nina/star/sim ~ 26 ~ she/they ~ my brain is a psychosis adhd petri dish ~ trying 2 recover from eating disorder :^( ✨often unpleasant space✨ i follow as dur#able%#~pan*sy
Made these practical lists for overthinkers who spiral into analysis paralysis (aka me). Sometimes you don’t need more reflection, you just need something to do.
My dad was dealing with some mixed feelings so I told him "In therapy when something is too complicated to do a simple 'pro and contra list' we sometimes do an excercise where you imagine all these mixed feelings around a table in some kind of conference, letting each tell their bit and you leading the debate."
and my dad didn't really respond and just stared ahead so I kept preparing lunch. Until a few minutes later when he suddenly piped up: "I am having a bad time at the conference"
Hey. Your brain needs to de-frag. Literally it needs you to sit there and space out.
If you want your memory or executive function to improve, stare out a window at the skyline or sidewalk or trees or birds on the electrical wires for like 20+ minutes per day. (With no other stimulation like a podcast or TV if you can manage but hey baby steps innit). If you're fortunate enough to have safe outside with any bits of nature, go stare closely at a 1 meter square of grass and trip out on the bugs and shapes of grasses and stuff.
Literally this will make you smarter. Our brains HAVE TO HAVE this zone out time to do important stuff behind the scenes. This does not happen during sleep, it's something else.
That weird pressurized feeling you get sometimes might be your brain on no defrag.
learning that addiction is a progressive narrowing of the range of things that make one happy was kinda life changing for me. i apply it to everything not even just addiction i am always checking to ask if i am narrowing my range of happiness or widening it
Me: I don't get it. I thought I was doing a lot better than I was a few years ago. I'm like 10 times more on top of things than I used to be. How does everything feel terrible now?
The Tiny Me in OSHA-approved Hi-Vis Gear Who lives in my brain and pulls all the levers: Boss, it's the fascism. You're completely gunked up with cortisol due to the fact that your entire daily life is now underscored with a haunting awareness of the rapid erosion of your rights, dignity, and any and all social safety nets, and you're also bearing witness to the most vulnerable people immediately being persecuted. This creates a natural stress response that basically means you're going to continue having memory and organizational problems, as well as emotional imbalances.
Me: BUT I HAVE A BULLET JOURNAL AND I MEDITATE NOW.
While cleaning out my room I found a paper that my therapist gave me some time ago to deal with obsessive and intrusive thoughts. Sorry the paper is a little crinkled and stained, but I figured I’d post it in hopes that it will help someone like it helped me.
like. ok. i know i've talked about this before but i genuinely think that the boundary between "plurality" and "singlethood" is so fucking fuzzy and ambiguous because i do not think a boundary exists. like. ok what do people know about "internal parts therapy" or whatever. god. nevermind ignore that i said that. listen to me.
do you feel like, around certain people, you are an entirely different kind of person? with some people, you are outgoing, excitable, loud, outspoken, confident? with others, you are quiet, reserved, shy, anxious? obviously these do not mean these are necessarily two different people, right?
well, I mean. what the fuck is "a person." or rather what the fuck is "a consciousness" is maybe a better question.
plenty of systems have the whole "i have amnesia and my parts are profoundly distinct and cannot communicate with each other internally" etc etc etc but 1) this is like. a specific expression of a broader phenomenon and 2) this is not the only way to be plural.
a better example than the above is maybe "when I'm at work, I am Literally A Different Person than when I am at home with my wife."
this is something that I think most people would not balk at saying, even if it's nominally in jest or hyperbolic. but like, what makes that not literally true?
if we accept that a Part or an Alter or a Headmate or a Distinct Psyche or whatever you want to call it Does Not Need to be profoundly distinct in the way the "DSM-5" articulates it as, i.e. you can have parts that do not have amnesia and who share some level of awareness, memories, etc, can communicate internally, etc. what determines the boundaries of a Part? In our experience, the most constrained definition of "what a part is" could be defined as "a distinct psychic mode of existence which can be temporarily occupied, and is sometimes occupied based on contextual triggers."
your "inner child" is a part! your "worksona" is a part! when you have a bad day and you hear a voice in your mindspace that tries to encourage you to get up and take care of yourself, that can be a part!
likewise, the voice in your head that denigrates and derides you can be a part. and, if you give yourselves permission, you can try to talk to them.
