A Precarious Balance

Finding the space between my past and my future. While not losing track of my hope.

[growingthroughtheseasons]

You are where you are,

Kicking and screaming against the ebb and flow of your human experience Does nothing more Than remove you from the Magic Of simply existing

Your fingers dance on unseen waves and arc through time creating new worlds as others face destruction Your voice weaves together the fabric of the universe creating space for others to be carried Cradled in the home you have made from these things that were not named before you existed

Because you are here, Where you are And always were

That is where the magic lives

In the stars in your eyes and the darkness in your soul You are the fragments of the universe yet untold

So be where you are, Right now Breathe,

life into your existence

[growingthroughtheseasons]

I lay in the dark

Waiting for you to take my hand

The steam of my tears evaporates

And melds with your snore

I'm still alone

Just me and the dark

[growingthroughtheseasons]

Today I pick myself

Dragging the parts of me that decomposed in the darkness

Back into the light

With caring and gentle hands

I mold the dripping remnants into place

Strenghting the foundation

Not the same

Better

Than than the time before

[growingthroughtheseasons]

How do I tell them

The ones who bear your face

That you would not provide the most basic love that they deserved

Instead they only know the space you left when you decided not to try

Because "phones work both ways" and I wouldn't carry the burden of your love

I was a child

You were supposed to be my first love, unconditional

In the end

It is you that lose those most

Because you will never know the depth of the love of those who bear your face.

I do.

[growingthroughtheseasons]

We were never real people

Only storylines

In the horror you create

I'll give you this much, you are a talented writer

And yet

We became two dimensional standins

A cutout of a friend

With no needs or desires

Warped and twisted to be crushed between narrow lines that do not fit the bodies we inhabit

I side stepped your pen

Now to you,

I am the villan

To me

I am whole again

[growingthroughtheseasons]

I write to hear the thoughts that get trapped behind the words of others

To remember who I am

[growingthroughtheseasons]

I feel myself being squeezed tightly into a vessel not made for me

I ooze out of the cracks,

Struggling to hold it together

Desperately grasping at the peices of me that slip and wither away

I am not made for a box crafted by other hands

for a person that is not me

So I will construct my own, out of sequins and rainbows

In it, I find my joy

[growingthroughtheseasons]

The fear is starting to creep in again As high as I try to build my walls, it finds its way seeping through the tiniest cracks in my foundation Sliding up the walls casting long shadows on our celebrations

I built those walls to keep myself apart from the world You vaulted over all of them and nestled in the deepest parts of my heart My Anam Cara My soul friend

Now that I know the true depths of platonic love The idea that all that I have found in you could be torn into pieces In a universe where we no longer get to share the mundane details of our days No matter how strong I want to be, I am terrified of a world without you

[growingthroughtheseasons]

I hope you can find rest today in the gaps in the busy the glimpses of peace between the steady grind of reality

I hope you can find rest today In the rain on your window and the tapping of keys In the chaos and quiet

Rest, real rest In the way that fills your soul

[growingthroughtheseasons]

I spent so long in the space behind the dresser Dusty and devalued

A pleasant surprise when revealed then quickly discarded again

I forgot who I was Until the right person found me dusted me off and treated me like the treasure that I am

[growingthroughtheseasons]

I catch a glimpse of myself in the hallway mirror

What looks back

is not me

A distorted and twisted etching

devoid of feeling, love, anger, joy

blank eyes

A broken image of humanity

I yearn to see my true self

The way you see me

When my body moves in sync with the universe

The clearest image of myself

What is reflected back in you

[faerytalemagick]

Magical Correspondences for Herbs 🌿🌼

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[growingthroughtheseasons]

I hope in this life You find peace

[growingthroughtheseasons]

I will no longer give my energy and time to the vampires who wish only to drain me of my kindness and goodwill

I will not harden to others For you to remain in my world You can continue to exist in your self constructed hell Far away from me

And my undisturbed peace

[growingthroughtheseasons]

When I've given all I can

The well is empty, my soul is dry

To you

all of me

will never be enough

[growingthroughtheseasons]

The air hangs heavy in the early morning Sliding down the sides of the mountains Covering the valley in a blanket of silence

I melt into the mossy belly of the beast As the seasons spill past me Hurtling towards the darkest of days

The nutrients drain from my veins and flow into the soil waiting in quiet slumber for the warmth of the sun to return

[growingthroughtheseasons]

The day I was expecting does not appear

And still, the sun rises and sets

On my unrealized dreams

Unknown to me, the seeds have been sown for a future far greater

That thrive in the shade of my stillness