Last night, Twitter blew up with news that Ben Affleck had been cast as Batman. For weeks rumors were flying around as to who would don the mask. They want an older Batman. Josh Brolin’s name was bandied about. They offered Christian Bale 60 million to reprise the role. I certainly believe that one.
The Christopher Nolan Batman films are considered, in most circles, to be gold standard in terms of what a serious semi-realistic take on the Batman comics should look like. Some, however, like HitFix’s Kristopher Tapley, began to feel suffocated by Nolan’s take, accusing the filmmaker of holding the character hostage. I couldn’t disagree more (I’m more aligned with Paul Thomas Anderson’s take on Nolan’s trilogy), but I digress.
We've been a little behind the 8 ball here at Fully Op with life and stuff but we are going to make it up to you starting with today. Not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5 but 6!! No, actually, just 5 trailers! Let's dive in.
Carrie:
J. Goodman: I never saw the original Carrie. Just never felt like I needed to see it. But I understand it's a crime caper with aliens. Like aliens are trying to steal famous works of art or gold or something. Also, I love The Shirelles. If I have one problem with the trailer it's that it shows the entire movie. Way to spoil it for young teeny boppers who have never heard of Sissy Spacek.
I didn't know De Palma did the original. Maybe I'll go check it out.
Rush:
Dre: This looks like Sylvestor Stallone's Formula-1 racing film, Driven, which is bad. Only it looks a lot better, which is good. Chris Hemsworth looks similar to Kip Pardue in Driven, which is bad. But it's directed by Ron Howard instead of Stallone, which is good (although Howard is coming off one giant turkey in The Dilemma, which most people seem to agree was very, very bad).
If I was a betting man - and I am - I'd bet on Rush being the movie Driven wishes it could have been. The rivalry here reminds me of the one depicted in the fantastic racing documentary, Senna. Lines like, "The closer you are to death the more alive you feel" worry me a little in a film that looks like it has high aspirations, and some of the shots look shockingly over-stylized, which is not really Howard's MO (this looks more like a Michael Bay film at times than an Academy Award winner), but I'm still cautiously optimistic.
J. Goodman: Um, I agree with you. This has awful written all over it. Nothing's worse than a bad British accent then a bad British accent in a Driven/Days of Thunder/Talladega Nights ripoff. Btw, when can we agree that Olivia Wilde just can't act? Are we good now?
Dre: Chris Hemsworth is not American. Not sure I agree with you on Wilde. Loved her in Tron.
J. Goodman: I know, he's Australian. I never said, he was American. I win, you lose!
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire:
Dre: I'm a little surprised by what they didn't show as opposed to what they did. I wonder if they intend to keep the last act completely under wraps (although it is hinted at towards the end of the trailer). I find the conversation between Hoffman and Sutherland's character that opens the trailer interesting because I don't remember that or that direction being taken in the book so obviously (although it's been a while). And I don't mean that as a negative. I think if they are able to somehow exploit that angle it could make this film even more intriguing. My perception from the book was that she was always regarded as a saintly character by the populace but again, I might be off on that.
The more epic scope of the story is definitely on display in a way it wasn't (nor should have been) in the first film. I'm a fan of Gary Ross's film. I think it's a very solid piece of science fiction with just the right amount of grounded sensibility this awfully strange post-apocalyptic world needed. I'm also a fan of this film's director, Francis Lawrence, who for my money has made one underrated entertainment (Constantine rules, get over it) and a blockbuster that was a lot better than it had any business being (I Am Legend), despite it's flat ending (Incidentally, the original ending Lawrence shot for the film, deemed too low-key and poignant for mainstream audiences, was pretty great).
J. Goodman: First, you said a couple ridiculous things. One, that Constantine was good - it wasn't. Two, that I Am Legend was good - ditto. Next, you're gonna tell me that The Day After Tomorrow was good. Or End of Days.
Now, I read the first Hunger Games book and saw the first movie. I had issues with the first book. You and I agreed, Katniss is never really challenged. Spoilers: Oh, you can both win. No, wait, now you need to kill each other. Wait, you don't want to kill each other? Okay, fine, you both win. The plot was so self-serving at the end that it cheapened the experience, turning the story into a by the numbers exercise. It was fine for what it was: YA Sci-fi. At least it was better than Stephenie Meyer's trash series.
I never read the rest of the trilogy, but I heard that they got better. Let's hope so. All I have to go on with this movie is it's trailer (although, I know enough of the plot just from talking to people about the books that I picked up on the last act you refer to, which I actually thought was the whole basis for the book), so maybe they really relegate that storyline and build up the front-end to create that epic-ness. I only wish that movies could attempt to be epic without the requisite heavy-handed dialogue. You know, where every sentence is full of import and heft and meaning. I prefer my stories with real emotion and not platitudes.
Dre: Like I said, Constantine is underrated. And I Am Legend has one of Will Smith's best performances and I'm including Wild, Wild West in that equation. Constantine and Legend are both movies cynics have been trained to discount because a million movies like them suck, but there is a little more craftsmanship going on in those flicks than people give them credit.
And yes, the Hunger Games books get better.
J. Goodman: Next, you're gonna say After Earth looks good.
The Purge:
Dre: "The Strangers called, it wants it's universe back" - J. Goodman (as imagined by me)
I agree. This is definitely a remake of The Strangers, only less scary, if only because it doesn't feature that creepy Joanna Newsom song
Still, the idea of an America where everyone is allowed to commit crimes for once a year and somehow resulting in less crime and unemployment is interesting. I'm not sure this is the best film to explore those ideas but I will see this because I'm a sucker for just-okay Ethan Hawke movies.