imo. the biggest "hack" for "determining if you are plural" (fake, everyone is plural) is giving yourselves just. permission to even "pretend" to be distinct. you may shock yourself. you may surprise yourself. you may think into your mindspace "hello, is anybody there?" and you may be surprised to find that sometimes. someone might answer back "yes."
the way we first realized we were plural was literally that we were in a car talking with a friend who is a system and they said to us, "well, if you were separate parts, what would you say?" and then an entirely different emotional state clicked into place and a cheerful and excited voice piped up out of our body and said "WELL, if I ever got to distinguish myself as separate, I would..." before stopping and realizing what she had said.
the thing is that plurality is psychic. it is "psychological." it is, by definition, "all in your head." because every part of your personhood(s) is "in your head." you can play pretend. you can do imagination games. what makes that "less real" than other thoughts in your mindscape? if you pretend hard enough that you are different kinds of people in your mind, you might just literally be different people in your mind. why not? what makes on "personality" or "psyche" or "fragment" real, and another "pretend?" it's all pretend. none of it is pretend. your personhood is made up in your mind. you are already playing pretend! you are playing pretend that you are a person! having thoughts and beliefs and emotions and opinions is make-believe! it is made up of the same essential psychic Stuff as playing pretend.
you may be pleasantly surprised to find out how joyful the different parts of your heart and your life might feel to be granted the respect and autonomy to distinguish themselves as distinct and unique and each worthy of personhood, choice, and expression.
#good and helpful reminders#were all simply weird animals who make up rules for things#there are no rules let the 12 year old you in your head stretch their/your legs and stop pretending to be one cohesive animal all the time
DING DING DING WINNER OF UNDERSTANDING WHAT I'M SAYING AWARD GOES TO THESE TAGS (/GEN)
there are no rules. it's literally all make-believe. go ham. the child who lives in your heart must be let loose at all costs. I'm letting this fucker drive! [universally understood symbol for "the two year old alter"]
If y'all are anything like me, this time of year is triggering AF. Here are some small, very easy grounding exercises that I was taught by my therapist, basically in order of how much I like them for this rage-inducing season. You make like them in a different order, depending on your rage-to-despair ratio.
Push a wall: literally go up to a wall and try to push it over. Really try. I promise you won't push it over, but give it your best shot. Try to hold it as long as you can, and then take a breather and assess whether you need to repeat.
Why it works: This is a quick, physical expulsion of the fight-or-flight feeling. It's a bit like punching a wall, but without the potential to hurt yourself/look scary/damage things. You can even do it in front of people and say you're stretching, they'll never know (unless the wall actually falls down, but this will not happen, I assure you).
Shake like a dog: Animals shake to release stress, and you are also an animal. Setting aside time to just shake it out, as vigorously as you can, arms and legs, face, stick your tongue out, pretend you're shaking like a wet dog. You can dance instead, if that feels better, and you can do this to music, but basically the more unhinged you can be, the better. If you are in a place you can scream, scream too!
Why it works: like the above, this is a release of pent-up stress and anxiety. Especially if your rage-to-woe ratio is high, some kind of physical exertion is often the best way to burn through the cortisol and adrenaline you're building up.
Bilateral Tapping: Cross your arms over your chest so that your fingertips are at your shoulders, and slowly tap, one hand at a time, back and forth, for about a minute. Breathe slowly.
Why it works: This is weird as hell, but because this engages both sides of your brain, it helps override the activity of the amygdala, which is the part of your brain that Makes The Fear. If you're being literally triggered in a situation, i.e. you're having a trauma response, or reliving some family trauma, this is a good one.
Box Breathing: From a comfortable position (can really be seated, laying down or standing), inhale slowly for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, exhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, then repeat. You can do it for shorter counts or longer counts, but if you vary the counts make sure the exhale is longer than the inhale. You can close your eyes or leave them open.
Why it works: This exercise helps you move from a sympathetic (activated) nervous system response to a parasympathetic (balanced) response. I do this one every day, and it's a good gateway to meditation. Especially helpful in anxious or tense situations, but I find if I'm very triggered I need one of the other ones first, or it can make anxiety worse. Breathwork is amazing but not usually as a first exercise if you're very activated, or have been activated a long time.
