Here's something inspired by @bitterkarella 's silly Midnight Pals posts.
We see two men sitting opposite one another in a room, at a desk with a typewriter and drinks on it and a lamp hanging from the low ceiling.
One man is bald and in ancient fancy garb, the other dressed like an American horror actor from the mid-20th century.
The American man at the typewriter smiles keenly before taking a sip of a glass of wine.
Vincent Price:
Greetings and salutations, friends.
I am Vincent Price, who you may remember from such classics as Roger Corman's "The Raven" and "The Terror".
You may also have seen me in the great biblical epic titled "The Ten Commandments", and seen me committing vile villainy as seen in films like House of Wax, and House on Haunted Hill, and House of Usher.
Good heavens, what house haven't I been in as of late?
I have met with such strange creatures as Dracula, Frankenstein (the doctor, of course), and even Kermit the frog.
At one point I even met Abbott and Costello.
Today I have the honour to be doing a candid interview with the most important scientific find of the twentieth century: a living mummy, reputedly the ancient Imhotep.
Vincent Price bows his head respectfully to the ancient priest, before starting the interview formally.
Vincent Price:
Good day, my dear Imhotep. I trust you have found our lodgings amenable?
I hope they have not been too lacking in ghouls and ghosts, at least to your liking.
Imhotep:
Very amenable indeed, Vincentprice.
I just find these metal horses a bit strange and noisy, but the drinks and food have been very nice.
Vincent Price:
That is splendid news to hear, mister Imhotep.
I'm sorry, but I understand you were an ancient priest in your time.
Vincent Price:
Your time. You know, back when---
Imhotep:
I am a priest now too, if that pleases you.
Vincent Price:
Now allow me to ask you this question:
I understand that you are a priest.
But I started this interview simply calling you Imhotep.
But would you prefer Mister, Father, Omnipotence, Your Exaltedness…?
Imhotep:
I do not know what kind of dishes those are but I would make a bet those are delightful meals.
Vincent Price:
I'm sorry, sir, what to call you?
Imhotep:
My name is Imhotep.
Vincent Price:
I don't know who else I could have been talking to.
Imhotep:
Do they eat falafel in your home country, Vincentprice?
Vincent Price:
Some people do, I'm sure.
Imhotep:
That sounds very nice.
Vincent Price:
Now, Imhotep, allow me another question:
When you were unearthed in the year of our Lord 1921---
Imhotep:
Who is your Lord?
I should very much like to meet him.
Vincent Price:
That is besides the point.
Imhotep:
I decide what is besides the point.
Vincent Price:
When you were unearthed in the year 1921 by the expedition led by Joseph Whemble, how did you feel?
Vincent Price:
Yes, that seems a likely case.
Imhotep:
A kind man read from the Scroll of Thoth to give me life again.
I am not sure what happened to him afterwards.
Vincent Price:
That poor man was called Ralph Norton, and it seems he passed away from the shock a while after doing so.
Imhotep:
Shock? I thought he was laughing from the joy of seeing me in my full glory.
Vincent Price:
You were half-naked and a bag of bones wrapped in mummy wrappings.
Imhotep:
I can be dead and handsome, Vincentprice.
Vincent Price:
Well, I think it might have been a bit too much for mister Norton.
Poor man.
Imhotep:
Any man who gazes upon me is a rich man by virtue.
Vincent Price:
Let us go on to the next question:
When next you were seen among mortal men, you had restored your looks to something a bit more…fresh.
How did you achieve this change in complexion?
Vincent Price:
Drinking water restored you to your youthful looks?
Imhotep:
You should try a week without alcohol, Vincentprice.
I am sure that one day you could become as handsome as I am.
Vincent Price:
Does the name Rick O'Connell ring a bell?
Imhotep:
No, because names don't ring bells.
Men do that.
Vincent Price:
Does the name Rick O'Connell sound familiar to you?
Imhotep:
Whoever that is is not part of my family, no.
Vincent Price:
Does the name Rick O'Connell sound like a name you have ever heard before?
Imhotep:
Yes. This is the third time you have mentioned that name, Vincentprice.
Vincent Price:
Very well.
When you came back to life, what was your first goal?
Imhotep:
When you wake up, do you do so with an immediate goal in mind?
Vincent Price:
Excuse me?
Imhotep:
When you wake up, do you do so purposefully?
Vincent Price:
No, I suppose not.
Imhotep:
I was hungry and thirsty, and thus I went looking for food and drink.
