I Want To Believe 👽

[enby-distortion]

Hell/Heaven is being renovated and y’all gotta share office space now:

Heaven being renovated:

–Gabriel trying to take down the (de)motivational posters and replace them with that kitten poster

–Beelzebub hoarding staplers so the angels can’t use them

–Michael desk sharing with Ligur and the two of them are the most efficient they’ve ever been

–Hastur highkey jealous of Michael (even tho he has no reason to be) and dragging Ligur off into a broom closet to remind him whose husband he is

–Uriel sitting on Beelzebub’s throne and Beez is like…as a Prince I am appalled…but as a lesbian I am DELIGHTED

–Dagon correcting Gabriel’s paperwork like NO WRONG WRONG WRONG DO IT AGAIN USE A PEN WRITE LEGIBLY WHY DID YOU DRAW A TRIANGLE YOU USELESS ANGEL

–Sandalphon being very confused by Legion…saying hi to them several times a day because he doesn’t want to be impolite! How many???? are you?????

–Gabriel being used as a footstool by at least 3 different demons, also being used to reach high shelves…tbh he’s never felt so useful!

Hell being renovated:

–Beelzebub looking around Heaven…this bitch empty! *yeets Gabriel*

–Hastur does not belong on a hoverboard

–Dagon is distressed over their filing system…it’s just…so bad. DAMN, Y’ALL LIVE LIKE THIS???

–Michael and Ligur still sharing a desk, still the only efficient motherfuckers in the joint

–Beelzebub has taken over Gabriel’s desk and replaced his ergonomic chair with their throne, flies buzz angrily around the office door when Beez doesn’t want to be disturbed

–Hastur finding out where the leak was coming from and refusing to do anything until it’s fixed

–random angels thinking Ligur’s a demon of lust because he’s so beautiful, Hastur being enraged like HE’S JUST BEAUTIFUL BACK OFF

–Sandalphon trying and failing to make small talk with Dagon and Hastur

–various angels being highkey into Dagon and their sharp shiny teeths

–Uriel has locked her office and put up a sign ‘by appointment only’

–Gabriel trying to figure out how many offices to give to Legion, but Gabriel can’t math

–Gabriel bringing Beez coffee all the time to the point that everyone thinks he’s been demoted

–Beez doesn’t even drink the coffee, they just like to order Gabriel around

[cadaverofdays]

[kidkendoll-deactivated20240714]

The first 3 seasons of this show are untouchable

[canadianstuck]

One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.

And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”

He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.

[ournameisfun]

during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard

[sammysausage]

When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, “Are you with him? What’s his name?”

She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”

He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”

Naturally, we erupted with “WE LOVE MILKSHAKES” and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, “I bet you’re real confused now, huh, JASON?!”

[windyvalleyzone]

ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid

[jxhn-mulaney]

i saw him last night and there was a good ten minute interlude where a woman told him everything she found wrong with his suit, including that his pants were too high waisted to which he replied “that’s where my hips are” and someone in the back shouted “look at that high waisted man he’s got feminine hips!” and he yelled back “that’s my joke! i’m offended!!”

[owlmylove]

the year is 2027. the met gala theme is dashcon. i arrive in a navy parachute-nylon gown with a shimmering, mile long train containing a diving board, depth markers and hundreds of plastic balls. the vogue style editor dressed as Dr. Whostuck pulls me aside and begs to know the designer. i smile enigmatically and simply say, “it’s a ball gown.” all of the reporters are wearing mishapocalypse masks

[antiriko]

op do u take constructive criticism ?

[owlmylove]

i am not accepting comments at this time

[adulthoodisokay]

#i know exactly how cursed it felt to read this #bc i had to experience the horror of writing it

[meredith30x30]

I would wear a mile long dress of the what color is the sky post

[owlmylove]

I am accepting one (1) comment at this time

[lovlae]

oh fr 😳😳

[stepfordgoth]

I hate these posts because they've gotten in my head, and when I was drunk in the passenger seat of my friends car last night I saw a cop in hi-vis directing traffic and my first thought was "ok he do be lookin kinda safe doe"

[6lackranger]

[rinasaurusrex]

what if instead of drops, rain fell all at once.

like, a two inch thick sheet of water just goes thwap, and then it’s sunny again

[mx-inactive-deactivated20211028]

Fun fact: This is what would happen if there was no air resistance, and it would actually come down so fast that it would kill us

[rinasaurusrex]

oh.

