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@futuristicallyangrytimemachine
no longer friends with someone i called my best friend. someone that i thought i’d spend the rest of my days experiencing life with. now we arent even on speaking terms. no closure. nothing. months later and dare i say it still feels worse than a break up.
just know that while it hurts so much right now, it will pass
all emotions are temporary; you will meet new people, there will be new books for you to read, there will be more shows to watch, comics to spend your webtoon coins on, recipes to try, restaurants and movies and people and cats. the weight of what happened may never leave your chest. but it does become lighter
Nostalgia is a cruel thing.
It makes one to go back to the very times they desperately were trying to get out of.
Losing a friendship is one of the weirdest feeling ever i know too much about you and you know too much about me, you probably regret all the nice things you said and the plans we had made for a future together
you have to put everything away, act like your worlds didn’t revolve around each other at some point and now it’s just a big ass box under my bed
Obviously it’s normal for friends to outgrow each other but it feels weird
journaling isn’t enough. i’m writing letters to the motherfuckers who plague my mind and burn them
RSD Diaries: an ode to the ghost of a friend
i think there's something especially tricky about ending a friendship when the other person still cares for you but doesn't treat you right. it's easier to cut ties when you know they hate you or always wanted to put you down, but when you know they still care? and that they're just a really shitty friend? then *you* have to be the adult and the one who walks away.
you have to keep reminding yourself that going back to them won't suddenly make everything that went wrong right. and if you walked away because of something they did—the final straw—you being the one to take the first step to rekindling the friendship is still putting all of the work on *your* shoulders, even though this should have never been your responsibility to begin with.
a friendship that fades away is so painful. I miss you and I love you, but we don't know each other anymore. you view my story and I view yours, and that has to be enough. when did you give that nickname to your dog? I think you would love my cat. I don't think of you often but when I do it's all consuming. you don't follow that band anymore.. or that actor. there's a tv show that I still haven't watched because it aches of you. do you remember how we met? how different we are now. you look so in love and so happy, a long way from spending lunches alone on the phone with me because you had no one else. did you know how much I loved you? did you love me too? I wish I knew how to talk to you. you're not waiting in the past for me, but I hope you still think of me from time to time. what does your tattoo say? do you still work at that place? it hurts to think you've moved on without me. I'm so proud that you're living your life. how were we supposed to know that that would be the last time we'd talk. I love you I love you I love you. please miss me too. please don't hold a space in your heart for me
the angry speech i never got to say to you
You know what’s funny? I was never allowed to be angry. Not outside of my head, at least; the only place I could truly be free from you- except I wasn’t. You live there too. You live in the poems I read on stage, you live in boxes of our favorite candy, you live in the echoes of my mother’s voice, and most of all you live in my mirror. The one I look at because of you. The one that you shattered and never replaced.
I told you I believed you were a good person. I wasn’t lying, at least not intentionally. I saw needles of good in your haystack of bad.
I stayed as long as I did for a few reasons:
I wanted to prove to you that unconditional love was real, because you’re used to it being transactional.
I liked your head on my shoulder, and my hands in your hair.
I wanted to hear your laughter fill the air.
I needed you to fix the mirror.
The second and third were accomplished- things I simply enjoyed about you. I lived in those moments for as long I could. The first was always an unlikely hope. A fact of your personality. The fourth speaks for itself. (When it’s not busy screaming in my head.)
I didn’t realize it back then, but no amount of talking out our issues would help. Not when you still chose to be awful every time. I believed you were a good person, and every single chance I gave you, you went out of your way to prove me wrong.
At the start, I told you I knew how it would end. That when things ended, when WE ended, it would be because of you. “Don’t be so sure about that,” you said with that Cheshire cat smile. We bet on it. Ten dollars.
In a few years when your therapist asks you why you’re like this, you’ll talk about the people who let you down. The parents who didn’t pay attention. The world that didn’t treat its creatures with the kindness they deserve. You go down the list of names until you run into mine, and you omit it because there’s simply nothing to say. You’ll realize you lost something incredibly rare, and it will be too late.
So here’s my final goodbye.
I hope I live in your head. I hope I live in the poems you don’t read aloud, I hope I live in your next box of our favorite candy, I hope I live in the echoes of your mother’s voice like you said I did. I hope your mirror is haunted until you understand what it was like for me.
But I know I don't live in your head. Because if you thought about me at all, you wouldn’t be living in mine.
You owe me ten dollars and a new fucking mirror.
Fuck yearning to be rescued.
Have you tried fantasising about the proper apologies backed with true understanding of how much they hurt you?
Have you yearned for dramatic reunions that will never occur?
Have you wanted someone, so so badly, just to for once FIGHT for trying again with you, instead of being completely ambivalent to the situation?
nothing is as painful as losing a friend who feels like a soulmate except for reminiscing on it years later and realizing as more time passes it becomes more and more likely they truly are gone from your life for good except for the bittersweet memories that will haunt you forever
please come back.
(photo by me!)
I’ve stopped waiting for you to reach out, but there are still days when I feel the weight of your silence. I don’t look for your name the way I used to, but sometimes it still finds me, in old memories, in songs, in the quiet. Some people leave gently, without anger or warning, and it’s that softness that makes the loss harder to hold. Maybe it was time. Maybe it was distance. Maybe it was just the slow undoing of something I thought would last.
I cared for you in the most honest way I knew how. It wasn’t always perfect, but it was real. Even now, though things have changed, a quiet part of me holds onto the good moments, the ones worth remembering without pain or regret.
- grcmliin
We have poems, films, and endless songs about romantic love and the shattering when it ends. But friendship? The quiet, unassuming love that sees the whole of you — that holds your history in its palms — that’s the grief no one writes for.
When a friend leaves, it is not just absence, it is an amputation. A part of me that spoke my language without translation is suddenly silent. And who do I turn to when the very person I would have told is the one I’ve lost?
We’ve crowned romantic love as the highest form of devotion, while friendship waits in the shadows, under-acknowledged, misunderstood in its vastness. But I have oceans of love for my friends — for my platonic lovers — and I am told to keep it contained, lest it be “too much.” Too much for what? For whom?
Yes, everything ends. But my friends have shaped the way I move through the world. They live in the cadence of my voice, in the corners of my wardrobe, in my music, my films, my shelves of books.
I stir a certain sauce and I am back in their kitchen. Their birthday comes and I remember. I hear their laughter, still, like a ghost that haunts my waking hours and dreams.
How do you grieve a love no one talks about? Am I alone in this unspoken sorrow, this tender and painful longing?
If they were still here, I would tell them.
Why are platonic breakups not seen as equally bad as romantic ones? I cried myself to sleep for months when my best friend decided I wasn’t good company anymore and I still feel upset about it. No romantic relationships have ever screwed me up like that
How do you go from talking every day to will we ever speak again?
k.b. // wafia - how to lose a friend