J. Goodman: This is the dumbest thing I've ever seen. I'd like to thank Ethan Hawke for not caring about his career. Panic Room called, it wants Kristen Stewart to go back in time and not audition for the movie so maybe this movie never gets made years later (as imagined by J. Goodman).
Dre: Touche.
Only God Forgives:
Dre: Writer-director Nicholas Winding Refn and actor Ryan Gosling, reunite after their collaboration on Drive for what looks like another violent, stylish piece of cinema. This one takes place in Shanghai and the criminal underworld mixed in with some ultimate fighting. Sold!
J. Goodman: I like Drive. I like Ry-Go (just (ry) go with it). I don't even know what to say. It's like Kill Bill meets Lost in Translation meets Old Boy meets Bloodsport. Like Dre said, sold!
Let's skip the formalities and dive in [Ed. note: we usually do].
2 Guns:
J. Goodman: Wow, you're easily won over. I'll admit, I like me some Denzel and Marky Mark, but this looks like a mess, unsure of itself, straddling comedy and action and ultimately missing the marks on both. Tango & Cash called, it wants its remake to be better than this. Not to mention a half-blown Under Siege moment. When you go Under Siege moment you have to commit and go all the way.
White House Down:
Dre: The obvious response to this is, wow, I didn't realize they fast-tracked an Olympus Has Fallen sequel. But we don't do lame cheap jokes here at Fully Operational, we reference lame cheap jokes that we won't make in an effort to have our cake and eat it.
The trailer stars out pretty strong because - despite some bad, unfinished effects work - the film appears to have a more impressive scale. The trailer does a good job at the start building things slowly. Immediately, I thought, huh, maybe this will be the good White-House-under-attack movie. One with just a tad more finesse. The Lincoln quote even hinted at something more subversive, which I wasn't expecting. Maybe this movie doesn't play nice. Hmm... Then I saw the following words:
FROM ROLAND EMMERICH
... and that's when I knew, this movie will suck. Look, everyone needs to wake up and smell the roses. Independence Day sucks. It's just awful. It's the New Year's Eve or Valentine's Day of sci-fi films. It may have been cute to like it or even excusable years ago. But that's ancient history. Time to grow up, become real men and women of the world, look within and admit to yourself... that Independence Day is awful. Godzilla is awful. 2012 was laughably bad, a true embarrassment for every actor who cashed in on that puppy.
Roland Emmerich sucks.
The only truly good movie Emmerich made (Stargate is more of a guilty pleasure) was The Patriot. Which is also kind of only good in a bad way. But The Patriot at least feels like a real movie, not a masturbation session filled with giant-canvas CGI.
I say all of this because White House Down actually looks decent - the bigger, badder brother to Olympus Has Fallen. In fact, whoever cut this trailer together deserves a freaking Academy Award for almost making a sucker out of me. Only I'm not falling for it, not until the early reviews kick in at least. Not with THAT guy's name attached as director. No, sir.
J. Goodman: 2012 is a guilty pleasure. And you have to love the Olympus Has Fallen plot replica and Black Hawk Down title replica. These are "we don't give an f" power moves on Emmerich's part. And as you said, the trailer almost convinces you there's something substantial here. Something behind the special effects. I believed when Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith destroyed the aliens and saved Earth. I believed when Bill Pullman said, we would not go quietly into the night, we will fight. I believed when Randy Quaid screamed from the top of his lungs and with all of his being, Hello, boys, I'mmmmm Baaaaaaack! I believe in Harvey Dent Roland Emmerich. Bring it on.
I've been holding back this MMQB for months. It was the fifth one I wrote and I thought it was soooooo good that I held it back. I wanted it for myself. As if I was going to develop it further and make something of it. Here we are months later and nothing has been developed further. At this point, I give it to you...the peeeeeeple.
No one, gets that reference, right?
[Ed. note: not at all]
Some of my quarter-baked creations are barely passable. I recognize that and it's fine because there's beauty in the breakdown. Hence the definition, quarter-baked. But some, even in their gestational stage, have real potential. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but this next one is so good it would be an insult to include with lesser quarter-bakers. I should probably not even throw it out into the world like some tossed tennis ball, but nurture it like a delicate houseplant and tend to it lovingly until it bears fruit [Ed. note: Thanks, Mr. Simile!] I should jump up, rush over to my bookshelf, rifle through its contents, rip out a notebook, open it, lay it across my lap, grab a pen and write ACT ONE, EXT. NIGHT.
That, however, seems quite time consuming. Instead, and for our mutual benefit and enjoyment, I present: Tattoo (No, it's not a documentary about the guy who played 'Tattoo' on Fantasy Island and I'm pretty sure none of you under 30 have any idea what Fantasy Island is - so let's forget I said anything about that. It wouldn't interest you anyway).
Tattoo is the title. Let's begin with the intro credits. Think about Marvel's animated intro, scenes from pages and pages of its comics flipping inside the familiar Marvel logo letters. Nostalgia creeps in. Suspense. Excitement. This is going to be a wild ride replete with action and heroism. Now, think about the word tattoo and what that conjures up in your imagination. What images are called forth. Each letter being inked. Or a design slowly morphing into letters. Something that looks cool, gothic, dark, dangerous, nefarious.