[aceofsquiddles]

[mars-the-4th-planet]

Dont forget one-time-I-dreamt!

[beaft]

i’ve put on the first harry potter movie to keep me company while i draw, and can i just say: the way that harry+co immediately jump to suspecting snape of Nefarious Evildoings simply because he’s kind of a dick will never not be funny to me. they don’t even know he used to be a death eater at this point. they know literally NOTHING about him they’re just like “well he was mean to me in class the other day, so he’s probably a spy for voldemort” “yeah that seems legit. let’s set him on fire” 

[beaft]

my other take-away from this rewatch is that hogwarts library apparently has a restricted section to ~Protect The Children~ and it’s full of like, all the books that are too edgy or too crammed with Arcane Knowledge and you need a fucking permission slip to go in there? what the fuck. i tell you if i went to wizard school i would be in the restricted section every fucking night and if they punished me i simply would not care. expulsion for a good cause

[beaft]

while i’m at it: do we ever get any explanation for why the staircases move, or is it purely to create an atmosphere of irrational, random terror?

[beaft]

you know what, i’m on a roll now, and i’m going to address the elephant in the room: the entire plot of the first book was clearly a calculated ploy by dumbledore, designed to test harry’s suitability as future Saviour of the Wizarding World. like… we all know this, right? i’m not going out on a limb here, am i? let’s look at the facts.

step one: bring an artefact capable of bestowing immortality to school, fully aware that this artefact is being coveted by an evil wizard

step two: hire shady guy to work at school, who may or may not be concealing said evil wizard underneath his turban

step three: set up series of puzzles with a difficulty level appropriate to, say, three eleven-year-old students, and put the artefact right in the middle. sit back. twiddle thumbs. get out popcorn.

step four: when all’s said and done, destroy artefact as planned and use this sequence of events as an excuse to award many, many points to own house, thereby winning House Cup and pulling a “haha gotcha!” on all the other houses, which you don’t particularly care about

step five: profit

[otherwindow]

My guilty pleasure is typical angel designs where it looks like a human with bird wings - I love the idea of the “human” part just being a shell/cocoon hiding the REAL angel.

Demons possess. Angels abandon.

[otherwindow]

[despazito]

aesthetic: the three headed rat queen from the russian nutcracker movie and her three headed rat son

[bergentruckung]

don’t ever talk to me or me or me or my son or my son or my son again

[buzzfeed]

The 18 Absolute Dumbest Things Anti-Vaxxers Actually Said In 2018

[yakotta]

[hope-lives-in-the-galaxy]

Sick of these ppl

[lilacblossoms]

the number of times in class at my medical school one of the teachers has said “this horrifying thing used to happen to people all the time, but now we have a vaccine for it so we don’t see it anymore”

[bob-belcher]

[lily-orchard]

Is Autism Speaks really as bad as people say it is?

Having been forced to deal with them and organizations like them, I can safely say “No.”

It is obscenely worse.

You see, any idiot can look at things like “we need a cure” and their anti-vaccination advocacy and realize how ridiculously stupid that it. 

But that’s not what they sell to children’s hospitals. Instead, they push extremely unconventional medications to “help” autistic children (usually by sedating them into a catatonic state). I mentioned earlier that Risperidol eases overstimulation, but Autism Speaks doesn’t like Risperidol because it’s not controlling enough.

Autism Speaks absolutely loves “treatments” and “counselling” based around controlling everything autistic children do. Stimming, self-coping mechanisms, even strange and oddball quirks like kids who wear gloves everywhere, all of these are taken from them and doled out as privileges. It’s all about turning anything an autistic child likes into something they can control.

They treat these children like fucking animals and really enjoy forced isolation as a punishment. The IWK has several “Secure Isolation Rooms” that they will place autistic children in their care into for hours at a time unsupervised when they start acting out. And not “having a meltdown and might accidentally hurt someone” kind of acting out, even just mouthing off or getting lippy with a nurse.

