Listing my other blogs here if you want to follow me elsewhere! This one is my main, where I just reblog random shit mostly.
Asks and DMs are turned off across the board because I'm sick of porn bots and scams in my DMs and there is nothing important that requires me to have either thing enabled.
Fandom blogs:
Halo
Battletech/Mecha
Star Trek
Ghostbusters
Art, Commissions and Worldbuilding:
Commission Blog (slots closed*)
Demons
*I'm not taking comms right now especially for printed shirts bc my apartment is too damn small and my print shop cannot always be the one bathroom we have for obvious and not so obvious reasons (2 ppl 1 shitter and lack of ventilation for chemical fumes) There's also been a lot of medical happenings in my life so till we can move to a bigger place and life quits kicking me in the shins, comms are on hold. If I'm going to make stuff for people I want to be able to give more than 'bare minimum' effort. I take comms for fun, not supplemental income.
I've been meaning to make a post talking about my stroke because y'all got bits and pieces of the recovery but I never actually told the story of HOW it went down and the thing is the type of stroke I had is usually the type young people have and since having mine i've now heard multiple stories of people under 40 having very similar strokes and the scary thing is, is that they didn't get help right away. Because you're young and healthy and sure you feel weird but it'll pass right? but it doesn't, and it gets worse, and by the time you get to the hospital (some people literally take days to go) the deficits are worse and recovery is harder.
so here's a super long post about strokes in general, and mine in particular/what I went through.
So for strokes the signs are abbreviated BE FAST. Balance loss, Eyesight changes, Face drooping, Arm weakness, Speech difficulty, -> Time to call 911.
Had I known those MAYBE I would have figured it out but my symptoms were a little mixed. I was reading (fanfic!) in bed because it was a sunday morning and i had nothing pressing to do and suddenly got dizzy. I put my laptop aside because my eyes were blurring (Eyesight changes - symptom #1), and laid down, thinking it would pass, it didn't, it's a little vague how it progressed because I'd been having headaches and neckpain for about 3 weeks leading up to it so I was like 'idk is this a migraine?' (headaches can be a stroke symptom so symptom #2) but i got nauseous and eventually got up and to my utmost surprise I immediately fell over as if I was the drunkest of frat bros. The room literally spun before my eyes as I fell to the floor (Balance loss - symptom #3). I have had some Nights and I had never been that unsteady before. I crawled my way to the bathroom, threw up (nausea - not a common stroke symptom) , took 800mg of ibuprofen, and crawled back to bed.
if you know anything about ibuprofen you might know it's a mild blood thinner and that's a high dose. I may have inadvertently helped myself with that one. I was just feeling like shit and thinking 'idk this might help'
At this point I still thought we were still in Normal Land. Sure, it was a weird morning, but Surely There Was A Reason. (Yes There Was) Anyway, as I'm lying there willing my body to stop suffering I realize my arm is going numb (stroke symptom #4) and I switch positions, because weird, but it doesn't go away, and I gave it a good little while. I'm on a medication that can make my limbs tingle but it usually just does it to my fingers and it dissipates quickly but this wasn't dissipating, and then I realized one of my legs was also going numb. Then one side of my face is going numb.
(at the time I did not look in the mirror but I had a drooping eyelid - symptom #5)
Those all seem bad. I grab my computer and google 'when to go to the hospital for dizzyness' as that felt like the worst of my problems. and indeed the list I found highlighted that if you are also experiencing loss of balance, blurred vision, nausea, and limb numbness, you should see a doctor. That seems like far too many symptoms to be having all to be listed. I grab my phone (thankfully plugged in and by my bed), and start layering on more clothing because it's about 10 degrees out and i'm in a pajama dress. The very nice man at 911 talks with me and sends an ambulance, I tell him I don't think I can get out the front door of my building on my own and he asks if I can get to MY apartment door to which I say yes and he assures me that's fine they will have keys to my building.
(I have been since informed they love to chop down doors but no, I could get that far)
I wait by my door laying down on the ground and they arrive pretty quickly. They see to me in the hallway, which is more of a lobby in my building and the only place with room for me to lie down (I cannot stand unassisted at this point) they ask me a bunch of questions, take vitals, and ask me where I would like to be taken. Me, having never had to go to the fucking hospital in an emergency before, simply go 'wherever is close' because I again, I am having a stroke and do not have the wherewithal to think through these things.
