Random Fangirl

They-them

[heretherebegaydragons]

One of the best parts of Bildad the Shuhite in the Magic Trick You Didn't See theory is that Metatron just had to make Crowley less hot. Like, Aziraphale is not gonna stop thirsting if all his memories of his husband look Like That, so let's just give him a silly beard

[fuckyeahdavidandyonatan]

Warbreaker but Siri is voiced by Gunpowder Tim

[fuckyeahdavidandyonatan]

Lightsong is played Drumbot Brian, but after he gives Susebron his breathes Susebron is Brian (until then Susebron's parts are instrumental)

Blushweaver is Raphaella because come on. She is.

Vasher is Jonny and Vivenna is Ashes. Nightblood is the Toy Soldier.

[heretherebegaydragons]

A brainstorm for a fic I’m not gonna write so feel free to steal 

- Hob travelling around the world, doing different jobs and stuff but always leaving the story of his Stranger in his wake

- It would need a callback to his time in the publishing industry and an explanation of how many soldiers have hearts of poets or something like that

- Or how his Stranger brings it out in him

- No matter how it’s justified I need him to wax poetic about Dream a whole bunch

- Maybe a 5+1?

- Five times Hob told a story of his Stranger and one time The Stranger told it himself?

- Implying that Dream, so endeared by Hob’s dedication, tells him of himself much earlier

- I think I’d do a shifting POV, that’s always fun

- So like, we’ve got Hob travelling the world and telling anyone who’ll listen about a creature fair as moonlight and dewdrops, his skin the white paper on which a secret was never written, his hair the black ink of spilled dreams

- Telling them of a man as beautiful as a mystery, soft as a kiss and sharp as a secret, deeper than the ocean yet contained in so frail a frame

- Trying to convey the walking contradiction through tales he isn’t quite sure if he comes up with or if they’re dreams, but which always reinforces how beautiful he finds Dream

- The people he tells them to will on occasion make a comment that implies he’s not being subtle about his feelings for this “totally hypothetical” man

- Sometimes he accompanies his stories with music

- At least once he tells it to someone who’s falling asleep, and Dream gets a glimpse of himself in their dream, though slightly different

- Because while Hob is gallivanting around being obvious about his crush and also making himself sort of a priest or something, Dream is Very Aware and also Rather Conflicted

- Like, how do you react to the human you’ve built up a weird fondness for spreading the story of you like this?

- Is it a good thing?

- Is it bad enough to warrant calling your sister for help?

- What does it say about you that you keep listening?

- He’s always watching the dreams of the people Hob speak to, finds them easily by his own likeness

- He’s always slightly different in those, filtered through the mind of whoever Hob spoke to, but it is most definitely him

- Que marveling about being known and perceived, and how Hob sees him so wonderful

- It could take place over a century or so, and then the 1889 meeting could go differently?

- Because I think it would take quite a lot for Dream of the Repression to show up unannounced

-Like normally it wouldn’t be a big thing to him but now he’s got Feelings and he isn’t sure he wants Hob aware of them

- There’s a lot of Lucienne Therapy

- I suppose Matthew isn’t there yet, but perhaps Jessamy?

- Idk

- Lucienne, at least

- He’s gonna get his character development through Hob instead of imprisonment because I say so

[deirdreskye]

Do high school kids these days just have trans classmates now. Like I keep seeing zoomer posts casually referring to it. Fucking wild if true.

[deirdreskye]

Here's what prompted this post btw

[emil]

yeah my younger sibling's friend group made bets about if any more of them would end up as trans lol

[pensivelyplayfulme]

[ID: tags reading “I mean yeah” and “were we. not supposed to have trans classmates (keysmash)” end ID]

I’m going to take these tags a little more seriously than they were probably intended.

We are elated y’all have trans classmates. We didn’t. We didn’t because it wasn’t an option to be trans, you probably didn’t even know the word. And if you did, your parents would have abused it out of you. And if they didn’t, the school staff would have. And if they didn’t, the other kids definitively would have.