Let's give our protagonist a name. Adam? Nah, too Bible-y. And definitely not one of those J.C. symbolism-bludgeoning-you-over-the-head types. No John Carter's here, we want this film to actually make money (Sorry, Dre). Oh, I have a good one: Keith. I always enjoyed the name Keith ever since Voltron. Keith was the Commander and leader of the Voltron Force and pilot of the Black Lion; the coolest lion. It's settled.
Okay, so, Keith - he's a tattoo artist. He's a cool guy. We first meet him in his shop inking a girl's buttocks. She's getting a butterfly. She's attractive and nervous, her first tattoo. Her tatted up, knuckle-head boyfriend stands to the side and makes snide remarks, but Keith is cool and collected, disarming, he helps her ignore her jerk boyfriend - she's in good hands. We watch him dexterously maneuver the needle, it's almost as if the butterfly is coming to life on her buttocks (too much?) [Ed. note: Yes]. The camera pans around the shop, we see little trinkets, posters, clues to who he is, a picture of him on a park bench with his arm around a beautiful smiling woman, a cute little girl sits in between them. The camera closes in on Keith as he works. Tattoos speckle his arms: an arrow down his forearm, barb wire on his bicep, a Disney character on his other forearm (maybe Dopey, maybe Eeyore - we can figure that out later). Another tattoo creeping up his neck peaks out from under the collar of his crisp white t-shirt, but is difficult to make out.
He handles some chit chat. The couple leaves. He closes up shop, walks over to the corner grocery store and buys some flowers. He turns the corner and walks over to his car. A thug comes up behind him and slams him into the car. The thug pulls a knife. Some dialogue is exchanged. Keith ends up fighting back, grabbing the knife and stabbing the thug in the throat, sending blood everywhere. He runs back to his store, opens it back up and calls the cops.
The cops come, Keith is not in trouble, it was self-defense, but they inform him that he killed a connected guy. The guy was strung out on some kind of drugs. It hits the news later (a la A History of Violence). Little does Keith now, he killed the wrong guy.
Keith comes home. His wife is nervous, he's late, she sees the dried blood all over him and rushes over to make sure he's okay, rubbing his face and arms with her hands. Seeing he's okay, she relaxes. He hands her the bouquet of bloodied flowers, she laughs and pulls him in to kiss him. He tells her what happened, then he goes upstairs to their bathroom and looks in the mirror. What has he gotten into. It's just starting to set in. He killed someone. His muscles are still tense, he takes some deep breaths and takes off his bloodstained t-shirt. We finally see the tattoo that adorns his back: a full-blown, fire-breathing dragon. He takes off his pants and turns the shower on. The ladies in the audience get a quick butt shot. We see some more tattoos on his legs. In the shower, the blood becomes saturated with water and washes away.
After toweling off, he puts on some pants and peeks in on his daughter who's fast asleep. He walks into her room and kneels by her bedside. He whispers a prayer, leans in, kisses her on her forehead and leaves. He walks into his bedroom, his head down. An automatic, 'Hey, honey..." escapes his lips, but he's not sure what he's going to say next. There's no response. He looks up and a man has a knife to his wife's throat. Before he can even react, the man slits her throat. "This is for Johnny." (Johnny?... why not?). Keith lunges for his wife who crumbles to the ground, blood seeping out with each heartbeat. He tries to hold the wound tight. He cries out her name.
The assailant kicks him in the face, knocking him over. Then he kicks him in the head again, knocking him out. He gets on top of Keith and cuts his throat with the same knife - not enough to kill him, but deep enough to leave a neck-wide scar. "Something to remember me by."
When Keith comes to he instinctively reaches for his throat and feels the thick, semi-clotted blood. He slowly remembers what happens and turns for his wife. She's dead and turning cold beside him. Choking back tears he rolls over and covers her body. Then he remembers, his daughter. He struggles to get up, stumbles into the door frame, which nearly causes him to fall down, but he rushes into his daughter's bedroom. She's dead. He's screaming at the top of his lungs, inconsolable, lying on the floor in the fetal position.
Cops come. Neighbors called. Keith is numb. Cops pick him up, stand him against a wall, they're talking to him, but it's not getting through. But one cop is different. Something about his eyes. He comes over slowly, he stares into Keith's glazed-over eyes, and whispers something in his ear. For the first time, Keith registers. He understands. He was given a choice. He says, "Yes."
The cop grins and touches Keith on his forehead and leaves. The rest of the cops leave. Everyone's gone. Keith is alone.
Okay, not sure what happens next, but the name of the game is revenge. Keith plots to find out who is behind the murders. He has to delve deeper into the criminal element and the shit gets rough. But he's not alone. And this is where this movie has been going since I told you the title. He has been given powers. His tattoos come alive. Literally, jumping off his body. This is similar to The Crow, but here Keith isn't some Kung-fu immortal who can only be harmed through his crow. Instead, Keith's tattoos are like his army. The tattoos are the ones that kick ass for him. However, if they are harmed he feels their pain. But they are bad ass. Especially the Disney cartoons. Although, now, in retrospect, the whole wife/kid murder thing might make it hard to get Disney's sign-off. If we can't get Disney, we just go with some cartoon-y tattoos.
We do the whole superhero getting to know his powers thing, etc.
In the end, he gets all the way to the kingpin, but his tattoos aren't enough and he has to emergency tattoo himself a knife tattoo (like the knife they used on him...it comes full circle) in order to kill the kingpin and gain his revenge. Maybe when it's over he tattoos an image of his wife and daughter, so they are with him, too. That sounds like a nice bow to tie on at the end.
