The Devil Made Me Do It But I Also Kinda Wanted To

27/Bi/Silly Hi, I’m Bee :) He/Him

[lakevida]

theres a bit on the defunctland podcast where he talks about how most americans have a condition where when they hear the name of the place theyre from they just start frothing at the mouth and vibrating and then he used cincinnati as an example and i got so excited

[innerchildabortionclinic]

❗️GAME TIP❗️you can take your autistic girlfriend to the aquarium to stare at fish🐟🐠

[thecryptkeeper]

whatever. get bubbled and whimsical

[whereserpentswalk]

Choose a transformation that will fix you

Unlock the secrets of the old ones

Transformed into a sexless/genderless angel

Have your mind uploaded to a computer

Have large swathes of your body replaced by machinery

Given the ability to turn into a powerful wyvern

Given the ability to shapeshift into any human form you can imagine

Bitten by an extremely inhuman looking vampire

Learn the language of the beasts and birds

Join the werewolves

Become a merfolk below the sea

Embrace the void [warning, do not attempt this we do not know what will happen]

Given one billion dollars

Voting ended onOct 21, 2025

Reblog to embrace your transformation!

@ your friends to spread the gift!

Look under the cut to see what happens to you!

Old ones: You can feel a thousand upon a thousand generations pass through your mind as you see a world of a thousand shining galaxies and a thousand worlds below a thousand suns, sitting with forms that curve and curl throughout time and space, mass extinctions and the birth of new life moving in rhythm like a beating heart, jawless fish growing jaws, legless fish growing legs, tree climbing fish walking down from their trees and building fires, as being older then gods looking over them all.

Angel: Your skin becomes inhumanly silky and smooth, as you feel every organ in your body change into a single burning light, your body hair disappearing as tattoos of an unknown culture appear on your skin as if drawn by the gods, your form shifting to be your ideal body type, and your face becoming your ideal visage, your genitals, nipples, breasts, and anus disappearing as you shift to a sexless inhuman body, able to take on a more humanoid form only as a disguise as you become a creature of a god. Finally, radiant blue wings sprout from your back, as if their feathers were made of lapis or sapphire, massive golden eyes opening on them as your eyes turn the same amber color to match.

Mind upload: You have no bones, no blood, no eyes, no face, you do not speak, you do not eat, you do not breath. But in turn you have a freedom you never had before, you see the image of a computer screen with nothing beyond it taking up your field of vision, and with it you have the entire world of the internet before you. No sleep, no life, no job, no interruptions, only human culture itself.

Machinery: You feel parts of yourself being taken apart, your body dismembered and remembered like a little doll. Entire limbs and organs separated from their origins as new and alien parts made of a silvery perfectly crafted technology fills you and makes you whole again, makes you happier, better, prettier, more whole than you ever were before. As your body is taken apart and made bloody you remain sure that everything will be fine in the end.

Wyvern: You feel the transformation happen for the first time. Your fingers stretching and gaining skin between them to become wings, your flesh hardening into armored scales, your face stretching into predatory jaws as your reduced tailbone expands into a pass scorpion like tail. You fly above the world, seeing your home from far above, where nothing can harm your deadly form, the birds flying past you as you finally feel a freedom every human has yearned for but none of truly reached, the freedom of the skies.

Shapeshifting: You can slip through the world as if unseen, your skin, your bones, your organs, changing as you wish for them to. You can be any age, any sex, any body type, any skin color, as it best suits you, fitting in or standing out wherever you so desire, even the clothing you're wearing changing to fit whatever form you desire, tattoos, and scars, and makeup drawing themselves on your face and falling off as you will them to, as you can become whoever you wish to be at any moment.

Vampire: You feel yourself die but you don't fall asleep, you'll never sleep again. Your body is cold now, a coolness that comforts you like you'd never expect. Your form, not dead or alive but something new, changes in shape, your skin now the grey of a corpse but as smooth and silky as it was when you were a child, your teeth all turning into hollow serpentine fangs, as your mouth changes into a weapon with many joins and hinges, able to close up small and mask like but burst out into a field of fangs, as your mind gets used to the new mouth parts. You lose your ability and desire to sleep, to make love, to eat solid food, as you transcend humanity and join your new kin.

Language of the beasts: You can hear them humming from large to small, the ants chanting as the march across the ground, telling each other where the breadcrumbs are. You hear it from the birds who sing their songs of love in the spring and the songs of loss in the winter. You hear it in the cats as they purr poems of gratitude to their humans. Even the snakes and the owls sing songs of hunger as they hunt. You are not alone, you have never been alone, you have always shared this great world. Even the ghosts of great Azhdarchids know the skies.

Werewolves: You run alongside your new packmates in moonlit night, away from wherever you were born, for wherever you'll go home to sleep, where humans don't speak and where what would be blackness to your mortal eyes is visible in a way nothing has ever been before, your nose and ears making up for weakened eyes. As you feel the wind ride through your fur, rabbit's blood dripping from the sharp of your teeth, as you move faster then you've ever run before.

Merfolk: You feel cool water around your body as towers gleam in the distance that no human eyes will ever see. The cold would have killed you if you were still human, and your human eyes would not have been able to see in such darkness. You feel like you should be drowning but you don't have lungs to drown before, only gills that process the water around you. You want to move your legs, but you don't have legs anymore, you can feel your tail, and you move towards the city, the water rushing by you, your body faster than it ever was as a human.

Void: You embrace the void. You either become an incredibly powerful immortal demon who commands vast armies and can take any form, or a small black cat whose pet and taken care of by humans, whichever you'd prefer.

