Shelter and Warning

33-He/Him. Queer content consumer. If you send me an ask or tag me with a fundraiser, I will report both it and you as spam.

[starqueensterlexa]

If you have ever known anyone with a kink for being hit, or beat up, or raped and you're okay with them, you also gotta be okay with the people who's kink it is to do the hitting, the beating, or the raping. At the end of the day, we're adults playing pretend, and that's it.

[starqueensterlexa]

With every single sub i have the first thing we ever do is establish the safe word (stoplight system), and the non-verbal safe word in case they can't talk for any reason. If I can't tell where the sub is at, I will ask them point blank what is their color, and if they can't give a response, we stop. The goal is to make the other person feel good, including pain, and the most important part us knowing your subs limits and LISTENING to them. I will *never* hurt a sub in a way that they have not explicitly expresssed interest in.

[steve-likes-robots]

Makes sense to me. The “getting hit” kink requires a “hitting” kink. It’s like Transformers. Megatron can’t exist without Optimus Prime.

[starqueensterlexa]

yes Steve, its exactly like Megatron and Optimus Prime from Transformers

[intersexfeminist]

i still don't fully understand why people act like believing in gendered socialization means you think socialization is immutable. no, by believing in "male socialization" i am not saying "every single person socialized as male is hard-wired to behave one way and cannot learn a new way to behave." infact, believing in the latter is actually closer to bioessentialism than any actual socialization argument. all i'm saying is that when you are raised as male, you are socialized as male, and that comes with different learned behaviors than someone raised & socialized as female. you can, however, very easily replace those learned behaviors with new ones. i implore you to do so, in fact.

[razortouched]

This will probably be my most controversial post by far, but it needs to be said.

Gendered socialization is unequivocally real. Boys and girls are treated and socialized differently before they're even born.

Female babies are disappearing en masse, because male babies are more valued.

From an extremely early age, parents respond to their childrens' emotions differently based on gender. Mothers over-estimate the crawling abilities of their infant sons compared to infant daughters.

Mothers speak to their infant daughters more and talk them more about emotions than they do their sons.

By the age of 2, boys already show an avoidance to the color pink and other items traditionally seen as feminine, laying the ground work for early demonstrations of misogyny in childhood.

When children enter pre-school, there is no difference in math abilities between boys and girls. But such gaps begin to appear as children grow older.

The vast majority of girls report feeling unsafe going outside, and at least 2/3 of girls have reported experiencing sexual harassment at school by the time they 16.

Further on in education, women will understimate their scores, while men will overestimate their scores. Women will perform worse on tests when first told that women, on average, perform worse.

Researchers argue that the prevalence of sexual assault against women is so high specifically because of early gendered socialization. The men who commit sexual violence consistently demonstrate specific ideals about gender and perform hostile masculinity.

The patterns reach well into adulthood, influencing occupational choices.

I could literally go on and on and on. There are countless studies and entire fields of academia dedicated to researching this. The fact that children are socialized differently paced on assigned or percieved gender is really not debatable.

I am sympathetic to the fact that transphobes have warped the concept of socialization to insinuate that trans women are destined to be violent or predatory, or that trans men are destined to be submissive and helpless. However, people weaponizing these frameworks does not mean that the phenomenon does not exist.

Furthermore, individual people's nuanced experiences with gendered socialization does not mean that these patterns don't exist on a large scale. Any interaction with society will confer the influence of gender biases, especially upon children to are extremely vulnerable to both subtle and overt social cues.

Again - gendered socialization is real. This is a core aspect of feminist analysis. I am not going to pretend otherwise.

[disco-pony]

I'm sure I remember a time when it was a big part of trans theory that missing out on typical gendered socialisation was a big part of the abuse of trans people by a cisnormative society.

Thinking of it as like a language, where so much stuff is taught by exposure, all the "gendered manners" that are taught in single-sex situations (the proverbial thing of "girls act differently when there are no boys present/boys act differently when there are no girls present") which are the situations where a kid is taught how to perform "their" gender in the most nuanced and complicated ways that signal to other people of the same-gender that "we are the same type of person" - and, trans people are often cut off from that until they come out, meaning that they have to learn the "basics" as adults.

