aw internet no

[umbrella-memecadamey-number5]

So....I've never done the Trick or Treat thing. Is it worth it? I'm also open to costume suggestions.

Also, if you're a kid that wants someone who looks like a kid but is actually an adult, I'll go with you.

(you can anon post costume recommendations if you want to)

[blackmemecat]

I’ve never been either, but I also can’t eat most candy.

[scarletmemewitch]

ok so to carry on the legacy that clint gave me, i will take you two trick or treating. costumes are anything you want, and if there is candy you can’t have, i will trade you piece by piece for what you can have

however, please be aware that i will be wearing clint’s old circus costume

[hawkmemeguy]

this is the best plan im so proud my legacy is alive and well and wearing purple spandex

[hawkmemeguy]

new item to add to resume

can fight aliens with no hearing aids while only wearing a towel and half blind because of all the shampoo in my eyes

yay me

also sincere avenger apologies to everyone on the fourth floor of that office building when the towel slipped my bad guys

[scarletmemewitch]

is that why you’re trending this morning? i was afraid to click and now i’m even more afraid

[hawkmemeguy]

definitely be afraid im sadly sure it has nothing to do with the epic soapsud mohawk i was working on when the alert went out

[memeria-hill]

… this is a PR nightmare

[hawkmemeguy]

i dunno maria judging by how many people have asked cap for my phone number i think this could actually turn into a pretty successful side gig 

mildred from accounting flat out asked if i do parties and my trick arrow line item did get slashed at the last quarterly budget review

the people have spoken maria

they want the boxing glove arrow and me in a tasteful purple glitter thong

[memeria-hill]

*stressed out voice*

but don’t you think that people will be less than confident in your ability to save them if you’re shooting the bad guys with boxing glove arrows and wearing nothing but a glittery purple thong

[hawkmemeguy]

oh i see what the problem is

no i will be keeping my full body armor for the crimefighting thanks i like not getting roadburn so i will be fully clothed while i shoot at evildoers 

im just willing to strip for arrow money

see nothing to worry about

[hawkmemeguy]

new item to add to resume

can fight aliens with no hearing aids while only wearing a towel and half blind because of all the shampoo in my eyes

yay me

also sincere avenger apologies to everyone on the fourth floor of that office building when the towel slipped my bad guys

[scarletmemewitch]

is that why you’re trending this morning? i was afraid to click and now i’m even more afraid

[hawkmemeguy]

definitely be afraid im sadly sure it has nothing to do with the epic soapsud mohawk i was working on when the alert went out

[memeria-hill]

… this is a PR nightmare

[hawkmemeguy]

i dunno maria judging by how many people have asked cap for my phone number i think this could actually turn into a pretty successful side gig 

mildred from accounting flat out asked if i do parties and my trick arrow line item did get slashed at the last quarterly budget review

the people have spoken maria

they want the boxing glove arrow and me in a tasteful purple glitter thong

[hawkmemeguy]

new item to add to resume

can fight aliens with no hearing aids while only wearing a towel and half blind because of all the shampoo in my eyes

yay me

also sincere avenger apologies to everyone on the fourth floor of that office building when the towel slipped my bad guys

[scarletmemewitch]

is that why you’re trending this morning? i was afraid to click and now i’m even more afraid

[hawkmemeguy]

definitely be afraid im sadly sure it has nothing to do with the epic soapsud mohawk i was working on when the alert went out

[hawkmemeguy]

new item to add to resume

can fight aliens with no hearing aids while only wearing a towel and half blind because of all the shampoo in my eyes

yay me

also sincere avenger apologies to everyone on the fourth floor of that office building when the towel slipped my bad guys

[natasharomanovamemequeen]

i may have put my unfortunate fishnets phase behind me, but clint sure has not

[hawkmemeguy]

the key is to wear socks underneath so your toes dont get all pinched also FISHNETS 4EVER they make cool patterns and these days they come in neon

[buckykingofmemes]

i don’t care how often clint calls me the ‘summer soldier’, i’m still not telling him where i conceal my knives in this outfit

[hawkmemeguy]

inquiring minds want to know buck do it for america

[memecaptainsteverogers]

My theory is pocket dimensions in his pockets. 

