How Do I Explain

Check "about me" for things about me

[luna-mistrunner]

2018 is the year of the dog so I’m out here gently begging 2018 to please, please be a good dog

[lightningbuster]

[theycantalk]

feelings

[prokopetz]

Random Headcanon: That Federation vessels in Star Trek seem to experience bizarre malfunctions with such overwhelming frequency isn’t just an artefact of the television serial format. Rather, it’s because the Federation as a culture are a bunch of deranged hyper-neophiles, tooling around in ships packed full of beyond-cutting-edge tech they don’t really understand. Endlessly frustrating if you have to fight them, because they can pull an effectively unlimited number of bullshit space-magic countermeasures out of their arses - but they’re as likely as not to give themselves a lethal five-dimensional wedgie in the process. All those rampant holograms and warp core malfunctions and accidentally-traveling-back-in-time incidents? That doesn’t actually happen to anyone else; it’s literally just Federation vessels that go off the rails like that. And they do so on a fairly regular basis.

[writebastard]

So to everyone else in the galaxy, all humans are basically Doc Brown.

[prokopetz]

Aliens who have seen the Back to the Future movies literally don’t realise that Doc Brown is meant to be funny. They’re just like “yes, that is exactly what all human scientists are like in my experience”.

[roachpatrol]

THE ONLY REASON SCOTTY IS CHIEF ENGINEER INSTEAD OF SOMEONE FROM A SPECIES WITH A HIGHER TECHNOLOGICAL APTITUDE IS BECAUSE EVERYONE FROM THOSE SPECIES TOOK ONE LOOK AT THE ENTERPRISE’S ENGINE ROOM AND RAN AWAY SCREAMING

[roachpatrol]

vulcan science academy: why do you need another warp core

humans: we’re going to plug two of them together and see if we go twice as fast

vsa: last time we gave you a warp core you threw it into a sun to see if the sun would go twice as fast

humans: hahaha yeah

humans: it did tho

vsa: IT EXPLODED

humans: it exploded twice as fast

[froborr]

I love this. Especially because of how well it plays with my headcanon that the Federation does so much better against the Borg than anyone else because beating the Borg with military tactics is nigh-impossible, but beating them with wacky superscience shenanigans works as long as they’re unique wacky superscience shenanigans.

[megabeeprime]

Yeah, I love this.

[underscorex]

Reminds me of the thing I wrote a while back about Humans in high fantasy realms - they’re basically Team Fuck It Hold My Beer I Got This.

Impulsive, passionate to a fault, the social structures they build to try and regulate this hotheadedness ironically creates even greater levels of sheer bull-headedness. Even their “cooler” heads take action in months or weeks.

All their great heroes of the past were impossibly rash by galactic standards. Humans Just Go With It, which is their great flaw but also their greatest strength.

[roachpatrol]

klingons: okay we don’t get it

vulcan science academy: get what

klingons: you vulcans are a bunch of stuffy prisses but you’re also tougher, stronger, and smarter than humans in every single way

klingons: why do you let them run your federation

vulcan science academy: look

vulcan science academy: this is a species where if you give them two warp cores they don’t do experiments on one and save the other for if the first one blows up

vulcan science academy: this is a species where if you give them two warp cores, they will ask for a third one, immediately plug all three into each other, punch a hole into an alternate universe where humans subscribe to an even more destructive ideological system, fight everyone in it because they’re offended by that, steal their warp cores, plug those together, punch their way back here, then try to turn a nearby sun into a torus because that was what their initial scientific experiment was for and they didn’t want to waste a trip. 

vulcan science academy: they did that last week. we have the write-up right here. it’s getting published in about six hundred scientific journals across two hundred different disciplines because of how many established theories their ridiculous little expedition has just called into question. also, they did turn that sun into a torus, and no one actually knows how. 

vulcan science academy: this is why we let them do whatever the hell they want. 

klingons: …. can we be a part of your federation

[motorizedduck]

Humans: so, uh, funny story

Vulcan Science Academy: Let us guess - you’re not here to return the two warp cores we loaned you for experimentation, and you’re here to tell us that both of them were destroyed at once while you were trying to turn a sun into a torus again

Humans: well, half right

VSA: Wait, what is this

Humans: This is sixteen warp cores

VSA: How is this

Humans: Turns out that at the center of the stellar toroid there was a subspace anomaly that—

VSA: PLEASE don’t

Humans: —caused a refractive tachyon emission that—

VSA: This is literally impossible in every sense of the word

Humans: — depolarized the warp fields and in short—

VSA: Just no

Humans: — the warp fields got cloned and we ended up with four.

VSA: But you brought back sixteen

Humans: We had to repeat the experiment a couple of times to make sure it wasn’t a fluke

VSA: What about the “stellar toroid” of yours

Humans: It’s now a stellar triquetra

[yndu-deactivated20161204]

every semicolon i’ve ever used has been a shot in the dark

[allegedadulthood]

Semicolon use is actually quite simple; semicolons separate two complete, related sentences.

