(i know this is out of the blue, just something that wandered out of my mind, basically a little update or some sort of my current state and because I feel bad for withdrawing myself from everyone despite already having felt safety in you guys) (sorry for the gloom, i don't know how to kake this less dark or negative though) (and sorry for the oversharing and fck sorry for the sorries vjsjdj)
My friend told me to not isolate myself, and I didn't realize that's what I've been doing the past two months. I'm so lonely, but I can't bring myself to text other people too much because I hate myself over the fact I have an assignment overdue for over a month by now and I can't seem to get a move on it. I'm so tired.
Anyway, been sick on and off past two months as well. Allergies, infection, feverish, flu, cough etc.. and to top it all, my depression hitting high. I have been very very tired. Idk what else I can do. I can't draw much, I can't read, I can't write, I just watch some clips and play games (even that I've slowed down as well). I miss talking to my friends especially @thesunlikehoney but I don't know how to just break out of this right now.
I'm trying my best, to hold on. And keep trying. My thoughts are filled with hopes and dreams with cats and friends. I just want to be a good person and remembered as such. And I want to be able to live without being such a burden to anyone.
A little story (not that little, kinda long):
Just lost a small kitten last weekend. And today, we lost another kitten (slightly older), but likely alive stolen/taken by someone. I cannot begin to express how heartbroken I feel right now. Cried for so many hours last weekend for the little kitten. And I can't stop crying and still in denial that the older kitten is missing.
Regardless, I am going to put up posters of a missing cat around the neighbourhood. I finished the poster some hours ago. My sibling was very upset, I think they may be missing the kitten more than I am right now and it wrecks me all over.
I miss the little kitten so much. It had such a gentle soft voice and had a very sweet nature. A little scared of humans but was very affectionate to its mama and siblings. I really really hope the kitten somehow finds its way back here. We were going to put it up for adoption but someone took it before we could do anything. I really hope we can get the kitten back even just for a brief moment so we could have some closure. There's been a rise in cat torture rings out there, I hope it is safe from that. But anyway, I am wishing a bad life full of pain suffering for whoever that took it.
Talk about bad life, I am convinced that the only purpose of my existence is to become a punching bag, or the one taking hits for my family. No no, I'm not being hit dw. Just something something black magic from a shitehead. If you believe it you know, if you don't, don't try to tell me it's all a hallucination. But i think, by perceiving myself as such, it's like an insult to the cats and people I've made friends with. For that, I'm so sorry.
I genuinely thank everyone for being friends with me and staying friends with me. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for all the patience.
I'm so so so tired. I am think I'm very broken right now, both mentally and physically. And heart-wise.
Idk what else to say. I have a lot in my mind, despite being someone who barely goes out of the house, meeting anyone else other than my own family. I have an overdue work so I can't push myself to go out and have fun. Idk... Idk anymore.
I promise I'm trying my best though. I'm no longer gonna use this account after a certain thing wraps up. But rn I'm just, floating. Sorta. I wish i was floating in the air right now. I wonder if it helps with the back. Prolly not though, eh?
Tagging some of my close friends as well because I swear I'm not cutting off, I'm just, unconsciously withdrawing myself from literally everyone...my bad @favoriteginger @cactihazard @cynderiaopus-trash @willowswasteoftime @thesunlikehoney @shellminded @lightningdropkick @whales0ngside @shadowlight17 @sleepystawbie @alwayskote @chocmarss @asiminthering @rupeewallet @ech0lalias @fingons-rad-harp @ladysongmaster @ankahikoibaat @lilrexsoka @loulines
How are you all? I wish nothing but ease and peace and the best for you guys 🌹 and anyone else reading this as well 🌹🌸✨