Basically, we just created a brand-new super hero. Trilogy, at least.
The best part is the sequel is already lined up: Tat2. And the third movie, Tat3 (we'll work on that).
Sometimes you're just in the zone.
P.S. It came to my attention a few days ago as i was pitching this idea to a friend that apparently a character like this existed in Elektra starring Jennifer Garner. Since Elektra was awful, I think the idea gets a free pass. I'm not perturbed in the slightest.
DAMN YOU, ELEKTRA!!!!!!!
Of course, the guy's name was Tattoo. Gimme a break!
I had few options to help explore my obsession. For better or worse, I wasn't reading movie reviews in the New York Times quite yet. There was no internet. There were no movie forums, fan pages or comment sections on articles. Being a movie fan was a more passive experience than it is today.
One of the few shows on TV that talked exclusively about movies in an in-depth way was At the Movies. It lacked the tabloid nature other shows like Entertainment Tonight would devolve into, although I watched that show all time anyway (I took what I could get). It was just two funny looking older nerds talking about movies they liked or disliked, often with passion, humor and even anger. Many times, all at once.
Every so often they'd talk about some boring foreign movie like Babette's Feast or something and being nine-years-old, I zoned out and picked my nose for 3 minutes or something. But when they came back from commercial and were ready to eviscerate Raw Deal or Cobra, I was at full attention.
But I'd be lying if I said that TV show was Roger Ebert's most profound impact on my life. That was merely the introduction. The biggest impact came some years later when the internet was first coming into fruition. My dad had a package with CompuServe and Roger Ebert was one of the early pioneers to take advantage of the new medium. He started posting his reviews and other pieces online and interacted with users.
(When I was in high school I once wrote him asking why he gave The Shawshank Redemption 3 1/2 stars instead of 4 [I was a pretty passionate fan of the film when it came out] and he responded [he responded to me!!!] that it "took too long to end". This made me angry, of course, because I never wanted the movie to end. He made amends years later when he reevaluated the film and slotted it under his all-time "Great Movies" list).
On CompuServe I read scores of his reviews and fell in love with his writing, his humor, his thoughtfulness and his complete lack of snobbery. Every film was not held against The Godfather or 2001: A Space Odyssey. They were judged on their own terms and what they brought to the table. His negative reviews were entertaining, but it was his raves I loved most. In those raves, I found new things to appreciate in a film. Suddenly, I realized - quite profoundly - that there was someone else out there who loved movies as much as I did, maybe even more. And this person had a perspective I was lacking. This revelation was important.
See, one of the articles he posted online was his "Top Ten Greatest Films of All Time" list. It's kind of hard to imagine, but this was one of the first Top Ten lists I'd ever seen outside of the occasional end-of-the-year lists. Ebert was such an authority figure to me, this might as well have been "God's Top Ten Movies of All Time: Heed or Burn in Hell".
The list kind of shocked me. Where the hell was Die Hard? Or Beverly Hills Cop? And what the hell is this Citizen Kane? Where else would I have even heard of Citizen Kane? Not Cinescape magazine. Not Entertainment Weekly. Not Entertainment Tonight. Those outlets were all about the here and now. On Ebert's list I found films like Floating Weeds, Notorious and, of course, Casablanca - one of the few films I'd known about prior but only in the vaguest sense.
Ebert meant a lot to me because he introduced me to cinematic history and it's rich tapestry of amazing films. I started with Citizen Kane, but I couldn't finish the first 15 minutes. I had no idea what the hell was going on. Why am I watching a news reel for the first ten minutes? This is supposed to be a great movie? What's with the arty-farty shots? I moved on to Casablanca and fell in love with it immediately. I watched it over and over on VHS. Then I rented all the Humphrey Bogart films I could find. Key Largo. To Have and Have Not. The Maltese Falcon. The Big Sleep. The African Queen. The Caine Mutiny. Then I moved onto Ingrid Bergman, then Cary Grant, then Jimmy Stewart. Meanwhile, I started to find other modern voices through his reviews for Reservoir Dogs, Shallow Grave, JFK and Sex, Lies and Videotape.
Even when I didn't like a movie, I'd go back and read his reviews to see what I might have missed. Sometimes Ebert was off his rocker. Sometimes I missed a lot (I eventually got back to Citizen Kane a couple of years later when I was able to appreciate it more and, no doubt, it is phenomenal).
This was another lesson, I learned: Keep an open mind. He helped me to really consider the film I was watching; to try to judge what's there and not what isn't; to ask myself why the choices were made and to then judge those choices in their own context; to ask myself if something is entertaining but morally hypocritical. I learned that sometimes a film comes to you (Star Wars) and sometimes you have to come to it (2001: A Space Odyssey) and that both experiences can be magical. Ebert didn't just share my love of movies, he helped teach me how to love them even more.
Last weekend I saw Olympus Has Fallen. I didn't plan to see Olympus Has Fallen. I wasn't anticipating its release. What happened was it was Saturday. Someone said, Olympus Has Fallen came out yesterday, are you going to see it? I thought, no. But then I thought, why not. Could be fun. It seemed like an Under Siege movie. I liked Under Siege. What's not to like about Under Siege?
Turns out it's not (completely) Under Siege. Or Die Hard. It's more Cliffhanger. And what I mean by that is, and I'm not spoiling anything since it's in the trailer, it's about redemption more than it's about wrong place/wrong time. Let me explain.
