LA LI HO @iballs2entrails - Tumblr Blog

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

yokowan

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

le-jardin-inculte

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

shithowdy

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

whitachi

at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.

foldingfittedsheets

at some point in your life you will be bringing sugar and butter to boil for toffee and you will think “it hasn’t thickened enough.” that is the devil talking. the toffee needs to cool before it can set. this is how you end up with toffee that will annihilate your mouth. learn from this folly.

ismenes

you know those studies showing that cursing helps with pain tolerance or whatever. that’s how i feel about making my weird little noises to get through my basic daily activities. sometimes you just have to go hggblaaaah for a minute so you can find the strength within yourself to get up or wash the dishes or send an email. mmmnneh. urgh. the torments are unending but you can always make some little sounds about it.

cannabiscomrade

I wasn’t going to derail the disability pride month post for people with peanut allergies but in relation to that topic

I have never seen another allergy that has been so viscerally hated and mocked by people working in education like nut allergies. I’ve seen fellow teachers cringe that their classroom was the “nut free” classroom that year. Support staff that are trained and willfully don’t follow cross contamination protocol in the lunchroom because it’s too “tedious” or “time-consuming”. Full preschools + childcare centers that refuse to accommodate nut allergies. Schools where the only free lunch is a PB&J. Before/after school programs and summer programs whose food curriculum has nuts and doesn’t provide an alternative activity.

Allergy discrimination is so so insidious and prevalent. It’s happening behind their back and it is everything from the exposure joke to possibly causing someone to go into anaphylaxis from willful ignorance.

Also other parents in the classroom are guilty too. The “not my child not my problem” brain rot means that those lunchboxes are like bombs for airborne exposure allergies

cannabiscomrade

A 22-year-old woman said Lufthansa staffers were not sympathetic to her condition when she tried to explain her life-threatening peanut alle

I was not downplaying this. The stigma is real, and people are 100% willing to let people with allergies die.

This woman was laughed at for asking for allergy accommodations at multiple points in her trip, and was denied to the point that she was practically told she’d be refused care in the event of anaphylaxis.

bethany-sensei

I work in healthcare. I cannot get my coworkers to consistently change their gloves after handling a PBJ. They literally do not think of it, and I don’t understand why. I also don’t know how to make it stick in their brains that this is a thing they need to do.

trixree

I grew up in the early 2000s with severe allergies to not just peanuts, but ALL nuts as well as beef, pork, shelfish, seeds, kiwi, and some food dyes. The resistance that my family faced from educators in the early 2000s is frankly bananas, not to mention the shit other parents and kids got up to.

When my mom tried to enroll me in preschool, the school principal refused any basic accommodations like asking everyone to wash their hands after lunch before re-entering the classroom, not bringing straight up peanuts to snack time, etc. There was no such thing as a nut free classroom at the time. The principal told my mom and me (I was 4 at the time and definitely in the room when this happened) “if she’s so sick, she belongs in a bubble, not at school.” THE FUCKING PRINCIPAL! My mom had to threaten legal action under the ADA to get them to comply.

Look, I was on a 504 accommodation plan under the ADA for the entirety of my formative education (elementary thru high school). That’s all 12 years!!! And yet I have had teachers hand me items I’m allergic to as a “reward”. I have had other kids intentionally try to send me into anaphylaxis. One girl in 3rd grade asked me why I “wasn’t dead yet” when she had put on a lotion with almonds in it and then held my hand. I’ve had other parents write letters to the school saying what a terrible inconvenience it was to them to not be able to send their kiddo to school with PB&J, demanding I be Removed to a special education only class if my “needs” were such a “burden” to others. During elementary school “parties” held in the classroom on holidays and for student birthdays, I was always sent to sit out in the hallway or go to the library, because even though parents were only supposed to bring safe foods into the room (they had a list of all my allergies) they never once got it right. Administrators fought me tooth and nail for the right to carry my epi pen and other meds on my person at all times. Why they thought I would start dealing benadryl on the playground, I do not know. At lunch, I was always sat at a specific segregated table labeled the “Nut Free Table” alone because who the fuck is going to sit there with the literally segregated outcast? But ONCE notably I was sat on one side of a line of blue masking tape down the table top with the rest of my class on the other. One side was the NUTS side!!! As if allergens would respect that tape barrier. (Spoiler alert: they do NOT!)