I am personally convinced that the whole “cure” motto is a sham, because studies into Autism long ago disproved the theory that it was something that needed curing. Autism Speaks behaves more like a eugenics organization. And they are slippery bastards about it too. 

I’ve had the displeasure of having to interact with them directly because they have such a stranglehold on Nova Scotia’s youth mental health that any counseling group inevitably gets calls from them. Speaking to them and hearing the tone with which they spoke about these poor kids made my fucking skin crawl.

If you’re an autistic child and they’re talking to your parents or counselor about you, they won’t even use your name. The Child, The Patient, and The Boy/Girl are all common ways to refer to these kids. On several occasions they’ve referred to some kid as “it.”

I’ve said before that Tumblr especially doesn’t quit know what Autism Speaks is, and that’s because their public persona is very carefully crafted. Their reputation is so cartoonish that doctors who don’t know better won’t believe it, and so they swoop in with a lot of pretty language and faux-politeness. The skeezy, contemptuous way they behave when they think they’re doing business is enough to make you fucking vomit.

You quickly learn why so many hospitals willingly work with them. They are very good at getting their claws into health care organizations because they have this almost sinister “Friendliness” to them, and when you combine this with the fact that a lot of child psychologists have absolutely no concern for the actual well-being of children (just making the parents happy so they continue footing the bill) you have a recipe for a truly horrifying experience.

I can’t fully articulate just how sickening they are. Take however bad you THINK they are, multiply it by a hundred, and then think about how Quentin Tarantino would inflate that to make a movie out of it.

That’s how fucking gross and vile they really are when they think nobody is watching.

~Lily

[khiroptera]

anon prompted a short comic with a jealous crowley, though he’s less jealous here than pissed off

listen, crowley knows aziraphale can easily get out of this situation himself, but the guy was being an asshole (that pick-up line, seriously?) and therefore needed to be dealt with in a show-offy asshole way. and aziraphale gets some really fond memories out of the whole thing, so he’s not bothered.

[glumshoe]

“Pronouns exist only to demote gender. That’s their purpose.”

Look, @dimitris670 , I don’t want to insult you by going full 3rd grade English class, but you don’t seem to have a very clear grasp on what a pronoun is or what its role is grammatically. A pronoun is a part of speech. It is a substitute for a noun in a sentence. This sentence contains a pronoun. So does this one. “This” is a demonstrative pronoun. Most English pronouns do not denote gender at all... here is an incomplete list of some you probably use every day:

it, they, she, he, you, me, I, we, us, them, yourself, myself, himself, herself, yourselves, themselves, ourselves, mine, your, his, her, him, their, our, ours, hers, theirs, its, this, that, these, which, those, who, whom, whose, whichever, whoever, whomever, anybody, anyone, anything, each, either, everybody, everyone, everything, neither, nobody, no one, nothing, one, somebody, someone, something, both, few, many, several, all, none, any, some, most

Each word refers to a noun. That’s the grammatical function of a noun. English has a handful of pronouns that imply the gender of an individual, but there are languages that lack that completely and use the same pronouns for everyone. Some languages gender words that English does not, and many of these languages treat the equivalents of “he” and “him” and “his” as neuter. Pronouns don’t “exist only to denote gender”, that’s just an occasional side-effect of a handful of English pronouns and absolutely not universal or their primary grammatical function.

Language is a human creation that we made up with our imaginations. It’s not natural law. We can change it or use it in new ways to communicate things that it does not already accommodate for. There are cultures where a person’s hairstyle is extremely important and represents all kinds of things about them—their gender, whether or not they’re married, their age, if they have children, if they are a twin. It used to be illegal in the USA for an otherwise feminine woman to wear trousers, because clothing is so deeply tied to gender. There are lines we consider uncrossable that other cultures and languages lack completely, and lines we now consider arbitrary that were unthinkable to the same populations a hundred years ago.

I’m sorry but no meaningful discussion of pronouns can happen if we ignore what a pronoun actually is.

[hi2k]

my gender is wanting to look as eccentric as possible

[hi2k]

Mad scientist dysphoria