G r a y M a t t e r

My mind; all of the gray matter and the thoughts it encompasses.

[gray-oblivion]

The truth?

I have no idea what the future holds...

but I can only hope that you’re in it.

-a.l.h.

[gray-oblivion]

Love?

Well for a long time it was a myth,

Some popular urban legend.

But then it became a reality,

A beautiful, heart wrenching truth-

With the devastating ability to make you feel whole

And tear you apart in the same fell swoop.

-a.l.h.

[gray-oblivion]

There are moments you think

Of things you misunderstand

That dredge up the faces

Of the people you've lost, and...

That's it- that's all it takes.

One small reminder

And your heart just breaks

Open again

Like the very first time

You loved someone...

and watched them die.

-a.l.h.

[gray-oblivion]

I have been angry- I'll admit.

I have been callous and rude and bitter.

But can you blame me?

The first man in my life; an alcoholic father.

My first experience with touch; you molesting my sister.

To top it all off, you were the world's best liar.

A saint, a man of God, a regular churchgoer;

Hiding behind religion with a devil's grin,

Masking her tears with words of prayer.

-a.l.h.

[gray-oblivion]

Why do we call it spilled ink?

As if a tiny glass jar

Was jostled

Just a little too much;

Spilling it's inky blackness

On a crisp, white page

In the form

Of my most personal thoughts.

-a.l.h.

[gray-oblivion]

It's just one of those things my heart longs for, but my mind doesn't want to risk.

-a.l.h.

[gray-oblivion]

It was easy, being with you.

I was always the dysfunctional one;

Broken family, broken soul.

But you, you had it all.

And maybe I realized that you,

With your perfectly imperfect family

And simple, quiet life,

Were just a chance for me to pretend-

Pretend to be the uncomplicated, happy person you deserve.

-a.l.h.

[gray-oblivion]

Just a touch, just a kiss

Just your hands, just your lips

You and me, the starry sky

You and me, until we die.

-a.l.h.

[gray-oblivion]

You move and ask me if this is okay,

And I reply the same way I always do:

You know I love everything you do.

-a.l.h.

[gray-oblivion]

My time with you

Is like a hummingbird

Suckling on a sweet flower-

Just a fleeting moment,

But oh so satisfying.

-a.l.h.

[gray-oblivion]

It's disarming- the way you manage to change my views so easily. Alarming; how I find myself constantly longing for your embrace, my lips aching to be soothed by yours. Where I once avoided touch, I yearn for your gentle caress. You are my only aphrodisiac, my sole addiction.

-a.l.h.

[gray-oblivion]

Oh to be able to love freely, without reserve.

How I wish I could trust so easily,

Trust you with my heart- my soul.

How I long for such confidence;

To touch you every time I want to,

To kiss you whenever I feel the urge.

I want to love you the way you deserve-

Love you like you say you love me-

But how can I love knowing I'll be broken?

How can I fall when I know I won't recover?

-a.l.h.

[gray-oblivion]

Before you, I couldn't be touched;

I hated hugs, forget anything intimate.

Before you, I didn't believe in love;

Witnessed too much to tell me otherwise.

But with you, I never get enough;

Enough of your embrace, holding your hand,

The soft caress of your lips finding mine.

With you, I want to love;

Convince myself it's okay to feel such a thing.

You healed me, helped me, and still love me;

And I'll never stop loving you for it.

-a.l.h.

[gray-oblivion]

I want to write something, be something,

Be someone.

I want to know more, do more, live more,

Experience it all.

But more than anything,

I want to love you like I know you deserve.

-a.l.h.

[gray-oblivion]

Speck Part 2

Unless, perhaps, a gentle giant comes along to carry me to a higher purpose- a large red beast with gaping eyes and ferocious feelers. It may bring me to a mound with others of my kind, laying me to rest with my brethren but then leaving me right as I begin to appreciate it's presence.

I would lie there, not at peace but not at unrest, accepting my new position and the responsiblity that comes with it. Finally, I have a reason to be- purpose. But then my fleeing lover would whisk me away yet again, a selfish and fickle lover, but a lover nonetheless.

-a.l.h.

[gray-oblivion]

Speck Part 1

I am but a speck of dirt within the wind's gentle caress,

the loving embrace existing for only a fleeting moment before harsh gravity throws me back to the ground,

yet again anxiously awaiting the next freeing movement of my ever-fleeing lover.

-a.l.h.

[gray-oblivion]

I exist as I am: as a mere product of society, but a product that has become something which society had not intended.

And as such, is cast aside, as if a simple candy wrapper with it's main element no longer contained within- and therefore no longer serving it's purpose...no longer wanted.

-a.l.h.