Fives

My Tumblr train of thought. I have no clue what’s going on. Over 18 and still crying over Stoic’s death.

[majestic-salad]

Insane actually that until I saw Hadestown live I'd never heard anyone talk about the candle. The candle that is hope?? The candle that's THE LAST THING YOU SEE as the stage goes dark at the end of the show. The candle that the Fates blow out, that Eurydice relights at the start of every performance? Kept safe by Hermes until the story is told again? That candle???

Well personally I'M never going to stop thinking about it

[shilyas]

[thistlefig]

I see a lot of people online saying that Orpheus (Hadestown specifically) looks back because he loves Eurydice so much, that there isn't a world in which he doesn't look back, because the kind of man who wouldn't look back is not the kind of man who would go after her in the first place, etc. It's inevitable because of the strength of his love. But I don't see that as being the whole picture. Textually, it is explicitly his doubt in himself, and in the narrative of his life, that makes him look back: "Doubt Comes In", and he wonders, who is he that Hades would let him win? Who is he that Eurydice would follow him through the dark? Orpheus used to have a very simple, naive view of the world and his place in it. He was single-minded. At the beginning he tells Eurydice he's the man who is going to marry her because...well, that's how the story should go, and he is a poet first and foremost. Then, when he meets Hades, he is confronted by what Eurydice did and what the world is really like. He is shattered by the realisation that Eurydice wasn't just a simple, "pure" victim, but that she signed her life away. He is beaten down and loses faith, he goes into "Is this how it is?" after he's literally already done the impossible by reaching Hadestown on foot. He should have proven his abilities to himself by this point, but things aren't going the way they are supposed to and he doesn't know who he is anymore. He isn't just a boy in love with a girl who sings a song to bring back spring: he's a boy who didn't look back when he should have the first time when she called his name; she's a girl who chose her immediate needs over his grand ideals. His faith in a world where they make it back together is broken. He looks back because he doesn't trust himself or the narrative that he's found himself in. It's even more heartbreaking to me, because the Orpheus he was at the beginning of the musical might not have looked back, but that version of Orpheus doesn't make it out of the Underworld.

And to top it all off, the version of Eurydice from the beginning of the musical, before love softened her hard edges and made her trust him, probably wouldn't have followed Orpheus out of Hadestown. Eurydice really does trust him to get her out, because she's looking for the Orpheus she used to know and she's seen the power of his song and worldview.

Am I rambling into the void or does this make sense to anyone else?

[future-crab]

Imagine being Anais Mitchell and writing a song about the rhetoric of fascism so incisive and prescient that 10 years later an actual fascist would use that exact rhetoric down to the highly-specific phrasing in his presidential campaign. But also it took 10 years for the project you wrote that song for to move from living room shows to concept album to theater workshop to off-Broadway to Broadway, and its Broadway debut ended up coinciding with said fascist's successful bid for the presidency, and now it looks like your song that you wrote in 2005 is a super unsubtle reference to that one particular and highly-topical politician.

Frankly if I were her I would have started killing.

[obscuresymbolism]

I just feel like we're not talking enough about the pro-labor, pro-union, themes in Hadestown. My boy Orpheus is literally wearing a red bandana. He said you simply have to stand up, together, even when it's terrifying and you have never done it before. There are more of us than them. Even if it seems impossible we have hope, because we are standing in solidarity. You can only make demands of gods if you have your union behind you. And then you realise they aren't gods, and you can bargain.

[itskurwanumber5]

Idea! Because I love Radulov & Surin dynamic (you are 18 and your work bestie is 38)

(Scott's age is more show canon)

Shane & Ilya are caught fooling around just before the draft night by Grigory. Grigory attacks them both (but mostly Ilya) with a belt. Scandal, Ilya gets disowned, Shane & Ilya are not the first picks anymore.

But some clubs on a chiller side go like

Hmm we are more frugal than homophobic, if we can get a star player and pay him less just because of this fuck-up...

So they are picked 10th and 13th by Admirals and San Francisco (who is picked first is irrelevant at this point)

Ilya is billeting with Scott

Carter: Well you got a new dad now I guess. An upgraded version!