In Under Siege, Casey Ryback (Steven Seagal) is a Navy Seal who's ending his career as a cook because that's the only official title he can hold. The ship he's on is attacked by a military terrorist and as luck would have it, he's the only guy able to save the day. He's the right guy who just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Which is why Under Siege is a Die Hard ripoff. John McClain (Bruce Willis) was the right guy (sort-of) at the wrong place/wrong time. The only difference was McClain was an everyman and Ryback is a decorated war hero with a certain set of skills. McClain is all about toughness, tenacity, street smarts, guts. Ryback is a Navy Seal, the best of the best. Similar vein, different make-up, same storyline.
Now enter Cliffhanger. Cliffhanger is basically Die Hard, but the motivation is completely different. Sure, you have elements of wrong place/wrong time, but the real impetus is redemption. If you haven't seen Cliffhanger then this will be a SPOILER: In the first 5 minutes of the movies, when Stallone drops Michael Rooker's girlfriend and she plummets thousands of feet to her brains-on-rocks death, he's grief stricken. He withdraws. He gives up rock climbing. The pain is too much to carry. None of these feelings are explored in Die Hard or Under Siege. But when terrorists get stranded on the mountain and Stallone is pressed back into action, yes, it's wrong place/wrong time, but now he has a chance to make amends and redeem himself.
That's what we have here in Olympus Has Fallen. Mike Banning (Gerard Butler) is blamed (and blames himself) for the death of the First Lady in a bad weather car crash (not to mention the deaths of a couple Secret Service agents that no once seems to care about). He gets kicked off of the President's detail and is now working across the street at the Treasury Department where he gets to look out the window, see the White House and wish things had turned out differently.
When the White House is attacked by North Korean terrorists, he springs back into action. A chance to make amends. A chance to kill the bad guys. A chance to use his certain set of skills.
It's completely over the top. You can cut the patriotism with a wooden spoon. The dialogue is bad and it lacks any real suspense. But it's easy to watch and you won't be plagued by any logical conundrums.
Welcome to Cliffhanger in a White House Under Siege.
Movie Trailer Tuesday: World War Z, Epic, Angels' Share
New trailers, new trailer reviews. That's right, it's Tuesday.
World War Z:
I still think the CGI hoard of zombies looks ridiculous. But now we get to see more of the story. And maybe, just maybe, care about what happens to the people in the movie and not just geek out on what would it look like if tens of thousands of zombies climbed over each other to storm a wall. I'm still interested.
Dre: I'm not saying it's going to be really good or anything, but it looks like a fun popcorn flick that won't make me angry, bitter or hateful (see: any Transformer sequel). Also, I want to see zombies get sucked out of an airplane. Sign me up.
Epic:
J. Goodman: Talk about Honey I Shrunk the Ferngully Avatar. I saw the movie poster for this the other day and my first thought was, they made a sequel to Brave? What's with the animated one word inspirational movie titles with female leads? What's next, Courage? Undaunted? Awesome? I'm already bored. Plus, this movie looks awful. When Pitbull, Steven Tyler and Beyonce are doing voiceover work you're in trouble.
Dre: I'm not sure I could ever follow up "Honey I Shrunk the Ferngully Avatar". I have nothing more to add to this conversation. You said it all. I'm just going to shut up. Because there's nothing else to say. So that's it. No more from me on this topic. No, sir. I can't compete with that. It was too perfect. So I will stop typing. Any moment now. Any moment. Any... moment... now...
J.Goodman: I have a feeling people will be talking about that line for eons.
Angel's Share:
J. Goodman: Here we have a feel good story about whiskey and thievery. It doesn't look like Waking Ned Devine to me, but if it's better than Bottle Shock that would be good. Does that make sense to anyone other than me?
Dre: My parents love Bottle Shock. It's ok. Chris Pine should never wear his hair long again [Ed. note: agreed].
The voiceover guy on this trailer is bad [Ed. note: super agreed]. Sounds like a 90s children's movie trailer. But this is one of those good audience-friendly movies no one wants to see but once they do end up trying to convince their friends who don't want to see it either to see it. I like Waking Ned Devine. I couldn't convince anyone to see it though.
Before it was used as a way to warn Oscar recipients that they have been talking for too long, John Williams' Jaws score was an intergal part of Steven Spielberg's watershed blockbuster (see what I did there?). I can't think of Jaws and not think of Williams' music. Has ever a director had a greater extension of his vision than Spielberg did with Williams' music? Maybe Hitchcock and Bernard Hermann and Tim Burton and Danny Elfman but the list is short.
I had fun turning this iconic image into an almost snazzy advertisement with a Rat Pack vibe. If I removed the "Jaws" text and inserted something like Camel cigarettes I think it would have worked.
*Film Distilled is a weekly series of freeze frames from some classic films (as well as some television) with editorial flourishes by Dre Rivas.
Movie Trailer Tuesday: Hangover 3, Iron Man 3, After Earth
This was going to be an all trilogy MTT, but then After Earth reared its ugly (2nd version trailer) head and we couldn't find another trilogy coming out so we just went with it. Thanks, After Earth.
The Hangover Part 3:
Dre: Hangover 2 was awful. It was the Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen of Hangover movies. Which might make this one the Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon of the Hangover movies, which means some people will really like it and think it's the best of the series while I shake my head wondering what happened to the human race. There is no way this will be as bad the second film, just as there was no way Transformers 3 was as awful as Revenge of the Fallen. But it won't be as good as the first. You know it. I know it. The American people will ignore it.
