Vanity and Profanity @gracy - Tumblr Blog

One time in class we were talking about abortion and most of the girls talking were pro-choice and it was a generally calm discussion then one of the pro-life boys used the phrase

“if a girl is stupid enough to get herself pregnant in the first place-“

…he didn’t get to finish the sentence

zapidos

THAT GIF

linadono

Incredible

steinbit

I know we’re all pretty down rn so here, have some cute pics of svalbard reindeer

it’s the smallest subspecies of reindeer on the planet and it loves you

the svalbard reindeer is also the northernmost herbivore in the world, and during winter they survive an average of −16°C (3°F) weather

look at those small fluffy ears and kind eyes, the reindeer is cheering you all on to stay strong in these trying times

just like the arctic winter, this too shall pass

the svaldbard reindeer proves that even under the most extreme of circumstances, life finds a way. so please, please keep on fighting

freddieandersen

this baby doesn’t see full sunrise for like six months out of the year and it’s still kickin

plaguekitten

@munindatter

#svaldbard reindeer #animals

mangoeater1000-deactivated20201

thegayalchemist-deactivated2018

#queer eye #the fab five

smgoetter

maswartz

smgoetter‌:

“Lady Tilda and the Dragon”

Or “Mom Knight” which is what I kept calling it for most of the time I worked on this. This was my story for Valor, a fairy tale anthology I was in last year! It’s a really great book, and I’m so glad I got to be a part of it. You can purchase a copy here.

gracy

this is the most me thing i’ve seen in a long time </3 <3

#baby #lady tilda and the dragon #gpoy #smgoetter #comic #art

stevenb1987

#halloween costumes #sexy halloween costumes

doctorcolubra

Help refugees in need with your gift today.

This is the organisation that the Pittsburgh shooter was trying to stop—he said as much in his last social media post. HIAS is a Jewish charity that helps settle refugees from all backgrounds. You can imagine why a Nazi had a problem with that. You should donate to them if you can.

gracy

they check out on charity navigator. i’m a millennial with disposable income and i’m tired of crying about my home country

#hias #donate #donation #refugees

born-potty

You know what? Since heterosexual people are called straight, I’m starting a petition for homosexuals to be called curved. All bi folks can be flamberge.

Straight.

Curved.

Flamberge.

I admit I’m not familiar with all the orientations, but feel free to educate me and I’ll try to find something that fits. Be a weapon. Fuck the system.

born-potty

Pansexual people don’t discriminate, as far as I know. So basically they’re all over the place. The first thing that popped into my mind was the urumi, which is a cool ass fucking sword whip and I love it to little pieces.

I didn’t even have to think about asexuals. I’ve been using swords for sexual folks, and asexuals aren’t always into that. They can be, but aren’t always. So, I picked something that hacks and cuts and slices but ain’t a sword. Ace people, you are now axes.

Demiromantic people only fall for people whom they know intimately (I mean really well, you degenerates). So, I picked this thing because it takes a fuckton of practice to get good. Demis, take a bow.

born-potty

Transgender means you are born one thing but identify as another. Well. Sounds like a confusing time, tbh. That reminds me of the pata, which is a gauntlet and sword all rolled into one.

born-potty

Cisgender means that you’re born one thing and stick to it. This is a bamboo stick. You cut a piece of bamboo and then hit things with it. You get what you see, really. We even have a sport/martial art based on the activity.

born-potty

Okay so genderfluid means your gender ain’t fixed and can be anything at any time. That… sounds even more all over the place than pansexuality but hey who cares. You people get the lantern shield (why the Italians made this idk), as it is JUST as all-over-the-place.

born-potty

Intergender means someone whose gender lies between male and female. You get the sidesword, which was a transitional weapon between the regular arming sword and the rapier. Note the development of a complex hilt, which gets cranked up to eleven in rapiers.

Androgyny refers to peeps who are simultaneously masculine and feminine, as far as I can tell. Folks, this is a matchlock rifle combined with an axe. Because it’s badass. So are you.

born-potty

This thing has 100 notes. Why does it have 100 notes. This has no business getting 100 notes.

Dude, I made this silly little thing to help me remember all the different kindsa stuff. I keep forgetting them but the swords help.

Well, I hope this helps y’all choose your D&D weapon, if nothing else.

broadwaytheanimatedseries

This is so beautifull i love it so much!!!

gracy

oml

#swordsexual #sexual orientation #swords

yourplayersaidwhat

Consume. Destroy. Devour.