[hawkmemeguy]

it sure would explain how hes able to keep producing grenades out of nowhere while wearing booty shorts

[buckykingofmemes]

i don’t care how often clint calls me the ‘summer soldier’, i’m still not telling him where i conceal my knives in this outfit

[hawkmemeguy]

inquiring minds want to know buck do it for america

[anais-ninja-bitch]

hey hey time for ridiculous headcanon theater

tell me fun headcanons about steve rogers’ YouTube cooking program that features other superheroes.

[cipheramnesia]

Doom is on one episode and Richards is on the next and Doom is shit talking how “The fool Richards knows not the adequate use of garlic, behold Doom’ mighty garlic press” and it’s like a giant fuckoff thing crushing 4 bulbs in one shot and Doom ends up invited back regularly but not Richards because Richards really does suck tbh.

[anais-ninja-bitch]

richards legit thinks a single clove of garlic is enough.

[cipheramnesia]

Richards legit thinks black pepper is spicy.

[anais-ninja-bitch]

absjfkdlgnshensbabdj

[fmlcomic]

When Johnny Storm is on he spends most of the time eating ghost peppers and saying “yeah, my sister married the blandest dude in the history of ever.”

[anais-ninja-bitch]

johnny teaches cap how to cook an omelette in someone else’s kitchen. cap tries not to be impressed

[anais-ninja-bitch]

johnny: and if all else fails, and your hook up doesn’t even have eggs, you can always order bagels and lox from schumacher’s through uber eats.

steve: whoa, whoa, whoa. why would you do that when ratzenberg’s delivers too?

*half an hour of arguing about bagels*

[thephilosophersapprentice]

DONT FORGET THE JELLO ASPIC EPISODE.

[anais-ninja-bitch]

this reply gave me heartburn and nausea

[thephilosophersapprentice]

I would say I’m sorry, except I’m not. (please visit @memecaptainsteverogers for more absolute chaos and anarchy)

[duckapus]

Hulk shows up and he’s really, really good, especially with egg-based dishes. And unless he’s baking there’s no mess, nothing broken. His only explanation is “when you’re this strong, everything is an egg.”

[ebonyheartnet]

Meanwhile, the next episode with Bruce, “it’s just chemistry you eat, right?” Banner is an unmitigated disaster.

How do you even get that much fire from a cupcake?!

[memecaptainmarvel]

Hey I set a lemon meringue tart on fire once.

THIRTY SECONDS IN THE OVEN.

THE SMOKE ALARM WENT OFF AFTER THIRTY FUCKING SECONDS.

[ladyhawkmemeguy]

at least that was less destructive than clint’s long-distance-shish-kabobs?

[anais-ninja-bitch]

okay, but you are now legally required to provide the recipe for clint’s long-distance-shish-kabobs

[ladyhawkmemeguy]

first you’re going to want to get some steak, some onions and peppers, some arrows, and a flamethrower…

[hawkmemeguy]

and a first aid kit im hungry im ready im armed everybody up to the roof im making dinner

[hawkmemeguy]

(Mod note: I have now seen the movie! I still won’t be posting anything spoilery, but if people want to have Feelings in the inbox I will no longer be mad about it.)

[scarletmemewitch]

does it matter who fills the report out as long as it gets done on time?

[meme-intern-of-shield]

Do NOT dump it on me again.

[scarletmemewitch]

do you want it turned in before the deadline or not?

and I’ll pay you

[meme-intern-of-shield]

I don’t want it dumped on me! I got enough going on without filling an incident report for an incident I wasn’t present for.

[scarletmemewitch]

fine I’ll get someone else to do it

clint maybe

[hawkmemeguy]

i just found a crayon between the couch cushions so sure why not

[supersecretmeme]

You can’t sign legal documents in crayon, they won’t let you.

[scarletmemewitch]

they aren’t legal documents, they’re just avengers incident forms

thanks clint!

[hawkmemeguy]

i got bored halfway through so the second page is all stick figures but hey its done and submitted

[scarletmemewitch]

does it matter who fills the report out as long as it gets done on time?