Vincent Price:
Did you find something good?
Imhotep:
Do you remember what you ate and drank yesterday evening?
Vincent Price:
Good heavens, no.
I was preparing myself for this interview.
Imhotep:
Yes, I thought so too.
Imhotep:
I went looking for nice clothes, but all I could find was robes and weird hats.
It's very strange how Egypt changed so much, people worship a god called Islam now.
Vincent Price:
Islam is the religion.
Vincent Price:
God, I suppose.
Vincent Price:
Imhotep, you are currently in Great-Britain.
Imhotep:
Is that so? Can you then explain what makes Britain great?
Imhotep:
It does explain the rainy weather.
Imhotep:
What do people in Great Britain drink on a rainy day, Vincentprice?
Vincent Price:
Same thing they drink every day: a cup of hot tea with milk.
Imhotep:
Milk. How vomitable.
Imhotep:
So what is the true reason you are interviewing me right now, Vincentprice?
Vincent Price:
Imhotep, I don't quite know if you realise, but we are currently in the year 1963.
Imhotep:
I did not realise the interview had lasted so long already.
Time truly does fly.
Vincent Price:
Movies have been made about you, including one starring the legendary Boris Karloff.
Imhotep:
Boriskarlof. I like the name. Does he sit in a Boriskarloffice?
Vincent Price:
Boris Karloff sits on his laurels nowadays because only few movie producers want anything to do with such an old man.
Imhotep:
I can relate. No movie producer has ever interviewed me, and I am also an old man.
Vincent Price briefly grabs a folder of pictures and documents, before slipping a photograph of what seems to be an Arabian man with a great beard, robed in black and seated on a camel.
Vincent Price:
Imhotep, does this man seem familiar to you?
Imhotep:
After thoroughly inspecting this painting, I can surely say he is not of my family.
Vincent Price:
This is a man named Ardeth Bey, of a secret society that swore to keep you asleep and in your tomb.
Imhotep:
Well, I surely would allow him to put me to bed.
Vincent Price:
I beg your pardon?
Imhotep:
Ardethbey is quite a handsome man.
Vincent Price:
Oh, yes, indeed.
Imhotep:
May I meet him soon?
Vincent Price:
Yes, I think you might.
Someone knocks on the door, before coming in dressed like a 1920s pulp adventure protagonist.
The newcomer takes a foldup chair and joins Vincentprice and Imhotep at the table, revealing himself to be Indiana Jones.
He is promptly told that he's in the wrong interrogation chamber, and he leaves.
Someone knocks on the door, before coming in dressed like a 1920s pulp adventure protagonist.
The newcomer takes a foldup chair and joins Vincentprice and Imhotep at the table, revealing himself to be Rick O'Connell.
Rick:
Looks like they can't keep you down, huh?
Imhotep:
Rick, you have grown old. Older.
What can I do for you?
Rick:
I don't know, lie down dead?
Vincent Price:
Oh, come now. Can't we all be a bit friendlier?
I'm sure old battles have been fought by now.
Rick:
I suppose that's true.
Imhotep:
To the contrary of what you may expect, I do respect a man who has bested me twice.
Rick:
And I respect a mummy who stays dead.
Imhotep:
Yes, I do not know what is up with that.
Imhotep:
How is Benny doing?
Imhotep:
Benny. Your best friend.
Rick:
I don't have a best friend called Benny.
Imhotep:
A man who used to serve with you in the army who came to be my servant for a little while?
Rick:
Oh, Beni.
I'm afraid he didn't make it.
Imhotep:
I see.
What is "it"?
Imhotep:
Oh. What colour?
Rick:
No, he---Imhotep, he's dead.
Imhotep:
A lot of people seem to be.
I wonder if there is an illness going around.
Vincent Price:
Now, gentlemen, is there anything you would like to share with one another?
Vincent Price:
And what would that be?
Rick:
Vincent Price is a vampire.
Imhotep:
Boriskarlof sits in his Boriskarloffice drinking Boriskarloffee.
Vincent Price:
Both of you are half correct.
While I do wear a cape, it is because I am a wizard, not a vampire.
And it's funny that Imhotep should say that…
With the flick of a finger, Vincent Price conjures two new guests to the table;
Boris Karloff dressed as a wizard, and a raven, which briefly sips of a mug of warm milk and exclaims "how vomitable".
Boris Karloff sips from a glass of wine and looks briefly towards Imhotep, before laughing at the raven's misfortune.
