[goldenaltar]

“I had an auto-repair man once, who, on these intelligence tests, could not possibly have scored more than 80, by my estimate. I always took it for granted that I was far more intelligent than he was. Yet, when anything went wrong with my car I hastened to him with it, watched him anxiously as he explored its vitals, and listened to his pronouncements as though they were divine oracles - and he always fixed my car.Well, then, suppose my auto-repair man devised questions for an intelligence test. Or suppose a carpenter did, or a farmer, or, indeed, almost anyone but an academician. By every one of those tests, I’d prove myself a moron, and I’d be a moron, too. In a world where I could not use my academic training and my verbal talents but had to do something intricate or hard, working with my hands, I would do poorly. My intelligence, then, is not absolute but is a function of the society I live in and of the fact that a small subsection of that society has managed to foist itself on the rest as an arbiter of such matters.Consider my auto-repair man, again. He had a habit of telling me jokes whenever he saw me. One time he raised his head from under the automobile hood to say: “Doc, a deaf-and-mute guy went into a hardware store to ask for some nails. He put two fingers together on the counter and made hammering motions with the other hand. The clerk brought him a hammer. He shook his head and pointed to the two fingers he was hammering. The clerk brought him nails. He picked out the sizes he wanted, and left. Well, doc, the next guy who came in was a blind man. He wanted scissors. How do you suppose he asked for them?”Indulgently, I lifted my right hand and made scissoring motions with my first two fingers. Whereupon my auto-repair man laughed raucously and said, “Why, you dumb jerk, He used his voice and asked for them.” Then he said smugly, “I’ve been trying that on all my customers today.”“Did you catch many?” I asked.“Quite a few,” he said, “but I knew for sure I’d catch you.”“Why is that?” I asked.“Because you’re so goddamned educated, doc, I knew you couldn’t be very smart.””

— Isaac Asimov (via skinnybaras)

[sexhaver]

idk if this is a phenomenon that has a name yet but like. scheduling doctor's appointments when you work a 9-5 job is really fucking hard when said doctors' offices are also open 9-5 and closed any time i could actually make it without needing to take PTO. im lucky bc my boss doesn't care if i duck out for under an hour for medical stuff but he very easily could force me to submit PTO for all of it. staying healthy in this country is such a hellscape on so many levels

[chaoticallyprecise]

SO in Britain all the swans may belong to the Queen, but lemme tell you about Hamburg:

Hamburg is built around a river, so there’s many many many canals (the 2400+ bridges put Venice and Amsterdam to shame), as well as a fairly sizeable lake (here the smaller section, innit precious):

This means a shittonne of swans

(stay away from the swans) (seriously don’t go sailing on the lake because they WILL chase you). Obvs swans aren’t made for cold weather (p sure they’re all Australian immigrants actually) so Hamburg has an official job position to take care of the issue.

This dude’s name is Olaf Nieß (trying to spell his name on non-German keyboards must be fun):

This guy’s job title is “Schwanenvater”, aka “swan father”, and his job literally consists of getting swans to safety before the winter chill sets in. How does he do this, you wonder? Easy: he goes up to EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SWAN in the city and sticks them in barges. I’m serious:

Look at this dude and his swans

Swans are like Satan’s personal pet and he paddles around with barges full of them like it’s nbd.

I fucking love this guy he’s braver than all of us and deserves some recognition for his absurd line of work.

[sayaelni]

I always learn new thing about my city….. this job must be tough!

[penguinattie]

This sounds like something for @elodieunderglass and her series of important birb facts.

[elodieunderglass]

Aaaah oh my goodness! THIS IS SO UP MY ALLEY, HOLY COW.

I was a little confused because mute swans (pictured)* are native to Northern Europe and are generally happy with cold weather (they’re quite significant in the folklore of, say, Northern Russia). In fact,my friend Dru posted a lovely video of some of my Swan Friends breaking ice here: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxDXURNuDNk

The cob, or daddy swan, is breaking the ice with his chest to make clear water for his family to feed in. Later the ducks (shown standing on the ice) will hop into the cleared water and enjoy the free foraging. 

But then I remembered that wild Mute Swans tend to fuck off from the big rivers when it gets really cold and go somewhere warmer (such as a nice shallow pond) cos swans ain’t fools and they don’t actually like icebreaking. So why wouldn’t they want the swans in Hamburg to fuck off from the big rivers? Why are they putting them into small warm ponds for winter? Wouldn’t the swans just… do that themselves if they got cold enough?? Why do you need to have a guy go out and grab them before they do anything? THIS IS IMPLYING THAT THESE ARE NOT WILD SWANS, BUT MUNICIPAL SWANS. 

