i met death, and death wanted me to live

pfp by @feriowind | they/them | 20

[giantsin-thesky]

Hi! I'm Red, welcome to my blog! I go by they/them pronouns and I'm 20. This is mostly a blog to post about my thoughts and day to day, with some occasional fandom posting. I'm disabled and a social sciences student, and I might post some of my opinions and experiences.

My interests mainly are D&D, history, fairy tales (and their adaptations!), actual plays and analysing anything and everything through a sociohistoric lense. I love Dimension 20 (with a heavy bias towards Intrepid Heroes and Aabria Iyengar), Critical Role and some smaller shows. I play TTRPG's, but actually D&D isn't what I play the most! I might talk about my games from time to time.

I don't have a DNI per se. I do have opinions and will probably share them at some point, but I only ask that people under 16 don't follow me. I will block! Other than that, I will block liberaly and curate my space myself.

More about me under the cut!

I have autism, ADHD, DID, OCPD, physical disabilities and many other things. I am a part time mobility aid user and I can be a little blunt at times. I don't often use tone tags and at times I don't understand them, but I do clarify tone if asked.

I'm from Latin America and English isn't my first language, so I may make mistakes from time to time.

I may post about my system and experiences from time to time, but I'm a very private person regarding some things so all alters will be given aliases.

My tags for this blog will be:

#red speaks - general posts

#red answers - for asks

#red's inkwell - for writing (and possibly drawing)

#red talks social sciences - for my social sciences rambles

#red's introductions - for my intro posts and similar!

#red reviews - for my books, movies and shows reviews!

[giantsin-thesky]

trying to find xenogenders some of my parts use and being unable to find anything about some of them :(

[giantsin-thesky]

genuinely crying because i want to draw but can never make myself properly practice feels so embarrassing

[giantsin-thesky]

had a hard therapy session and cried a lot but i have pringles and sweets so it's okay

[giantsin-thesky]

switching with a part i have little communication with is always hard, especially if they front for over a day. it does feel like waking up, in a way. like i moved during the night and somehow my pillows ended up on the floor, and i logically understand that i must have moved but it doesn't feel right. and i have to situate myself having not lived two days of my life, trying to piece things together from photos and texts with this terrible, sinking feeling in my chest.

[giantsin-thesky]

"x identity is fascist" is something i see a lot with discourse online and i am so tired of it. if you say just that and don't elaborate, i'm automatically going to assume you don't understand what fascism actually is and how it works/is spread.

[symphonisys]

Not to be like ‘who gives a fuck’ but like actually who gives a fuck. I’ve never seen a community so consumed by discourse. This is not a syscourse blog, but it seems like there’s actually nothing else to engage with because it’s all anyone talks about. Every post is tagged pro endo or anti endo and it’s just like. Aren’t yall tired???

You could argue I have a syscourse stance (not one I’m particularly open to sharing), but I feel like there has to be more to the system community as a whole than this ridiculous “us vs them” mindset, like idk man. We’re so busy destroying each other that it feels like we’re actively making it harder for OURSELVES in the process and it’s just. So. Hard to watch.

It’s just not as serious as a lot of people are making it out to be. I tried to explain the discourse to my not-on-tumblr (singlet) sister, and she responded with something along the lines of “no one with a 9-5 knows what you’re talking about.”

I bring a kind of “Syscourse is kinda stupid” vibes to the syscourse tag that anti/pro endos really don’t like and I’m aware of that, but cmon guys. Don’t we have anything better to do? Don’t we have our own communities to lift up???

reblogs are fine but tag this with pro endo or anti endo and i’ll eat you

[raeldazla]

Every time I have seen Hadestown - on stage or in the movie theater - people gasp when Orpheus turns around. I just love how it's so old and yet everyone is still always hoping that this time

[giantsin-thesky]

thank you to whoever invented birth control packaging so it's easier for me to know if i've taken my meds when i switch at night

[hello-eeveev]

a crude summary of one of my favorite musicals

[riaxaraco]

I made my own little addition, hope you don't mind <3

[giantsin-thesky]

i seriously hate the notion some people have that dissociative identity disorder causes "more than one person in a body". it doesn't, it's impossible for that to happen when, by the theory of structural dissociation, DID actually happens when there is a failing to form a full, singular identity like people who don't have a dissociative disorder have and instead you get incomplete parts. one part for day to day, one part that can be strong and protect, one part that fawns, one that freezes... a person without a CDD is able to do that all with one singular identity instead of multiple.

i am not multiple people, i'm several small parts – some more developed than others, with a larger range of emotion and abilities, but not separate people. i would not need to switch otherwise. i only switch because each of my parts can only handle so many situations and have specific emotions.

i don't know how it's like to be a full person. maybe someday i will, but for now, i experience life in chunks that are separated by dissociation and amnesia.

[giantsin-thesky]

seeing all these system comics reminds me i do, in fact, want to learn how to draw. however i've got that dog in me (OCPD) so i try for two days and then get frustrated because things aren't going the way i think they should (unachievable perfection)

[valiant-stars]

People need to start asking permission to grab my cane when I drop it and I am not kidding. This goes for anyone's mobility aid, don't touch it.

[kittycatutaite]

Small reminder that DID is often a covert disorder and overt DID is actually pretty rare. A person could go their whole life without knowing they have DID because that's the point. You do not need to know who you are all the time or who's fronting or need to feel like you're a faker because you act the same pretty much all the time. You do not need to act drastically different between your headmates to be valid.

[giantsin-thesky]

started re-reading "The Girl In The Green Dress" and remembered what bothers me the most about this book: the professional who wrote parts of it insists on many occasions that DID isn't an illness, with sayings such as

"I wanted the judge to appreciate that Jeni does not, and never did, have an illness."

and

"One of Jeni's superpowers – as part of her DID – is memory"

it deeply bothers me that dissociative identity disorder, characterized on the DSM-5 by gaps in memory in the recall of every day events, important personal information, and/or traumatic events, is treated like it's not an illness, especially when one of the criteria involve having clinically significant distress and/or impairment.

[darrenpillowscriss]

Congratulations! You've unionized!

[giantsin-thesky]

i read "The Girl In The Green Dress" a while back and remember being quite intrigued by it. i have a lot of thoughts about it, many of them regarding the way the author goes about describing trauma and similar experiences, and many others about how the psychologist (?) talks about the situation.

i'm thinking of rereading it and possibly posting my thoughts.