J. Goodman: This is the type of cross-genre movie analogy that only Fully Operational can deliver. Do you think Ebert or Rick Reed or A.O. Scott are making that connection? Those fellows don't have the synaptic aptitude (nor the intestinal fortitude) to conjure up The Transformers. My boy's wicked smaaaaaaart.
Thus endeth the lesson.
Iron Man 3:
J. Goodman: Some people like Shane Black. Most people have no idea who Shane Black is. I love Shane Black. He is the star of Predator (maybe not the star, but he was in the thing), the screenwriter of Lethal Weapon (atattoolikePopeyenononotatattoolikePopeye [Ed. note: Wow.]) and The Last Boyscout, the writer/director of Robert Downey Jr. resurrection piece and underrated Val Kilmer performance/film-in-general Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.
My good pal Dre turned me on to The Last Boyscout back in the late 90s. I always thought it was some garbage action film, which it is, but it's the best garbage action film out there. The dialogue is pure Black. Funny, dark and knowing.
When I heard Black was getting behind the camera to finish off Favreau's fine work, I was excited. How excited? I'm officially in full-blown I don't want to see any trailers because I want to be completely surprised mode. I did sneak a peak at this one and I'll be there opening night. I doubt Tony Stark is gonna dance a jig, but let's hope he's not too old for this shit.
Dre: I like the two earlier Iron Man films equally. I think the first film is as overpraised as the second one is underrated. Few films get the superhero genre as right as the middle acts of Iron Man. Many have screwed the pooch the way it does in its generic by-the-numbers last act. The second film is, in its own way, more intriguing, digging deeper than the first film in many ways. Whereas the first film starts solid, gets supremely awesome and ends on a wimper, the second film is moderately solid (and nothing more) throughout. None of the highs, none of the supreme lows.
I may be spoiling myself here, setting myself up for disappointment, but I think Iron Man 3 will be the best of the lot. Downey Jr. and Black will, I'm sure, get along swimmingly. Downey has recognized it is Black's film, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, that ultimately got him the role of Tony Stark. And it should be fun to see Downey deliver Black's awesomely fun repartee.
And from the very first teaser of this film, they make it clear, shits about to get real. Stark is going to be challenged in a way he never has before and Ben Kingsley looks like he might make for a terrific foil. Very hopeful.
After Earth:
J. Goodman: Poor M. Night. He's no longer getting name recognition in trailers and for Jaden Smith's sake, let's hope that helps. Unfortunately, he's still the director. His last DOA piece was 2010's The Last Airbender, a 6% rated film on Rotten Tomatoes. No where to go but up, right? The first trailer didn't excite me. This second one is showing more of the relationship between Will and Jaden and more of Earth. Basically, it's Avatar meets Predators meets Journey to the Center of the Earth. Count me out.
Dre: Don't count me out (yet). I'm intrigued. Shymalan used to be very strong on character, even when he was putting out questionable efforts like Lady in the Water. I'm not sure that movie works, but the characters are fun and Paul Giamatti delivers a great performance. If he can get the actors and characters right, that obviously will go a long way and there is a hint that the relationship between Jaden and Will plays heavily into this thing. That's a good thing - if Shymalan sticks the landing. Again, I'm hopeful, if less optimistic.
I like movies. I like movie trivia, movie games, movie quotes and, especially, movie games about movie trivia and quotes. There are a couple games that I play with friends (they are great at parties and road trips!). The first one we simply call the Movie Game. It's a modification on your standard 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon style game. For example, take a group of people (at least 2), one of them begins with either an actor/actress or a movie. For example, Kevin Costner (you have to start with someone/something that people know. The next person names a movie starring Kevin Costner, i.e., Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. The next person names someone else who starred in Robin Hood, i.e., Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. The next person names a movie starring her, i.e., Scarface, and so on and so on. You keep playing until you stump someone. Pretty easy game and loads of fun.
If you feel that you've mastered that version or are simply over-matched, here's a variation we've been known to play and might be easier for some folks because you don't need to know the names of obscure actors. In this version, you take an actor/actress, e.g, Nicole Kidman, and you go around naming as many of her movies as you know. The first person might say, Days of Thunder, the next person could say, The Others, and on and on until people are stumped and fall out. Last person standing wins.
Those are my two go-to movie games with friends. But sometimes you want to mix things up and try something new. Here's one I just quarter-baked:
It's simple. And it involves quotes. Someone starts by naming a movie, and each person needs to recite a quote from the movie. If you don't know one, you're out. After you go around once, you move to the next person who names another movie. So if I start off with Die Hard, then you could say, Lady, does it sound like I'm ordering a pizza? The next person could say, Why don't you smell what you shoveling. And the next person could say, Hans, Bubby, I'm your white knight. When all's said and done, you go to the next movie, e.g, The Planet of the Apes. But after, Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape, and You maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!, everyone else is stumped. They lost.
When it's down to the last two, the battle of wits has begun. Can you name a movie that your opponent can't quote, but you can (you have to be able to quote the movie in order to win)?
How well can you quote?
Test yourself.
Challenge your friends.
P.s. I introduced Dre to this game over the weekend and we had a metric ton of fun playing it - his words, not mine. But we developed a wrinkle to really up the fun factor.
Every few rounds we upped the number of quotes you needed to know per movie. So after you do the one quote thing, you jump to two, after a few more successful rounds, you go up to three quotes, and on and on. Like reverse-limbo, how high can you go?