I’m not even that old and let me tell you, my first year of high school, gay rights got discussed and that was it. Most were favorable about it and thought gays should just be allowed to do their own thing! So it wasn’t horrible on that front! But I had teachers tell me in the same breath bisexuality didn’t exist. And transness? Wasn’t even discussed. Even in my friend group of multiple bisexuals, I could count the number of times I even heard the word before I graduated high school, and it was said with apprehension. Like we were gonna get in trouble for knowing the word. Because in some families, you would have been in trouble for knowing the word “transgender”.

Trans acceptance has a long way to go, but please please please be aware that 10 years ago it was unthinkable, not because everyone hated trans people, but because a lot of people didn’t know they existed to think it.

[theredkite]

This. I went to school before section 28 was repealed. I didn’t know trans people existed and, assuming my teachers even did, it would have been illegal for them to inform me. Queer people were officially not supposed to exist. Was I the only trans kid in my school? Probably not. Were there kids who, unlike me, knew they were trans? Maybe! I know people my age who transitioned younger. It was possible, just less common than now. I don’t know what my single-sex boarding school would have done if someone had come out as trans, but I do know when a boy at my then-boyfriend’s single-sex boarding school was outed as gay his parents were called to pick him up for his own safety. And yeah, boarding schools were probably worse than normal schools but section 28 applied everywhere. 

So it is strange to think of openly-trans kids just living their lives and being a normal part of school life. (Kind of like how my grandad probably found it strange that there weren’t a load of kids with post-polio syndrome at my dad’s school.) It is, in fact, fucking amazing. Because we didn’t have that. It’s wonderful that it’s normal to gen Z, but maybe some people in the notes could stop expecting the rest of us to not marvel at how far the world has come in the span of less than a generation. Progress is good and should be celebrated.

[heretherebegaydragons]

When I arrive 10 minutes after I was supposed to at my job as an interpreter: guess I'm trans late

[banjosandmoonlight-deactivated2]

When people hear Dream talk about Hob Gadling they assume he’s a deity or at the very least the most fascinating, utterly captivating and powerful creature that ever walked the face of this Earth…

And then they actually meet Hob, this textbook mediocre Honda Civic of a man, whose defining personality trait is that he loves the Great British Bake Off and they go: “Dream of the Endless, Lord Morpheus, Your Majesty with all due respect are you sure we’re talking about the same person??”

And Dream’s just watching Hob in his backyard making small talk with the neighbor lady about the weather while he’s struggling with a lawnmower or some absolute mediocre shit like that and Dream, who’s older than creation, who contains the entire subconscious of all living things gets this utterly besotted look and says, “Isn’t he magnificent?” Just as Hob steps on a rake and gets hit in the head so hard it knocks him out cold.

[fictionplumis]

Listen, I know Dream winning his duel with Lucifer with hope is like... A BIG DEAL and super symbolic and beautiful, HOWEVER I have something that may not be better, but would definitely be FUNNIER. 

Dream loses. He's been locked in a bubble and had his hopes dashed again and again, even though he's still fighting and still hopeful, it's harder for him to reach that and it doesn't come to mind in time for him to win against Lucifer. He's to stay as a servant in Hell and there's no Endless or divine being that can or will come to his aid. He's trapped. Again. 

Only Matthew isn't Jessamy, Matthew knows when the best way to help is a tactical retreat to gather reinforcements. So that's what he does, going immediately to Luciene like, "Hey, so, uh..." And there has to be some way they can help him! Luciene makes it clear that none of the dreaming denizens can. None of the Endless can, no deity would be of any help there against Lucifer. There are Old Laws dictating that Dream lost fair and square and no one can interfere with that. And Matthew's like, "Well what about someone who can challenge Lucifer to win him back? Someone not bound by the Old Laws?" 

"The only beings not bound by the Old Laws are humans. There's no human--" 

Except there is. There's one. One human that Dream would go off once a century to meet, and it's a long shot, but-- 

That's how Hob Gadling finds himself being approached by a talking raven asking him to trek into hell to rescue his boss. "You know, Dream of the Endless? Lord Morpheus?" 

