Cheesecake.

[mevil]

[shithowdy]

today's walk took an unexpected turn when we had to rescue 45 (!!!) snapping turtle hatchlings from the road by the park. while not many of a clutch are meant to survive, the nissan rogue is not a natural predator so today they got a little help. ❤️

[bonesbeetle]

drafted this & it's past 1am now & i can't sleep. don't fall for a little 2pm adderall #psa

[medievaljournalist]

so you know that cursed sword that slowly drives whoever wields it mad & causes mysterious illnesses? you guessed it: scabbard was absolutely loaded with black mold

[tothechaos]

aw what the hell change my leitmotif to a minor key im not driving

[toruandmidori]

[hotvampireadjacent]

[frontmansdog]

mentally taking a drag of my mental cigarette because I don’t smoke but life has been very smokable lately

[dragon-in-a-fez]

"codify" is such a fun word. lawmakers! turn this into a fish

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[wizardarchetypes]

learning a new instrument from a single teacher is so funny bc that's your point of reference for a while until you start branching out a little. was talking to a specialist in irish music history about my early irish harp lessons and i was like "it's a good thing i have strong fingernails so i don't have to get acrylics to play" and he was like "you're playing with your fingernails?" and i was like "yeah my teacher said that's how you play" and he was like "that's how irish harp players used to play like 1,000 years ago. i don't know anyone who plays with their fingernails now. even in the 1700s at a harp festival we have record of just one guy playing with his fingernails."

i guess he can't say no one is playing like this anymore bc at least my teacher is but this is why when ur new to something u can't walk around assuming you have all the facts. thought i was learning harp like usual meanwhile my teacher is an extremely dedicated medieval reenactor.

[jackhawksmoor]

Most 'out of left field' way to discover someone is a vampire

[homunculus-argument]

Herding sheep, looking after kids, and playing healer in videogames: every day you're surprised of the sheer innovative genius of how they'll find the most inconvenient goddamn places just outside your reach to get hurt or put themselves in lethal danger.

[drafty-castle]

Isn’t this sheep in real life?

[homunculus-argument]

Children in real life also.

[homunculus-argument]

It. It literally did. That was literally precisely the point.

I have no idea how the hell I could possibly express myself more clearly.

[flickering-leaves]

The humble Oxford comma

[homunculus-argument]

IT'S LITERALLY RIGHT THERE.

[mylordshesacactus]

#you can understand op by using your brain

[kafkaswasteddayz]

not now honey, mommy’s yearning for something that once was and will never be again

[schlarklezyaoi]

the fact that we only have “herculean task” and “sisyphean task” feels so limiting. so here’s a few more tasks for your repertoire

icarian task: when you have a task you know you’re going to fail at anyways, so why not have some fun with it before it all comes crashing down

cassandrean task: when you have to deal with people you KNOW won’t listen to you, despite having accurate information, and having to watch them fumble about when you told them the solution from the start (most often witnessed in customer service)

feel free to chime in i ran out of ideas much faster than i anticipated

[sherbertilluminated]

Promethean task: opposite of a Cassandraean task. You have the right information, and SOMEONE has to share it. But it's all in the delivery and if you're the person to identify the problem you WILL be hated forever.

[thearrogantemu]

Oedipal Task: (1) Attempting to avoid an unspeakably awful outcome and in doing so creating the circumstances that will bring it about. (2) Trying to solve an problem and discovering that you are in fact the problem you are trying to solve.

[theoppositeofprofound]

Odyssean task: you’ll complete it but it’ll take 20 times longer than it should and involve multiple side quests and mini-adventures

[vulpes-aestatis]

Baby sphinx trying to be like mama and waylaying travelers, but all its riddles are completely non-sensical like the ones a 1st grader would tell

[letsboldlygomotherfuckers]

did I tell you guys that I used to work on a holiday park and I would test all the hot tubs and I got so good at being able to tell the temperature of them just with my hand I could do it to the .5 degree

anyway recently I had some polyps removed from my uterus which involves them shooting warm water up your pussy to help them see what they're doing or something idk but as soon as they did that I was like huh. do you have that set to 38⁰? and they were all like what the Fuck. anyway my pussy tells the temperature

[hymneminium]

You know how it is with dichotomies

[mereologic]

it depends

[cryptotheism]

Or it doesn't