Oh, Look! Shiny!

Diagnosed ADHD | Inattentive ADHD | Diagnosed TBI - moral of the story: Don't get hit in the head | Executive Dysfunction is real | This is my brain dump for ADHD and any of my other neurodivergencies

[asiatasky-blog]

what is post concussion syndrome, anyhow?

Well, I actually didnt invent this thing, even though the name is pretty lazy-sounding. It is, in fact, a thing that follows a concussion. But not everybody who gets concussed will get post concussion syndrome. (It is also called traumatic brain injury or acquired brain injury or mild traumatic brain injury. This was very confusing for me at the beginning but a neurologist assured me that all these terms have the same definition.)

So, symptoms vary for us, The Post-Concussed, but if I could summarize the experience for the Normies and Sympathizers out there, its kind of like this:

Have you ever fallen asleep in at a funny angle and woken up with a sore neck?

And have you also had a bad hangover where you feel sluggish and unmotivated and your head is aching and you can’t tolerate bright lights or loud noise?

And maybe you have a couple of drinks anyway and then you stumble just a bit or can’t find the exact words you want to say?

Its very much like all of that except it never goes away and its not any fun.

Sometimes theres other stuff, too. Nausea. Shaking or tremors. Panic. Depression. Irritability and rage.

And all of this goes on in secret, undetectable to the untrained eye. That constant discomfort you feel is not even noticeable to others unless they are really paying attention.

Because everybody has an off day every once in a while. Everybody sometimes has a headache or some other ache, or their head feels foggy, or they want a nap.

Its a very easy thing to hide, this PCS. But if you do, you quickly evolve into The Crazies — and then, you are really in for it.

You think to yourself, well, every single aspect of my life has shifted. Everything literally feels different. I am new but I am still me, somehow. Did I really use to like designing wedding invitations? Running my own business?

And this young woman is my best friend but I feel no connection to her.

(Its an emotional amnesia, of sorts. At least for this particular brain.)

And so, if nobody else can tell the difference that I feel at all times, then is it… All In My Head????

Well, it is. Because that is where your brain lives. But that doesnt mean its not real. Your brain is literally connected to every other part of your body. It IS your body: we often forget that.

More later. (Oh, and insomnia is also a symptom, by the way. So many more 3 am confessions to come. Stay tuned.)

[herdingsquirrels]

I usually only post about my ADHD. But lately I’ve felt more comfortable talking about my head injury and TBI. I was in a car accident last summer and I suffered a nasty concussion. And weeks went by. Then months. But I wasn’t recovering. I lost part of my hearing and now wear bilateral hearing aids for mild hearing loss but mostly because the tinnitus is so loud I can hardly hear anything over it. Hearing aids correct for the tinnitus and the sounds I can’t hear and I can mostly hear like I used to. I suffered vision changes in my right eye and now wear glasses to correct this. Without glasses I see double. And my right eye can’t focus with the left. Vision therapy has helped. But the glasses will be a permanent feature of my life. Like the hearing aids. Almost a year later I still struggle with light and sound sensitivity. They mostly cause irritability and headaches. Severe headaches. But that’s an understatement because I’ve had a headache for 9 months. I struggle to do simple tasks that used to be easy. I can either do laundry OR make food before I have to go and sleep for a couple hours. But I’m a chronic insomniac now so that’s not always going to happen. I struggle with my speech, focus and concentration, and memory. So sometimes I can’t tell you what I’m thinking or need to say. I can’t find those words. Or, I just can’t say them. I often cannot complete simple tasks like writing emails or making phone calls and apts. I am easily overwhelmed by what, to the uninjured brain, seems like nothing.

And if I didn’t tell you this, unless I was having a hard time speaking at that moment, you wouldn’t know. You wouldn’t know how much it cost me to get dressed and eat something. Or that one or two chores is the most I can manage in a day and that’s why the house is a mess. That I’m not ignoring you, I just can’t look at my phone screen right now or listen to the sound of a conversation. That I don’t have the mental or emotional strength to be present right now but that I still value your friendship. You wouldn’t know that I only look like me on the outside but on the inside what you knew isn’t there anymore. And I don’t know if it will ever be again.