Hob doesn't know who the hell the bird is talking about until Matthew describes him. "Oh, my Stranger!"

"...He seriously didn't even tell you his name?" 

Now, the idea of setting foot into Hell itself to do battle with Lucifer Morningstar is, y'know... Not something he wants to do. He confirms over and over if Matthew is SURE he doesn't have to die to achieve this, because he's not ready to leave yet, and Matthew is like, "Yeah, buddy, shouldn't be a problem." He's lying. He has no idea if it's a problem. (It's not.) 

Hob is like, "Yeah, but... I can't FIGHT Satan himself and expect to win, I AM still human." 

And Matthew's like, "You don't actually have to fight her, it's like a game! But uh... Pretty sure you still feel all the pain and stuff." And he explains the rules, and like, okay, feeling the painful death of whatever kills whatever you decide to be in your round SUCKS, but Hob's been through that before. It's actually a pretty intriguing game, one he thinks he might win. 

See, the way he sees it, it's a combination of the "times infinity" type of game (I love you, I love you more, I love you times two, I love you times a thousand, I love you times a million-- so on and so on) with that counting game where you either say one or two numbers, back and forth with someone, and whoever says 21 loses. Basically, there's one logical conclusion the game is going to reach. Someone is going to bust out the "times infinity" or in this case, "heat death of the universe" or some other completely life-ending thing. And like with the counting game, if you can get your opponent to say specific numbers on the way to 21, you can make sure they're forced to say it. 

There's a strategy if you think ahead enough, and he has an entire walk through Hell to plan it. 

(It SUCKS. He sees Robyn there. It breaks his heart. It's meant to, it's meant to keep him from reaching the palace, seeing his son in Hell, but they don't know Hob. They don't know the grief he's had to overcome in order for him to say, with absolute certainty, that he still wants to live even though it hurts. He reaches that citadel.)

Dream is, of course, horrified to see Hob there. Hob meanwhile is like a jilted exe all, "Yeah, yeah, we're not friends, you stood me up, but I'm still here for you because I'm the bigger person and I fucking care." 

He challenges Lucifer for Dream's helm and their safe passage out of Hell. Lucifer is... Intrigued. She just beat Dream of the Endless, and this human thinks he can beat her when humanity's collective unconsciousness couldn't? His immortality has made him cocky, clearly. So she accepts, and bargains that if Hob loses, he has to give up his immortality. 

There's a good minute where Hob pauses at that and has to really think about whether his arrogant, condescending not-friend is really worth that but yeah, yeah he is. Meanwhile Dream is off to the side. "Don't do this, Hob Gadling. It is not your responsibility to fix my missteps." Basically his version of pleading for Hob to leave and not risk this up until Lucifer is like enough out of you and shuts him up. 

They play. Lucifer starts out with the wolf again, because it's a good starting point to see what direction her opponent plans to take, to get a glimpse into Hob's mindset entering this game. Her plan is, of course, to cause pain enough that Hob will have a hard time thinking, but Hob makes that really fucking hard from the get-go and throws everyone in the room for a loop when his answer is...

"I am the over hunting of the local deer population. Ecosystem destabilizing, predator killing."

Well. Okay. Yeah, sure. Fucking fine. It's hard to kill that painfully. Lucifer manages to come up with, "I am hunting restrictions, nature preserving, ecosystem balancing." 

Hob, by that point, is like, I got this, actually. This might be fun. "I am the expansion of civilization. Forest destroying, hunting law nullifying." 

Matthew, who had been feeling pretty iffy about calling this guy in to help, is no longer questioning that choice. Dream is a little starry-eyed. 

Eventually Hob is the head of the Home Owner's Association. Lucifer is a bear, scrap hunting, person killing. Hob is family, revenge-seeking, bear euthanizing. Lucifer is Pride, argument starter, family destroying. Hob is friendship, blood covenant, thicker than womb water. Lucifer is jealousy, friendship rending, relationship ruining. Hob is personal growth, jealousy ending, apology giving. Lucifer is relapse, progress destroying, confidence killing. Hob is perseverance, step taking, progress rebuilding. On and on until finally Lucifer decides to end this the way she did with Dream and Hob leads her along until it reaches that natural conclusion, the death of all. 

