Wait, what?

The weirdest and grumpiest Finn you can find. Odd things and fangirlism quaranteed. Metal to the boot. I read fanfics aloud nowadays too. 

[wyrmmroone]

Izuna with an Agenda (and a phone)

Mito: It's cute and hilarious and all that, but their height difference isn't even that big. 3 centimeters of height difference isn't noticeable at all especially with Madara-san's hair

Izuna: Pshhhh logic has no place in this clown show, Mito-chan. Let's just enjoy the moment and get as much black mail material as possible! Oy, Treeman! I'm gonna send you multiple copies of this, you better make sure your copies doesn't get scrubbed from the surface of planet by Tora-chan or nii-san.

Mito: *looks at Hashi with a raised eyebrow* I see you are complicit in this crime.

Hashirama: Aww it's nothing like that, honey! A little prank won't harm anyone... and besides this is just a little payback for Madara not atleast asking me for my blessing to date my baby brother >:(

Mito: You do realize Madara-san and Tobirama-kun will give the both of you a reckoning for the ages, right?

Izuna: Eh, I'll be on a plane to Ibiza for a 3 months vacation with a boytoy by the time they become sober enough to realize what they're wearing. It'll give them enough time to cool off.

Hashirama: *looks at Mito with puppy dog eyes* Mito my love, my coral, my angelfish, can we go on an impromptu vacation too pleaaaase? Don't you think it's overdue for us both to have some relaxing few weeks to our selves?

Mito: No darling, you WILL reap what you sow. I'm not gonna be your accomplice in escaping Tobirama-kun's wrath.

Hashirama: But honeeeeeeyyy... :(

Mito: No buts.

bonus:

[fashionredalert]

Been thinking an awful lot about Madatobi and the fact that they're both insane in their own right.

It makes me giggle to think that there will be moments where Madara will sit there and run his mouth (because this man is incapable of shutting the fuck up and loves the sound of his own voice) about how he'd burn the world down and reshape it into a utopia only Madara is capable of creating and Tobirama will lie there next to him, wrung out from a mind blowing orgasm and roll his eyes and tune him out even though all of what Madara is saying just confirms all of Tobirama’s deep seeded suspicious of Madara’s nefarious plans but he also just got his back blown out and his guts rearranged by Madara and no less than three of his clones so he's a bit winded at the moment and this pillow talk is so common its sort of soothing in its predictability.

Hes drowsy and he's warm and tingly so he doesn't fight it when Madara pulls him closer and Tobirama trails light fingers across Madara’s jaw and wonders out loud with mumbled and slurred words what he thinks Madara’s skull will look like after he peels away the skin and muscle and what sort of sound his skull will make when he cracks it open and rummages around inside.

Madara pauses for breath and Tobirama tells him to shut the fuck up already he's tired and they both have work in the morning and Madara will ask through bared teeth if Tobirama doubts his power and capabilities to make what he says a reality and Tobirama will simply steal his pillow and the rest of the blankets.

[rendiamberspirit]

When Mito first met Tobirama she had excitedly told him that she had never met another albino, just her aunt, and it's so exciting to see another one!

Tobirama (who was well aware that he was albino) smiled and said it's nice to meet someone who was familiar with albinism.

Hashirama looked back and forth between them, “what am I missing?”

Mito looks at him confused, “my aunt is albino like Tobirama.”

“What's albino?”

Mito looks at him like he's an idiot. “It's the condition your brother has, how are you unaware of this?”

“Please excuse him, my clan and family have always assumed that I was cursed and that's the reason I look like this–.”

Mito glares at Hashirama and interrupts him, “you thought he was cursed!?”

“No! I thought he was blessed!”

“-abd others, like my brother assumed I was blessed by Amaterasu. I never wanted to disillusion them.”

Mito, noticeably calmed, “oh. Well I suppose albinism is extremely rare.”

Mito then goes on to explain genetics and how albinism works and how he and his siblings could have all shared Tobirama's coloring. And that Itama likely shared it.

A decade goes by and Mito and Hashirama are expecting their third child. When she has the little girl she is faced with the horrified look on the midwife's face, and then a white haired red-eyed little girl is handed to them.

“Hashirama-sama I'm so sorry,” the midwife says before hurrying out of the room.

They are left in bliss holding their newest and most delicate member of their family. Half an hour later Tobirama comes in to meet his newest niece and also informs them of the clan's reception to the child.

“Just so you are aware the clan all think I'm the father of your daughter, so you should probably make genetics a required class and address this sooner rather than later,” he deadpans.

Mito bursts out laughing and Hashirama is furious. He immediately seeks out the midwife to let her know exactly how he thinks her rumor spreading.

Tobirama looks down at his newest niece in awe.

“She really is beautiful.”

“You say that every time”

“And I mean it Everytime.”

“She's going to have a harder time than everyone else, she's going to need someone to help her navigate all the things that come with being an albino, especially because we don't know how severe her case is.”

“I’ll be there for her every moment and teach her everything I know.”

“ I know she's very lucky to have you, Tobirama,” Mito says with a soft smile.

She hands the baby girl to Tobirama, “this is Miuna.”

Tobirama holds her carefully with awe in his eyes.

She is overjoyed by the fact that they were able to give Tobirama family that looks more like him. His looks have always made him feel insecure, but now with Miuna he will finally have to admit that if she's perfect, so is he.

Her little brother deserves that feeling.

[pollution-of-subterranean-waters]

Listen.

