowers
persephone: --somewhere I'll forever be 24...& Enslaved& PISSED!
Socrates: *makes fun of his friends*
Socrates: *too busy philosophizing to pay attention to his boyfriend or to his wife*
Socrates: *claims to know nothing*
Socrates: *also claims an oracle said he was the wisest guy around*
Socrates: *describes self as a gadfly stinging the people of Athens*
Socrates: *basically trolls all of the people, all of the time.*
Socrates: You know, I've actually literally had people try to bite me before. I have no idea why.
aristophanes: yeh i love all the great tragedians, aischylos, sophokles and… *looks at smudged writing on hand* europeans
if you ever feel like you’re too ugly to get a date, just remember that socrates was considered ugly by most of his contemporaries, apparently didn’t bathe often, and generally had few redeeming qualities as a person, and yet he still had alcibiades (athens’ darling boy whom plutarch describes as being beautiful no matter how old he got) trying to get on his dick. you may think you’re ugly but there are people out there who are attracted to you and love you for who you are
i have a lot of mixed feelings about expurgation in ancient art (that is, the act of removing objectionable- usually erotic- material). like, it’s a terrible thing to attempt to edit out something from another culture just because we don’t like it and that sort of attitude is extremely problematic, but at the same time few things are funnier to me than the thought of some historian sweating nervously as he’s trying to edit a vase where a stayr is balancing a wine cup on his erection, hands shaking and eyes squeezed shut as he silently prays that he doesn’t accidentally touch that painted peen