Now there's some temptation there to go with the obvious, since he can't die even if the universe was destroyed. At least he doesn't think so. But he had already decided that it was an obvious choice to go for and he could think of a few clever ways Lucifer might get around that. So instead, Hob goes the far better choice and personal insult of being God, universe creator, life giver. He's very proud of himself when the demons erupt into boos and Lucifer looks about ready to rip his fucking throat out with her teeth. 

The way he sees it, there are two choices for her there, unless she really pulls something unexpected out of her ass. Option one is the whole "what's a god to an atheist" thing in which Hob would have then been a miracle, faith affirming, god-proving. Not much can destroy a miracle. 

But Lucifer, livid and prideful, goes with option two. "I am Lucifer Morningstar, God defying, His Kingdom ripped sunder!" 

And Hob has the absolute glee to grin and go, "I am Hob Gadling, clever, death defying, and triumphant over Lucifer Morningstar."

He and Dream are promptly kicked out of Hell on their asses, Dream's helm is thrown at his head with a force strong enough to break the sound barrier, and the gates are slammed shut behind them. The whole thing is so humiliating that Lucifer has to change their gender and moves to LA to open a nightclub.

[softest-punk]

So I had this thought...

You know official records in mid 14th century England amongst peasants wasn't the best. And Morpheus having access to the book of every dreamer's life...

What if one day dream wishes Hob a happy birthday and Hob's all confused like ".... It isn't though ?!" And Dream is like "... Yes it is ? " Because Hob's was told that he was born on the fourth Sunday of spring or something like that and wrongly converted it into some date that he have been using for centuries but it was not actually his birthdate ?

Yesss I love this

---

All told, it's a bit of a surprise when Dream hands him a small, neatly-wrapped package, out of the blue, for no reason Hob can fathom.

"Umm. Thank you?"

"It is a gift," Dream says.

That will explain the bow. Does Dream tie his own little bows? Hob thinks he probably doesn't, but chooses to imagine he does.

"Is it not still the custom among humans," Dream says. "To offer gifts for the anniversary of their birth?"

Hob blinks at him. "You're a little early," he says. "My birthday's on—"

"Is today not the third of September?" Dream asks.

Hob checks his phone to be sure. "Yes. But my birthday is—"

"Today," Dream interrupts again. "The record of your dreams in the Dreaming is very clear."

"But—"

"I have known you, Robert Gadling," Dream says, straightening up in the chair opposite Hob. "Since your first dreams in your mother's womb. The records of the Dreaming are clear. Today is the day of your birth. On that day you dreamed of mother's milk and the sound of your father's voice welcoming you to the world. You knew yourself to be safe and loved."

Tears spring up unbidden in Hob's eyes. His mum. His dad! It'd been over six hundred years since he lost them, and still the reminder hits like a runaway train.

Across from him, Dream's lips part, his face falling.

"I had not intended to upset you," Dream says. "I was only—"

"No, you're fine. You're fine," Hob sniffs, wiping his eyes on the back of his hand. "God, sorry, just." He laughs, and another wave of feeling makes him tear up all over again.

It's a surprise, when he feels Dream's hand cover his own on the table between them, but he wouldn't trade it for anything.

"So I've had my birthday wrong most of my life," Hob says, laughing through tears that won't quite stop. "And my dad was happy enough with me."

"They dreamed of you often," Dream says, thumb rubbing circles on the back of Hob's hand. "They dreamed a life of wonder for you, of things they could not have imagined having for themselves."

Hob gives up on trying not to cry. Dream seems to have gotten used to it, and if it's not going to scare him off then what does it matter if he cries his heart out in a crowded pub? It's his birthday, and he'll cry if he wants to.

"'spose they got their wish. I hadn't even. I mean, I knew, I knew you knew... everything. Just hadn't..."