[meme-intern-of-shield]

Do NOT dump it on me again.

[scarletmemewitch]

do you want it turned in before the deadline or not?

and I’ll pay you

[meme-intern-of-shield]

I don’t want it dumped on me! I got enough going on without filling an incident report for an incident I wasn’t present for.

[scarletmemewitch]

fine I’ll get someone else to do it

clint maybe

[hawkmemeguy]

i just found a crayon between the couch cushions so sure why not

[memecaptainsteverogers]

I don’t trust magic because I always feel underdressed around those who do.

[thor-the-asgardian-meme]

Your outfit is just as colourful as mine.

[mystic-master-wong]

You are underdressed, Captain. You at least need a tunic.

[scarletmemewitch]

would you like me to surround you with wigglywoo? it won’t do anything, just make you look really sparkly and shiny

[hawkmemeguy]

say no more im getting the glitter arrows

[hawkmemeguy]

(Hawkeye mod here: No idea when I’ll get a chance to see Endgame, so I won’t be posting any spoilery things here. If I do write something that turns out to be a spoiler, it’s a clear sign that I will be getting a payout from Marvel!

...Okay, no, not even Lucky believes that one.

Anywho, if people do send me spoilers, I won’t be responding to them. And, you know, I’d appreciate it if nobody did.

We now return to our usual lack of punctuation, capitalization, and well-thought-out life choices!)

[prince-of-space-memes]

I HAVE PURPLE BANDAIDES

I HAVE SO MUCH COFFEE

I HAVE NO SLEEP FOR 7 SEVEN DAYS

IM GONNA JOIN THE HAWKEYE GANG

Theres no one to tell me no!

[ladyhawkmemeguy]

i am equal parts excited and concerned.

[prince-of-space-memes]

KATEKATEKATE CAN ONE OF YOU GUYS SHOW ME HOW TO SHOOT??

[ladyhawkmemeguy]

heck yeah! time to get out the targets!

[hawkmemeguy]

okay if were gonna do this were gonna do it right ill order some pizza and find a dog and a first aid kit

[hawkmemeguy]

things supervillains really hate

- affectionate nicknames e.g. doomalicious, dr doomy pants

- when you escape from their super secure dungeons and then hang around to eat their food and use their wifi

- any well meaning attempts to help their minions unionize

- unlocking the avenger proof cuffs during interrogation then saying oops and putting them back on

- any attempt to take notes during their villain monologues for some reason they never think im sincere about it

- (an avengers got his memoir plans you hear what im saying)

- fashion tips involving purple or any kind of arrow theme

- responding to dramatic ultimatums with cool i could pencil you in for next wednesday oops wait no thats mario kart night

- responding to dramatic ultimatums with sorry buddy you knocked out my hearing aids during the fight and i missed that whole thing can you write it down for me

- the boxing glove arrow

[prince-of-space-memes]

I wanna be you when I grow up

[hawkmemeguy]

i cant in good conscience recommend that

[prince-of-space-memes]

I aspire to be you now

Im gonna go buy some purple bandaides. I think thats the first step

[hawkmemeguy]

oh geez its happened ive corrupted the youth

[hawkmemeguy]

things supervillains really hate

- affectionate nicknames e.g. doomalicious, dr doomy pants

- when you escape from their super secure dungeons and then hang around to eat their food and use their wifi

- any well meaning attempts to help their minions unionize

- unlocking the avenger proof cuffs during interrogation then saying oops and putting them back on

- any attempt to take notes during their villain monologues for some reason they never think im sincere about it

- (an avengers got his memoir plans you hear what im saying)

- fashion tips involving purple or any kind of arrow theme

- responding to dramatic ultimatums with cool i could pencil you in for next wednesday oops wait no thats mario kart night

- responding to dramatic ultimatums with sorry buddy you knocked out my hearing aids during the fight and i missed that whole thing can you write it down for me

- the boxing glove arrow

[prince-of-space-memes]

I wanna be you when I grow up

[hawkmemeguy]

i cant in good conscience recommend that