[livixdunne-blog]

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[labmousegirl]

one of the things that makes autism a disability (and why some of us choose to label it as such rather than an “alternate neurotype”) is the stress. 

part of autism is just being incredibly stressed. overstimulation? stress. holding a conversation? stress. something happening to our schedule? stress. people talk about how often autism is recognized and diagnosed via our stress responses (like meltdowns) because it is just so common to see autistic people stressed because of lack of accommodations to how our brains work.

and this matters because stress kills. stress causes a lot of health issues, or it can trigger pre-existing ones by making certain chronic conditions flare up. i once had a psychiatrist very unhelpfully tell me i “just need to manage my stress” when the stress i was describing was things i could not avoid in neurotypical society and can’t “just get over”. i can do “self care” all i like but i cannot at the very base level change the way my brain inputs information and reacts accordingly.

[roach-works]

i only learned this year that loud noises aren’t physically painful for other people. i have lived 34 years in a world in which my friends and family regularly physically hurt me at random just by shouting, and i thought everyone else just thought i was kind of a wimp for not dealing with the pain as well as they did.

like. loud noises physically hurt. it’s like a static shock from my ears to my spine that doesn’t stop until the volume goes back down. i thought we all agreed that ‘that’s too loud!’ and covering our ears meant ‘ouch!’. turns out i’ve been dealing with a stressor almost no one else has, my whole life, alone.

autistic people have to keep functioning through debilitating levels of stress that no one else in their life acknowledges or helps them with. it’s no wonder that their most visible ‘tells’ are breakdowns. 

[ayeforscotland]

Scotland has become the first country in the world to enshrine the right to free period products in law.

[sahadres-go]

Scotland has become the first country in the world to enshrine the right to free period products in law.

i can't believe this took

135 YEARS

[trophyhusbandism]

for everyone out there that experiences hyperfixation(s) or something similar, how would you describe the feeling?

please tell me about it!

[anxietycomments]

It's not a want, it's a need. Whatever you're hyperfixated on becomes your lifeline. It's every vitamin you need to live. It's every drop of water you drink to stay alive. It's every thing you eat. It's every step you take. It's every thought you think. It's every text you write. It's going to worm its way into whatever it can. You won't live a milisecond without experiencing it.

And then it runs out of happy juice and you're just. sitting there awkwardly

[weirdmageddon]

so many autistic people talk about unmasking but what about the autistic people that don’t know where “they” end and where the mask begins

[heymrsamerica]

I was asked yesterday about how to make classrooms friendlier for neurodivergent students and there’s sooo much but I will try to squeeze some thoughts on here:

Fostering an environment for learning and fostering an environment for compliance are two different things. 

1. Do not ever expect students to make eye contact with you. I hated being forced to make eye contact and that teachers assumed I wasn’t listening if I wasn’t looking at them. I learn best when I DONT look at you so I can actually focus and process your words. And this is very common for Neurodivergent people. Autistic listening is still listening!

2. Do not expect the class to give verbal responses if you need students to respond to something! If you need a response from the class (like to know if they are listening or ready for the next steps), you can ask them to do a gesture like a thumbs up, touching their nose etc.. 

3. If possible make a designated space in your classroom as a mini sensory area. If it’s in your budget and affordable to you as an educator, please try to Have a variety of fidget tools that cater to different sensory needs (squishy, soft, rough, buttons to press, spinny etc.) and noise canceling headphones, and light sensitivity glasses available in that spot.

If those aren’t in your budget, maybe try cheap coloring books from the dollar store or have some books there (maybe you can get some from a library) that they can read.