"It would be impossible for a mortal mind to grasp the vastness of the Dreaming," Dream says. "Your understanding is admirable."

"You say the sweetest things," Hob jokes. He's allowed, he thinks. If they're at birthday presents, he's probably allowed to call Dream sweet.

"Do you know," he continues. "You've just given me the best birthday present I could ever have imagined. Thank you."

"I believe you will enjoy that one as well," Dream says, nodding to the package Hob's hand, which he'd all but completely forgotten about.

"Oh," Hob says, looking down at it. "Do I...?"

"Open it," Dream encourages.

Hob opens it. And stares in shock.

"This is—"

"You must never tell anyone you had it," Dream warns.

"But it's—"

"All books ever conceived find themselves in the Dreaming library," Dream says. "Even those which were never—"

"But he's dead," Hob says.

"Yes," Dream says. "But it was conceived. I suggest you read it quickly, it will not last long in the Waking. But I imagined you would like to read it."

"Like to read it?" Hob repeats, floored by the gesture. "Dream, I would kiss you for this if I didn't know you'd vanish for a century on me over it."

Kiss is an understatement. He would have done terrible things for this book. He'd kiss Dream anyway.

Dream looks down at their hands, still resting together on the table. "I wouldn't. Vanish for a century," Dream says, glancing up at Hob under his eyelashes.

"Really?" Hob asks.

There's a blush creeping up Dream's cheeks. He's serious. He's serious.

Hob could get very, very used to his new birthday.

[heretherebegaydragons]

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm at work and I gasped audibly when I got the notification and had to go outside and listen to it immediatly

Three more seasons guys!!! And another Rusty Fears competition!!! I can't wait!!!!!!!

How do you think they'll do it? Somewhere Else? Just focused on Jon and Martin or shifting back to check on Georgie and Melanie and the others sometimes? If it's Somewhere Else, does the new universe have it's own set of deities to deal with in addition to the Fears? Are we gonna get a war among primordial beings?

AAAAAAAHHHHH, it's gonna be so good you guys!!!!!!!

[heretherebegaydragons]

Places where Jonny Sims brought The Mechanisms into The Magnus Archives

A non-exhaustive list of themes, concepts and interesting situations Jonny might have consciously or subconsciously brought with him from The Mechanisms when writing The Magnus Archives:

Mechanisms

Broken Horses - Ulysses Dies At Dawn

“I wonder if devils get nightmares of all of their victims as well”

Magnus

MAG 142 Scrutiny, MAG 146 Threshold and MAG 120 Eye Contact

The Archivist having nightmares of and with all the people he’s taken statements from, his victims.

Mechanisms

The article Archive Footage on themechanisms.com

 Ivy, who has the title of archivist, is described as being a book, not a reader

Magnus

MAG 160 The Eye Opens, mentioned in the statement of Jonah Magnus

The Archivist being described as more of an archive than an archivist.

Mechanisms

Red Signal - The Bifrost Incident

“All the doors are open now!”

The metaphor of an open door signifying that eldritch horrors has arrived and apocalypse is forthcoming

Magnus

MAG 160 The Eye Opens, last line of the statement/ritual

“I. Open. The DOOR” (written phonetically).

The metaphor of opening a door signifying the summoning of eldritch horrors and the start of the apocalypse

Mechanisms

Ragnarok II: The Calling - The Bifrost Incident

Odin, a servant of an unknowable eldritch deity, started the apocalypse and is very happy about it

Magnus

MAG 160 The Eye Opens

The laugh right at the end.