Likewise I see so many trans people say "Bold of you to assume I was socialised! I was treated as a weird thing." And I don't know how to point out that the things that get a child treated as a "weird thing" and put outside of the bounds of propriety are themselves different for children being raised-to-boyhood or raised-to-girlhood. Thinking about England because I don't want to extrapolate outside of where I personally know, a "girl" might get treated as a tomboy-outsider-weirdo for wanting to play toy soldiers or play in the woods, but a "boy" would probably be seen as normal for that. Likewise, a "boy" might be punished really badly for liking makeup and dresses, but a "girl" wouldn't be. Seeing "You can't say I was socialised as a boy, I was constantly getting in trouble for putting on my sister's clothes, and treated like I was disgusting for crying and being emotional!" And just... Yes! Because people that the patriarchy wants to turn into "boys" will be punished for showing femininity, that is how male socialisation works! Likewise "I was treated as a tomboy and put in a third gender category because I was sporty and outdoorsy, and punished and called monstrous and sent to see a psychiatrist for not playing with dollies" - That's female socialisation, because a "boy" who was sporty wouldn't be put into into third gender category for it, and wouldn't be called monstrous for having no interest in dolls.

Obviously the exact things that are gendered change from culture to culture, but that applies to everything, everything is culturally bound and affects different people in different ways and to different degrees, but we still try to talk about the broad trends which carry through cross-culturally (which has been a big part of feminist consciousness- Recognising that although the ways that women are treated worldwide aren't the same, that there are repeating themes...)

I don't know, it feels like we shouldn't have to ignore that gendered socialisation exists and is often a horrible locus of abuse (for both cis and trans kids, even before getting into how it's often SO MUCH WORSE for intersex kids regardless of whether they're cis or trans!) just because terfs also want to use it.

[crucifiedhusk]

I can't help but find it interesting that the response to trans men reacting negatively to transfeminists degrading and mocking us from both cis and trans, men and women alike is always "Yeah, women talk shit about men, get used to it, grow a thicker skin, you're a man now, part of the ship, part of the crew etc." because it holds water for the actual MRA position that men are hated simply for Being Men, for merely existing as their gender.

I always thought that the justification for making sweeping negative generalizations about men was their disproportionately high rates of violence, murder, sexual assault, abuse, coercion, harassment, objectification, belittling and overall disenfranchisement of women on a systemic scale.

Unfortunately it is not possible to actually compare the data, given that no one is even willing to research trans men as a demographic, but I'm fairly certain that if we were to compare and contrast those numbers in regards to the harm done to women by cis men vs. trans men, we wouldn't even come close.

[crucifiedhusk]

The underlying implication that we are by default misogynists, already somehow guilty of doing harm to women through the act of transitioning is not lost on me either.

Trans women transitioning is life-saving and necessary, they are just so innately Female to their core that they must live as their true selves or they will instantly commit s*icide, but trans men transitioning is optional, a lifestyle choice we make on a whim because we are viewed as fickle women with an unstable sense of self, we could simply opt out and detransition if we don't like being baselessly accused of harming and oppressing women for the crime of living as our gender.

[oh-totoro]

[oh-totoro]

Whenever I come back to Tumblr and check the activity, it’s always this post still getting some notes here and there.

[scramratz]

ngl i hate the idea that estrogen is some passive force compared to testosterone. estrogen is the reason im 5'3 while my brother is 6' foot. Estrogen is the reason i have triple D breasts that are impossible to bind and have to save 12k to get them cut off. Estrogen is the reason i have to manually lower my voice to be taken seriously. In the wrong body, estrogen is just as much as a poison as testosterone is

