reassurance kink bc my brain makes me feel unlovable
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@icarusblazingwings
reassurance kink bc my brain makes me feel unlovable
arousal! repulsion! arousal! repulsion! arousal! repulsion! arousal! repulsion!
shoutout to all the amazing aborted fics inside some mentally ill guys head rn, I would have loved to give it kudos
i have wasted so much time becoming nothing
I HATE how (recognizable) self harm *wounds* are treated differently.
Like, any other wound, from road rash to surgical wounds, are only expected to be covered up under 2 circumstances: if it's dangerous for you to have them uncovered, or if you could spread a pathogen to others if they're left uncovered.
Cutting wounds in particular tend to scab over well, which is the body's extremely effective defense mechanism against pathogens. Without visible signs of infection, they're also not in the category of wounds likely to spread pathogens.
Seriously, let people with self harm wounds walk around with them uncovered. It's better than us dying of heatstroke. It's just another tool to make us feel self conscious and ashamed. This is made so clear by "but what if you trigger someone else who is or has self harm-ing/ed?"
Yeah and what if I make someone who's actively self harming feel less alone? What if I stand as an example that it's possible to survive relapses and ongoing addiction/other reasons for self harming, not just when you're not self-harming but even when you are?
Hell, what if I do have compassion for those who may be triggered by my wounds (I don't get it, but everyone's different) but still don't plan my entire wardrobe around the needs of strangers, because my body triggering someone is not something I'm doing to them? What if this is just scar discourse all over again? What if we acknowledge that trauma isn't always rational and that people can be triggered by fully neutral physical features another person has, AND that person doesn't have to hide those features because of that, because conflicting access needs exist and often require more complex solutions than "censor yourself/your identity" or "just deal with your trigger"?
I'm seriously about to start going out in public with my healing wounds. If the cops get called on me, the power chair isn't in my favor, but the whiteness and the lifetime of navigating toxic middle class "etiquette" and social interactions is. (Largely, my experiences with cops have proven that my privilege keeps me safe. The one near-exception was right after a suicide attempt that would have gone the other way had they arrived two minutes sooner, that they clearly did NOT have the training OR compassion to handle and did EVERYTHING wrong).
Just like. I respect if people who self harm have a different perspective on this (I don't actually think anyone who doesn't self harm has an opinion that matters tbh. Maybe rude of me, but it's what I've got right now). But like. What if we all worked together to develop a culture where visible wounds were less triggering in the first place, and didn't hold self harmers to different standards?
Many good points, though I must note that people with significant scarring/visible physical differences as a result of non-psychiatric health issues often face similar struggles according expectations to cover up their "triggering and inappropriate" bodies. People who self harm aren't the only people who get told that their bodies aren't appropriate for public spaces.
I hate the whole “the more self-deprecating you are the more people will actually begin to hate you” thing because that cannot be allowed to be valid for people with BPD. Like this is quite literally what the incurable disorder is. This cannot be a logic you live by when it comes to people with this disorder. but that’s my two cents I wish someone would care about
Been a while.
But this is the only place I have that's private from the people who know me irl, and I can't talk about this where they can see, because talking about things where they can see has been a consistent problem - I feel like every time I have a reaction to something, it's immediately the cause of someone else's breakdown, so I can't show them anything or else they'll freak out more and become even less stable.
I can't have a BPD reaction and want to leave servers and then redirect myself as best I'm able to just removing people's perms from my private channels, even though a mutual friend has done the ACTUAL server-leaving twice within the past two months.
I can't split on someone because they called my genuine attempt at a gentle reminder TO SOMEONE ELSE being "petty and immature", or else "everything's falling apart and it's all their fault".
I'm just. Not allowed to react. I'm not allowed to feel negatively ever and I always have to be happy to keep the peace. And I hate it.
~X
As an autistic person with BPD and anger issues I hate the “ragebaiting” trend so much.
