I'm quite the joke to you

Alicia - 23 - Wisconsin - Cosmetologist - Taken - your local spooky bitch

[enigmaticpink]

Tweet i wish I made first

[evilnicegirl]

maybe there never were any twin towers. like did u ever see them?

[nypaingers]

So I know all you kids are joking around but no, you’re not allowed to make jokes about this. No.

[evilnicegirl]

[depsidase]

[laughconfetti]

environmental storytelling

[socialmaya]

[theunfairfolk]

my little cousin confidently declared that mother nature had a counterpart named daddy electric and i feel like this concept needs to be explored

[draculas-tits]

[theythemthighs]

remember being 8 and world records were the most important thing in the whole wide world

[hypnoticvamp]

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988)

[tiktoksforlosers]

X

[jeanjauthor]

There is so much going on here, the fact she made a laptop mockup for her own cat, the fact that she put the “google images of birds” on it, the fact that the cat KNOWS it’s the cat’s “laptop,” the fact that the cat is UPSET WHEN HER LAPTOP IS MESSED WITH...

12/10 would watch again

[tianella]

So great lol

[catchymemes]

[oak23]

Anyway some things to follow when youre a beginner cook:

Don’t constantly shift your food around in the pan if you want to form a crust on it, the less you move it the better.

Don’t be afraid to add water if youre frying up food and the food/sauce looks a bit dry.

Don’t fry up your garlic early on in the cooking process (unless youre making a quick garlic oil) as the garlic flavour can straight up disappear if overcooked for too long and/or the garlic can become bitter if burnt

Don’t overcook your vegetables. Look up recommended cook times for them. Your distaste for vegetables stems from them being overcooked and being poorly seasoned.

Don’t microwave stuff for more than 2 minutes at a time unless you know what you’re doing. Reheating stuff tends to fare better when you mix food between microwaving times since microwaves develop hotspots if you microwave it uninterrupted for too long.

Don’t try cooking everything at the hottest setting. It’s super tempting to have a high flame and do a meal quickly but actually follow directions and cook at medium or low heat.

[lukewarmorangejulius]

These are such good tips!! It’s crazy how many adults don’t know some of these- once you learn them you’ll wonder how you ever lived without them

I’m currently in culinary school so I hope you don’t mind if I add a couple tips myself:

Salt and pepper are your bffs, salt especially. Even a little bit of salt can have such an impact on a dish and it helps bring out and amplify all the other flavors in a dish

When you’re cooking green veggies, never EVER cover them. You may have grown up hating broccoli, green beans and brussel sprouts that were limp and that horrid shade of olive puke green. It’s because if you cook or steam green veggies in a covered pot the enzymes and parts of the plant that make it green will break down and turn that nasty shade

Speaking of cooking vegetables, I’m begging you to please please look up and try roasting veggies if you’ve never done it before!! It’s so so easy, it works beautifully with practically any vegetable you can imagine and you can season them however you wish!

My last tip is if you’re going to invest in any sort of kitchenware, have it be a good sharp knife and good quality pots/pans. And if you do end up getting these items, make sure you take good care of them! Most metal kitchenware will last longer if you hand wash them, as opposed to always running them through the dishwasher which will rust them so much faster. So make sure to look up proper care if you’re unsure

And most importantly, don’t be afraid to make mistakes or mess up!!! Even in a professional kitchen accidents happen or things don’t go as planned! Cooking is both a science and an art, and it’s just waiting for you to come be creative and experiment!!!

[bethany-sensei]

•if you want to heat something up in the oven but don’t know what temperature to use, 350°-375°F/177°-190°C works great for most things

[peashooter85]

When making brussel sprouts, blanch them for just a few minutes, cut them in half, then saute or roast them. Don’t just boil them to death.

Pressure cookers can turn weird looking pieces of chewy gristle filled meat that no on else wants to buy despite being on sale for $3 into melt in your mouth gourmet.

Pasta water can be used to thicken sauces. In a pan just a tablespoon or two can turn scampi from watery and runny to thick and creamy.

When you are baking you must follow the instructions to the letter and measure your ingredients accurately. Baking is an unforgiving science that has zero room for error.

[aquilacalvitium]

Okay fuck it if this post reaches 666k notes by the end of 2023 I'll practise basic self care

Why 666k? Because it's funny and impossible so good fucking luck

[lizluvscupcakes]

Well, OP, I’m officially invested in this shit. Your whiny ass is doing self care if I have to drive to your goddamn house and do it for you.

[aquilacalvitium]

By Talos this can't be happening

[oysters-aint-for-me]

reblog this everyone i wanna see what happens when op’s reverse-hubris forces them to practice basic self care.

why? because it’s funny and completely possible actually so good fucking luck op

[genuine-possum]

@thedragonemperess I'm gonna hate scrolling past this but do your thing

[fyeahcutetattoos]

[felderwin]

Aveline

[chewedcorn]

She is out there in Maine

[nixcraft]

I cancelled our subscription with HP and they blocked us from being able to use the rest of the ink in our cartridge. The S in IoT stands for security. It is for your own good ;)

[pissvortex]

i can’t wait for my bluetooth and wifi enabled fridge to make me pay $59.99 a year for my Ice Pro Max™️ subscription or else it will stop producing ice cubes

[vulturevanity]

See, this is exactly what those "paranoid" IT guys are talking about

[spookynewt]

[bluedesertbruja]

i can delete the tiktok app now. the algorithm will never understand me more than in this moment.

[voldy92]

there is nothing rarer and more beautiful than liking every song on an album