Jon, a servant/avatar of an unknowable eldritch deity, started the apocalypse and is very happy about it

Mechanisms

Ragnarok V: End of the Line - The Bifrost Incident

The tragic, queer romance of Loki and Sigyn ending in dying together, one killing the other, to temporarily save the world from eldritch horrors

Magnus

MAG 200 - Last Words

The tragic, queer romance of Jon and Martin ending in dying(?) together, one killing the other, to save their world from (and doom another to) eldritch horrors

Mechanisms

Hereward the Wake - Tales to Be Told vol. 2

“But he loved his servant Martin”

The titular Hereward is gay for a subordinate called Martin

Magnus

All of s5 and a considerable amount of s4. First confirmed in MAG 161 - Dwelling

Jon, main character, is gay for a subordinate called Martin

Mechanisms

Olympians - Ulysses Dies at Dawn

“Now, when the inevitable reality of death is so unpleasant, you better believe people will do anything to avoid it”

Death is known to be eternal and unpleasant, and this drives rich people to do anything necessary to survive, including killing a lot of people via. the Sphinx

Magnus

MAG 155 - The Cost of Living

Death is, to the rich woman giving the statement, known to be an eternal, painful state, and her wish to avoid this at any cost drives her to kill a lot of people

Mechanisms

Ragnarok II: The Calling - The Bifrost Incident

“I’ve done it! Though I never knew the dreams that ate at me were true”

“The Void sings it to me”

Odin hearing music in her dreams calling her to carry out a ritual that brings an eldritch abomination into this world and thereby causes an apocalypse

Magnus

MAG 151 - Big Picture

“I still hear the music in my dream”

Simon Fairchild likening the call to make a ritual for an eldritch abomination to bring it into this world and thus cause an apocalypse to hearing music in one’s dreams and desperately wanting to recreate it.

Mechanisms

A Rebel Yell - Once Upon A Time (In Space): Apocrypha

“Guess you gotta pay The Piper in the end”

A character called The Piper who causes great losses on both sides of a war by betraying a lot of the resistance and then blowing up a planet of the oppressing force when they don’t pay up, thus serving not a specific side but the war itself

Magnus

MAG 7 - The Piper

A character referred to as The Piper who is an embodiment of the war

Mechanisms

Orpheus, Dionysus, muriatic acid and the strange whirring thing

“Know enough about the events leading up to a situation, and you’ll know exactly what will happen next. So much for free will”

Magnus

The entire concept of The Web, as it understands all the little details that will lead to a certain outcome, knows exactly which future a certain change will bring. And the existential questions about free will this gives Jon in particular

Some of these are more probable than others, and there most certainly plenty I haven’t noticed, so feel free to add your own

[its-your-mind]

@hotdrinks you’ve inspired me

[lexbiini]

well, back to being a magnus archives stan first and a person second

[thunderin-brainstorm]

reasons I can’t sleep: currently absorbed in thinking about an AU where szeths oathstone falls into different hands and he winds up in bridge four.

just think about it. so much would change. taravangian would have to find someone else to murder all those monarchs, prolly also while trying to hunt down the assassin in whites location. he would never develop the screams in his head from that slaughter. szeth would discover he isn’t truthless by watching kaladin blossom, and kal might even have a tutor of sorts, and bridge four would have an honorblade wielder. awkward windrunner buddies! he stays with bridge four bc there’s purpose there, theres TRUTH, and theres choice that hes been bereft of for so long. szeth devoted to kal and dalinar not only as a source of law, guidance, and justice, but bc he experienced bridge four and the salvation that found family offers. yes hello, new commanding officer, I killed your brother, but now I would kill and die for you, so you can totally hate me while I do my job whatever you need. whatever assassin taravangian sends to kill dalinar Just utterly wrecked by the combined might of kal and szeth. if taravangian hoped to get his oathstone, too late buddy hes been FREED. vindicated and uplifted and found better purpose. also please imagine rock or lopen or anyone trying to joke with him, or teft ordering him around like a grunkle, or he and sigzil bonding over being the only men around who can read/are well educated. Actual Windrunner Szeth developing powers or even attracting an honorspren from being squired to kal!! this au still ofc requires nightblood falling into szeths hands somehow bc that double trouble team is required please and thank you, do not separate them.

But the most important reason this au idea is keeping me awake: szeths shiny bald head with the bridge four tattoo

[heretherebegaydragons]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Summary: After the war with Odium, which ended fine with no contest of champions because I don't want to deal with that right now, everyone in Urithiru is busy trying to make the Tower a functioning city again. Amidst this chaos Renarin and Rlain's feelings both grow to where they can't ignore them.