“You mad bro?” Yes. Very. I’m going to go cry my eyes out because I’m so angry. I didn’t notice you were joking. I’m not going to be able to allow myself to properly hate you and that hate is going to grow and eventually explode no matter how much I try to avoid it.
one bpd haver thing i hate is that im not allowed to be the one to reach out and reconnect w anyone. im only allowed to sit and wait and accept that everyone else decides to leave me. 💔
I have spent my entire life hating myself for things that weren’t my fault. My reactions were too big so something was obviously wrong with me. It wasn’t that my distress matched my reactions. No. I feel too much. People aren’t supposed to feel this much. That’s something else wrong with me. Too sensitive. Too much. Something wrong with me rather than the cruelty in the world. Instead of others not feeling enough, I felt too much. But even those who feel too little are demonized too. There’s no winning. There’s no perfect amount unless you fit the idea of ‘normal’ whatever that means.
I have spent my entire life trying to get better. I threw myself into psych, learning on my own to try to figure out what the fuck was wrong with me. Surely a diagnosis or two would explain everything. I glorified the DSM. I would help others figure out their issues too, offering insight and help.
Over time, I began to fragment myself. I’m angry? That’s my bpd. I’m upset? My bpd too I’m clearly just overreacting even though I was hurt. No emotions belong to me. Only things wrong with me. I’m not a person, just a series of anomalies that need to be eradicated. I’m unnatural how I am. Everything is a diagnosis. I’m not allowed to exist. Even when it doesn’t harm anyone. The fact it’s unnatural means it must be eradicated and shaped to conform. I’m irrational. It wasn’t that I was being abused and so my behavior was that of a victim. No. I was acting irrational and something was wrong with me and I had to be cured. Not helped. Not listened to. Cured. Made to feel okay with a harmful situation that endanger my life.
The world made me feel broken. I’m not broken. While I may have struggles, they formed as a result the world treated me. Instead of that being said, I was treated like the crazy one. I’m at fault for being like this. There’s something wrong with me, not the people who made me like this.
I feel like not enough people realize that people under enormous strain act really really fucking Weird
Polyamory is safe for work. Polyamory is safe for kids. Polyamory is safe for day time tv. Polyamory isn’t more sexual than any other relationship and it can be just as romantic, sweet, and healthy.
if you're an adult behaving immaturely i'm not going to "treat you like a child" about it because i have a lot of respect for children as an oppressed and vulnerable class of people. i will however treat you like an embarrassment. which you are being.
Stop saying that everyone needs therapy. Stop saying that everyone would benefit from therapy.
I hear this take a lot, that everyone has things they need to work through in therapy. It's a bad take that ignores that therapists bring their own personal biases and opinions to the table.
I'm a fictive in a system. Theoretically, it would help me to work through my trauma. But every therapist we've seen has been biased against plural systems. We recently had to fire a therapist for saying that we're not plural, we just have an "active imagination."
For some people, going to therapy means being disbelieved, or not taken seriously, or even harmed.
If you can access a therapist who isn't bigoted against you, good. But you might want to start listening to those of us who've experienced the opposite.
i swear sometimes it feels like vast swathes of people on here think there's some moral value to "annoying"ness like it's morally incorrect to be annoying so if you're not doing anything wrong it can't be annoying and if you're annoyed with someone they must have morally failed or something. Like my god. Have you never just been irked by something harmless before?
and not to harp on this but as an aside it also just pisses me off that the stock response is always "umm then what ARE we supposed to do with suicidal people??" as if we don't have the numbers to know that institutionalization Does Not save people's lives after an attempt, and in fact raises the likelihood that they will successfully commit suicide afterward. like demanding that you be hand-fed comprehensive medical alternatives before you'll agree to stop using leeches to bloodlet all your patients
WAIT HOLD ON I cannot fucking believe when I was like four years old my parents were cajoling me to walk with the family and trying to get me to keep up even though I kept insisting that I was "tired" until they took me to a doctor and found out my LUNGS DIDN'T WORK. how insane that we live in a world where reasonably loving parents think their FOUR YEAR OLD is trying to be LAZY. like they were mortified to be clear. adults are just so trained to ignore children's complaints as untrustworthy, kids just need discipline, they can't possibly speak for themselves. what the fuuuuck.
YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE BTW you should always be trying to take children seriously, especially very little ones but definitely all of them. the most disempowered class basically legally defined as property and most people are like "yeah that's good actually I hate when they Loiter lol they're stupid and loud and i actually think children should stop existing. restrict their personhood more actually"