Ilya: More like daddy

Scott: Rook please stop (to the coach) WHY ME

Head coach: Because you are a responsible adult for fuck's sake. By the way, rook, you are taking his right wing position

Ilya: wait wat

Admirals get 2 cups in a row, Scott and Ilya are marketed as team besties, because when Scott doesn't want to talk to the media, Ilya goes to them and says stuff like

"Don't worry, he doesn't talk to us either"

"Oh he doesn't take part in this because his stick broke and he sprained his ankle and his teeth hurt"

It's a running joke that Ilya is making up dumb stuff for his work dad, nobody believes a word, but people think it's borderline adorable.

Scott: ...fuck damn, this brat IS my team bestie now, isn't he

Then San Fran gets an analytical Swedish talent who vibes with Shane like a long lost twin and they finally meet in the finals

Shane checks the fuck out of Admirals, because playoff finals are not chill

Shane&his work bestie are scary

Carter: ...what do they feed you in San Fran, god

Shane: Minced beef. Also they made me bench press people for months to look more intimidating.

Carter: (whispers) THAT'S who you hooked up with, seriously

Ilya: Firstly, dad caught us before I could take his pants off. Secondly, he wasn't THAT muscled back then. Hollander! Hollander! You got plans after we are done here?

Shane: ...will it be ok though

Ilya: I've literally seen bets that our stake for the finals is who tops, might as well?

Shane: It's your fault, you shit talked me in three pre game interviews so far!

Ilya: You told the paps you've never heard of me, we're even

...

In this universe Scott doesn't want to come out not because there are no out queer players. He just sees the potential speculations about his relationship with Ilya, which would be very problematic

[itskurwanumber5]

While there are discussions about Shane's snake(s) at @penandinkprincess (no pun intended)

May I introduce you to

✨Ilya and his emporium of budgies✨

After he moves to Ottawa he is by himself a lot, he doesn't go clubbing anymore, and there are only so many times a week he thinks bothering the Hollanders with his presence is appropriate.

And then one of the Cens staff members brings a green/yellow budgie to the rink because their kid bought one on a whim but then poof surprise allergies. The budgie needs a new home.

Ilya: What is he doing to that plushie?

Staff member: Ah, he tries to fuck it. Daily. Horny beast.

Ilya: ...you know what, I'm taking him, does he have a name?

Staff member: ...I don't know how to break it to you. It's erm.

Ilya: What?

Staff member: My kid's your big fan.

Ilya: ...

Staff member: His name's Ilya.

Ilya: lol Ilya Jr it is.

Ilya takes the budgie home and goes to the pet store for advice and bird food. And apparently budgies don't do well alone if the owner has a busy schedule. So he comes home with a massive castle-like cage and a pale blue budgie Evgenia (aka Janey).

Well he got a new hobby apparently, and that hobby is budgiewatching. He starts to film them, commenting in the voice of the Criminal Russia true crime tv show narrator.

The next time he goes to get the bird food, he sees a full on yellow albino budgie. Okay, you're coming with me, Albina the Albino (optional singing of "Ебашь, Альбина, ебашь").

Then he gets another budgie. And one more. The Budgie Santa Barbara TV show continues: Vladislav tries to get it wet with Violetta, Violetta tries to dominate Albina, Albina has hots for Ilya Jr, Evgenia didn't like that and roughed her feathers.

It spirals pretty fast, and the next time Shane comes to Ottawa, he is greeted with a lot of bird noises coming from what used to be one of the guest bedrooms.

Shane: Ilya, what is this?

Ilya: a hobby

Shane: I don't even know what to say.

Ilya: What? Entertainment in Ottawa is limited, the main attraction is me! So it's doing puzzles with David, putting hexes on neighbours, alcoholism or this. I live through my birds vic... vica... Help.

Shane: Vicariously.

Ilya: That. Yep. (opens the cage, whistles, Ilya Jr emerges to sit on his finger)

Shane: (thinking of all the maintenance and noise but then looking at Ilya's shy smile and ohhhh well) ...If they are good for your mental health I guess...

After that when Shane gets pictures from "Lily" it's 20% cock/80% budgies ratio.

Hayden: Oh is it Albina the Albino?

Shane: (blue screen of death) What???

Hayden: Albina the Albino. From that YouTube budgie guy webshow? (finds Ilya's budgie account on YouTube) Didn't know you watched it too.

Shane: I don't? (takes the phone, plays the latest episode "Savelii is trying to lose virginity again") ...I can't believe it. Hayden, you know the "budgie guy", he's not even subtle.

Hayden: Wait, really?

Shane: Hayden, the green-yellow budgie is named Ilya Jr for fuck's sake.