Ice: Lots of ways to do this one – hands in cold water for 30 seconds, ice pack on the back of your neck, dip your entire face into a bowl of ice water (this one's the most effective).
Why it works: I kinda think this is hilarious, but this activates your mammalian dive reflex. It immediately slows your heart-rate, so if you are feeling your blood pressure and heart rate rising, this one is very good. The only reason this one's at the bottom of my list is because I hate being cold.
I wish you all a very get-through-the-holidays-without-hurting-yourself. Take time alone if you need it.
#you want to know a sentence that rewrote my brain:#most people have never been 20#more than half of humans ever born never made it to 20#which. is so crushingly sad to me i can't think about it for too long and also weirdly tempering when i'm angry at the state of the world#most people have never been 20! is it any wonder we're bad at being people sometimes! it's so new. we're young to it#anyway#i'm so stupidly grateful to live in the present and for modern medical technology (tags via @thoughtsformtheuniverse)
Let's Talk About The Overlap Between Autism, ADHD, and Schizophrenia
I've been wanting to make a graph like this for awhile, about the overlap between these three disorders. Tagging @auschizm because it's highly related to that blog :D
Text transcribed below the cut because it's long!
Title: Can We Talk About The Overlap Between... AUTISM, ADHD, AND SCHIZOPHRENIA?
Description: You always hear people talking about AuDHD, but schizophrenia has the same if not more overlap with these disorders, and it's not talked about!
Let's start boosting schizophrenic people's voices. There's more to the disorder than just psychosis!
Graph based on my personal experience with schizophrenia, my experiences with autistic and ADHD communities, and the words of people with AuDHD themselves.
Made by @gray-gray-gray-gray on tumblr.
Schizophrenia Only
Typical age of onset between 15 and 54 years old
Before the onset/ first psychotic break, there is a "prodrome" where you have a drop in functioning
Reoccuring episodes of psychosis (Hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, etc)
Likely had less noticeable or covert symptoms pre-onset
Often daydreaming, 'in their own world', hyper-self-reflective, 'space cadet'
Autism Only
Need for familiarty & routine
Sudden disruptions to routine are highly distressing
ADHD Only
Craves new experiences & novelty
Autism & ADHD (AuDHD)
Interest-based nervous system (meaning attention & focus is activated based on personal interest, not how important something is)
Onset in very early childhood -- before age 12
Autism & Schizophrenia (Auschizm)
Self-soothing via repetitive behavior
Higher rates of catatonic symptoms
Social withdrawal or exclusion
Difficulties filtering speech
Flat affect
Alogia
Concrete and/or literal thinking
Higher rates of personality disorders, dissociative disorders, and trauma
Internally oriented behavior
Difficulties wording what they
want to say correctly & disorganized speech
Difficulties with insight into what is part of the disorder and what is neurotypial
ADHD & Schizophrenia (SchizoDHD)
Impulsivity & hard to sit still
Difficulties regulating attention & focus, also causing social cue difficulties
Difficulty keeping a daily routine
Jumping around or out of sequence speech
Forgetfulness
Failing to reach a clear end goal or point in speech
Less coherent progression from start to finish in stories
General difficulties with thinking clearly
Drawing blanks / losing train of thought often
Difficulties finding motivation to do things
Lots of energy some days, no energy other days
Troubles multitasking
Planning poorly or not at all
All Three
Stimming
Echolalia, echopraxia
Executive dysfunction
Sensory issues & overload
Emotional dysregulation
Interconnected/webbed thought
ND communication (infodumping, connecting ideas, shared interest bonding)
Increased risk of victimization
Hyperfixations
Higher rates of depression, anxiety, OCD, BFRBS, bipolar, suicidality, sleep issues, eating disorders, and substance abuse
Eye contact differences
Difficulties switching tasks
Masking
Hyperfocusing
Restlessness
Prone to boredom
Memory issues
Social situation difficulties
Time blindness
Difficulties with school, learning, and following tasks
Watching AI types say we need generative AI-written dialogue to create a game where NPCs can remember and react to things and thinking of when the Call of Duty devs declared that they had finally pioneered the tech to have fish move away from the player, only for someone to post a video of fish moving away in Super Mario 64 a few minutes after the press conference ended
tangentwithtanner
snowghoul
turnnoffyourmind
prguitarman
origamiaround