 AND APPARENTLY, I researched this 5 minutes ago, APPARENTLY there is a prophecy about these swans that is similar to the prophecy of the Ravens of the Tower of London : “As long as the proud swans draw circles on the Alster, Hamburg will be a free and prosperous Hanseatic City.”  The swans also served the practical purpose of demonstrating that Hamburg was a free and independent city, because previously, only royal Europeans had swans.

So they are not exactly wild swans! The Swanfather cares for the swans year-round - they’re municipal animals - and in the winter he brings the swans to a place where they can “draw circles on the Alster” without fucking off entirely, and show off to everyone that Hamburg is a strong independent city that don’t need no king. 

SO the Ravenmaster of London is a position that exists because if the ravens leave the tower, a prophecy says that England will fall. And the Swanfather of Hamburg exists because if the swans leave the Alster, Hamburg will stop prospering. The Swanfather role has existed since 1674, about the same time as when the Ravenmaster job was set up. I guess there was a lucrative trade in bird-related political prophecies at the time. CLEARLY I HAVE MISSED MY CALLING???

* OP is confused - the swans that are immigrants from Australia are Black Swans, and the swans on the river in Hamburg are Mute Swans. 

[elodieunderglass]

Also, ALSO, I need to insert my standard disclaimer here: SWANS ARE NOT EVIL. THEY ARE NOT ASSHOLES. THEY ARE LARGE ANIMALS THAT LIVE IN CLOSE CONTACT WITH HUMANS BUT ARE NOT SUBMISSIVE TOWARDS HUMANS.

A huge amount of people’s fear/anxiety/outrage about swans and geese is because these large wild animals have the AUDACITY to live near humans, and to interact with humans, but not in a fearful and submissive way. Swans aren’t afraid of humans - why should they be? - and that makes us escalate our own behavior, because we expect animals to be either loving or afraid. So we often do silly things to swans, such as poking our hands at them, provoking them, threatening their young, using incredibly aggressive body language when we see them, approaching them with kayaks (kayaks are Incredibly Rude for swans) and allowing our companion animals to behave threateningly towards them while we giggle.

Then the swan indicates (fairly politely) that we are being rude and need to give them more space… and we complain that swans are disrespectful, mean and scary. Most of swan politeness is about giving them space, not making direct eye contact, and not pointing at them, or flailing your hands around, or waving a paddle at them, or looking directly at their babies, or letting a dog approach them. BUT PEOPLE ARE INCAPABLE OF DOING THAT, so they complain that swans are Satan. 

In reality, they are just large wild animals that are often quite happy to be “nice” to humans, and will recognize ones that are trustworthy.

Look how nicely they’re sitting in their little boats to go to their winter pond.

[homunculus-argument]

Why the hell are rich people so boring with one-upping each other? My bf showed me a little documentary clip about this artisan making tiles by hand using a technique that’s gone largely unchanged for 200 years, and I’ll admit my brain rot but my first thought was damn, if I was rich I’d commission a whole wall off this guy. Fucking imagine having a gorgeous tile wall in your house and telling your neighbour like

Yeah these are all handmade, there’s just straight-up one fucking guy in Egypt who’s a master of this specific technique and you can’t get these anywhere else. Copy that you bland-ass McMansion-having fuck.

[xancredible27]

For those who might not click through to the video, it’s well worth watching, and only 7 minutes long.

[dkpsyhog]

You know how canaries were historically brought into coal mines, because if the mine was full of carbon monoxide the canary would die first and the miners would be able to escape before they died too?

I just found the greatest thing.

This is a canary resuscitator.

When the miners notice the canary getting sick with carbon monoxide poisoning, they can close that circular hatch so no more gas gets into the canary cage, and open the valve on that oxygen tank to keep the canary breathing. In other words, they made a spacesuit for birds.

By immediately giving the canary access to clean air, the miners can save it from the poison. The bird lives. To be clear, this is not for economic purposes, this was specifically created because the miners felt bad and wanted to save the bird.

Isn’t that just the perfect demonstration of what humans are like? We started sacrificing small creatures to save ourselves, and then felt bad and spent our valuable resources on saving the critters too. Because yeah the canary was the only way to test for CO, but it’s a living creature too, dammit!