Literally from preschool to my senior year of high school, I was “the peanut kid”. Other parents gave my mom books about how to “cure your child’s food allergies from HOME” by micro dosing with things they are allergic to (please never ever ever even attempt anything like a food challenge with a known allergen outside of the care and supervision of a medical professional, holy shit that’s so dangerous). My mom joined the PTA in my last year of high school so that I could maybe participate in all the senior-focused events like pool parties and breakfast at school on the first Friday of the month. The number of times another parent either (a) decided it wasn’t worth it to care or (b) intentionally brought peanut products to an event to spite either me or my mom??? I literally could not count. It happened constantly.

College was better, but I still occasionally had people BALK when I asked them to please not eat a Nature Valley bar with whole nuts in it right the fuck next to me in lecture, thanks. Work parties and catered lunches were always impossible. A few conferences I went to as an undergrad were SUPPOSED to be nut-free, but always fucked up the catering. At one, they set up snack tables by every exit of the conference auditorium so that when people left after the talk, they all congregated around the exits and opened macadamia nut cookies and granola bars. When I had subsequently had a massive allergic reaction and needed help getting home (I’d walked) after taking like 200mg of benadryl, the staff offered me a stack of napkins and a lukewarm apology.

Food allergy is a disability which touches literally every aspect of a person’s life. Everytime I share with someone new about what it was like growing up with my allergies, they have never heard anything like it in their lives. They’re always like “holy shit, seriously??? People did that??? Kids tried to kill you??? Parents wanted you kicked out of the classroom????” Yeah, man. Yeah. My own brother (who doesn’t have any allergies at all) doesn’t understand why I don’t “eat more adventurously” and why I won’t travel internationally. So, saying it REALLY LOUDLY for people in the back:

FOOD ALLERGY IS A DISABILITY FOR WHICH EVERYONE SHOULD BE ABLE TO ACCESS ACCOMMODATIONS AND HAVE THEM TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

radar-and-his-one-am-thoughts

So this story is less about me and more about an acquaintance of mine. About a year ago some classmates and I were privileged enough to go visit Germany for 3 weeks as a school trip. My acquaintance, who for the sake of her privacy we will call Amy, had a deadly allergy to sunflower seeds and certain other grains. I do not know for certain if the flight attendants were made aware of this fact.

When on the flight Amy was fed bread that contained multiple things she was allergic to. The packaging was completely unlabled and she was never offered an allergy warning before or during the 13 hour flight. She had an allergic reaction and had a very hard time breathing and had to take the ONE epipen she had access to for this whole trip that day. She would not be able to get a new one. The flight attendants did not give a singular fuck about what happened to her and the position she was put in because of their carelessness.

Fast forward to the end of the trip. Luckily Amy had no further incidents during the trip. We get on the plane for the flight home and Amy asks about the food for the flight and if she can have the ingredients list. She also makes it clear to the flight attendants that this is really important because she has already had an incident and no longer has her epipen.

Do you want to know what the flight attendants did?

They kicked her off the plane. They kicked a seventeen year old off a plane and left her behind in an unfamiliar city because they would rather not deal with her disability. She delayed the flight for several minutes begging and crying for them to not leave her there. She told them she had no way of accessing a new epipen here, but they said she couldn’t fly without it. Me and my friend who were sitting next to her held her and argued with the flight attendant to keep her on the plane. She sobbed as she said she could just not eat anything, or that she could eat what she brought aboard. They still kicked her off. Bless the chaperone that chose to stay behind with her so she wouldn’t be alone.

You want to know the most fucked up part after that? The flight attendant who kicked her off was amused about the whole thing like it was some funny joke. Another one complained that “In all his years of working this job he had never been so disrespected.”

Amy and the chaperone ended up sleeping at that airport over night before they could get on another flight. I don’t remember if she was able to get another epipen for the flight home but I think she was.

