Summary: Tom asked you a life changing question but you can’t give the right answer.
Warning: Themes of mental health issues such as depression and Eating disorders
Note: Inspired by champagne Problems by Taylor Swift.
You sat on the uncomfortable cushioned seats waiting for the train to move. The thoughts in your head found their way to the hallowed out pain in your chest. Your throat dry, but your face still wet from the tears. You knew this feeling too well. Numb
As the train began to move you watched the bustling crowds on the platform become small. The train wasn’t full and if you were being honest you preferred it that way. It gave you time to think. Time to sit and feel hurt. You fought with yourself trying your best to stay awake. Every time you close your eyes it’s the same face.
Funny how in a few short hours you can find your whole life turned upside down.
“My family is really excited to see you” Your boyfriend said as you wrapped his red flannel around your body. The November breeze was colder today, setting the tone for the terrible thing you were planning to do. You put on your best smile as you walked to the passenger side of his car. “Yeah I can’t wait to see them again. It’s been so long”
Tom was nervous. You didn’t know why but you kept telling yourself it was nothing. Maybe you were wrong. Maybe he knew you were planning on breaking his heart. Maybe he was just waiting for it to happen.
The second you reached his parents party the guilt inside of you multiplied. How could you be cold to someone so warm? “Y/N I’ve missed you” Tom’s mother said as she pulled you into her warm embrace “I keep telling Tom to bring you around more but he always says your busy”
“Yeah well my new job has really kept me on my toes” You lied. Truly your job schedule wasn’t busy but you didn’t want to make things awkward by telling her the reason you hadn’t come around in 3 months was because you’ve been in the biggest depressive episode ever. “Well at least you’re here now” She smiled as she moved back to talk to the guest.
You felt Tom’s hand meet yours again squeezing it tightly before he leaned it placing a small kiss on your cheek. “You look lovely tonight” He whispered. You chuckled looking you into his soft brown eyes, “Not as lovely as you” You joked as Harry walked towards you.
“Y/N You look great” He complimented looking down at your black dress, “Do you mind if I borrow Tom real quick?” You nodded your head grabbing a glass of champagne from the table next to you. Him and Tom walked away whispering among themselves.
“Do my eyes deceive me or is that really Y/N?” You turned around when you heard Harrisons voice. He smiled taking another sip of his beer. “Hi Harrison” You rolled your eyes leaning in for a hug.”
“I see you’re enjoying the champagne. Sam and Harry picked it just for tonight. It broke their wallets” He chuckled putting his empty beer bottle down to pick up a glass of the Dom Pérignon. You talked for a while catching up on the small things. He learned about your new promotion and you learned about the girl he’d been talking to. It was the small things like this that really kept you grounded.
Tom returned shortly with a huge grin plastered on his face as he wrapped his arm around your waist. “Care for a dance love?” He asked shyly as Harrison chuckled. You put down your glass and grabbed his hand as a slow song began to play.
“Have I told you that you look beautiful tonight darling?” He pulled you in closer as you rested your head on his shoulder, unable to hold eye contact. The lump of guilt in your stomach grew bigger. It wasn’t that you didn’t love Tom. You loved him with your entire heart. He was truly the love of your life. It’s just you didn’t love yourself. You felt that you were holding him back from all that he could accomplish.
While he tried his best to be supportive when you couldn’t leave your bed, or when you didn’t eat. Even when you spent most of your day sleeping. He was always by your side. It made you feel terrible every time he cancelled plans to stay with you. You could see the slight sadness in his eyes every time you had your ‘bad days’. It was unfair. That’s why you were doing it
“About 100 times since you first saw me tonight” you chuckled.
“And I’ll tell you 100 more times” He kissed your temple softly as you swayed side to side. One by one couples left the dance floor until it was just you and him. Tom shifted his position pulling away from you gently. “Tom?” You asked unsure of the sudden change in his mood.
He grabbed your hand gently looking to his left to see his family staring at you both before turning back to you. “Y/N I want to ask you something” He cleared his throat as his grip on your hand tightened. Your eyes widened as he began to bend down, getting on one knee. “Y/N Y/L/N I have known you for three amazing years. You’re the love of my life. I love you and I want to make you a part of my family”
He paused for a moment reaching in his pocket to pull out a small box. Tears flooded your eyes as he opened it exposing the ring his mother always wore. “This ring has been in my family for generations and I want you to have it. Will you marry me?”
The lump in your throat prevented you from talking. You stood there frozen as the rest of the crowd waited for your answer. You closed your eyes, not wanting to see the pain in his face when he hears your answer. “Tom I love you but I can’t marry you”. Your voice was barely above a whisper but in the quiet room it was heard everywhere.
You opened your eyes when you heard him gasp. The look of sadness and shock on his face when you gently pulled your hand away. It was unbearable. Your instincts told you to walk away but your feet stood planted on the grown as he slowly got back up. “I don’t understand” His voice cracked. “Did I do something wrong?”
A second wave of tears poured down your face as he moved to touch your cheek. You looked away staring at anything else except him. Harrison and his family stood there in shock. Your stomach dropped when you realized this would be the last you ever saw of them. They wouldn’t want you in their lives after what you’re doing tonight. “Can we talk somewhere else?” You say quietly looking down at your shoes. He nodded his head grabbing your hand to move you into the other room. “Baby what’s wrong? Did I do something?” He had tears forming in his eyes.
“No Tom you didn’t do anything wrong” You took a deep breath trying your best to put your feelings into words. “I just can’t marry you because it wouldn’t be fair to you. You deserve so much more than I give you”
“What are you talking about?” He sounded baffled at what you had said. You wiped your tears from your cheeks as more slowly came down. “Tom one day you’re going to find someone who will be able to give you the same amount of the love that you give them. And they’ll make up for the hurt I’ve caused”
“I don’t want anyone else, I just want you. Why can’t you see that?” His voice was filled with pain as he moved closer to you grabbing your hand, “I love you”
“Tom I love you too it’s just-” You were at a loss of words. “It’s just what Y/N?” His voice grew louder but still had hints of sadness.
“I’m holding you back. I know you don’t think I am but it’s true. You’ve missed so many opportunities because of me and my problems. It’s unfair to you. I need to work on myself alone. I love you but I can’t marry Tom” This was gonna be hard to do but the proposal made it even worse. “I’m sorry”
He stood there frozen as you grabbed your bag and walked out the room. A whisper broke out through the crowd as you walked to the front door.
She would’ve made such a lovely bride.
It’s a shame she’s fucked in the head
By the time you reached the front door Tom had walked back into the crowded area. His family comforting him was the last image you had as you walked out the door.
romaincrisis
andulkaphoto
tangentwithtanner
vaporwave
discoholicmusic
dededos
annaxmalina
kaledo-art
pixelskylines
