superheroes ruined my life @holydcbatman - Tumblr Blog

Of all the weird contrivances that superhero media have by virtue of genre, I think the no-kill rule is one of the easiest to justify. "Why don't these paragons of virtue extrajudicially murder people?" fuck dude, I wonder.

mamawasatesttube

thinking again abt how wrong the "kon pining sadly after tim who keeps denying him affection but like its funny" thing is. that is tim's best friend who died at seventeen years old, which profoundly changed tim as a person because he could not handle losing someone he loved that much. tim is NOT denying kon kisses to laugh at him for being desperate or whatever the hell the batfanon fandom has going on. tim is NOT getting so involved in a case he ignores their relationship until kon feels miserable. tim is NOT constantly insulting him and being mean-but-its-funny.

listen to me. listen. tim is incapable of being normal about kon, okay. kon is his best friend who he loves and who he is KEENLY AWARE that it will utterly shatter him to lose again. kon lets out one tiny forlorn puppy-dog sigh and this huge red alert sensor starts blaring in tim's brain. BEEP! Kon is sad. You have to fix this. BEEP! Kon is sad. You have to fix this. BEEP! Kon is sad. You have to--

and then kon's just like what? oh it's nothing i just realized one of the embroidered patches on my jacket got singed when the scavenger threw me into that volcano last night :C its fine though seriously man i go through jackets like you go through batarangs, you don't have to have that serious face on, haha!!!

and tim goes ...okay... if you insist... but that night he's looking up embroidery repair tutorials on youtube.

eggfriedricedwasian

Au where after Kon dies Krypto stays with Tim.

Because Tim smells the most like Kon because they're always hanging out. So Krypto stays with Tim and protects him on the Brucequest.

And then Kon comes back and just like a divorced child travels from Tim to Kon to Tim every other weekend and no one what to do about it.

And then they get together and Krypto can stay in one place and he's happy about it.

Idk this was crack bc Im in a TimKon spiral.

tomfoolerytotality

Superman isn't woke. You're just so evil that you see a man doing acts of kindness and you think it's a targeted political agenda

otakuvampyre

This but for people this post is talking about. 🤣

laikaspeaks

Get peer reviewed, bitch.

scintillyyy

in my heart of hearts i do think that as a kid tim had bad luck in that every time his parents took him to the opera he would be like "please let this be the day the penguin decides to hold the entire audience of la traviata hostage and i get to be saved by batman and robin" to himself and it would not happen but inevitably the very next day on the 10 o'clock news it's breaking "no tragic ending for these operagoers! batman and robin save the day when mr. freeze tries to encase the entire gotham opera house in ice" and he's just there trying not to scream in frustration while his dad crosses his legs in his recliner chair and turns a page in his newspaper and chortles, saying "jeez we picked a perfect day to go, didn't we janet? one day later and we might've become the gotham city ice mummies" and tim gets upset because he should have become an ice mummy and janet has to be like "oh, darling, there's nothing to be scared of, mom and dad won't let anything like that ever happen to you" but he wants it to happen so bad. please, mad hatter. kidnap him. just once. that's all he asks for. just once.

marionmorse

The cowards of twitter are afraid to admit that Batman represents love

the--firevenus

OP don't hide this gem in the tags 🫵😭😭

bowditch

all this but he's afraid of bats 😅

goodluckdetective

I’m not a “The Drakes Were Bad Parents” person or a “The Drakes were great parents” person but a secret third thing which is “Tim was created in 1989 and as such, was written when “latch-key” kids were more common and accepted which has been difficult to translate into modern day standards.”

I think the best comparison to the vibe intended was Tim is an iPad kid.

goodluckdetective

Correction: he’s an IPad kid in vibes but it’s more like to keep him busy when he was on business calls, Janet stuck him in front of an old laptop playing Scooby-Doo reruns and didn’t notice when his son quickly learned how to download an emulator so he could pirate old Nancy Drew detective games at age 6.

“Our son is so well behaved and gets up and goes to school on his own” Your son has ditched schools on numerous occasions to try to watch a dude do a kickflip in the Narrows and launched his own Batman and Robin reskin of a Sherlock and Holmes PC game last week. He has a C in history because he keeps falling asleep during class cus he’s staying up arguing about cold cases on Reddit.

goodluckdetective

Every night he has dinner with his parents (except on the few week long business trips they take a year) and they ask him “how was school today” and he tells them and says nothing about trying to to do a versions of Dick’s triple flip and almost breaking his arm and they go “oh that’s nice”

meara-eldestofthemall

Back in the 90s, the kind of inattentive (borderline neglect) parenting Jack and Janet drake practiced was acceptable among people with money. It needs to be seen through the lens of the culture at that time.