Case in point, allergies are a serious disability that NEED to be treated with more respect and severity. Regardless of what they are. Someone’s life could be at stake. When someone has a disability they need to be accommodated. Don’t give them a hard time or make jokes at their expense. So what if you have to give up a thing or two to make sure they don’t die. You’ll survive not eating that specific thing for a bit. And as someone who grew up with someone with a serious allergy, I promise you it is not that hard to give something up for the safety of others.

simplyaskeleton

I tell a lot of people that one of the major reasons people homeschool their kids is because of food allergies. I don’t have any personally (I was homeschooled because of neurodivergency) but because the people I grew up around did, I was made VERY aware of it. My girl scout troop alone had allergies to nuts, eggs, dairy, and strawberries, so every camping trip we made, we were taught how to check foods for various allergens, and the people with the allergies always had last say on what we could bring. We were all taught how to use epi-pens, and knew where our friends kept their epi-pens just in case they needed it.

Fast forward, I worked at a pre-school summer day camp. At the end of the week, we had a party to celebrate the last day of camp, and this one kid had a peanut allergy.

Y'all. I was fourteen at the time, and I was the only one, among many adults, who actually looked at the cupcakes staff brought to make sure they were nut-free. I read the ingredients list. Reported back to the mother what the brand was, that the product was nut-free, but the facility it was made in was not. (Sometimes this matters. Other times not. It’s always better to ask the person with the allergy than presume it’s okay.)

In college, I noticed constantly that things weren’t labelled correctly, and reported it to staff multiple times. I once asked a friend eating blueberry yogurt where her epi-pen was, because I knew she was allergic to strawberries. She was terrified for a second, because the yogurt had once been cross-contaminated and put her in the hospital. I assured her I hadn’t seen anything and just wanted to make sure that, if needed, I knew where it was.

All this to say, know what your friends and family members allergies are. Ask where they keep their epi-pens. If they use an epi-pen, ask them how to use it. I keep benadryl in my purse now, in case a friend, stranger, or co-worker asks me if I have any. I’ve even had to use it myself before, because it’s all fun and games until you yourself have an unexpected allergy reaction.

lordmeowdemort

Hello my baby hello my honey hello darkness my old friend

luulapants

in a reasonable canon, shane would simply have THEE most dependent and intimate relationship with the montreal team nutritionist. like, he has her on speed dial. they text multiple times per day. she spends 60% of her work hours adjusting meal plans for his texture issues and aversions. nobody else really sees how intense their connection is.

when he was crashing out about trading to ottawa, he said, "You know, it's just gonna be really hard to leave melissa," and hayden was sitting right there like. "melissa?? it's gonna be hard to leave MELISSA??"

but i think we can probably convince melissa to move to ottawa with him, don't worry.

notahungrywish

Oooh AU where early on Ilya hears Shane talking about some girl named Melissa and sees texts pop up on Shane’s phone where she’s heart reacting to stuff like “I couldn’t live without you”. (Not period accurate walk with me). She gets a shoutout by name in his acceptance speeches. He’s insane with jealousy and when Shane finally has his I AM A HOMOSEXUAL MAN moment in Tampa he’s like “okay, yes, sexuality is fluid you can love Melissa and still be gay I guess” and there’s a fun miscommunication.

Maybe during the Rose era he introduces them because Rose is complaining about her agency assigned nutritionist. He’s asked how Rose deals with Melissa being in his life and he says “oh we share her” and Ilya thinks he has to compete with not one but two bitches at the same time.

naphthalen

in fanfiction we must sometimes ask ourselves not if he would do that but under what conditions would he would do that

konoha77-d20

I was practicing rendering with professor Caleb and then somehow tiny Esseks started appearing everywhere.