To the victor goes the spoils. Years ago that may have meant something. In the linguistic present, who wants spoils? There's nothing worse than decaying matter. If that's what goes to the victor than call me Victoria.
A few weeks ago, the Oscars were awarded. Dre and I made some interesting predictions. Some were spot on. Others were spot off. Let's see who was more on.
I'd like to note that we picked winners in crazy random order, so just go with it:
Best Visual Effects:
Dre and I both picked Life of PI and Life of Pi won. In other words, we know visual effects.
Best Live Action Short:
I picked Buzkashi Boys and Dre was about to, but some lame friend of his told him about Curfew. Guess who won? Yeah, Curfew. This won't be the first time he gets lucky, folks (aka cheats).
Best Sound Editing:
Okay, I convinced Dre to pick Zero Dark Thirty, which I thought lost, but for some strange reason Skyfall and ZDT are announced as winners on the Oscars own website. Who really won? I don't remember or care. Let's call it a correct pick and move on.
Best Sound Mixing:
Here's one where we differed. I chose Skyfall and Dre chose Les Miserables. And the winner was Les Mis. I guess that's what passes for good sound mixing these days.
Best Screenplay (Adapted):
Dre bested me again when he made some ridiculous statement about how if Argo doesn't win this category, but still wins Best Picture yadda yadda yadda. I stopped reading.
Not that I'm counting [Ed. note: isn't that the whole point of this?] but Dre is winning 5-2. Ouchie.
Best Screenplay (Original):
It's like Dre went back into our original post and changed his answers. No one thought Quentin would win, right? Django was fine, but it wasn't nearly as good as Inglourious Basterds and all of the controversy about race and language was sure to be an insurmountable obstacle, right? Wrong. Dre: 6. Me: 2.
Best Cinematography:
We both got it wrong. In my book that's a win for me.
Best Costume Design:
Another double loss. On the bright side, Dre thought Anna Karenina should win. Even when we're wrong we're almost right.
Best Documentary Feature:
Dre goes back to picking what I pick and we nailed it. Searching for Sugar Man in a no-brainer.
Best Documentary Short:
I have no idea from whose ass Dre pulled out Inocente, but in my book he's guilty [Ed. note: jeez].
Best Film Editing:
Argo. We both called it. I can't gain any ground here. 9-4 is the current tally.
Best Foreign Language Film:
Again we nailed it. That's just what we do.
Best Makeup/Hairstyling:
Les Mis. Called it. Both of us. Kinda easy, actually.
Best Production Design:
C'mon! Not only does Dre overuse the term 'doggie treats' in our prediction post, but it worked out for him. This award screams Les Mis, so of course it goes to Lincoln. What sets did they have? A couple of rooms?
Best Animated Short:
I don't want to talk about it. Dre: 13. Me: 6.
Best Animated Feature:
Silver Lining, we both got it wrong. Brave out of nowhere. I think the voters just saw Pixar and voted for it. They can't be bothered to actually watch feature length animation. Wreck-it Ralph got wrobbed.
Best Original Score:
John Williams. You're a failure. Just give up. Not you, John. Me.
Dre, I hate you.
Best Song:
Skyfall, easy.
Best Supporting Actor:
Christoph Waltz nabs his 2nd Oscar with his 2nd Quentin role. Will they go for 3 - probs.
Best Supporting Actress:
Anne Hathaway was a lock. So was me putting her acceptance speech on mute. A human being can only take so much.
Best Actor:
Daniel Day-Lewis proves that Tom Hanks can suck it. Nice one, Dre. I wanted to spread the love around. The Academy prefers to keep the love unspread.
Best Actress:
Let's play a game. It's called did Dre get it right and I get it wrong? The answer is: please god let this end.
Dre: 18
Me: 8
Best Director:
Thank the lord! I called Ang Lee and Dre didn't. How you like 'dem apples! Finally!
I'm still miles away from double digits.
Best Picture:
Might as well end with a Dre win and a Goodman loss.
Final: Dre - 19. Me - 9
The moral of the story (other than the fact that I shouldn't have bet next month's rent on picking Oscar winners) is this: the Academy has no imagination. Its awards are a blatant popularity contest with close to zero artistic credentials - like we didn't know this going in.
I can't wait to try again next year.
This rounds to you Dre, spend your winnings wisely.
Dre: You mean the nothing we wagered.
J. Goodman: Yep, some men just want to watch the world burn.
Movie Trailer Tuesday: Stories We Tell, Oblivion, Frances Ha
Let's get to it.
Stories We Tell:
I think Polley is interesting. She was pretty good in movies like Go and Dawn of the Dead. And she's turned into a pretty darn good director. She also starred in one of the worst movies I've seen in the last 5 years - Splice - an inept attempt at ironical horror.
I've read great things about this film. I may not make it to the theater to see it, but it's definitely a rental.
J. Goodman: I kinda went with Splice for a second. But then again, I liked Species. Which is basically Splice without an 'l'. I'm too tired to get 'excited' about this movie based on this trailer. But I feel I owe you some wisecrack about Sarah Polley (why? I don't know), so how about this: when I see her name I think of pulleys [Ed. note: Jeezus].
Is it just me or does Sarah Polley's sister (cousin? random relative?) look like Katie Aselton?
Frances Ha:
Dre: I didn't plan this but right off the bat our first two trailers begin with people telling stories. I thought about going back and editing the intro to say this week was all about storytelling but I'm too lazy [Ed. note: yep].
