Careless To Let It Fall ~ Final Thoughts
I finished Careless To Let It Fall the other day (start reading here, there be spoilers ahead). Usually, when I finish writing a story, I like to sit down with my journal and write a little bit about the experience. What I wrote, why I took that route, my thoughts on the final outcome, and so on. It helps me process the story and get me into the head space to move onto something new.
Careless To Let It Fall has taught me a lot of things about fanfic, about myself, and about fandom in general. I won't elaborate about all of that here because I'd be here for the rest of my life, but in short: It has taught me that even in old and sprawling fandoms, there are still new ideas to explore. It taught me that when I wobble about writing a trope so many others have also written (Mandalorian Obi-Wan) it doesn't matter that there are dozens of other stories like it because fans will almost always follow the "two cakes" philosophy. It showed me, once again, that my own ability to judge the length of my stories and how long they will take me is sorely lacking, and it amazed me with how many comments and kudos and pieces of fanart I received over the two years I've been writing and posting.
As for the ending: it went precisely where I wanted it to. Dooku died trying to redeem himself, in very small part, for the path he had helped to set the galaxy on. Obi-Wan has grown from uncertain and a little adrift based on Qui-Gon’s actions in The Phantom Menace to confident and assured. A leader in his own right who has taken a different path and emerged tall and proud but still, over all, a Jedi. Which was the most important thing of all for me when finishing this story; Obi-Wan might have walked the path of becoming a Mandalorian, but at his core he is still and always will be a Jedi first.
Often, when I read Mandalorian Obi-Wan stories, the Jedi gets a bit lost. And doubtless there are times in Careless where the Mandalorian seems to overwhelm the Jedi. That's only to be expected during a war. But in the final chapter, three years after killing Sidious, Obi-Wan is still a Jedi. He is the heir of Tarre Vizsla, but not as Mand’alor as many readers thought would happen. He is Vizsla’s heir as a Jedi. He is creating a new branch of the Jedi Order on a world where the Jedi are not typically well received, but he seems to be succeeding.
At the end of all of the mess, Obi-Wan is still a Jedi. Yes, he has married according to Mandalorian custom (and totally manufactured in universe Jedi custom), but he is still a Jedi. He and Cody are capable of functioning together, and apart, he accepted Cody's decision to be with him when they confronted Sidious, even knowing it could cause Cody’s death. He outright rejects the idea of training the child of his closest Mandalorian friend because he knows he is not the right choice due to their relationship and the fact that the child has abilities that others are more specialised in. There is so much love there, for Myles and his son, but not attachment.
Obi-Wan began as a padawan: a little bit lost, uncertain of his place, trying to find himself and his feet. He ended as a master, a leader, a husband, a friend, and about to send his own padawan out into the galaxy.
And it only took me 142 chapters and 489k words, 21 months, and hundreds of hours of writing and researching to get him there.
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