Money: Really? Fucking really? This is what you chose? Really? What are you expecting me to write here? We're playing pretend and you're stilling worrying about rent even in your imagination. Have you really become so cynical and beaten down that you can't for a moment live in a fantasy? You can't even choose something fun in your mind when the hypothetical version of you can make money instead? How many choices in your life have you made like this, choosing something that generates wealth, that advances your career or your position, even just that socially conforms, over something that makes you happy? Apparently, it was enough so that you'll make that choice even when nothing, but your own fun is on the line. You've become the billboard blocking out the view of the forests, the bland corporate approved design that replaced something fun and interesting. You let the capitalists take the one thing you have to give to them by your own will. They can take your home, your job, even your life without asking you, but they can take your imagination, and still you let them have it, you let them take the core of humanity. This isn't who your childhood self would want you to be. I don't hate you, I feel sorry for you. Choose another answer, trust me, you still can, it doesn't matter if you can't change your vote, it'll still count, I believe in you. I'm sorry that whatever happened to you to make you like this happened. It's ok buddy, you don't have to be this way.

[whereserpentswalk]

Too many people are choosing a billion dollars! Please spread this until that's a less common answer!

[andrewcodymybeloved]

[c-gen]

Hi, it's me, I'm her, the fountain pen girl.

The worst part about this interaction for me is that I actually have several shark-shaped fountain pens that I was planning on bringing to the set, but decided against. Then as soon as he calls on me he asks about sharks. Truly, I was distraught.

[c-gen]

<3

[vivicas-dollhouse]

And i shit you not the pasta was creepy

[rslashrats]

grab your nonbinary unspecified body part and do something vague to it

[original-character-chaos]

These ain't staying in the tags

[muppet-sex]

[countably-infinite-rats]

there are two punchlines here, the first is predictable, the second really surprises you

[official-boob-posts]

I love when I see videos on other sites and they find they’re way to me naturally

[thepioden]

Chai tea bag + lil but of brown sugar + apple cider packet + 16 oz. mug of hot but not quite boiling water

it will not Fix You but like. maybe. maybe.

[thepioden]

tags by @eridan-ampora

[thepioden]

Update: this is the best post I've ever made because everyone is sharing their Warm Beverage recipes in the notes. Go check the notes for more Warm Beverages That Will Fix You.

[raevenlywrites]

love these variations on Fall Drink. Makes me want a tumblr cocktail book

[willgrahamscock]

something that made me sit down and stare at my wall for an hour

[just-your-average-cryptid]

point of reference from an able-bodied person: standing in one place for an hour kinda makes my feet/legs hurt. longer than that is when it really hits but it takes an hour to get there.

if you are in pain within minutes or seconds, that is not normal. that is a Symptom. poke your doctor into finding out what it is or connect with disabled and chronic pain groups.

if you are in extreme pain, not just "ugh my feet ache" pain but "i am going to pass out" pain, that is not normal. that is a Symptom. poke your doctor into finding out what it is or connect with disabled and chronic pain groups.

I know some people try to rationalize as "well it's not excruciating compared to my baseline" and I am gently reminding you that the baseline is zero. zero is normal. this ^ is not. be kind to yourself.

[junequeer]

AN HOUR???????

[just-your-average-cryptid]

"walking for 15 minutes makes the bones in my calves hurt for 2 hours"

buddy... that's the Symptoms...

[christianstepmoms]

I'm like 99% anti outdoor cat but there's this precious stoop cat on my way to the grocery store that never leaves his stoop, always comes up to say hi if you approach him, and when you leave he lays back down on his stoop

[christianstepmoms]

[rontology]

I love asking friends, without context, "what are you really into this week?" I'll go first. this week I'm really into mouthwash and sudoku. Last week I was into peaches.

[rontology]

we used to be a society on here!! reblog, don't like! I want to hear what you're into!!! I'm literally looking into the nyt game Pips!!!

[aminta]

[cock-holliday]

Idk man it’s so easy to get bogged down in all the bullshit online but when my then-6 year old cousin found out I was trans he said “ok” then corrected my grandma when she misgendered me. I was once the third between a gay man and a lesbian. Two lesbians once invited me back to their place when I presented as a man. I met an AMAB nb butch who looked strikingly to outsiders like a cis man and it was one of the more sapphic experiences I’ve had. I nervously wore a boydyke shirt to pride and got 3 different cis-looking femme folks tell me they loved my shirt. I once told a trans group at a protest that any pronouns were fine for me and one person said “wow, I’m impressed and intimidated by people like that. I don’t know that I could be that chill with pronouns.” I once told a GNC friend I wished I could wear a type of “opposite” gender clothing after I had already transitioned and so it would be associated with my AGAB and he said “You could just do it.” I’ve had cishet men fight cops for me before. The first time I had a doctor ask me if my name was different than what was on my forms I had to try not to cry. Last week, a phone call with a doctor’s office where I am generally cis passing asked unprompted if my name listed is what I want to be called. It touched me then too. I told a lesbian friend once I felt like my attraction to men AND women both felt gay. She said “makes sense.” And we moved on. I go by different pronouns in different circles. I’ve had gay women love my facial hair. I’ve had gay men like my tits. It’s all out there, I promise. It can be hard to find it but I promise there is community like you and community who likes you. And it’s more messy and beautiful than tumblr discourse makes it out to be.

[cock-holliday]

These are from the last 8 hours only. And not all of them.

We're here! We're here we're here we're here!

Check the notes! There are so many of us and so many who love us.

Queer love, baby!

[porterr-robinson]

[pointnclickadventuregame]

this entry in a ‘what would happen if the internet went down tomorrow’ contest has been making me laugh since 2009

[viktor-sbor]

A 10-millionth visitor to the  Rijksmuseum of Netherlands was allowed to spend the night at Rembrandt's painting "Night Watch" with a bottle of wine and dinner.

[tideoftrash]

me in my animal crossing house after that fox has sold me another fake painting