[heretherebegaydragons]

The number of Rlainarin fics on ao3 (45?!) is a storming tragedy on par with The Recreance and I, for one, do NOT intend to simply stand by let it stay that low

[heretherebegaydragons]

Greetings my friends, is anyone else experiencing some Gay Longing on this fine night? Because I just wanted to write a tiny little thought down in my notes app while on vacation with my family and then this happened:

I love my family and I love being here with them, but...

When I see groups of young people riding their bikes together, I wish I could walk the city with a group of friends and a loudspeaker, laughing and singing and dancing on the sidewalk and on the beach in 25 degrees at 10 PM.

I wish we could climb the rocks at the beach just a little too fast, breathless with laughter and adrenaline, dancing on the flat rocks and holding hands to steady us over the slippery ones. I wish we could sit and joke and talk and eventually be silent on the outermost rocks, watching the sunset paint the sky a flaming red over the mountains.

I wish a pretty girl who gave me butterflies when she laughs would lean her head on my shoulder and let me play with her hair, and kiss her forehead.

I wish she would turn her head, and notice me watching her instead of the sunset, and while everyone else is watching the sky and noone noticing us, I could kiss her, gently, slowly, only hesitating a little at first. We could forget the entire world, until the sound of a camera and someone wolf whistling suddenly breaks us out of the moment, and everyone laughs and we play it cool, but I see her smile at me behind the others' back.

I wish we could hold hands on the walk home, failing spectacularly to be discreet but noone mentioning it.

I wish friendship, joy and love could be as present and warm as the sunshine on my skin and the smell of flowers in the air.

[xenosaurus]

I think it was before I started posting story concepts on tumblr but I had an old concept called ‘apocalyptia’ which was a dark comedy about a world where every apocalypse movie premise happened simultaneously

[xenosaurus]

The big joke was that all these HUGE disasters cancelled each other out. A bunch of shit flooding kept the zombies contained. The super intelligent apes stopped global warming. The leather-clad motorcycle murder gangs intimidate the alien invaders.

[xenosaurus]

Everything sucks in like 8 overlapping ways but it’s just become the norm at this point. There’s a guy named Cannibal Jack that people trust to cook for them for some reason.

[xenosaurus]

The main character is a recluse with a shotgun who just wants to sit in her shack and give cynical advice to passing young people, but unfortunately, her younger brother and only surviving family member is a conman with his fingers in every stupid decision being made within a ten mile radius

[xenosaurus]

The brother’s name is Sal, which is short for SOMETHING but he changes his answer every time. He seems to think this qualifies as an alias, and bizarrely, it usually works. Notable ‘definitely Sal’s real name’ options include Salt, Salmon, Salamander, and Salad.

His sister’s name is Marian, occasionally called Misery Marian. It is a running joke that young characters think this is a reference to her bad attitude, but anyone who actually CALLS her that is clearly terrified of her for some unspecified reason.

[xenosaurus]

Sal’s got an on-again off-again business partner by the name of Kent Bardsley, who is just…. SO irresponsibly horny. Sal’s motivation is money, but Kent’s is sex. He keeps getting run out of town for sleeping with important people’s wives. He’s an idiot, but he’s not a conman like Sal, he just helps him with his schemes as an in to towns so he can visit his assortment of fuckbuddies.

The joke of Kent’s character is that the ‘apocalypse’ he’s part of is conservative scaremongering about sexual freedom destroying society. He gets a last name because while Sal calls him Kenny, Marian calls him ‘Bardsley’ with deep contempt.

[xenosaurus]

The fuck types of our characters so far:

Marian: fuck off

Sal: fuck you, pay me

Kent: fuck me

Cannibal Jack: what the fuck

[xenosaurus]

There’s an alien named Glipix who is investigating why the invasion failed and her analysis tends to boil down to ‘damn bitch you really live like this?’