Allow them to go to that spot at any time, but set boundaries of fidget tools though! (Such as use these just for yourself, don’t fling them at other people to be silly or they will have to choose another fidget tool.) I call them fidget tools instead of fidget toys if I’m intentionally using them around kids who are learning that it helps disabled people and it’s not just a cool toy. It also helps when kids may be getting a bit silly with it to the point where it is distracting and you can politely redirect them by asking is the fidget TOOL helping or distracting? If it’s distracting, don’t punish them! We don’t want them to associate shame with those. Just say that it’s great that you like them but let’s wait until break to play with it since we are working right now. (When working with children, but especially neurodivergent children, it’s much better to focus on what they CAN do instead of what they shouldn’t do. It creates a positive environment while still setting healthy boundaries. It’s better than an adult barking “no don’t do that.” And autistic kids hear that so much. 😞

4. Be really flexible with assignments. No, not just with deadlines. Be flexible with how the layout of your assignment is! For example, if a student is having a really hard time writing an essay about the assigned topic due to their disability, ask them if they would like to instead record a voice audio/video with them explaining the assigned topic and you would grade their response based on the CONTENT that they said.

If that sounds “easy” I really need you to pause and think about why that bothers you. If the goal is for students to LEARN rather than comply with traditional education standards, wouldn’t the goal of the assignment be to make sure they understand the content and material that’s being taught? I think students can explain content and material in voice recordings OR in writing. And don’t grade their voice Audio based on their speech. Only focus on WHAT they are talking about and if it’s correct and what you were looking for in the goal of assigning this in the first place.

5. Make peer group projects OPTIONAL. If they can’t do the peer group project option, have another option for them to choose.

6. Allow students to stim. And if you do allow them to stim, do so without making them feel embarrassed or bad about it. If the students stimming is genuinely disruptive, find out if the stimming is caused by some sensory distress in the classroom and try to alter it (example: dimming lights) or tell them in private you are glad they feel comfortable stimming AND lets explore alternative stims that can make you comfortable while you’re in a room with other people who have sensory needs too. It could be a chance to direct them to the sensory area in the class too.

7. Let them slouch. Or even lay down while listening and working. Or even walk around a bit while you teach. You don’t need to sit up or sit still to be able to learn.

8. If you know in advance that you were going to have an autistic student, find out from their support team what their interests are and what ways they learn best. Find out if transitions are hard for them and what makes it easier for them. Take time to learn about their special interest so you can try to bond with them to establish trust that you are a safe person to present as their authentic self.

9. For the love of G-d, please let them use the restroom (ALL kids, not just neurodivergent) when needed. Autistic kids actually statistically struggle more with GI issues and also statistically struggle more with urgency urgency or incontinence. We cannot control this. Forcing us to suffer by refusing our request to go to the restroom so you can finish your lecture is really,harmful. Physically and emotionally. I promise you we are not hearing a word of your lecture if we need to go but you say no. 

Autistic listening is STILL listening.

Autistic learning is STILL learning.

I’ll scream it from the mountains.

Via The Activist Autistic on Facebook

[kkujo]

i just saw someone describe a disabled person as "someone with beautiful abilities" i cannot do this anymore

[kkujo]

god can we stop softening the term "disabled". disabled isn't a dirty word. it's not "special abilities" or "differently abled" or whatever the fuck you want to call it. people have disabilities that cause life to be hard and there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that?? it feels so invalidating when people are like "ohh you're not disabled!!! you have special abilities!!" like. omg a) it feels so infantilizing. b) by saying that you're basically saying our struggles aren't real...? some conditions are disabling. it's not hard to understand?? like there is NOTHING wrong with being disabled & using the word disabled. it's not offensive it's not a dirty word can we take the shame out of it pls oh my god. this goes for physical & non physical disabilities btw

[greenwire]

Euphemism treadmill. This occurs when the concept itself is seen as distasteful, so there's a constant turnover in the language as new euphemisms are created and old euphemisms become offensive. That's why using the toilet has so many euphemisms (water closet, bathroom, restroom). The euphemisms aren't the problem, it's the actual concept they're describing that's seen as embarrassing.

The disabled are considered so lesser that even things tangentially related to disability (calling people "special" because disabled children went to "special education", referencing "short bus" because of the smaller wheelchair-friendly schoolbus, the term "handicapped," even diagnosable conditions) are considered grave insults.

They also tried this with "differently abled."

[suntara]

my favorite love language is trying, actually

[suntara]

like when people try to learn your hobbies or try to play the same sports that you play in an effort to get closer to you, people who try to love you the way you love people, people who will go to places you want to visit just for your sake, people remembering, putting in an effort. just. trying

[maeglinyedi]

Because I'm a bit older (late 40s) I have a different view on the whole debate about whether autism is a disability or not.

