Fuck John Hammond

@ianmalcolmptsd

Moss Piglet

99.2K posts

something white people (and nonblack people of colour) need to know is that if your friend of colour comes up to you to tell you that you were being racist in some way or another, that is an act of trust.

to elaborate: if they dont trust you to react well to criticism about your behaviour, they wont say fucking shit to you. theyll just silently absorb it until they cant take it anymore. do you know just how many microaggressions and casual acts of racism are tolerated every day by the poc around you? probably not!

your friend saying "hey that was kinda racist :/" is you being given a chance to apologize to them and do better, rather than you getting relegated to being Yet Another Source Of Pain.

The worst types of cookbook:

The Ottolenghi - it is vital that you use 1g of this very expensive ingredient. It comes from a 500g bag with a one-week shelf life.

The time machine - 15-minute recipe! First, leave to marinate overnight...

The dishwasher - one-pot recipe! Now decant your ingredients and wipe out your pot. And again. And again. And again.

The optimist - cook the onions until caramelised (2 minutes).

The kindergarten teacher - get one nommable little tree of broccoli and bosh that into boiling water. Delish!

The brand names only - ingredients: Ritz crackers, Philadelphia cheese, Cool Whip, orange Jell-o...

The 1950s palate - use one (1) clove of garlic and a small pinch of chili flakes (omit if preferred).

The why bother with a cookbook - to make beans on toast, gently heat a tin of beans and put on top of freshly buttered toast.

The Manic Orthorexic - Flash sautee your single origin organic heirloom vegetables in a carbon fiber steel wok (never aluminum!) with an ounce of (distilled!) water. Season with three grains of non-iodized Japanese sea salt, as much flaxmeal, wakame and sesame seed "cheese" as you want, and finish with 3 ml cold pressed greek olive oil. Remember: Cheese is worse than heroin. Butter is the antichrist. White rice, wheat and potatoes killed my entire family with hammers. If your produce isn't grown within 2 miles of your house you'll probably die. Sugar [book bursts into flames and emits a shrieking noise]

thetrashiestoftrash

Grandma's notes - list of ingredients, cook "until it's done." At least one vital ingredient is missing.

The artifact - you absolutely need this one specific thing that hasn't been available in your country for decades

The helping hand - put it in your stand mixer (see also: "air fryer" or "instant pot")

The prepared - easy and quick! Start with diced onions, peppers seeded and chopped, peeled and deveined shrimp, peeled minced garlic (variant of the time traveler)

The gimmick - over two dozen cookie recipes that you can bake on the hood of your car! No one will know the secret ingredient to this cheesecake is beef liver! These cocktails are all bar standards that I've named after Pokemon!

The artificial idiocy - Two cups rhubarb, sliced. Two slash three cups granulated rhubarb. One tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb. One teaspoon grated orange rhubarb. Three tablespoons rhubarb, on fire. One large rhubarb.

do you want to play dead bodies with me

floats along your dash face down and quiet and cold

The facial expressions of everyone trying not to lose it are killing me

gunsandfireandshit

This is painfully American

Americans be like it is totally normal for an entire stadium (including military members) to stand at attention while a fast food clown mascot sings the national anthem

when we say "it is functionally impossible to parody Americans in a way that will actually insult them" this is the sort of thing you're up against. is your sick burn funnier than corporation burger clown sing national anthem baseball game? no?? of course it isn't.

adventures in paper piecing

Pattern is mini chroma by Tara Lee

It probably is kind of fun to be a parent bird and find big fat bugs to put in your child’s goalpost mouth. And the more you do it the larger your baby gets, which shows your progress. Mine is reaally big, think I’m going to get a high score this time. It has a unique skin too, I’ve never even seen this one before. Has anyone gotten that one, dark brown and white belly with stripes? It’s not even in my Wrenpedia, it has to be a really special unlock

I’d appreciate if you didn’t call my child a “parasite”, thank you very much! Typical r/childfree

"There's no platonic explanation for this" <-you need to be nicer to your friends. Right now

To my 25 - 35 year olds, you've reached the age where people around you are starting to give up on themselves because they think it's too late. Don't let that energy rub off on you. It's not too late.

Being small Nobody quite recovers from being a child: the asymmetry of power between parents and children always leaves a trace

desire for aro ring rising to dangerous levels

Just put this on, gonna see how I adjust to wearing another ring (I’ve been wearing the skull ring for several years now). Love that it’s on the same side as my aro bracelet!

Over a year later and I wear this ring every day because it turned out to be a perfect fidget toy

been reading cicero's rant about words being given obscene meanings and i don't think i've ever seen a latin sentence that made me burst into such immediate and violent laughter before

had a couple people be like "i have no idea what this means" so to clarify: the word penis in latin originally meant tail and only later got the sense of, uh. penis. so this is cicero complaining that nowadays all these hooligans are using the word "penis" for naughty purposes

atii-uqaulahaluanngilutit

Thank you for this post, I will be showing it to every boomer who ever complains about how the kids these days are butchering the language.

He was as tall as he was tall, and his eyes were the color they were. To describe his hair one would say that he had some. His face had all the features you'd expect, and none of the ones you wouldn't. "There he is," people would often say of him, but only when he was there. And they were right.

shadow-von-vamp

oh boy i sure do love having tons of trinkets

the nefarious dust particle:

release-the-sheep

just witnessed something devastating

guy on the subway with one ear pierced, little gold hoop. other guy on the subway very quickly and subtly googling "which one is the gay ear". it is not the gay ear. visible disappointment on his face as he puts his phone away.

"Twenty One Things You Don't Say To A Transsexual" written by Riki Anne Wilchins in TransSisters : The Journal Of Transsexual Feminism (Winter 1994)

Is your first name canon in asoiaf

Yes

No

Sort of (spelled differently, etc.)

Remaining time: 5 days 3 hours

Here’s the character list on the wiki for reference

Saw this on FB and tried to find the original, which I haven't, but the point is so solid.

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