erinwantstowrite

the dynamic for damian and tim should be "i want my older brother's approval but i could never let him know that or he'll be so annoying" and here's my pitch: think about damian doing smth reckless and being scolded, feeling incredibly bummed out, and then tim tells him "that was sick as hell actually those losers don't get it" and then damian's mood instantly lifting and telling tim all of the little details about how he pulled it off

fckbatmanhiskidsareminenow

no capes au dick and jason referring to tim as gala kid, before he’s adopted because he was the only other kid at the galas and they forgot his name.

jason post coma: what the heck bruce you adopted gala kid??

dick: his name is tim

jason: oh fr?

bruce: jason please be more sensitive his parents died

jason: omg welcome to the club

dick laughing: that’s what i told him!

captainkirkk

Concept: Batman's (fanon?) "No metas in Gotham" rule is actually focused on metas superhero-ing on his terf, not about them visiting Gotham in general

Kon loves hanging out with Tim both in and out of the suits, except when he joins Tim for missions or patrol in Gotham, he's just a tag along. A passenger princess. He's a 6ft Kryptonian but he's not there to fight the villains, that's what Tim is for. Kon is just there to look pretty and crack jokes.

fanfic-obsessed

I see your concept and raise you the following:

Kon, within the first year, becomes one of the only exceptions the no outside metas superhero-ing in Gotham. First because he was polite and made sure to ask batman every time he entered for the first six months (then he got permission to enter Gotham unannounced), second Kon was willing to learn Gotham's ways, and before doing any actual superhero-ing trains with Duke and the other allowed metas on how not to do more damage with nessecary, third he was willing to get his vaccinations (against the typical Rogue vemons/pollens/ and gasses) so that he would be less likely to be mind controlled.

Kon, by choice, is still a Passanger Princess. His offical job in Gotham is to provide the bats with entertaining commentary, not to punch the Joker through three buildings and into his cell in Arkham.

Even if Red Hood has promised Kon Tim's hand in marriage if it ever happens 'by accident'.

captainkirkk

Yes yes yes

I have a wip in my google folder about Kon being considered Gotham's "superhero-in-law". He's not a bird or a bat and they cant get the Metropolis stink off him, but he's still theirs by association

incorrectbatfamandfriends

Tim: You want to know a secret?

Jason, still texting: not really.

Tim: I don't really have a coffee addiction.

Jason: What? Tim: I just pretend to drink a lot of coffee, so when Bruce says "no more coffee," I don't have to stop drinking energy drinks Jason: You're lying. I see you with one of those stupid Batburger coffee cups like every day. Tim: There's no coffee in that. Tim: It's just red bull man. Jason: Why would you tell me this? Tim: Because no one will believe you.

scintillyyy

honestly the jack and bruce coparenting/fathering situationship is something that can be so personal actually

you wake up from a coma to find that your son is now spending all of his time with a man your age who has everything that you are currently extremely insecure about following your kidnapping and subsequent paralyzation--he is fun, he's able to play sports with your son, he appears to understand your son way more than you do, your son is always trying to ditch you to go over to his how instead. you are extremely jealous of him and fearful of the idea that your son would rather be his son instead of yours. it does not help matters that every time you bring him up your son staunchly defends him.

said man is, unbeknownst to you, kind of extremely weird about you and maintaining your presence in your son's life. while also having his own complicated feelings of not necessarily wanting to give your son back to you because he also thinks you kind of suck on a few levels. and also you are a bit of a problem to your son existing as robin which he doesn't love. however it is also a bit of a relief you do exist so he doesn't have to process any dad-ly feelings he might he having about your son, since he can't dad a kid who has a dad.

when your son runs away, he is the first person you will go to because of how much he knows your son. when your son gets sick with ebola, he will fully accept that you shouldn't be told

when you have no idea where your son is, he is carrying your ill son back to safety and telling him what a good job he's done in no man's land, a picture of fatherly pride

one day, that man will make reference to his kids to you. you are unaware he's referring to your son.

when you realize the depth of which he has stolen your son from you, you hate him beyond measure.

when you die, you bequeath upon him the most important charge a man can ever possibly give another man--take care of my son. a boy needs a father and you ask that he gets that honor now that you no longer can.

tiffycat

Local Gothamite meets Superboy totally for the first time ever... totally

(Pt2 , Pt3)

vodrae

Rich pregnant socialite: So we went to this clinic and let them manipulate our genes so we're 100% sure our child won't have any disease, he will have my hair and his father eyes and so much things we did for him! And you Bruce ?

Brucie: Found em in the trash. Except Tim, he found me in the trash.