Context: Our DM planned a small one shot campaign to pass some time. It was 3 members. A ranger, a fighter (me), and a tonberry (Final Fantasy creature). After fighting some wolves off, the Ranger decided to murder the 2 sheep herders we just rescued. Then he decided to cast speak with animals and communicate with the sheep. The tonberry had a magical item granted by the DM that had 5 charges of speak with animals so he used 2 (1 on me and 1 on himself.) The sheep didn’t know what to do since their herders were gone. Ranger: Consume. Destroy. Devour. Fighter: CONSUME. DESTROY. DEVOUR. The sheep began chanting it with us and so we set them on a warpath… long story short we lead a siege of the nearest town with our army of 180 sheep. Only 9 were lost while taking over the town.

gracy

DRUID GOALS

#goals #dnd #dungeons and dragons #druid life

chrisbrecheenwritingaboutwriting

return-victorious

A City of Ruby and Rain.

If that wasn’t super YA sounding, I would use it.

dharmagun

A DOGPARK OF OPALS AND HEAT

hypotheticalwoman

a shopping centre of emeralds and cold

csevet

A Cousin’s House of Pearls and Cold Sun

aph-lithuania

a café of topaz and sweltering heat

stopcallingmeapollo

A Theatre of Opal and Darkness

requirecookie

A Zoo of Ruby and Night

actuallyvady

A School of Amethyst and Chilly, Autumn Sun

I would like it better if the weather were worse right now

gracy

A West End of Topaz and Frost

#ya novel #name game

right-smarts

Facts 👏

Attention: Tumblr has Alex Jonesed the old Right Smarts account. Please follow this new account. Thank You!

cloudfreed

Why are you following me? Go away, you disgusting gender essentialist.

gracy

Fixed that for you, Jacob

note: sandwich continues beyond frame

#gender spectrum #the gender sandwich

uznmaki

layered-like-an-onion

noblecrumpet-dorkvision

D&D Class Cocktails

I originally just wanted to make cocktails for my players based on their character classes, but then I got a little too much into it and made ones for each of the twelve D&D classes! Two of them are from a Youtube channel that does this all the time (part of what inspired me to do so) and you can find links to them for the Vicious Mockery and Eldritch Patron drinks. The ones that I ended up spending time (and money) making I was able to take Insta-worthy pics of for the post. Either way, enjoy!

Barbarian Rage

½ oz Lime Juice

1 oz Tequila

1 can Stout

Lime Wedge

I feel like anything that has a head on it counts as a barbarian’s drink, but this one also has tequila to fuel the rage. Pour the stout into a tankard, crush the can against your head. Pour the tequila and lime juice into a 1.5 oz shot glass. Dunk the shot into the tankard, then crush the lime with your bare hands over the drink, ignoring the pain from any cuts sustained through combat, and drop it in. Enjoy.

Vicious Mockery

¼ Orange, Muddled

1 ½ oz. Spiced Rum

1 oz. Jaegermeister

Several dashes Peychaud’s Bitters, to taste

Orange Twist for garnish

From the lovely people over at Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies. I mean if it ain’t broken don’t fix it. Muddle the orange quarter, add the spiced rum, Jaeger, bitters, and ice, then mix and garnish with the orange twist. Bound to deal d4s of psychic damage.

Turn Undead

½ oz Elderflower Liqueur

2 oz White Rum

2 oz White Cranberry Juice

¼ oz Lime Juice

4 Basil Leaves

Club Soda

This is meant to look clear (or close to it) as if it’s pure enough to turn undead itself. Kinda like boozy holy water. Muddle two of the basil leaves. Shake the muddled basil, rum, cranberry juice, elderflower liqueur, and lime juice with ice. Then strain into a glass and top with the club soda and garnish with remaining basil.

Druidcraft

1½ oz Gin

1 oz Elderflower liqueur

½ oz Honey

¾ oz Lemon Juice

2 oz Club Soda

1 tsp Culinary Lavender

3 Sage Leaves

I actually make this one a lot… I just named it for this post. It’s very floral and light, like you would expect from a druid. Shake together the gin, elderflower liqueur, honey, lemon juice, lavender, and two muddled sage leaves with ice, then strain into a glass. Garnish with the remaining sage leaf. Little bits of the lavender getting in the drink is fine. If you don’t want to slurp them up you can easily use a straw too.

Action Surge

1 ¾ oz Vodka

¼ oz Triple Sec

4 oz Surge Soda

Splash Cranberry Juice

2 lime slices

2 maraschino cherries

This one was very tasty. Prepare a highball glass with lime slices and some maraschino cherries and half-fill with ice. Mix the vodka, triple sec, and Surge together (don’t shake, it’s soda). Pour into the prepared glass and top with a splash of the cranberry juice. Besides the Surge pun, the red slowly combining with the green almost seems like it’s the blood pumping through the fighter as they proceed to literally take an entire extra turn.