Kent is really into her but his flirting goes right over her head. Marian’s the only one she respects anyways.

[xenosaurus]

Kent: Hey, you looking to get those eggs fertilized, beautiful?

Glipix: What pollinators are operating on this horrible planet? Did you see one? I need to speak with them if you did.

Kent: uh

[xenosaurus]

I have a mental image for a TV opening where it’s Marian at like.  12.  watching some apocalypse happen through a window and saying “The world ended when I was a girl…” in a really serious tone, and then it pans out to show like 6 other apocalypses happening and her voice turns sarcastic and she says “about thirty fucking times, actually.”

[xenosaurus]

Alright here’s more content for you guys:

—Marian is 46 and spent her 20s and early 30s as a mad max style motorcycle gang member. ‘Misery Marian’ was her moniker while she was LEADING one of these gangs.

—Sal and Kent are somehow unaware of this.

—Sal’s apocalypse is capitalism. Also Godzilla.

—I’m not kidding about that, Sal and Marian’s parents were killed by a giant dinosaur that still sometimes shows up to bother Sal.

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A couple of you have already caught on to Marian’s lesbianism before I even mentioned that her gang was all women and it’s mostly MEN who are afraid of Misery Marian, there are an awful lot of women who call her that and seem totally star struck instead. I’m so proud of you guys.

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I haven’t actually talked about him, so: Cannibal Jack (sometimes called CJ) is one big joke on if he ACTUALLY eats people. It’s really hard to tell if he’s hitting on you, implying he’s going to hunt you for dinner, or just Like That.

He’s one of the only main characters who knows Marian from her Misery Marian days, and always gives her vaguely-nervous VIP treatment. He calls her ‘Miss Misery’, and it’s another point of comedy how fast he goes from offering her free drinks to telling Sal that he doesn’t need more sugar in his coffee because he looks sweet enough already with this horrible grin on his face.

(Also Kent has definitely hooked up with Cannibal Jack and it is incredibly ambiguous if this nearly ended in his murder or if CJ just has all of his dalliances within arms reach of a huge oven and spice rack.)

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gonna do the LGBT character roundup next because I really don’t want to leave “Kent the promiscuous idiot” and “Cannibal Jack the ambiguous predator” as my only gay/bi men, that’s not a good taste to leave in everyone’s mouth

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LGBT character roundup, aka ‘have some more characters’:

—Owen, aka “the Owl” or just “Owl”, a 22 year old voluntary cyborg who was born after the apocalypse(s). He’s the only visible member of a group studying the new plants and animals that have popped up, as he’s basically their overworked errand boy. His nickname comes from the cartoonishly huge lenses in his goggles, which make him look like an owl. He’s bi.

–Gladiator, the byproduct of a super soldier initiative that failed when a malicious AI replaced the artificial memories they were going to have implanted with a bunch of random how-to videos.  Almost seven feet tall and strong enough to crush a car, Gladiator has no idea how to kill someone but DOES know how to make a flawless birdhouse out of household items.  He’s gay.

–Sunrise, a doctor who wears a plague mask (horror movie style, not the real ones) and a black cloak.  She plays up the creepy factor so that she doesn’t get kidnapped and forced to stay in one settlement like most doctors are, because she’s trying to get everyone vaccinated.  She WILL scream at you about herd immunity.  She’s a trans woman.

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I like the idea of every storyline starting with Marian opening her door to find one or more of the other characters there to tell her to come get her stupid brother. Some examples:

Kent, nursing a bloody nose: Heyyy Marian! (awkward laugh) You, uh, wanna help me rescue Sal from the fight club we tried to start?

Sunrise: Marian, your brother is selling vials of the chicken pox virus as zombie repellent again.

Owl, visibly panicked: Oh, thank god you’re home, Sal talked Gladiator into helping him build bomb shelters but they’ve all flooded and the shark mutants are there and—

Glipix: Marian. Your kinsman is attempting to steal my blood, and, more importantly, his strange little friend is disrupting my survey of human mating habits. Make them stop or I will shoot them.