A big firefighter helps me down the stairs (it's only a half flight and I still almost did not make it) and we get underway.
At the hospital they wheel me into triage and I mostly lie there gratefully and answer some questions and respond to some tests (grip strength, following a pen with my eyes, that sort of thing) and then I hear what is great when you've been at urgent care for two hours but what is Very Bad when you just arrived in an ambulance and that's 'She's next'. I jumped the line for a CT scan and an MRI. I was there less than ten minutes before I was actively being scanned. honestly closer to five.
my active symptoms seem to have been worse than some of the stories I've heard, not being able to walk AT ALL in particular, although some other are pretty equal (Footless Jo on youtube had a stroke around the same time I did of the same type and has discussed hers, she delayed going in despite the severity for a variety of reasons and it sounds like her recovery has been difficult) My recovery was pretty easy because i was actively being cared for and on blood thinners right away. I was pretty out of it in the beginning, but I was only in the hospital for 6 days and then in a rehab for another 4 to relearn how to walk and balance, then i was released unto the world and just spent time going to physical therapy and recovering for awhile. I was out of work for about 8 weeks total. I basically had the best outcome for a stroke. I recovered almost fully back to 100% (I'm about 2% less sure footed than I used to be, but it's rarely noticeable), my face still feels a little weird but has markedly improved so I live in hope it will eventually get back to normal. It massively sucked. But strokes can fuck you up for life and I came out a weird medical story to tell and have to take some extra medication now/precautions to take (i cannot do certain types of yoga, no weightlifting, no push ups, no going on rollercoasters.... things that could strain my neck essentially) but overall I escaped very lucky.
For anyone who has ever had covid before, please be sure you are aware of stroke symptoms. Each successive infection raises the risk in a pretty major way, and a lot of people are dying young due to not knowing these signs or being afraid to act on them. Please take care of yourselves.
wow dude jts so awesome that your car is loud as fuck and smells worse when it drives past. thags fucking epic man. i really like how it hurts to listen to you drive past and it scares people. thats awesome man. i really like your car that makes a loud as fuck fart sound. fucking epic dude
a ton of people have unexpectedly followed me over the last 2 days so here is my rent-lowering gunshot:
the american south is the most racially diverse and poorest region of the united states, and any political sentiment that treats the south is stupid or expendable is inherently racist and classist. a lot of y'all are racist and classist. the south is also the heart of american culture. argue with a wall. you cannot deny that everybody in the entire world does not emulate artists from atlanta. there is vested interest in keeping the south poor and uneducated BECAUSE this is the most racially diverse region in this country. if you actually give a fuck about progress, you would fight for the south, not mock us.
what people dont get about the transmasculine experience is that transitioning often subjects us to MORE misogyny than before. after my family found out i was trans, they were MORE misogynistic to me. my gender presentation was more closely controlled. i was more closely controlled. i was screamed at for dressing tomboyishly. my breasts were suddenly a topic of discussion. i hadn't even mentioned medical transition, but i was told i was "ruining my [divine female] body" by... what, flattening my chest and wearing flannel? i was suddenly a source of embarrassment, the eldest daughter who refuses to conform to her role as a woman. i was forced into dresses that showed my cleavage and bare back, in middle school, which i was extremely open about not wanting to wear.
all of this is explained by a very simple fact, which has always been common knowledge in the transmasc community: they don't treat us like men just because we say we are.
and to be clear, trans men experiencing misogyny doesn't mean trans women DON'T experience misogyny. i feel like i shouldn't have to specify that but lately i'm realizing so many people do not have that on lock and i need to tell yall im not one of them. and neither are you !!
Hi!! Thanks for everything you do on this blog, it's definitely helped me become a better person and overcome biases I didn't even realise I had. I really appreciate all the work you do!