Honestly they made the whole thing much cuter.

weaver-z

I think that the Hamilton musical is objectively the funniest thing that could happen to that man's memory. Imagine dying of a gunshot wound infection in 1804 and learning from the afterlife that tweenage girls in 2017 are drawing thousands upon thousands of images of you making out with your fellow congressmen because someone wrote a 2-hour rap opera about you. I like to imagine that Hamilton found a monkey's paw and wished to leave a legacy, and this is what it did to him.

happiebirdie

you don't control who lives who dies who tells your story

mcgregorswench

loganswdc

3 paintings were stolen from an italian museum??? a renoir, a cezanne and a matisse???? it was a 3 minute heist??????? guys i think i know (once again) who it was....

my guess is the kit kat heist was a prelude so they had sustenance for this heist

quietwingsinthesky

do you think bowser ever gets anxious after kidnapping peach again that he went too far this time and he calls mario up in the middle of the night to make sure they’re still on for tennis and gokarting next weekend

quietwingsinthesky

painstakingly dialing mario’s landline on a comically small telephone only for luigi to pick up instead and he has to ask him to put his brother on the phone. not that luigi isn’t part of weekend plans, but like this is really more of a mario & bowser situation and it’d be rude to drag his brother into it if there’s a problem. so anyway then luigi puts the receiver down to go get his brother and bowser sits there tapping his claws on his table and this is agony, actually, he shouldn’t have called at all, it’s late enough at his castle so it has to be even later over in the mushroom kingdom. but just as he’s about to put the phone down, mario answers all chipper—mario mario speaking, who’s-a calling? which is a ridiculous question because there’s no way luigi didn’t already tell him.—and bowser has to ask him. look, mario, i know i dangled peach in a bird cage over a pit of lava the other day, and when you showed up, i let my son throw giant flaming hammers at you, and there’s no hard feelings about that, right? and there’s a few seconds of silence before mario laughs and reassures him it’s all in the day’s work of a plumber, an explanation bowser has never thought to really question since he only knows two plumbers and it does all seem pretty in their wheelhouse. and then he’s embarrassed for worrying so much so he tries to end the call quickly, but mario just ribs him about how badly he’s going to lose the next race, and then he starts asking bowser how junior is, and does bowser want any of the leftovers since he and luigi really do cook way too much for two, be a shame to let it go to waste. and by the time bowser manages to hang up, this has gone from leftovers into him and junior and the koopalings all being invited over to the mario household for dinner, so long as they don’t park their airship on the front lawn and leave the cannons at home.

quietwingsinthesky

op approved tags. you’re the only person here who sees my vision

sitronsangbody

Half the backlash to fat lib content essentially boils down to "I can't believe you're FORCING me to not be mean to you"

sitronsangbody

Thin people are absolutely relentless with this. "But I have to TELL them!" "I can't just not SAY something!" "We can't just PRETEND it's fine to be fat!"

They really seem to think the main reason people are fat is because we're simply drowning in approval and no one has been brave enough to inform us that it's better to not be fat, actually

specialagentartemis

I genuinely think it's related to what I observe about singleness, virginity, and ace/aro topics: people's entire worldviews are threatened by fat liberation. And having your worldview challenged is scary... especially because so many people have put so, so much personal effort into Not Being Fat, so much self-hate into gaining weight, so much self-denial of food they like and forcing themselves into activities they hate, to avoid being fat.

And fat liberation says "It's okay to be fat!" and fat people say "I'm happy being fat and I don't try to become skinny!"

And it scares people that that is an option. It scares people to think that they have sunk so much time, so much effort, so much misery into avoiding being fat. And this person in front of them is just... not even trying. Rejecting the game. Saying You Don't Have To Do That.

If they accept that they didn't have to do that... then they made themselves so unhappy, for so long, for no reason.

They want their effort, their unhappiness, to have been worth it. To have meant something.

So they have to believe that being fat is wrong, bad, gross, a moral failing. Because the other option is to realize and admit that they suffered unnecessarily for years and it meant nothing at all.

lavenderprose

In my mind, Shane's username is ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer because there is another Shane Hollander who is a forensic anthropologist out of UC Berkeley who got the username ShaneHollander first. Shane's username was originally just ShaneHollander24 but that didn't differentiate between them enough and Shane was waking up once or twice a month to DMs like "Hey Shane my name is CSI Sanders with the Las Vegas crime lab we wanted to get your opinion on this scene in Henderson NV, hope you don't mind got your info from your office out in SF they said this was the best way to contact you" and several dozen images of what is clearly a violently murdered skeleton.

