To all those out there with mental illnesses:
This is from one person with (admittedly mild) social anxiety and dermatillomania.
I will try my best to listen when you need to vent, but I know that some days I will falter. Some days I will be fed up. Some days I will be having a breakdown at the same time as you. Some days I will have none of it. Some days I may even say hurtful things because I don’t know what else to say. Some days I may say “just get over it” because I wish with my whole heart that that is what I could do when I’m in that same place.
To those of you tormented by personality disorders that force you to become a different person: When you are at your worst, I can’t promise to be understanding. I can’t promise that a violent outburst won’t frighten me. I can’t promise to be what you need me to be when you need it the most. I can’t promise to forget what you have done when you aren’t yourself.
To those of you with scars and bitten nails and missing hair: I can’t promise that I won’t stare at the things you so desperately want to hide. I can’t promise that I won’t ask what the marks mean of where the blood came from.
To those of you with social fears and various phobias: I can’t promise to sympathize. I can’t promise that I won’t try to push you through your worst nightmares because I think you’ll be okay if you can just RUN THROUGH IT. I can’t promise that I won’t trigger you.
To anyone with the countless disorders and illnesses that are too numerous to even list: I can’t know what you are going through. I can’t promise that I will try to know.
What I can promise is this:
If you put your trust in me and I am allowed to put mine in you, I will not abandon you. Not at your best, not at your worst. I will think of you and care for you, even if I appear to be distant. I will fight beside you. I will fight to be strong for you, even though I am weak.
I will try to meet the other parts of you, even if they frighten me. I will try not to listen when you say hurtful things because I know you don’t mean them. And when I say hurtful things, because I’m weak and I know I will, I ask that YOU not listen, because I certainly don’t mean them.
I can promise that my staring at your imperfections is not in ridicule, but respect and sympathy. We all have scars, but those of us that display them on the outside are so, so brave, and I know this because I personally have only recently come to terms with baring my scars to the world. I will always understand your pain and humiliation, and I will always think you are an amazingly strong person.
To those of you who pick and pluck and scratch, I will always have a special bond with you, because I know where you are. I will always be there to hold your hands when all they want to do is rip you apart. I will wash the blood from under your nails. I will hold you tight when all your success crumbles in one terrible night because I have had those nights.
To those of you who get triggered, I will do my best to memorize your every tic and twitch and I’ll try my best to protect you. I can only promise to try, though.
Even if I don’t understand your specific needs, I will never let those needs define you. I will see you as the person you are, not the disorder. I will understand you are sometimes weak, as long as you will grant me the same. I will stand with you. We will be strong together.