Greta Gerwig (who co-writes and stars here) teamed up with Noah Baumbach once already in Greenberg, a movie I was certain I was going to hate but actually ended up liking a great deal (fair warning, most people hate it). This looks like another great observant comedy from Baumbach who has a knack for capturing our imperfections and making unlikely heroes of all of us. Gerwig once again looks like she's poised for greatness here. This is one of my more anticipated films this spring.
J. Goodman: I guess if you shoot a film in black and white now I have to take it seriously. It's shameless manipulation of the lamest kind and I'm not falling for it. I do like that David Bowie song though. I'm too tired to get 'excited' about this trailer and its smug send-up of real life.
Dre: I don't think this film is looking to be taken too seriously. I think you're projecting (I took high school psychology).
J. Goodman: When? Last week?
Oblivion:
Dre: I really hope this one works. I think Joseph Kosinski knows how tell a story and do so with real visual flare. Aesthetically, I love what they went for here. It's got a very clean, simple quality to the technology (looks like the Portal games), not unlike Kosinski's last effort, Tron: Legacy (which, very thin script aside, I found entertaining). I'm a tad worried about the script. I hope there's something more they aren't revealing here. I'm hopeful and cautiously optimistic.
J. Goodman: Shouldn't we have reviewed Olympus Has Fallen? I guess we dropped that ball. God, that Southern accent is killing me. I'm pretty sure that however many years into the future this movie pretends to reside in, the Southern accent will have gone the way of the dodo. I'm too tired.
Dre: I'm glad we got you to participate. Your world-weary, too-old-for-this-shit-views juxtaposed nicely against my more youthful optimism. The magic is back.
Dre is a rare talent and his Film Distilled series has pushed the boundaries for partially edited movie screenshots featuring movie quotes.
So, in honor of Dre's epically awful Stargate Film Distilled, we're putting it to a vote.
Which is your favorite bad Film Distilled? (Don't worry, we'll vote for his best next - we want him to keep doing them, after all)
Where and how do I vote?
That's easy - head over to our Facebook wall and vote there (and while you're at it, like us on Facebook because we're old and think that still matters).
I know what you're thinking. This is the greatest Film Distilled we have ever done. And if you are thinking that, you can only be one of two people: Goodman or my brother Jake.
If you are neither, you are thinking this is the worst photoshop job you've ever seen in your entire life. Neither group is wrong. This is awful. I think that it's purposely awful goes without saying. But I need to protect myself nonetheless. Enjoy Stargate fans! Life is Mani-wei! Indulge yourself!
*Film Distilled is a weekly series of freeze frames from some classic films (as well as some television) with editorial flourishes by Dre Rivas.
I have a dream. That films will one day be as easy to search and discover as music. It's a simple man's dream. Like peace on earth, cold fusion and the ability to grow gills when Waterworld occurs.
If my dream came true, here's what it would look like:
FILMDORA
Have you ever heard of Pandora, the online music service that allows you to discover and listen to songs that share similar music characteristics? It's a great way to find 'new' music that's similar to music you already like. It's a pretty good service.
Where's Pandora for films? Sure, you can stream films on Netflix or Amazon and those services will make suggestions based on the movies you like and watch, i.e., if you liked this, check this out. But what are those recommendations based on? What's the formula? Now, I don't know. I'm no elite hacker who can break into their system and tease out the algorithm. So I'm just going to raise an unsupported assumption and parade it around as fact.
What those services do is they take a movie that you like and recommend movies that other people like who also like the movie that you like. Less confusingly, if I like Shawshank Redemption, they might tell me that I'll enjoy The Usual Suspects because a lot of people who like Shawshank also like The Usual Suspects. Well, both of those are great movies - where's the real depth in analysis?
For every song, Pandora applies its categorization. It's called the music genome project. Pandora employees find the DNA of every song based on dozens of variables and the program uses those results to match songs to one another. If I listen to a music channel of Nirvana, I'm going to listen to other bands that are musically similar like Pearl Jam and Soundgarden and after a while I might come across some unknown band that released a song last year that's stylistically comparable to what Nirvana was doing in the 90s.
FILMDORA will do just that, too. We'll have the movie genome project and break down every film along a spectrum. If you like Shawshank then we will recommend other prison/escape films like Escape from Alcatraz and The Green Mile and (maybe even) Face/Off, but we'll also recommend introspective dramas about hope and determination like Castaway and Contact. Any many more.
And maybe Netflix and Amazon do this to some extent, but they don't have the following feature that will make FILMDORA unbeatable: we do the same thing with movie quotes.
Consider this, a movie quote database that is inextricably linked. If you type in a quote like the Joker's 'Wait til they get a load of me' from Tim Burton's Batman, FILMDORA will spit out similar quotes from other movies like:
I'm the party pooper. (Kindergarten Cop)
This is SPARTA! (300)
We will be cruel to the Germans, and through our cruelty they will know who we are. And they will find the evidence of our cruelty in the disemboweled, dismembered, and disfigured bodies of their brothers we leave behind us. And the German won't not be able to help themselves but to imagine the cruelty their brothers endured at our hands, and our boot heels, and the edge of our knives. And the German will be sickened by us, and the German will talk about us, and the German will fear us. And when the German closes their eyes at night and they're tortured by their subconscious for the evil they have done, it will be with thoughts of us they are tortured with. Sound good? (Inglourious Basterds)
FILMDORA probably just blew your mind. Suck it, IMDB.
