“While these are customary consumables at Hornmoot, the traditional human-dwarven trading festival that marks the dawn of Spring, there isn’t a holiday on the eventful dwarven calendar that doesn’t feature these scrumptious meats on the menu.” - Heroes’ Feast, p. 90
Personally, you’d be hard-pressed to find a more dwarven food than the good old-fashioned meatball.
Heroes’ Feast’s Delzoun “Tide-Me-Overs” bring dwarven kitchens to life with these extremely tasty and juicy meatballs! Leagues better than anything you’d buy at the grocery store, I would absolutely suggest making these yourself.
This recipe is also ridiculously forgiving. Once, I doubled nearly all the ingredients by accident, aside from the meat, and they still came out amazing!
If you don’t eat pork, no worries! They’re just as tasty using only beef!
Check out below for tips and tricks when making this yourself! Get Heroes’ Feast here: https://dnd.wizards.com/heroes-feast
Prep: 15 mins Cook: 1h 30 mins Total: 1h 45 mins
Ingredients:
¼ cup (60 ml) heavy cream*
1 egg
2 slices dark bread (such as rye), crusts discharged, remainder torn into pieces**
3 tbsp. (43 g) unsalted butter
1 small onion, finely chopped
Kosher salt
¼ tsp. (2 g) ground allspice
8 oz (225 g) ground pork
8 oz (225 g) lean ground beef
Freshly ground black pepper
2 tbsp. (8 g) all-purpose flour
1 ½ cups (350 ml) low-sodium chicken broth
1 tsp. (4 g) light brown sugar
1 ½ tsp. (7 ml) soy sauce
½ tsp. (2 ml) fresh lemon juice
3 tbsp. (12 g) finely chopped fresh dill or parsley
* I’ve used both heavy cream and half-and-half with no issues.
** I used Vienna-style Pumpernickel Bread, cut into standard ½ -inch sandwich slices at the thickest part of the loaf.
In a large bowl, whisk together the cream and egg (top-left).
Add the bread, mix well, and set aside, stirring occasionally, until the bread is softened, about 20 minutes (top-right).
Using a fork or sturdy spoon, mash the bread into a paste and set aside (bottom).
NOTE: Apparently, the bread is not what binds the meat/other ingredients together, but works with the milk to give the meatballs moisture and texture! The eggs are the only binding ingredient.
In hindsight, this makes sense, since in baking eggs are a binder…
Meanwhile, in a skillet over medium heat, melt 1 tbsp. (14 g) of the butter. Add the onion and ½ tsp. (3 g) salt and cook, stirring, until softened, about 4 minutes (left).
Add the allspice and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 40 seconds (right).
Remove from heat and let them cool to room temperature. Laying mine in a single layer in the skillet, it took about 10 minutes.
TIP: Don’t be afraid to eat some of the onions to see if they’ve softened enough.
TIP: Cooling my onions in a single layer in the skillet took about 10 minutes.
Preheat the oven to 475℉ (245℃) with a wire rack in the middle of the oven. Coat a large wire rack with nonstick cooking spray and set it in a large, rimmed baking sheet.
Add the cooled onion mixture, pork, ground beef, baking powder, 1 tsp. (5 g) salt and ½ tsp. (1 g) pepper to the bread paste and, using a large spoon or your hands, mix until well combined and uniform.
TIP: To save yourself time when doing the dishes, line the baking sheet with aluminum foil so you don’t need to scrape any burned bits off.
NOTE: Personally, I didn’t run into this problem while making mine, but it’s important to only mix the meat mixture until everything is just combined. Overmixing will result in stiffer, tougher meatballs.
With moistened hands, form the mixture into generous 1-tablespoon-sized balls (left).
Arrange the meatballs on the rack in the baking sheet and bake until lightly browned, about 20 minutes, rotating the pan halfway through (right).
NOTE: I had to make double the amount of pork/beef meatballs since 8 oz packages of each ground meat were not available. Expect about half the amount of meatballs that you see here if making this yourself.
NOTE: The meatballs will sag through the wire rack a little bit when placed, this is fine!
NOTE: The ones shown above are the size Heroes’ Feast recommends. I wanted them to be a little bit larger the second time I made them, so I went for golf-ball sized. The cooking time stayed the same, but I found the weight of them might have been a bit too much and they lost way more structure than the smaller ones.
However, that was also the time I accidentally doubled all the ingredients aside from the meat, so I’m sure there was more at play there. Just something to keep in mind. They still came out great though! In fact, they’re the ones shown in the final picture.
Wipe out the skillet used for the onions to remove any stray onion bits, set it over medium heat, and melt the remaining 2 tbsp. (28 g) butter. Stirring constantly, cook until fragrant and a shade darker, 1 to 2 minutes.
Add flour and cook, stirring constantly, until golden, 2 to 3 minutes (top-left).
Switch to a whisk and, whisking constantly, gradually add the broth. Continuing to whisk often, cook for about 2 minutes (top-right).
Add the brown sugar, soy sauce, lemon juice, and ¼ tsp. (0.5 g) pepper and continue to whisk and cook until thickened, about 2 more minutes (bottom).
NOTE: The Heroes’ Feast “cook’s notes” mentions that the sauce will thicken quickly as it cools, and to add extra chicken broth to loosen the consistency.
They’re absolutely right! It’s more obvious in the next pictures but the sauce thickens a lot. It’s also a lot darker than what’s shown in the preview image in the book, so I’m not sure how much extra broth they had to add, but it seems like quite a bit.
Add meatballs to the sauce and simmer, stirring occasionally, until heated through, about 4 minutes (left).
Stir in most of the dill or parsley and taste and adjust the seasoning with additional salt and pepper, if necessary (right).
Transfer to a serving dish, sprinkle with remaining dill or parsley, and serve hot.
Overall, I would give this recipe a 5/5. It was a little daunting since the ingredients list was so long, but once I got started making the meatballs it was actually remarkably simple! They’re really juicy, have great texture, and the allspice-seasoned onions are so tasty!
The sauce is a little awkward to make, but it does add amazing flavour. But, again, the meatballs retained so much moisture you don’t really need a sauce to enjoy them!
Honestly, if you have the time and are sick of store-bought meatballs, definitely give these a try.
Finally, as I mentioned earlier, you can totally make these with only beef (shown in the final picture above)! They’ll still retain quite a bit of moisture and be super delicious.
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CUTOFF IS IN THREE DAYS (9/19/23).
Even if you don’t play anymore, don’t let these fools rob you.
winning contestant: makes a molé enchilada that is somehow also a functioning bicycle and inexplicably utilizes saltine crackers and marshmallows as ingredients but it works
*screencap of a tiktok by @sarahinyellow featuring a lightskinned person sitting at their laptop with a bag of potato chips and a bottle of diet coke*
“diet culture will demonize any food that isn’t “clean” but EVERY food can have a benefit for you
Diet Coke is somehow the only thing that stops my migraines, and it reminds me of my best friend. Cape Cod potato chips are my go to salty snack and I live 10 minutes from the factory, so they make me feel cool.
Food is more than fuel. It’s memories and satisfaction and tradition and home and culture.
This is how you do a meme. I don’t want to tell anyone my name or my bra size or my date of birth on the internet. Why can’t we make memes using useless and non-personal data points?
