these are getting weird

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@fullmetal-de
these are getting weird
nothing but respect for my trans cow best friends
happy pride to my trans cow best friends
furthest we've ever been
I think about Matti every day
ne aber was is denn bitte freistoßsahne and why does it sound so sexual? you've heard of bareback cumshot, now i present to you freistoßsahne.
Look whom I found at pride today
Hello!
Howdy!
I’d like, uh, two normal rolls.
Sure thing!
And one with the… With the pumpkin seeds.
Which do you mean?
The one with the… With the seeds.
What are they called?
Uhm… A, uh, “crunchy pumpky.”
Sure thing. Would you like anything else?
Uhh… I’ll also take a, uh… A… A Nutella donut…?
Unfortunately, I don’t know at all what you mean…
A… One of those right there!
You really must tell me, what’s it called??
I… I’m… I’m a dumb piece of shit.
Sure thing! Anything else?
That one there?
You know what you need to do. [Here she switches from the formal, customer service voice to addressing him casually and familiarly.]
I… I’m a little greedy pig, oink oink?
Do it!
[grunts like a pig]
That comes to €13.50, please! Have a beautiful day!
Hello! I’d like an “I hate my father” and two “I have a small willi—” [The word that gets cut off is Pimmel, an un-sexy term for penis.]
people who are gay: yeah i’m gay
people who are straight: yeah i’m straight
people who are aroace: have you seen project hail mary
This is not meant to sound hostile or vague anyone but this is bothering me. "Inshallah" means "if God wills it". If your intention is to say you hope the hips don't lie but whether the hips lie or not is up to God, then you say "Inshallah the hips don't lie" but if you're trying to say "wow, the hips don't lie" or something similar, which I think is what the op was getting at, then you say "Mashallah the hips don't lie" which means "God has willed it, the hips don't lie"
This meme lives rent free in my head
I Love germans "Da ist hopfen und malz verloren" like man we cant even make beer out of that guy
Ummm she's literally sensitive :/
Role swap au where Zuko was the Avatar who got frozen for a hundred years, so when he’s rescued from the ice instead of a goofy twelve year old Katara catches this mysterious teenager with long hair and a cool scar and a fucking DRAGON
Katara: BOY???? HOT BOY?????? HOT TEENAGE BOY?????????
Zuko: *speaks*
Katara: nevermind I hate him
How does Aang factor into this? I ask because the more I think about it the more I want him to somehow be trying to capture the Avatar.
Aang is 112 years old, decided he was going to be Zuko’s airbending teacher, and refuses to take no for an answer
Aang: Aw, the new Avatar doesn’t want me. Aang: *gets out a weighted net* Time for Plan B then.
JDJSHJABDBFJSH
Look, you know how you keep a net from falling on you? YOU AIRBEND IT, SUCKA. Air comes right after fire in the cycle so it’s not like the guy has any other options. Do you want a flaming net falling on you? No? Then learn to airbend. Or this tiny old man will cart you away like a trussed turkey and lecture you about the power of laughter, going with the flow, opening your chakras, and other hippie shit.
Sokka, slouching against a fence, not moving: Oh nooooooo, that creepy old man stole the Avataaaaaaaaaar. Sokka, sitting down on the ground: We should dooooo something. Sokka, pulling out his lunch: Otherwise he might actually learn something. That would be teeeerrible. Katara, indignant rage coursing through her body: Sokka!!!!!!!! We have to go look for him!!!! Sokka: Might! Actually! Learn! Something! Katara! Katara: *wavers* Katara, also sitting down: We have to go look for him…. *gets out her own sandwich* But, maybe after lunch.
I love that this transforms Aang’s role in the full Team Avatar familial situation from the baby of the family to the Grandpa with weird hobbies
The best part is Aang wouldn’t even teach him airbending in the beginning. First it’d be brewing the perfect cup of teach and blowing on it in juuuust the right way that it cools down ”But not too cold, or you’ll ruin it!”
Brushing Appa of course. Zuko would be pretty decent at that, but would come back to Aang absolutely covered in slobber and bison hair. “Awww! He likes you! <3″
Then it’d be calming meditation and slowing Zuko’s breathing (”But I am calm!”), tracking an elusive and nigh legendary animal so they can ride it, teaching patience by baking the perfect cake ”You just slapped the frosting on! It looks awful! *airbends it into the horizon* “Again!”
When Zuko finally gets it right, he almost smiles at Aang saying: “Excellent work, my student.” Then to Zuko’s consternation and horror Aang flings it at the head of the Fire Nation Governor during a political function. “And now we run!”
Pranks would be absolutely the thing that would bluescreen Zuko. Here’s an airbending master, over a century old, witnessed the genocide of his people, and he’s juggling, doing dances and tricks with Momo for the village kids, and plaguing the local aristocrats and military officers with flying cakes and whoopie cushions.
“How am I supposed to beat the Firelord with whoopie cushions?!”
And then, perfectly serious for the first time since Zuko had met him: “You don’t. The Avatar is about restoring balance. This training isn’t so you can fight the Firelord - it’s so you can stop a war.”
It takes a long time for Zuko to understand this. But the weird thing is: the townsfolk actually like Aang. Sure the aristocrats and crooked merchants and the officers don’t, but even the common Fire Nation infantry hide their chuckles with a cough when they see their commander’s fancy armor get covered in honey and feathers by “Crazy Aang,” again.
And Zuko realizes, at that moment, that he’s been having fun.
So, waking early, with no prompting from Aang, Zuko feeds Momo, brushes Appa, washes off the slobber, brews Aang his morning tea -perfectly cooled- and then proceeds to make a new, beautiful cake with no explanation.
“That looks wonderful, my student. Your best yet! Who were you planning to-”
Then Zuko smashes it in Aang’s face.
It’s the first time since coming out of the ice that Avatar Zuko laughs.
Zuko meets Bumi and oh Agni no there’s two of them
Toph still has to come into the team to teach him earthbending cuz she’s not missing ANOTHER life changing field-trip (feels-trip) with Zuko
But Aang and Bumi have been hanging out on and off over the century (and the White Lotus is Noticeably Different For It) so obviously the kids ask why
Aang’s still teaching the avatar; why won’t Bumi?
And Bumi stares them all dead in the eye, points at Aang, and says in a total deadpan “because if I have to sleep next to this asshole for more than a week I’ll kill you all myself”
And then cartwheels away laughing