Unicorns Dont Lie

Hey!! I am 20 and lovee to go on adventures and make new friends! Feel free to reach out😊

[catchymemes]

[funnytwittertweets]

[sharkchunks]

It took Oscar Wilde like 65K words to say this exact thing.

[dutchs-blog]

Lego Swimming Pool Layout

[helila]

[gangueiro]

[transviktortalis]

#oh this place is HAUNTED haunted

[alleiradayne]

NOW it’s serious

[appendingfic]

This is the supernatural equivalent of going to the doctor and they keep pulling specialists in the room to go, “wow, I’ve never seen THAT before”

[sexygrammaticalerrors]

[what-even-is-thiss]

See, in the correct genre and the correct context these are all absolutely brilliant.

[pupucino]

These could be Douglas Adams quotes.

[fuckyeahyoga]

[sausagesupreme]

@billy-babe

[dutchs-blog]

Making Miniature waves

[proud-spaniard]

Haciendo olas en miniatura/maqueta

[etirabys]

had a fight with a partner yesterday where I was completely in the wrong, so today when we met up again to discuss it, I bought flowers (one reddish rose, one white blossom, two blue blossoms) beforehand

and presented it with the rest of my apology, in an embarrassed monotone, because by all accounts this should not work to affect his emotions at all, and I was doing this in a kind of "hopefully this alien ritual works to convey my earnestness because I don't have a lot of additional vectors for it... sorry if you perceive it as a ridiculous and ineffective bit of bribery" way

the presence or absence of flowers seems orthogonal to my internal state (e.g. contrition, probability of future improvement). they're not a useful gift. they're not zero signal of caring, but it's a low barrier to entry signal. getting flowers is not difficult or very expensive

but he said it worked! I grilled him about it. here are my findings.

he said that the flowers reduced his anger to 60% of initial anger when he walked in through the door

I asked whether more flowers would have worked better. he said a full bouquet (probably 20 flowers?) would have been noticeably better, but the curve goes flat after that.

I asked him how much 20 flowers would have reduced his anger, and he said to 45%. so here's a graph extrapolation (that does not account for non-flower factors like the quality of the apology)

[myconetted]

i think at some point it should go back up. like you've bought an inconvenient number of flowers to the point of insincerity

[kalichnikov]

"what the hell am i going to do with 1000 flowers. I'm now equally as mad about a second thing"

[etirabys]

yeah you guys are right. here's the new graph

[depsidase]

[lilliephoenix]

autumntides

10h

"In the instance an employer makes an illegal request for a photograph as part of a job application, you may submit a complaint to the United States Equal Employment Opportunity Commission." Successful violation fee collections are paid partially to the one who suffered the violation, which in many cases exceeds a year of work at these shit jobs. There's only two weak points to a corporation, and those are in the budget and in the supply chain. Hit them where it hurts.

[kamikaze-kumquat]

Fucking word.

Learn your rights!

[ms-cellanies]

AUTO REBLOG IN CASE YOU MISSED THIS THE 1ST TIME AROUND.  It is important to KNOW YOUR RIGHTS.

[roxylalonde]

[thesnadger]

Demons and monsters that torture people because they feed on human suffering are so dumb. People are suffering everywhere my guy go literally any place and take a deep whiff.

[thesnadger]

Monster that feeds on suffering becomes a professional caretaker for people with chronic pain and terminal illnesses. They can't change the fact that these people are suffering, but they help a bit and in the meantime they're fat and happy off that Sweet Sweet ambient pain in the air.

Two towns over there's a demon lord trying to get their cult to abduct people for torture, but they keep getting stopped by heroes and the like, so they're barely scraping by. Meanwhile Belogarth the Registered PCA is chowing down on back pain, medication side effects and looming mortality for eight hours a day and has become the most powerful demon on earth without realizing it.

[thesnadger]

"But don't their clients feel weird knowing that they're feeding off their suffering?" No they think it's hilarious and they're real shits about it.

[bladeangelx]

Finally a medical professional who believes that they are in pain. Because the fucker is actively chowing down on your agony. Not only am I going to get treated by them I'm going to invite all of my chronically ill friends to come as well.

[tachvintlogic]

Turns out if you treat the pain then the humans will bring you more humans who are suffering. It's like a restaurant where the waiter is so impressed by your ability to eat food they're giving you more on the house

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

They say things like "well, it's a real feast day for Belogarth today!" and "if my meds are held up at customs again I'm gonna put Belogarth in a food coma" and Belogarth is the one feeling weird about it

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

The Demon King dies and by tradition, the strongest demon is to take his place. All the big bad demon lords go to the demon seer or whatever (I dunno) to determine the strongest and are surprised that it's some rando they've never heard about whose kingdom isn't on any map and seems to consist of a single assisted living facility. They go to crown him the Demon King and are directed to a tired-looking man counting out pills and pouring juice who just looks at them and says, "we are WAY too understaffed for me to take on out-of-work hobbies right now."

[just-positive-posts]

Astronomic Ring (I found it HERE)

[sigzaii]

TY FOR FINDING IT OP!!!

[lscottyboy]

I owe op my life for finding the astronomical ring.

[best-black-friday-deals]

[plumwildflowers]

I forgot I made a couple of mini vine compilations when they announced the end of vine

[elodieunderglass]

i don’t know how vine so perfectly encapsulated the best of humanity but that was a weird time

[elodieunderglass]

Tumblr is weird because this comment lets me know that I saw this once, documented my witness in an addition in 2017 by the time stamps, haven’t seen it since, and it comes at my dash again with 171k notes, after I’ve forgotten it, giving a puzzling effect of being hit in the face by a high speed swan but the swan is myself just temporally displaced

[aquagrunt]

I am in tears

[bittermarching]

If these tags are correct, then yes it looks like they did just about everything wrong!

[fuckyeahyoga]

[sausagesupreme]

@billy-babe

[ilikeit-art]

[cartoondog]

we are gonna be vacuuming up this post for the next five years

[im-a-dragon-cawcaw]

[birlinterrupted]

I am abt to lose my fuckin mind because I happened upon this gender reveal party. and like it’s soo over the top expensive

And like I’m like. Oh great, a horse themed gender reveal party.

complete with like … just truly excessive foods and of course, themed cocktails

and this sign which like… the fragility of like *not* italicizing the word ‘colt’. Like imagine being this weird abt gender

with like, a bucket that eventually ‘revealed’ the gender

But like… the picture that really just completely undid me, for this party which surely was more money than many weddings -

it’s not a horse themed gender reveal party. It’s a gender reveal party FOR A HORSE. I can’t even like imagine the life that would lead to hosting a gender reveal party for a not-yet-born horse. Think abt getting an invitation to this. the cis are at it again.

[happilyeveraftereveryday]

THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE READ ALL DAY

[elzebrook]

well this was a wild ride from start to finish

[when-it-rains-it-snows]

I knew before I googled that this was gonna be California and I was Not disappointed. The horse is TA Jullyens Lillyanna, she is an exceptionally fancy purebred Arabian.

https://www.varianarabians.com/recent-sales/ta-jullyens-lillyanna.html

Her price tag was $Car. $20k if I had to guess.

And the real kicker?

The revealed gender was wrong. #youhadonejob

you cannot make this shit up; horse people are, truly, Just Like That.

[cherrispryte]

I AM SCREAMING