Not sure if you're still looking for artist recommendations, but I wanted to shout out my favourite band of all time: Neon Dreams! It's a musical duo from Halifax, NS (where I'm from!). Frank Kadillac is Black and Adrian Morris is Algonquin. They're amazing! They just got back from their tour around South Africa and will be touring in Canada again!! I recommend them to literally everyone. I will include a link to their Spotify. I'm not sure how to do hyperlinks on Tumblr (or if that's even possible). I hope that's okay! Have a great day!!
Even folks on the pro-porn side of the aisle often talk like it's the presence of narrative that makes porn an art form, as though the erotic needs to be explicitly justified in order to elevate it from the mere mechanical production of arousal, and it always makes me feel like maybe we're not quite as "pro" as we think we are.
I once saw a video of a woman staring expressionlessly into the camera while jerking off a strap-on the size of her own forearm and wearing panda themed one-piece pajamas complete with little bear ears on the hood, and I feel like it would have been lessened as art if it had attempted to explain itself.
also, google is free, but pick up a textbook every once in awhile. Find articles written by POC and keep up to date with how you can be a better ally. I took a black feminist theory class in college…taught by two white women.
You heard me right. Two. White. Women.
Which is fucking insane in itself, but on the first day of class one of the professors was reading an article, written by a black woman…and decided that it was completely acceptable and appropriate to drop the n-word (hard r) and every single person in class was fucking MORTIFIED. Even in the context of education, there was no reason for a white professor to so casually and subtly use that word. (They were called out for it immediately after and profusely apologized)
My point is that covert racism is still racism, and unfortunately it is alive and well.
I also have all of the articles and works saved from this class if anyone would like to do some heavy and necessary reading! I have hard copies, but I’m sure I can find the links for the articles as well.
Just after doing a little research on google, I found these articles to be incredibly helpful on breaking down covert racism, racism, white privilege, etc.
covert racism
systematic racism
racism and health
becoming trustworthy white allies
what is white privilege
books on systematic racism, racial justice, and anti-racism
race equity tools
Bottom line, white people have no excuse to not stand up for BIPOC. There is no excuse for racism. There is no tolerance, and we have to do better. I firmly believe that the first step in becoming a better ally is to educate yourself.
I'm so tired. I should not be on the verge of passing out and ehxausted from taking a goddamn bath.
This fucking med is kicking my ass and idek why the fuck it was prescribed, I don't have GERD or any other digestive issue that can be treated by a proton pump inhibitor. But I'm just a Silly Hysterical Woman(tm) what the fuck do I know. I just live in this meat suit. I want to read my frend's BOOK not lay here unable to do any damn thing all fucking day.
Update I can stop taking this shit. Also apparently this a a fairly common reaction to omeprazole, like three of my spouse's coworkers had very similar reactions, give or take a symptom.
disabled ppl we need to start lying to nosy people okay? you tell me i'm too young to need a cane and i will tell you point blank that maybe you should tell that to the guy who ran me over. you don't get an explanation of my health issues you get lies and depending on how much of an asshole i want to be that lie will be anything from a humble car crash to a 1 billion lions attack. mind yr business.
"i could never live like that" well maybe you'll have to because this happened overnight. yeah you heard me i was the most able bodied man in the world but then one morning bam i woke up disabled. yeah you could have that too. there's no cure either you'll just wake up one morning and now you have to live like me
Louis having a nervous breakdown before stage two of MLD (side graft) phalloplasty while Neil treats the cat like a sack of potatoes.
Watercolour with indigo pencil lines on 10x14 hot press paper. The cover is referencing the UK/Europe single cover for This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody) by Talking Heads.
Here's a playlist of the mixtape, which was nearly a zip file of MP3s because I got rid of spotify.
I talked about this comic in my free monthly newsletter - and they got to read it the day it was done.
he was also like 20 and the Internet didn’t exist so besides the fact that fighting the Nazis was one of the few good things the military has ever done, just mayhaps Steve wasn’t fully briefed on the sins of US militarism and imperialism
I love that y’all think tha white people in the army in WWII joined to fight the evils of the Nazi party and not because of nationalism. The US sent minorities back to Germany to be gassed and only got involved after Germany threatened us.
captain america was created by joe simon and jack kirby, two jewish second generation immigrants. you can argue about what the character has come to represent culturally today but it’s absolutely insensitive to erase what the character was supposed to represent for the creators at the time.
hell this is the image on jack kirby’s wikipedia page next to the “entry into comics” section
it was absolutely a political statement, and one that positioned america against fascism, against antisemitism, which is more than we can say for some modern media or even the orange stain running our country
I would also like to add, he was introduced, like this, while the USA was not in the war, and was selling weapons to Germany -among other things. It was a very dangerous, very unpopular statement to make at the time. People love to do the ‘punch Hitler’ thing now, but when Captain America was first released with this cover, this was an extremely controversial statement.