Flurry of Blows

1 oz Gin

½ oz Triple Sec

½ oz Peach Schnapps

½ oz Lemon Juice

1 oz Ginger Ale or Ginger Beer

1-2 Leaves Basil

A series of three shots to take. Careful, one is a Stunning Strike and hits much harder than the other two! Muddle your basil leaves and stir with the lemon juice and ginger ale/beer. Put the peach schnapps into one 1.5 oz shot glass, the triple sec into another, and the gin into the third. Top off each shot glass with the lemon-ginger-basil mixture. Ideally, only the one with the gin will really do anything.

Divine Smite

½ c. Apple Cider

½ tbsp Maple Syrup

1 oz Whiskey

Fresh Rosemary

2 Dried Rosemary Sprigs

This one was very good. Burn some dried rosemary and place the glass upside-down over it to let the smoke coat the inside of the glass. Shake fresh rosemary, cider, maple syrup, and whiskey with ice and strain into the smoked glass. For garnish, burn another rosemary twig, blow it out, and drop into the drink so it lets off smoky wisps. The theory for this one is the smoke is the aftermath of the paladin’s smite. I used a martini glass because I have a limited variety of glasses but I feel like the garnish floats too much. If I did it again I might use a lowball glass with rocks to keep the rosemary in place.

Hunter’s Mark

2 oz Maker’s Mark Bourbon

1 oz Lemon Juice

1 tsp Cane Sugar

Club Soda

Lemon Round

Hopefully the pun resonates. Shake the bourbon, lemon juice, and sugar with ice and strain into a lowball glass. Top with a bit of club soda and garnish with a lemon round pierced with a toothpick right through the bullseye. I did a hack job turning the toothpick into an arrow. You could probably get away with those hors d'oeuvres toothpicks that have the colorful frilled tips for the arrow’s fletching.

Sneak Attack

5-6 oz Orange Juice

1 oz Peach Schnapps

2 oz Vodka

Cream Soda

Orange Twist

Red Syrup (I just made 2:1, sugar:water ratio of simple syrup with red food coloring; grenadine was too runny when I tried it)

Named because the alcohol is completely hidden by the sugary drink. It will indeed sneak up on you. Dip the rim of the glass in the red syrup, then turn over so it drips down the glass. Stir the orange juice and vodka and pour into the glass without touching the sides (I don’t own a highball glass but that would probably look nicer). Top the drink with cream soda. Garnish with an orange twist (use those little plastic swords if you have em!)

Maximized Fireball

2 oz Fireball Shiskey

1 oz Dry Vermouth

1 Dash of Bitters

Orange Twist

Cinnamon Stick Soaked in Bacardi 151

Stir the ingredients together with ice then strain into a lowball glass. Garnish with a “flamed” orange twist (squeezed over a lit match into the glass). Light the cinnamon stick on fire, then drop into the drink. I know Fireball gets a lot of flack but I mean, come on, it’s the name of the spell. You could try that Tabasco whiskey instead if you hate Fireball.

Eldritch Patron

2 oz Gin

½ oz Vermouth

¼ oz Black Sambuca

3 Dashes Black Walnut Bitters

Green Maraschino Cherries

Another one from Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies. Stir the gin, vermouth, Sambuca and bitters with ice then strain into a martini glass. Garnish with the green cherries. Looks like alien eyeballs in an inky darkness, as it should.

The Spellbook

12 oz Pinot Grigio

2 oz Blue Curacao

2 oz Lemonade

2 oz Simple Syrup

Blue Petal Dust (optional)

Orange Juice

Lemon-Lime soda

Fruits like oranges, cherries, and starfruit, cut into slices

Mix all the ingredients into a punch bowl, then add equal parts orange juice and the soda to fill it out. Add the fruit slices. I used starfruit because it looks wizardy, but you can always add whatever you want to your Spellbook, as long as you spend gold and time based on the spell's level. The blue petal dust can be used to make the drink opalescent, though I imagine it will be less apparent in a big bowl. Try mixing it individual glasses.

#dnd #cocktails #alcohol #drink recipes

trollitics

classicalmonoblogue

Apparently the dude who runs the crematorium is just fundamentally confused about how advertising works. He actually thought that the way you made an ad was you found a picture that got people’s attention … and then also included information about your company. He was genuinely surprised and baffled when people thought there was any relationship between the (independently nonsensical) captioned image and his cremation business. There were two more ads in the series that are equally, just… so much…