[dragon-in-a-fez]

people are like "if you put crabs in a bucket they can't escape because they keep pulling each other back in, this is called crab bucket mentality and describes why people don't help each other" and never acknowledge that crabs do not naturally occur in buckets, a human with more power had to put them there

[creepsandcrawlers]

ALSO the crabs arent acting with any kind of malicious intent, theyre not thinking "oh no youre coming down with me" theyre thinking "pinch pinch pinch whats going on right now" its insane to extrapolate a moral point about humans from their behavior

[breadbird]

reblog if you engage in crab bucket mentality (pinch pinch what is going on here)

[pangur-and-grim]

#(also I think pangur is the only animal I've had who makes no effort to hide her pain)#(which is a problem bc it's like bud.....do you actually need to be hospitalized or do you just have a hairball to cough up)

my dear sweet angel face was howling and limping recently because she'd tipped over her water dish (for fun) and got water on her paw and clearly stepping in a puddle is a level of agony comparable to walking upon glass

when Pangur's feeling lonely, or bored, or whatever emotion spurs her, she stands in front of me walking back and forth in what appears to be utter distress until I pick her up for a "hug". and then she relaxes completely with her head on my shoulder, her eyes closed and her body limp.

cats are so..............domesticated.

[quezycoatl]

I once stepped on my cat's foot and she limped dramatically and cried and cried and cried until I was convinced I had broken her tiny foot, so i rushed her to the vet and when she came out of the carrier at the vet she was completely sound and had apparently forgotten about her terrible injury in the face of the more terrible threat of the Vet.

[mod-l-lost-in-translation]

You think THATS a denim jacket?

Surely you

Jest

[portaljumper339]

That punchline hit me like a sack of wet mice

[curiouser-and-curiouser-fics]

Like a sack of what

[elitefourkylewantstobattle]

[videos4whatsapp]

[robotlyra]

Me: *watching* What the hell is the point of th- OH MY GOD

[superblyboring]

I thought this caption was being over the top, but… they aren’t wrong

[formerprincewille]

I was not prepared for any of this. But least of all, the fucking parachute.

[pinklingo]

This was truely not what I was expecting but 10/10 lmao

[captainfanoftheceiling]

What the fuck?

[zathorn]

Hell yeah!

[thatoneemobooknerd]

I thought it was gonna shoot fireworks and then it shot in the air and I thought Giant firework? But no and I was like what about when it falls? This is great

[fizzlepop-frog]

New gender reveal idea

[krystal-prisms]

Dudeeeee

[thestraightrazor]

Humans are space orcs.

[fangnominous-deactivated2025101]

That cryptid post is still bothering me, so I just want to make a quick PSA for all of my followers: If you live in North America or parts of Northern Europe, and you see a "weird" deer (or elk, or moose, or reindeer), it is extremely likely that particular animal has Chronic Wasting Disease.

I see panic posts all the time on this website about how creepy CWD is (and it is creepy), but what I never see included in those posts are accurate prevalence estimates. We think that somewhere around 40-50% of all cervids are affected in highly endemic regions, and even outside of endemic regions, prevalence estimates still hover around 10%. That's 1 to 5 out of every 10 deer in North America!

If you see a "weird deer", or a solitary deer that's just acting oddly (lowered head, poor coordination, seems confused), do not approach it, even just to get a better picture! Stay away! Document where you last saw the deer, and contact your fisheries and wildlife department.

Also, don't mess with vehicle-killed cervids! I know vulture culture is a whole thing, but seriously, if you do not have proper equipment to be handling biohazardous materials, and you don't know which animal part you would immediately need to excise for testing (this is a pop quiz--and if you didn't immediately know the answer then you have no business harvesting roadkill), and you don't know where to take the tissues to be tested, don't fucking touch it! CWD-afflicted animals often lose their sensitivity to normal stimuli (like the lights and noises from a busy highway), and the chances that an deer that wandered into traffic and died might have latent CWD infection is....very high.

Also: CWD can persist in the environment for years, as it is very resistant to heat, radiation, and chemical disinfectants. In fact, even if the animal you want to harvest looks "totally fine", it might not be. CWD has an incubation period of about 3-5 years in most cervidae, and guess what? It's still infectious during this time period (especially if you want to, say, harvest the bones, antlers, or other specific parts or the carcass).

If you see a "weird deer", please leave it the fuck alone and contact your fisheries and wildlife department or your local public health authority. If you see a dead deer on the side of the road, call the animal control department and for the love of all that is holy, do not touch it.