Captain America was created in direct response to how the USA was reacting to the war at the time as a direct call to action against injustice specifically. Created by two Jewish men who were very much affected by all of this. They specifically designed him to look like he did because that was the ““Aryan Ideal”“ as part of that statement. That is why they made him blond, blue-eyed, white, tall, and muscular. They also called him ‘Captain America’ to implicitly tie the United States to this statement. This was a metaphor of ‘The USA has to stop letting others be hurt, it’s time to step up and do something’.
It’s not only insensitive to erase that, it’s Antisemitic to call a Jewish-made character that was a political statement against antisemitism in the 1940′s by people who were fed up with watching their loved ones die while people said they ‘shouldn’t get involved’ in a massive, global genocide attempt a ‘symbol of military industrial complex imperialism and nationalism’ when he was made as a symbol of resistance and a call to fight fascism and antisemitism.
Has anyone mentioned yet that American fascists were so pissed about Captain America that some American Nazis showed up at the Marvel offices to “show what Real Americans would do to Captain America”. Jack Kirby literally rolled up his sleeves and would have beaten the shit out of them if they hadn’t run off by the time he got to the lobby.
Like, fuck you if you refuse to accept that JEWISH AMERICANS created a character that is intended to protect Jews and other marginalized groups.
The common refrain of "transmascs will shit themselves when they realise that T is making them look like a man, not an androgynous femboy twink" has always bothered me for two reasons. The more minor reason is that "man (on T)" and "androgynous femboy twink" are pretty obviously not mutually exclusive categories. There are a ton of men (cis and trans) with normal T levels who are androgynes, femboys, and/or twinks. There are people who may not end up looking like that when they are on T, but it is still within the realm of possible outcomes, and if it's what one wants to look like, there are things one can do to get closer to one's goal.
The more major reason I am bothered by this refrain, though, is the fact that people who say "why do transmascs always want to look like androgynous femboy twinks?" use this demeaning tone that indicates they have a low opinion of transmascs, androgynous people, femboys, and twinks. It is said as if transmascs are too stupid to know even the basic facts of what they're doing with their bodies, and as if wanting to be an androgynous, feminine, or visibly queer man/masc is inherently a bad and absurd thing to desire. The principle of "some people say 'twink' when they really mean 'fag'" is on full display here. It becomes more obvious when it's paired with overt transmedicalism, e.g., "Why do these trender wannabe twinks feel the need to tell everybody that they're trans?", or "'Transmascs' who want to be feminine twinks are basically not even trans". I can only conclude from statements like these that they think being a "real man" means not being a feminine twink, and that it is unacceptable and undesirable (for a man/masc) to be visibly queer and/or GNC. Otherwise, this would not be said with such derision. Needless to say, it is not the hill pro-trans people should ever be dying on.
"Twink" usually just means "conventionally attractive, young, and slim", anyway.
That's just regular beauty standards. Most people would like to fit their society's beauty standards.
My cis bro was more than a little heartbroken that he grew up to be 6'5", stocky, and bald, rather than looking like a kpop star. Every cis dude I know who goes bald has some serious feelings about it.
Transmascs are just getting judged for having the same dysphoria and complicated feelings cis folks have about being attractive, getting older, and how their true self fits with society's perception of them.
I'm so tired. I should not be on the verge of passing out and ehxausted from taking a goddamn bath.
This fucking med is kicking my ass and idek why the fuck it was prescribed, I don't have GERD or any other digestive issue that can be treated by a proton pump inhibitor. But I'm just a Silly Hysterical Woman(tm) what the fuck do I know. I just live in this meat suit. I want to read my frend's BOOK not lay here unable to do any damn thing all fucking day.