Hashirama attracted two of the strongest people of his era, he had game

Obito failed so hard he couldn't kiss a photo with two of his crushes and the only chance he got with one of them was after they both died

Might Guy can work gay miracles. He made Madara, a known Hashiramasexual, hard for a hot second and became Kakashi’s husband through a positive attitude and spandex

Madara had to lose his brother and will to live to move in proximity of his crush, and that’s just the start. He spent like 80 years or something in a cave with a lifeless wooden copy of Hashirama, was thirsting for him even after death, and when he got resurrected the only move he managed to pull on him was to steal his senjutsu How can you fumble so badly with the guy who already was into you?!

Naruto ended up with a girl but not the girl he wanted and both his crushes ended up marrying each other which is not a win but I can’t really call it a complete fail either

[cream-chix]

Hashirama: In reality, plants are actually farming us, by giving us oxygen daily until we all eventually decompose so they can consume us.

Tobirama: Anija, go to sleep.

[sasukelandia]

it’s just too good like…

[baobeikvn]

wip for funsies ( wrong it's not for funsies, i'm literally OBSESSED)

[perelka-l]

Itama baby and kid Hashi from Naruto Stage play aaaaaaaaaaaa

(played by Kurachi Ayuka and Ikeoka Ryosuke)

[oh-no-its-bird]

Team 7 gets zapped into the warring states era but it's like, team 7 either mid or directly after wave-arc.

They're babies!! They're untrained little babies!!! None of them have gotten that good good character development yet!! Kakashi is still actively desperately wanting to not teach them!! (tho he may have just gotten his "ahh fuck. I actually have to teach them, huh." Moment)

Sasuke looks like a carbon copy of a younger Izuna and it's going to cause problems

Naruto thankfully doesn't look much like an Uzumaki, but his tendency to very loudly introduce himself is going to get him into trouble

Going w my usual flavor of "the Hatake are a very small but very famous clan known for being fucking insane", people are seeing Kakashi and going "oh god oh fuck what are one of THOSE guys doing here oh sage preserve us please don't eat me" as Kakashi just kinda stands there like 🧍‍♂️

Sakura is the only one safe from not being fucked up and over her clan, good for her!

-> back to the Hatake thing.

The kids still know virtually nothing about their sensei so they're learning all this stuff about his clan and believing every word of it, from the believable rumors to the insane.

Sakura, in a hushed, worried voice: "Sensei,, is it true ur clan eats people??"

Kakashi, who's father died before he could tell him almost anything about their clan and genuinely doesn't know but at this point is starting to get a little worried about it:

Kakashi, who also never passes up the opportunity to fuck with someone: "only stupid little students who ask stupid little questions <3"

Sakura and Sasuke: *worriedly look at a confused Naruto*

For convoluted reasons they run into the Hatake of the era and after introductions they look at the kids and are like,

"Oh!!! Ok, so this is your kid, right? :)" pointing at Sakura.

And Kakashi is like. ",,no."

"Ohhh, ok. So this one is your kid then?" *points at Naruto*

",,,,,,,,no."

They look at him confused then nod at Sasuke. "So then that one's your kid, right?"

"None of them are my children."

*visibly disapproving / disbelieving side eye*

One big difference between this and the team ro time travel one is how much less trustworthy Kakashi comes off to literally everyone who looks at him.

He's a trained adult shinobi, probable bloodline thief (with no way to prove his innocence), and he has 3 children from 3 different clans (2 of which are indirectly enemies bc the Uzumaki is a Senju ally) (1 of which might have a direct relation to the Uchiha main house) and comes from an infamously volatile "wild clan" from another country entirely (Iron country)

He is NOT getting out of this with talk no jutsu bullshit. He has a target on his back from day 1 and it will take a minor miracle to get even a single person hear him out

Anyways uhh—

Saying Tajima and Butsuma are still alive but due to die in some months (till team 7 accidentally interfere and somehow accidentally save Tajima, maybe also Butsuma but I'm more biased towards Tajima so I'm thinking just him actually)

Kakashi sees baby Kagami and feels like he's been hit by a truck bc he looks just like a miniature Shisui and he has hang-ups about his "suicide"

Half-Hatake Tobirama is catching HEAT from Kakashi's antics. Why does one of ur cousins have a sharingan. Where did he get those children. Do you know anything about this. Is it your duty to help hunt him down bc hes your blood. If not yours then it's definatley the Hatake's, call them immediately and tell them to clean up their mess.

Bloodline theft is like THE ultimate no-no for all shinobi, especially in this era. To the point that even ancient enemies will sometimes temporarily set aside grudges to kill bloodline theives. Kakashi is so fucked, someone get him out of there

Mmmm there are like still bits and pieces of thoughts floating around in my head for this but I can feel myself getting distracted and want to get back to art fight so I'll leave it here for now

[three-milkz]

I love the 4th ninja war, it's literally a reunion of troubled lovers.

And it's funny because there's always an Uchiha involved...

[moninils]

And all of this at once.

[ruinedchildhood]

[mountainstackedwithfear]

[catchymemes]

[dailycatsblog]

[wherever-whateverr]

I ❤️ ADOPTING SPEAKING & TYPING MANNERISMS FROM MY FRIENDS

[twofingerswhiskey]

"oh food now has so much added to it, past food was so pure and untainted" victorians used to cut bread with chalk and aluminum powder. romans put lead in the wine, which was made from dirty feet mushing unwashed grapes covered in horse shit and road dust. i think our species will survive a few additives in food. our food systems have never been cleaner and safer. it has room for improvement, but we're not putting fucking plaster of paris in the milk