Shall I compare thee to some shit that's gay?
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Noah Kahan
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hello vonnie

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Sweet Seals For You, Always
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣

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KIROKAZE
One Nice Bug Per Day

Kiana Khansmith

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Not today Justin
taylor price
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@happinesscalculus
Shall I compare thee to some shit that's gay?
explained to an 8 year old that once a fruit is ripe you only have so much time until it rots so you have to eat it soon and she said so i'll never be able to keep it perfect like this forever? no and there are about a million pieces of art for you unrelatedly
Everyone with a college degree is a little bit gay. That's true
not to be tmi but i was so relieved as a teen when i figured out that my masturbatory fantasies and my actual sex life had literally nothing to do with each other, nor did they need to
i was terrified i was going to end up getting hurt but it turns out when you’re having actual sex with an actual person the things that do it for you can be completely different
i have had plenty of great sex that i’m still not going to fantasize about because when it’s just me thinking about it and not an actual person doing it, it’s not hot anymore
there are plenty of things that in real life are actually just uncomfortable and not arousing at all and i will never do them, but even if i’ve tried it and decided it’s not for me it’s still gonna show up in fantasies because it’s still hot to think about
i mean it sounds stupid and obvious but i spent years either trying to stop myself from finding things hot (spoiler it don’t work), or else letting people convince me that fantasies were talking the talk and obligated me to try walking the walk
i get why this is going around again with a lot of people agreeing that fantasy is not reality and you can fantasize about whatever you want regardless of what puritans say etc etc etc. but tbh that was not the thing that was a revelation to me when it happened. it was the ‘actual sex is different’ part. not as in ‘it’s okay to have fucked-up fantasies’ but more like
if, while watching porn or reading smut, someone’s gotta get slapped in the face at least once for you to finish. if you can only get off to weird airtight tentacle stuff. if no one’s crying you’re not going to get there. if there’s not a torture chamber in the thumbnail you’re not clicking. that literally means nothing in terms of what you want out of actual sex. i don’t mean morally or criminally or whatever. i just mean on a practical level, in terms of arousal and ability to orgasm.
that was the part that took figuring out. before i actually had experience, that was not intuitive to me at all. even now, if i tried to watch porn where a loving couple made out on the couch while nonviolently fingering each other i would dry up like the fucking sahara. i’m not going anywhere with that. that’s nothing. as a Youth this caused me a lot of concern. but it turns out that in real life, with another person there, that shit’s fun!! it’s great!!! trying to stop myself from finding things hot was never about puritanism, it was about the fear that it was going to be impossible for me to get off with a partner unless i made enough money for elaborate costumes, some kind of sex contraption, and an on-site medic.
watching someone else ride a rollercoaster does not actually tell you anything about what it feels like to ride a rollercoaster. watching sports and playing sports are two very different activities. that’s the thing that felt like it should have been obvious, but wasn’t.
Writing tips:
“You feel the bulge in his pants” - implies that you are feeling some guy’s penis, may be sexy depending on context
“You feel the bugle in his pants” - implies that this guy has a military horn in his pants, invites confusing questions like why does he have that and how big are his pockets
Both options convey that he's horny
How dare you be funnier than me on my own post
i feel like there is a sleep in me that needs to be slept but each time i sleep i don't sleep that sleep
im always saying this
I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF
This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.
Then bring me luck
the day after I posted this last time I was notified that I was selected for a really cool mentorship gig and got an unrelated glowing review at work
Hey Potato, cure my -ing cold so I can have a good time while away.
Here's the potato. Make what use of it you will. :)
i want potato luck. please???
Don't mind that crackling sound I got pussy arthritis
“So... We got the exploding diarrhea. Here's my advice for anyone who doesn't have it yet:
It's going to take a minute for the government to pin down where this is coming from, and then issue a recall, because the FDA has been gutted. But, I can tell you, without a shadow of a doubt : this is coming from Taylor Farms produce, and you will see them recalled.
You'll want to avoid all Taylor Farms produce in the grocery store. They supply McDonalds, KFC, Pizza Hut, about any fast food place you can think of.
Raspberries, watermelons, cilantro, and the veggies you're hearing about are not causing this many people to get sick. It's the shredded lettuce, specifically, that's the problem. But, you'll want to stay away from every type of produce this company puts out, because one strand of shredded lettuce is all it takes to contaminate bushels.
Taylor Farms is the source. Taco Bell proactively pulled their produce from their restaurants. You're going to see other fast food places doing this, and probably will see that before the government names a source. The FDA knows this, but they can't come out and tell us all until there's proof, which takes resources and research, which takes manpower, but the FDA has been cut by about 20-30%
During the Biden term, onions at McDonald's had ecoli. We knew this because DNA testing was done quickly and they were able to narrow it down to one place that caused the outbreak. And, it was traced back to Taylor Farms. This isn't going to be solved as quickly though.
When you get this, make a virtual appointment to your PCP - a "same day sick" appointment. Tell them someone in your family just tested for this and was positive and was prescribed Bactrim. If you go in person, they're probably going to make you poop in a cup and wait until results come back to prescribe.
You'll know when you get this. Trust me on all of this.
You'll want to stay hydrated because this parasite damages the lining of the small intestine. Your small intestine, in turn, secretes more water into the gut, and less nutrients and liquid are able to remain in the body. So no matter how much you shit, you're going to want to drink. A day of this leads to dehydration if you don't increase your fluid intake, and a few days will land you in the hospital.
If you have headaches, weakness, muscle cramps, dizziness, or an increase heart rate - hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Go to the ER for fluids if you can't drink enough.
Thank you for coming to my Ted talk. Brought to you by America's 250 birthday celebrations, workforce reduction in the FDA and CDC, and viewers like you.
Please feel free to share this.
And, MAGA - don't blow up the comment section. I argued with y'all on COVID bc I was afraid y'all would die, but I really don't care if you get explosive diarrhea.
And no, ivermectin will not help this at all.”
many women are excited to get old and weird, but i have great news that it's fully possible to become weird now, before you get old. just imagine the heights of weirdness you will be able to reach in fifty years if you get started now. that's what I think
what a beautiful day to not be in high school
This is the like those “remember to be grateful you don’t have a sore throat right now” posts. It IS a beautiful day to not be in high school! Thank you!
i think ao3 should have a feature like an anonymous kudos but instead of kudos its "i jorked it to completion" and you can leave as many of these as you want and obviously authors would opt-in to this feature on a per-fic basis but like. i want the stats, you know.
jerk it to fanfiction??? noooo bro i was just joshing ya. wouldnt that be crazy? haha. fucking got you bro i cant believe youre so gullible. what a far fetched notion. that people would do such a thing. cant believe you fell for it
i genuinely don't think there's much, if anything, hotter than someone clearly having a blast doing something they're really good at. doesn't really matter what it is. the combo of competence and joy is absolutely lethal to me