Love from,

Your friendly neighborhood infectious disease epidemiologist and cryptid lover who just wants all of their followers to be safe

[justpastryvideos]

x

[arellebee43]

To me, what really separates Chocolate Guy from all the other “surprise it’s a cake” people is…. I want to eat his stuff. It’s not foam-cake covered in fondant, it’s sixteen kinds of chocolate over delicate wafers and juicy compotes and mousse-you-can-feel-by-seeing and I Want To Eat It All. (Like, I might feel bad taking a bite out of, say, his beautiful telescope, but if I had the chance I would be all over it.)

These mushrooms? I’d pop like six of them if given the chance.

[fancydelusionluminary]

I never wanted to eat anything more…

[oak23]

Gratitude - Tidying Up With Marie Kondo (2019)

[lillivati]

I know people make a lot of fun of Marie Kondo, but I felt like her book was the first organizational guide I’ve ever read that acknowledged people having an emotional attachment to possessions as natural and healthy, instead of telling you you’re an awful person for feeling sad over objects.

[bunjywunjy]

IS THIS REALLY HOW PUFFER FISH BONES LOOK LIKE ?!

yup! with one caveat- that's what the skeleton of an INFLATED pufferfush looks like!

let's backtrack real quick- if you've ever seen one at an aquarium, you might have noticed that pufferfish seem kind of... stiff.

unlike a regular fish, they don't bend at ALL in the middle and have to get around by just wiggling their oversized fins super hard, like a man who's been duct-taped to an office chair scooting around with his feet!

NO GETTING UP ALLOWED, BRIAN.

BUT ANYWAY their stiff movement and weird spiky skeleton are definitely connected, no bones about it!

no apologies for this.

if you take a good hard look at the skeleton in the first pic, you'll notice that the spiky bones aren't actually connected- they just sit under the pufferfish's skin like caltrops and expand to spread themselves apart and point outward when the pufferfish inflates!

so when the pufferfish ISN'T inflated, these bones actually layer over each other to form a very stiff armor consisting of multiple layers of bone spikes, which. is not very flexible. but it does prevent some random eel from just wandering up and stuffing them in its mouth, you have to admit!

so tldr: pufferfish skeletons are really cool, but they had to take a HUGE movement penalty to get it!

[draconym]

[slowspinningredemption]

just saw some anti-vaxxer saying "if they're giving away free vaccines for the ""health of the nation"" why aren't they giving away free insulin and chemo too??" like YEAH. you got it!! they should be!! how can you be so close to a Good View To Have and yet so fucking far away!!

[liquidstar]

ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ

[liquidstar]

ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ

[liquidstar]

ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ

[liquidstar]

ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ

[liquidstar]

ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ

[liquidstar]

ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ

[liquidstar]

ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ

[liquidstar]

ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ

[liquidstar]

ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ

[crowshira]

[diangelo-supporter10]

[what-even-is-thiss]

Every time I bring up something to my dad about how I feel like my transition has gone all wrong he’s like “Oh no that happens to cis men too” and this is why there needs to be more realistic expectations in media

[what-even-is-thiss]

Me: My beard is so weird and patchy

Dad: That’s because you’re 23 years old wait until you’re 40.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Me: I sound all weird and high and feminine

Dad: So do half of the male actors we know

[homunculus-argument]

character in a movie: Oh no, angry dog, please don’t bite me!

the dog: I’m at work! I’m doing so good at being at work! I’m barking because my handler gave the sign ‘bark’! I am going to get such a good grade in being a dog actor, which is completely possible to achieve, and normal to want! I am doing a great job! I am proud of myself for doing such a great job! I love this, because I’d make it physically impossible to get anything done if I wasn’t enjoying it! I’m barking!

[sindri42]

I love seeing dogs and wolves in movies because they’re acting so vicious but also their tails are wagging so hard unless the post-processing guys specifically edited out the tails (which is slightly less obvious but also hilarious in a different way once you spot it).

[spectral-cervid]

This is why I love the dog in the original casting of The Thing so damn much. I have never seen an acting dog move with such a deliberate, calm intent. It was like every single motion and gesture this animal made was intentional.

Apparently, according to the behind-the-scenes documentation, this dog was just fuckin like that. Almost never, if at all, looked at the camera crews and production teams. Never excitedly wagged his tail on set no matter how much of a good boy he was being. If he did, it was the same… deliberate motions.

His name was Jed, and even though he’s a dog, he deserves an oscar. He was an exceptionally good boy.

[jadewolf-writes]

Jed also played the role of White Fang in the 90s Disney film version!

I honestly can’t imagine a better portrayal of a stoic, aloof White Fang, who gradually softens, than Jed.  Good boy.