Ye Olde Cunte @gilettefusion5 - Tumblr Blog

Everyone listen to my new song maybe

“If I had time travel I’d kill Hitler” “If I had time travel I’d stop my favourite politician getting assassinated” you’re all thinking way too small. If I had time travel I’d stop Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin from dying on the moon due to Soviet sabotage, kicking off the Great Nuclear War and devastating half of the planet.

stavarosthearcane

Good Job.

derinthescarletpescatarian

#this post gets me every time

It’s from two days ago fam how many times could there have been

heroofthreefaces

do you think no one else has time travel

derinthescarletpescatarian

#i dont remember seeing this post before but it was already liked LMAO

That was you in a different timeline

tsalala

Blue-eyed, pink-nosed Nayanthara.

Taken in Tadoba-Andhari Tiger Reserve, India Photographed by Anurag Gawande

#those are the exact opposite of my eyes!#mine are yellow inside and blue outside

greelin

“when i was little” brother you are 5’3. so you must mean yesterday. or five minutes ago.

segamascott

“i'll be there shortly” yeah. we know.

orchuris

op disabled reblogs but i still want this

shadowen

This is an anti-despair checkpoint! You must share something you're looking forward to before scrolling on.

#seeing my brother’s wedding photos :))

fozmeadows

Watching my toddler figure out how to language is fascinating. Yesterday we were stumped when he kept insisting there was a “Lego winner” behind his bookshelf - it turned out to be a little Lego trophy cup. Not knowing the word for “trophy”, he’d extrapolated a word for “thing you can win”. And then, just now, he held up his empty milk container and said, “Mummy? It’s not rubbish. It’s allowed to be a bottle.” - meaning, effectively, “I want this. Don’t throw it away.” But to an adult ear, there’s something quite lovely about “it’s allowed to be a bottle,” as if we’re acknowledging that the object is entitled to keep its title even in the absence of the original function.

legit-writing-tips

Another good post to read for those writing small human characters.

jennytrout

My son was about three when he came to me in the middle of the day and said, “Mommy, there’s a knight behind the bush.” I thought he meant a toy knight or something. So I follow him outside and he goes, “Listen. Do you hear it? It’s night behind the bush.” It was a cricket. A cricket was standing in the little patch of shade under the bush, chirping. So, my son saw this dark area with accompanying nighttime sounds and decided, okay, well, that is a night right there. Their brains are incredible.

deleted20211121

My little bean knows she’s two, constantly saying proudly ‘I’m two!’ And the other day she saw this very frail old lady who looked one foot in the grave, pulled a face and said ‘oh shiiiit. She’s three.’ I almost screamed.

cantnotknope

I live in Korea and have a lot of international friends, and the same is true with language barriers in adults.

*Looking at a bowl of pears* “Can you please pass me the… apple’s friend?”

masterofbirds

OH SHIT SHE’S THREE

ovenroastedtwerkey

the two year old bean is now 11, that’s how long this post has been going around, and I STILL bust out laughing like a maniac whenever I read ‘oh shiiiit. She’s three.’

saul-tortellini

This is perhaps my new favorite video

transmechanicus

I would like to state for the record i’ve ignored this post the last 50 times i’ve seen it bc i thought it would be some hyper cutsie anime girl voice and i’m overjoyed to report it is instead Weapons Grade Miku complete with war horns that fuck

k-wame

WNBA star Gabby Williams supports trans women playing in the league: “I would welcome a trans athlete on my team or against my team.”

tiktoks-i-enjoyed

moonshynecybin

have you guys ever seen a crocodile with its fingies out

moonshynecybin

devilishdescent

nealashitposts

A year or so ago I went to wood carving club with a bruised eye from my dog slamming his nose into my eyesocket and like every old lady there pulled me aside at some point to ask if my partner hit me here are some of the solutions they had in case he did.

-Replacing his vitimens with poision

- getting her brother to invite him out onto his boat and then killing him and dumping him in the ocean and saying he got drunk and fell off.

- get tboned with him in the passenger seat and then once he was in the hospital theres all kinds of easy ways to kill him like not washing my hands after a poop and then touching his wound casually.

-replacing his drink of choice with moonshine!?

- take him on a hike thats locally notorious for a rapid otter attacking hikers and once he had rabies I could just kill him any ol way and say self defense.

-One lady just cheerfully informed me she had a gun and only a few years left anyway