Shane Hollander the anthropologist has a standing invitation to any of the Metros games against the Mission and donates generously to the Irina Foundation every year. Also, he had to deactivate his professional accounts for a few days in 2021. Shane and Ilya sent him an edible arrangement. Ilya wrote "Sorry bone man :(" on the card when Shane wasn't looking.

m4s0ch1st1c-pup

Ilya would TOTALLY steal Svetlana's hair products

He'll go visit her and suddenly she's missing half her stuff and a man leaving with way shiner hair than he came with

She absolutely has texted and called Shane over and over again to get Ilya to STOP STEALING HER SHIT, HE'S A MULTI-MILLIONAIRE, HE CAN BUY HIS OWN

Shane can't stop him, Svetlana can't stop him, so now everything is locked in a box in her bathroom

But Ilya being Ilya, had decided to buy a lock picking kit and the next time he went over he picked the lock and stole it anyway

Because why would he buy his own stuff? It's more fun to just take it from her

Svetlana is 🤏🏻 close to just killing him and Shane won't stop her

liminalmess

Omg your tags are so cuuuute she totally would @penandinkprincess

pagets

H.G.'s Outfit in "Where and When" WAREHOUSE 13 (Season 2) Requested by anonymous

itberice

Two guns at once? That's kinda lame.

mayorbetteporter

shaw + slowly becoming more receptive to root’s flirtations

wannabetonthat

I was half asleep daydreaming and I came up with the most cracky idea

Shane has been in face offs against Ilya for years, even if they didn't have their thing of the ice, he knows his face by memory. Which is why he notices when a mole in the underside of his jaw gets bigger.

It's the 2015-2016 season, middle of the hookup era, and he is trying to get this motherfucker to see a dermatologist, but nothing he says works. Ilya either distracts him or dismisses him with some stupid denial like russians don't get melanoma.

But the mole keeps changing and now its not even the same consistent color and Shane has googled the signs so he says fuck it, I'm gonna make him.

Shane uses his barely active public account to tweet a list of Boston based dermatologist and tags Ilya in each one.

This of course goes crazy with the fans because what the hell? Shane Hollander? Tweeting at Ilya Rozanov? Doctors? This is a very advanced very strange chirp? Is he calling his moles ugly?

The next time the Boston Raiders have a game the media scrum doesn't even try to pretend they came for another thing, they want to know about the Dermatologist Thread.

Ilya, at this point frustrated because his moles are fine, they're perfect, why is this a problem, so he answers.

"Hollander should mind his own businesses, he wants me to visit stupid skin doctor because he sees mole. I have lots of moles, always had, there's no problem here, it's normal mole!"

And Shane is getting out of his own game a few hours later, prepares himself to answer about the fumble in the second period when the media comes, and it's surprised when, instead, he gets shown a clip of Ilya's earlier interview. Now, this fucking reckless motherfucker, Shane explodes.

"You fucking asshole! You want to die by driving a Porsche into a wall be my guest! But you're gonna die of the most stupid thing in existence! A MOLE! A mole you decided not to check even if it changed size and color and it's in your fucking face where we can all see it every fucking face off with arena lights shining right into it! Why? Because you're stupid and you don't want to go to the doctor and you don't respect the sun. You're gonna die from a perfectly preventable thing and then what am I gonna do? I'm gonna be the best hockey player in mi generation with 10 cups and Harts and Conn Smythes and no competition because you're gonna be in the history books as that one promising dude who died from a mole. A mole! Go to the fucking doctor and use your fucking sunscreen."

That one goes viral. That one breaches containment and goes internacional meme viral.

Shane Hollander Skin Cancer Awareness King.

There's "Go to the fucking doctor and use your fucking sunscreen" T-Shirts.

Shane Hollander angry sneering face with the text "RESPECT THE SUN" under it.

Ilya Rozanov gets bullied relentlessly about it, everyone asking if he has gone to the doctor yet. He doesn't answer. Eventually, he appears with a new scar in his jaw where a wonky mole used to be.

A new meme begins, Shane Hollander has saved Ilya Rozanov's life. From a malignant mole.

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