[yndu-deactivated20161204]

cool; bro

[aquaman-shoes]

One of my all-time favorite twitter threads

[iamthebestby2ne1]

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[sk8-ing]

NO

[circlesmadeofglass]

Happy Easter @chandra-nalaar @dancing-sword @ezurad @gatheringmagicalanswers @hotflames216

[mx-selfdestruct]

Now I miss Garruk :(

[circlesmadeofglass]

Bruh, same but he will return and he’ll be fantastic

[catholic-church-official]

if only all fan fiction was as good as the divine comedy

[izzythehutt]

it set the bar so high for self-insert

[catholic-church-official]

a multi-part self-insert rpf and a masterpiece of western literature

[izzythehutt]

a03 fandom tags include “greek mythology” and “13th century florentines i don’t like” 

[oldbeauyashablog]

[oldbeauyashablog]

percival fredrickstein von “fuckface” musel klossowski de rolo III // episode 66

[canopycapers-deactivated2022111]

[did-you-know]

In Japan, it’s a common prank among children to clasp your hands together in the shape of a gun, sneak up behind someone, poke them in the anus, and shout “kan-CHO!.” Kancho is also popular in Korea, there are statues dedicated to it, and there are even preferred techniques for those who are serious enough to practice. Source Source 2 Source 3

[outofcontextarthur]

muffy’s lunch consists of three sandwiches and a bread roll

[jackafz]

SCREAMING Muffy sis…………..the carbs

[the-movemnt-deactivated20170912]

Nike to release “Pro Hijab” for Muslim women in spring 2018

On the heels of its campaign ad featuring Muslim athletes, Nike is taking a stand against discrimination. 

The athletic wear company announced the release of the “pro hijab,” Al Arabiya English reported on Monday.

“The Nike Pro Hijab may have been more than a year in the making, but its impetus can be traced much further back, to an ongoing cultural shift that has seen more women than ever embracing sport,” a statement from Nike said, according to Al Arabiya English.

The “pro hijab” is set to be released in spring 2018. Its creation follows years of controversy regarding Muslim women keeping their hair covered during athletic competitions. Read more (3/7/17 11:10 AM)

follow @the-movemnt

[baetoul-deactivated20170708]

Asiya Sport did it first.  They also manufacture all their products in the USA, meaning they are an ethical company that doesn’t just use the idea of inclusivity and female empowerment to sell products made from the exploited, outsourced, cheap labour of vulnerable women and girls. 

Their mission is “to help enable more Muslim girls & women to be physically active and participate in sports, while upholding their religious and cultural beliefs.”

Let’s support ethical Muslim companies before we reward opportunistic companies that have finally caught on to the money they can make from considering muslim women valuable consumer markets. Shop Here. 

[howdoiexplain]

Grog: It's a key all the time, and when you stick it in people, it unlocks their death.

Percy: God damn man, I would love to live in your world for about ten minutes.

[m0thercucker]

hi i’m a dev at bioware and i need help with my budgeting

hair and face customization- $2,000 dialogue options- $1,200 plot-related content- $3,000 pointless map space- $275,000,000 character backgrounds- $1,000 facial expressions models- $25

please recommend a way to manage my spending thanks!!!!

[lesbianrey]

hi todd howard here! i can see what’s off right away- you’re spending too much money on plot related content when it can be used for pointless map space

[out-there-on-the-maroon]

Who you should fight: Critical Role cast

Matthew Mercer: you can fight Matthew Mercer. The man is incredibly intelligent but he’s not especially buff. He might surprise you though, lanky people can be wily fighters. It would be an interesting fight regardless of who won or lost. He’d probably thank you for being a fan and help you to your feet if he defeated you. You can fight Matthew Mercer. 

Marisha Ray: Do not fight Marisha Ray! Not only does she know actual marital arts, she used to be part of something called Fight Club where they used melee weapons. Dangerous with her fists or weapons. Do not fight Marisha Ray. (Also if you fight Marisha Ray I will find you and then *I* will fight you because she has enough jackasses being rude to her, and that needs to stop.)

Liam O’Brien: first you would have to catch him. The man runs 10 miles every day for fun so … good fucking luck. Even if you do catch him why would you want to fight him oh my god leave Liam O’Brien alone! (Also if you did fight him, you’d then have to defeat the combined rage of Sam, Laura, me, and half the fanbase charging to his defense.) You can fight Liam O’Brien but at what cost. 

Taliesin Jaffe: you can fight Taliesin Jaffe. You shouldn’t, but you can. He has the power of Luck Manipulation granted to him by mysterious dark forces. Before you can blink, he’ll have defeated you, probably using something obscure from history. You can fight Taliesin Jaffe, but he’s going to win. 

Laura Bailey: you can fight Laura Bailey but you will lose. Either she’ll take you out at the knees right away, or she’ll wink at you and you’ll fight yourself for her honor. Have you seen Laura Bailey she’s so cool and charming and amazing. You can fight Laura Bailey but you’ll lose. And you’ll deserve to lose, because how dare you.

Sam Riegel: you should absolutely fight Sam Riegel. Anytime, anywhere. Fight him in a Denny’s Parking lot, a grocery store, an arena. Fight this man. Win, lose, who cares? You must fight him. 

Travis Willingham: you can fight Travis Willingham. If you’re buff he’ll fight you fair. If you’re smol and fierce he might be a little flustered. If you’re weak he’ll probably let you get in one hit before putting his hand on your forehead and keeping you at arm’s length until you wear yourself out. But he’d be nice about it. You can fight Travis Willingham. (Please note if you hurt him, you’ll have to answer to Laura Bailey, and that will not end well … for you.)

Brian Foster: you can fight Brian Foster. I’m pretty sure you’d win too. He self-deprecates so much, he might fight and defeat himself before you could even get to him. You can fight Brian Foster. (But like, maybe you shouldn’t. He beats himself up on the internet enough as it is.) 

Ashley Johnson: no. How dare you even think about fighting Ashley Johnson. Go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done.