Boris:
It is so good to see you all today, friends.
Rick:
I have no idea who this is.
Boris:
I am Boris Karloff. The famous movie actor.
Rick:
Are you related to Bela Lugosi?
Boris:
Does Bela Lugosi have an impeccable British accent like mine?
Rick:
No, but I mean your British accent might be an act.
Boris:
My name is an act, my accent isn't.
Rick:
What does that even mean?
Imhotep:
I do not know what British is either.
Vincent Price rings a bell to break up the conversation between these extraordinary gentlemen.
Vincent Price:
Gentlemen, it is time for lunch.
Vincent Price presents a plate of freshly grilled bloodworms for everyone, with Rick just sitting there looking at the guys like weirdos.
After a brief inexplicably disgusting lunch, the group all join the table again to continue the interview.
Larry Talbot tries to find someone who can cure his lycanthropy for him, so Vincent Price fills his prescription for cocaine and kindly shows him the door.
Vincent Price:
Gentlemen, this may not be the 1963 you remember.
In the normal timeline's 1963, I was Vincent Price.
But in this timeline's 1963, I am Vincent Price.
Make of that what you will, but I will not tolerate any shenanigans.
Imhotep:
What are shenanigans?
Boris:
They are like little goblins, waiting behind the scenes to wreck your day.
Imhotep:
I wonder what mischief I could order them to commit.
Vincent Price:
Unfortunately I have called you all here for more serious matters, to ask you this very pertinent question, and I do demand your collective attention.
Rick, Boris, Imhotep and the Raven all perk their ears and eyes towards Vincentprice.
Vincent Price:
Are you now, or have you ever been, a card-carrying member of the Communist Party?
Rick bursts out laughing.
Boris calmly but frustratedly rolls his eyes.
Imhotep just sits there with a blank stare wondering what's going on.
Vincent Price:
As I have to gather intelligence for the government, I unfortunately still have many more questions to ask you.
Boris:
Is there any intelligence with us in this room right now?
Vincent:
No, I'm afraid intelligent life had vacated these premises long ago.
The raven pulls a gun out of its beak.
Rick pulls two guns from his belt.
Imhotep doesn't have any guns to pull from anywhere, so he just snarls annoyedly.
Boris Karloffice pulls out a stapler.
Vincent Price stands up to reveal the police badge lodged on his classy coat, and his shiny vampire teeth.
Vincent Price:
I am indeed a mighty vampire cop, and I have called you here to extract important information for my masters.
Vincent Price pains his heavy brow just thinking about the situation.
Vincent Price:
It is beyond my control.
I am under strict command to make sure that none of you are foreign spies, and, well…
Imhotep:
I and Boriskarloffice are foreign. But spies?
Raven: And I'm Hungarian.
Vincent Price:
That is indeed all true.
You may be foreigners, but you are no spies.
It is just highly unfortunate that the current regime here demands conformity to a ridiculous degree.
Boriskarloffice:
To what degree, then, Vincent?
Vincent Price:
To the degree that they don't like communists.
Vincent Price shoots Boris Karloffice, causing him to need the services of an undertaker so he can be put in a Boris Karloffin.
Rick:
Yeah, I think we got that message.
Imhotep:
It was always such a shame Boriskarloffice got the role of the Frankenstein monster despite being too handsome for the role.
I hope it sued for damages.
Raven:
So what happens now, Vincent?
Vincent Price:
Well, we need to be able to establish these three questions.
The first of which sounds:
Suddenly, Vincent Price's head explodes.
In comes Vincent Price, dressed as Elvis Presley but carrying with him a glowing laser guitar.
Vincent Pricesley:
I'm sorry, I had to do it.
He was up to his usual dramatic shenanigans, like a true drama queen.
Don't worry, he'll be fine in just a couple days.
Raven:
What the fuck is going on here?
Vincent Pricesley slaps the raven for profanity.
Vincent Pricesley:
Gentlemen, this may not be the 1963 you remember.
In the normal timeline's 1963, I was Vincent Price.
But in this timeline's 1963, I am Vincent Pricesley.
Imhotep:
That does not explain anything.
Who are other Vincentprice's masters?
Vincent Pricesley:
Thank you! Now let us make our escape.
Vincent Pricesley breaks the group out using his laser guitar and out they march towards a barren world that seems normal but also rather barren.
Brown rusty city scapes with lots of trash littered around, and not a person to be seen.
Imhotep really regrets ever taking this interview.