Hayden: (blue screen of death) but but but... Budgies???

Shane: He's in Ottawa and bored.

Hayden: It's Rozanov, I'd get it if it was something like the drugs and women, but budgies?

Shane: (not amused) Proves you don't know him at all, doesn't it.

[itskurwanumber5]

Consequences:

Ilya has bird snacks on him all the time, so he gives crows and ravens treats🤌

=>

He becomes the resident birdman(tm)

=>

Crows&ravens know where the Man with Snacks lives. They occupy the nearest trees and Ilya's roof. The house starts to look a bit weird.

Ilya: Sweetheart, I need a designer for my house.

Shane: Oh, great, I know a guy 🙂 Why the sudden need for change?

Ilya: I want to give it some gothic vibe.

Shane: Sure, I'll forward the contact 🙂

One renovation later

Yuna: I heard some gossip about a resident witch, but I couldn't even think that you were the witch.

Ilya: I think I lack dresses, pointy hats and wine.

=>

Rumors travel across the city and at some point Ilya starts to get unsolicited visitors who prefer real life witches to Etsy witches. But it's Ottawa, so among "I want my boyfriend back" and "I want to buy diarrhea hex for my boss" visits Ilya also gets "Centaurs play Winnipeg tomorrow, I want to curse Winnipeg OH MY GOD HELLO MR ROZANOV" visits.

[itskurwanumber5]

Peregrine falcon: Is interested in Bood's bbq

Ilya: Here you go baby have some meat

Bood: Can you druid your druiding somewhere else

And then the smart boy joins the murder of crows at Ilya's place

Pros: the (good?) boy is great at deratisation

Cons: a local Chihuahua is missing

[itskurwanumber5]

After the Tripgate

Rook: Guys guys guys could it be that the Ottawa hockey witch cursed cap?!

Hayden: (knows the witch in question) That... That actually sounds reasonable

Shane: (knows the witch in question biblically) (sarcastic) ...yes it explains... so much... I was certainly cursed with incompetence hex... It can't be that the Cens got... You know... SOME GOOD CHEMISTRY AND AMAZING PLAYERS WITH STANLEY CUPS AND HART TROPHIES IN THE LAST THREE YEARS HUH?!

Hayden: (hisses) Can you please shut up we were onto something

[tinylilhollander]

I think about Shane and Ilya as guest stars on the Bald and the Beautiful at least once a week. The levels of unhinged Ilya and Katya would reach. The shade that Shane and Trixie would throw. It would be the perfect episode.

[argillaforma]

sure sure sure cock-drunk shane but what about cock-drunk ilya like he just got done doing the tornado 3000 to shane’s dick and of course he swallowed every last drop and he’s out of breath and panting and his eyes are half closed and he’s got this stupid dopey smile on his face and his cheeks are pink and his hair is all over the place and he can’t stop nuzzling at shane’s crotch and licking and kissing as he giggles to himself

[what-even-is-thiss]

The reason your snacks are unsatisfying is that you need both carb and protein.

Carb starts your engine, protein keeps it going.

No carb, engine don’t start. No protein, engine dies out fast.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Easy carb add on:

Cookie

Fruit (canned or fresh)

Chips

Piece of bread

Popcorn

Crackers

Easy protein add on:

Nuts

Spoonful of nut butter

Cheese

Roasted chickpea snacks

Glass of milk (dairy or non dairy)

Small canned sausages or similar

[what-even-is-thiss]

Sugar in there.

[what-even-is-thiss]

I am pleased by people messaging me telling me that after adding a carb or protein to their snacks or meals they feel more satisfied all day. Yes, my plan is working. People are getting through their days with less hangry.

[breathbanana]

yuna: ohhhyour son could have made it to the big leagues? if he didn't have that shin injury? and his dad also played travel in high school? yeah that's sweet, I'm sure you guys are reaaally into hockey. anyways my son is shane fucking hollamder, #1 player in the league and he was so good at hockey that he got me a son in law, the #2 player in the league

[shrekhollander]

Au where a Make a Wish little boy from Canada gets to spend an entire day with his favorite Hockey star Ilya Rozanov (he watches Ilya on Vine because Ilya has a Vine where he posts a lot of funny videos of himself and with the Raiders) and Ilya takes him to Build a Bear and the kid has /the audacity/ to dress his bear as Shane Hollander and he names him SHANE HOLLANBEAR and Ilya pretends to be offended but in a cute funny way and the little boy explains that his sister is a big fan of Shane and that when he is gone he wants his sister to have Shanebear to let her know he will always love her and that he is always taking care of her (he is terminally ill) and Ilya's heart breaks.