I wasn't diagnosed with autism until a year ago (and ADHD 6 months ago), but let's pretend for a moment that I had been diagnosed as a child or as a teenager. And then let's pretend that someone had asked me in my early twenties if I thought autism was a disability.

I would have absolutely denied that. I would have stepped on top of the biggest soap box I could find and shouted that autism was most certainly NOT a disability.

Because in my early twenties I was living my best life. I was married, we'd bought a house, I worked full time, I had good friends and interesting hobbies. I might be autistic, but that didn't stop me from living a perfectly normal life.

Except that it was. I just didn't realize it yet. I was constantly overstimulated without realizing it. And even when I did realize it I just pushed through it, because after all I wasn't disabled.

But your brain can only take so much chronic overstimulation before it just shuts down. I was in my mid twenties when I had my first nervous breakdown. Suddenly I couldn't do the things anymore that I wanted to.

It took me 9 months to recover from that, and that was far too fast, mostly driven by my ADHD which demanded I get my brain back online asap. So I went back to work because I was a perfectly abled young woman after all.

But I didn't change anything that had caused me such overstimulation in the first place, and thus it came back full force and after 18 months I once again reached my breaking point and had a nervous breakdown, this time with added depression.

I haven't worked again since that second breakdown over 20 years ago. I'm officially declared disabled, yet it took me another decade (!) to accept that yes, I really am disabled. The autism and ADHD was a mystery still at that point, but I had officially been diagnosed with depression, anxiety disorder and PTSD. All courtesy of me desperately trying to lead a perfectly normal life for a few years in my early twenties.

Now I know what's going on in my brain. Now I'm starting to understand what my limitations are. And now I know that yes, I really am disabled and that there are plenty of things I can't do like most people can. Certain noises scramble my brain, people exhaust me and it takes me all the energy I have to get myself through a day in one piece. I know this and I accept this.

But now, every time I see a neurodivergent someone in their late teens or their early twenties step up onto a soapbox to loudly proclaim they're not disabled, my heart aches for them because I was once where they are now.

And I hope with all my heart that they will be able to live their lives without ever breaking down, but I also know that there's a chance they'll meet their mental limits sooner or later and learn what it means to be autistic in a very confrontational and devastating way.

Because to be neurodivergent means that you have a brain that needs more attention and care than that of a NT person. You need to learn your limitations, because if you don't those limitations will catch up with you when you least expect it.

And because of that extra care that our brains need, autism is a disability, whether it affects you now or in the future or hopefully never at all.

[coffeeseed]

God, I can't tell you how much the "there's not enough enrichment in my enclosure" joke has helped my mental health. Because, for some reason I can't comprehend, pretending that I'm a zoo keeper caring for an animal (which is also me) just makes everything easier to comprehend. Like "Your head gets screwey when you're apartment is messy" just doesn't carry as much resonance as "The tiger becomes agitated when its enclosure is cluttered" because then I'll be like, no shit? The tiger? I've gotta keep things nice and clean for the tiger.

[thelatestkate]

February 2019 Illustrations  ヽ(• ‿•)ノ

[podsolfairy]

with adhd/autism it’s funny like. people will call you weird all your life, people will bully you for your “outlandish” behaviour, people will criticize literally everything you do as “not normal”, BUT THE SECOND YOU GET DIAGNOSED (or suggest you might have it) they’re like “huh what but you’re so normal, you’re literally the most normal person I’ve ever seen, you’re literally so normal and absolutely nothing is wrong with you? why would you have that now all of a sudden???”

[avengedcelery]

My mom has worked in “special education” for most of my life and swears blind I don’t have adhd, which is funny because she had to do a load of questionnaires for my autism assessment. Including adhd questionnaires. That she completed. Which came back above the threshold. She didn’t think I was autistic either but shut up about that after my diagnosis.