[tboy-cock]

the whole "if youre a man why do you talk about your past being raised a girl?? youre a man now, right? its like you dont even want to be a man" thing kinda reminds me of my dad telling me that i should "move on" from my mom abusing me because "its in the past". like yeah so unfortunately the way that you grew up/are raised and the trauma that you experienced are just kinda permanent parts of who you are. like just because my mom is no longer abusing me doesnt mean that i can just go on with my life like none of that ever happened. so i dont see how you think its reasonable to expect trans people to "move on" from the trauma of being assigned a sex at birth that we do not identify with and that was often violently forced on us, which is almost universally traumatizing to all trans people regardless of what our assignment was. i mean all this assuming that they dont just want to silence trans men of coursecwhich is a pretty generous assumption

[dogspouse]

people keep making posts on instagram like "omg look how deep they tried to hide this setting to disallow AI from scraping ur work!!! they rly tried to bury this!!" and its just. in the settings menu under privacy. where you'd expect it to be

[7-inches-of-satanic-panic]

mfs be like ao3 is disgusting and it’s awful how they just allow so much dark content to exist on there. that kind of stuff just shouldn’t be allowed. anyways isn’t it fucked up how Wattpad just banned smut? censorship is awful

[strayknight]

when youre mean to me this is who youre being mean to 🥺🎀 *image of one of the seven knights of the abyss. clad in obsidian black armor. eyes burning a hellish red glow. standing tall on the blood-soaked field of battle. its blade alone towers above mortal men. it is also clear that the knight has a massive cock.*

[i-suggest-transing-your-gender]

Maybe this is a controversial take but honestly, I don't care even if you only mean cis men when you say "kill all men" or "all men suck" because you're contributing to bioessentialism/gender essentialism and generalizing an entire group of people to be bad and even perpetuating the idea that men who do shitty things to them because "they can't help it due to being men". You're not dismantling the patriarchy, you're contributing to it.

[houndmother]

many of you just. genuinely don’t believe that people can grow and change.

[houndmother]

this is about the death penalty and its also about call out posts about people who have already apologized for things they did a long time ago and it’s also about using ‘toxic’ or ‘abuser’ as if its an immutable class of person, and its also about any other circumstance with permanent consequences or wherein you assume someone is still the same person they were.

[spiritbladed]

something something extremely sexy when magic users resort to physical violence. yeah i have the power of god and anime on my side but i also have THESE HANDS. i cast Punch You In The Face. i take my magic staff through which i channel the vast energies of the elements and the cosmos and i cast Severe Concussion And Skull Fracture. casting time for xenoglossy too long, chose the quicker route of Stab You In The Throat.

[narcissistcookbook]

i wish to provide a few linocut stamps i made inspired by myth bc im still mentally there !!

hnrgggh

[space-feminist]

i feel like "feminist" anti-kink sentiment is very tail-wagging-the-dog. like male doms playing out bdsm scenes of abuse are not oppressing their female subs that's acting. you're mad at acting. you're those aliens from galaxy quest. same with fearmongering about "booktok". however an eroticized version of patriarchal dynamics being a popular kink DOES speak to the pervasiveness of sexism, bc eroticizing the oppression is a way of coping with living under it. it's women creating a fantasy world where men being menacing to them is sexy and not scary like it is irl, or where it is still scary but in the fun way like a horror movie bc you can tap out at any time by using a safe word or putting the book down. acting like this sort of kink is oppressing women is like if you assumed the thermometer controlled the weather outside. it might be depressing to look at the thermometer and see the impact of climate change, but it's not the thermometer's fault

[girlballs]

god it would be awesome if the human brain could just ignore an upsetting thing instead of constantly wandering back to it for no fucking reason

[sodomit]

y'know most people talking about pregnant men are imagining a cis guy in that weird mpreg penis/butthole pregnancy right? this is not some psyop to detransition people this is a fantasy where cis perisex men can be made to suffer in a way that's historically only been for the people they oppress

I'm just gonna post this comment here again.

[sodomit]

I can do that for you.

Both are about using features that really exist among marginalized people as something to insult or degrade privileged people with. And in both cases, when members of the group that actually has this feature speak up, they're getting told that it's actually not about them, and that they should just accept their likeness used as a punchline.