Ilya and the little boy then visit an arcade, and get ice cream, and go bowling and go to a trampoline park, and Ilya is spotted in all these places holding the Shane Hollanbear and all the shopping bags with the toys he bought fot the kid. Paparazzi find it hilarious Ilya is holding the Shane bear with so much love.

Obviusly he texts his Jane a photograph of the bear and once he is all alone at night he calls Shane and cries talking to him about the amazing kid he meet that day.

[freakoutgirl]

Someone: Hollanov from the special edition of the Heated Rivalry books isn't real and can't hurt you

Hollanov from the special edition of the Heated Rivalry books:

[freakoutgirl]

more info, this book was a part of a collab Rachel Reid did with Mahogany Mail/Marley Must-Reads (whatever that is, I'm not in the romance books community). Here's the other endpaper I found

good news is though that the deluxe version coming out had the endpapers revealed and they look a lot better lol

[cottagehillsunset]

Ilya is used to carrying babies and small children in his arms. Because he used to hold his niece in his arms (though that became less frequent with each summer he went back to Russia) and he's babysat the Pikelings a handful of times now, so yes he knows to support a babie's head and can carry around a toddler no problem.

Cue Ilya making a rare appearance at Bood's Barbeque because it's the team's chance to meet little Milo for the first time. Everyone congratulates the parents and oohs and aaws at Milo. Cue Bood asking "anyone want to hold him?"

And Ilya is the first to volunteer, already reaching out his hands. And Bood, like any new parent, starts the "Alright here we go, now be careful to support the head-" only to trail off because Ilya does not need any help. For some strange reason, Ilya fucking Rozanov is a pro at holding a baby, murmuring to him in Russian swaying him softly in his arms.

The Groupchat ("CenBros NO CAP") goes wild because how the fuck is Rozy so good with babies. And then one of the rookies is like "maybe he has a baby??" and at first everyone scoffs because, hello. This is Ilya Rozanov we're talking about.

On second thought, though.

Ilya did move to Ottawa seemingly out of nowhere.

He did buy a house in the suburbs.

He is strangely secretive about who he's texting all the time.

He is skipping almost every team event.

Suddenly it all makes sense. Ilya has a girlfriend (wife??) and he moved to Ottawa for her so that they could raise their child together. And of course he's almost never attending a team outing or leaving early, he has a child at home! Of course he's secretive about it, Ottawa or not he's still Ilya fucking Rozanov, papped every second day. It only makes sense that he'd want to protect the identiy of his girlfriend (wife??) and child.

The final piece of evidence is overheard by Holmberg and Young on a random Thurday after practice. Ilya clearly hasn't noticed them as he walks to his car, a fond smile on his face and obviously focused on his phone call. "Goodnight, I miss you very much. I will be home soon", he says. It's followed by laughter and Ilya adding that "Yes, of course is necessary! I have been away all day, my daughter must hear me say goodnight to her."

Holmberg and Young (standing next to Young's car and therefore hidden from Ilya's view) stare at each other with open mouths and wide eyes. Because holy fucking shit Rozy just confirmed he has a daughter?? And based on the conversation also a girlfriend/wife??

Meanwhile Shane, who patiently sat next to where Anya was curled up on the couch with his phone on speaker so that Ilya could tell her goodnight, is happily talking with Ilya about what to cook for dinner.

[sabotage-on-mercury]

Now imagine Ilya giving the equivalent to his intense "I. Need. To. Win, fucking FUCK SAN FRANCISCO" speech to the Centaurs before game seven of the playoffs finals, the air is hot with anticipation, Ilya is the general leading them into war and they would all follow him into death and beyond, and Shane gets so hard and so buzzy and subby, the only thing that keeps him from passing out because horny for his feral man is that said man is yelling at them to LOCK the fuck IN and win that motherfucking cup and not that Shane wouldn't be deadset determined to do that anyway but now Ilya basically doms him around on top of it, and Shane CANNOT disobey that command even if he TRIED, his fueled by arousal and he need to please & he will skate like a demon possessed to get them the next cup win

[gloriousclio]

Luke Skywalker put away his targeting computer to destroy the Death Star so I don't need AI to help me write an email.

[mina-logan]

I had to make him into TLG Shane