It’s almost like the ideas of autism and adhd that (even “knowledgeable”) people have in their heads are entirely based on autistic and adhd people who were diagnosed as children and the reason some people aren’t diagnosed by the time they’re an adult is because they didn’t act exactly like those children. People can recognise the traits on their own but don’t see you as a whole autistic or adhd person because you don’t fit a stereotype

[podsolfairy]

with adhd/autism it's funny like. people will call you weird all your life, people will bully you for your "outlandish" behaviour, people will criticize literally everything you do as "not normal", BUT THE SECOND YOU GET DIAGNOSED (or suggest you might have it) they're like "huh what but you're so normal, you're literally the most normal person I've ever seen, you're literally so normal and absolutely nothing is wrong with you? why would you have that now all of a sudden???"

[antimasculist]

talking to other Blunt Autism bitches is so refreshing. i can just be like “im tired im going to bed gn” and theyll be like “ok cool gn” there isnt a minefield of social rules or whatever

[missmentelle]

Is it possible to “beat” mental illness? Or does it depend on type/circumstance?

“Beating” mental illness is actually the norm, not the exception. Most people who have a major depressive episode never have another one. 80% of people who survive their first suicide attempt never make a second attempt. 93% of Borderline Personality Disorder patients achieve remission. Up to 74% of people with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder achieve significant clinical improvement in their symptoms, and 20% achieve full remission. Half of Generalized Anxiety Disorder patients achieve remission after the acute phase of treatment. Even disorders with relatively low rates of remission - bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoid personality disorder - generally become milder and easier to manage as you age. Psychiatric symptoms tend to peak in your 20s and generally drop off as you get older, especially if you seek treatment. 

This is why the narratives we use to talk about mental illness matter so much. Right now, the dominant narrative is that mental illness is “an imbalance in the brain” and that it’s largely something that people are born with. There are upsides and downsides to this. The upside is that it promotes the idea that mental illness is not the ill person’s fault, and it helps us understand that mental illness can impact anyone, regardless of their life circumstances. The downside, however, is that it’s sort of given us this idea that mental illness is inborn and unchangeable. People have taken on the idea that “that’s just how my brain is”, when the reality is that, for most people, mental illness is less of a stable trait for them, and more of just a shitty thing that they are going through for a little while. The idea that mental illness is just “in your brain” also erases the very real connection between your life circumstances and your mental health - while it’s very true that a wealthy person in a happy marriage can become depressed, it’s also very true that living in poor conditions and being in an abusive marriage can be the cause of depression, and that improving your life circumstances can lessen or eliminate mental health conditions. 

If you have a mental health condition, it’s very important that you not resign yourself to the idea that you’re going to be like this forever. Chances are, you won’t. Even if you have a mental health condition that is associated with low rates of remission, it is possible to make leaps and bounds in your functioning, and to get to a point where managing your condition becomes second nature to you. Our understanding of mental illness is improving every year, and new therapies and treatments are becoming available all the time. If you seek treatment and do your best to manage your condition, you have every reason to believe that you will make huge improvements. 

Hope this answers your question!

[soapsthesoapmonster-deactivated]

I appreciate this, I appreciate this so much.

[calaisreno]

A very clear explanation of a complicated issue.

[tunashei]

Things I learnt from therapy: Getting back into a hobby

Mental tips

Often we are frustrated that our skill has suffered during the inactive period. So you know you can do better - that's your talent requesting attention.

Watch progress videos, ones where somebody does a re-make of an older piece. Know that improvement in inevitable with practice.

Remember that other people can't see the planned project in your head, they only see the results. Often we lambast our work because it didn't come out how we wanted, but we fail to appreciate what we DID to. See your art for what it is, not what it could have been

Don't compare your projects to people who've had much more practice than you, or access to resources you don't have. Remember that it's not a race or a competition.

Physical tips:

Try doing it badly. It's funny, and makes you feel ok about it being bad because its purposefully bad.

Try doing your hobby without planning ahead, don't have a super defined goal and just see where it takes you.

Try a different medium, you will improve faster and also be less critical. For example, if you usually draw digitally, maybe try pixel art?

If you ever feel the tiniest inclination to do the hobby, jump on that feelings and do it now. Don't wait a second or the feeling will pass!

Do you hobby with a friend, company is great for motivation. Putting time aside specially for the hobby encourages you to work on it too.